Mam1980

Myself and toddler both hold British passports. Father is kiwi, long story short. Relationship was quite abusive. Got protection order against him because of this. Father is all over the place and u never know if he's being honest or lying or jst manipulating for the sheer fun of it!
Anyway, he's not on birth cert but date set to go to court for DNA testing. He's refuting he is the father (but in person says he knows baby is his... Jst wants reassurance), never paid maintenance (in fact when I mentioned financial support on breakdown of relationship this was when DNA was first mentioned) since then I never pursued financial support frm him... That was the last low blow for me. Jst wanted to wash hands of him. Anyways, not a peep frm him in 9 months I stupidly made contact about DNA testing and he weasels his way back into my affections for very short period of time. Didn't last, the same stuff started happening again. I don't want my girl thinking that is normal so he got shown door again... He started coming into my home in middle of night to 'talk'. Police got involved again and he's bn arrested and held without bail until court. He's told me once he gets DNA he will get parent order to stop me leaving nz with baby if I try to. I do get home sick but due to become a resident shortly and this is best place to raise little one but hate the thought we can b held here because of him shld I ever want to Rtn home. Does anyone know if he can stop us? Surely because baby n I are both British and I am main carer we cld go? My lawyer has basically said if I am planning to leave to do it now b4 DNA.... I've built a good life here and wld hate to chuck it away.... But sometimes the thought of dealing with him makes me wanna run for home! I don't know wot to do for the best now !!!

jmh

Bearing in mind that we are only getting one side of the story.....

He sounds controlling - he will never leave you and your daughter alone. You will never have another relationship while he is around. I would leave now while you have a choice.

jmh

Something else occurred to me that you might want to check with your solicitor. If he is proved to be the father and some time later you die, does he have parental rights over her? Are you happy about this?

MrsFychan

obviously your solicitor knows more about this situation than we do so I would listen to them.
It doesn't matter that you are British and the main carer being the biological father gives him rights which are not over looked even if he hasn't or doesn't pay towards child up keep, that is more a moral thing than a legal one unless you have been to court.
I personally would weigh up the possible hassle of having him in your and your childs' life for the next 18 odd yrs against being with family that may be able to support you or at least as far away from him as possible

Mam1980

Controlling is an understatement! During the course of our relationship I cldbt even walk the dog without him coming looking for me. He wld forcefully take my phone frm me and read txts emails as he liked. He has a knack of making me feel like I am in the wrong and he shld b allowed to do wot he wants to me. Wolf in Sheeps clothing! I actually thought I was loosing my mind towards the end. Having my baby gave me the strength to get rid of him. I can't think of anything worse than him having parental care shld anything happen to me. I have a really happy baby... He wld have her head full of broken bottles in no time.

pippalonghorn

Having being in a very abusive relationship myself for 10 years I can totally understand youre feelings. The mental abuse can be much worse than the physical abuse. I think you need to explain what you went through to your solicitor and explain your situation now. I dont know the legal side of things because I didnt have children with that man but I do understand the emotional side of things. You can PM me anytime you need to talk.

Good luck with everything.

luvwelly

You do not want to be on the same piece of land (let alone stuck on it) with this person. Your solicitor knows what he is talking about and likely giving you good advice. Leave now.

j19fmm

Listen to your Solicitor x
You can always move again in the future if that's your decision, but for now be safe with your little one.
Good luck x