boycegang

I made the foolish decision to try and save my marriage by agreeing to emigrate to NZ with my English husband and 3 kids in 2005. I am kicking myself now!!
It's never been my cup of tea, I miss the UK and my family desperately and that all culminated in bout of depression and marital separation 4 years ago. As a result, not only did I not save my marriage but I am in the unenviable situation of being in a country I want to leave but with an ex-husband who won't let me go with the kids ( even though they would like to go!). I have now waited until they are 17, 15 and 11 in the hopes that I may be able to fight for freedom. At this point I am stuck in masterton and cannot even move away from the area let alone the country.
My stepfather died today- the kids have lost a grandparent they didn't get a chance to have a proper relationship with and I am determined that the remaining 4 grandparents should be given the opportunity to know their grandchildren before they too pass away (one is now 81 and another 88).
Has anyone else been in this situation in NZ??I would love to get in touch with people feeling the same way- trapped and frustrated!!!Might be cathartic to chat sometime.

BEVS

From the little I know , you are in the position of having to wait until your youngest has turned 16 before you and your children would all be in a position to leave NZ legally & without their Father's consent.
This is the same rules as for the UK.

I am not sure why you mention the Hague Convention in your thread title unless you plan to abduct which would not be a great idea.

Please have a read HERE

Why is your ex so intransigent ? He could allow the kids to holiday in the UK with you for the purpose of meeting their grandparents.

boycegang

I only mention the Hague Convention purely as it's what is stopping me going!! Maybe I should change the thread title!!
Absolutely no intentions of trying to abduct any kids. My husband took our passports for a while and it's only been the last year or so we have been allowed them back from his lawyer. I was given permission to holiday last Christmas although he did then proceed to follow us over to the UK.
i have no idea why he is so intransigent. he knew I was desperately unhappy and yet was prepared to have a failed marriage rather than back down- not one for turning back even if it is the wrong path I guess.
I know I am in an almost impossible situation and probably for the next 5 years until my youngest is 16 ( may even possible be 18) but was just hoping to be able to catch up with others in the same boat.

bakedbean

Hello and welcome to the forum

So sorry to hear of your predicament. Hope you will join in with some topics in NZ section and Moving Back to the UK section. I think you have already found those places on here.

I have never been in your situation, but I have been in the situation of "treading water" in the past, and waiting is not a nice thing, especially if you are an impatient person like myself But 5 years is not forever. I would suggest using that time (assuming you do not work full time), take up a new hobby or interest....one that you can also pursue when you eventually get back to ol Blighty. Learn a language, build a website, learn to paint/draw/swim/whatever and immerse yourself in that. Oh...and the forum is a good place to get chatting to others. Chat with those in NZ but don't limit yourself. There are plenty of chitchat sections on this forum worldwide.

Hope everything works out for you

boycegang

Thanks for your contact. Yes I do work full time. I have been filling in the past 9 years starting new hobbies, meeting new people, going to university again after 20 years and starting a new career. I certainly haven't spent the time twiddling my thumbs waiting for parole. I just wanted to find some other people in a similar predicament to be able to converse with. Maybe there are none??!

bakedbean

Noted.

As you can see I am actually in Malaysia and a few folks in that section have recommended meetup.com I don't know if you know of it? I just did a google and, lo and behold, there is actually 1 group in Masterton. You can check it out here.
http://www.meetup.com/Wairarapa/

No idea if it's any good but got to be worth a try eh?

elmollie

HI, I am in a similar predicament. I want to take my 3 year old back home for a visit. But the father will not allow it and I have just had my childs passport taken from me. Aswell as visiting my family I was also going to visit my ex's but he will not allow any travel, it is purely out of spite. So frustrating that there is absolutely nothing I can do

boycegang

I feel for you- where are you. NZ??
It seems there are so many of us that most people just don't hear about.

elmollie

Yeah I am in NZ............and desperate to go home for a visit but thanks to this lovel country and it's laws we won't be going anywhere. Even though they have the Hague Convention I still can't go!!!

boycegang

Where are you in NZ??? I am always happy to chat as I feel your pain. I might work out private messaging but am a newbie at this at the mo!!! I think you could probably get home for a visit if you involve lawyers but you would probably have to have a legal document that clarified you would come back. I was allowed to go for a visit even though he did then book flights at the same time and expect to see the kids while he was there (that didn't happen in the end).There is no reason he can prevent a visit- Hague Convention doesn't say visiting is not allowed. I'd push it through legal channels if I was you- that's just simply not in the best interests of the child.

elmollie

I am in Kapiti, not too far outside of Wellington. Mine is a long story, currently going through solicitors to get a parenting order sorted-the father has had no contact for almost 2 years. My visa has travel conditions which expire in May so wanted to go home before then but the ex is dragging everything out and making demands/blackmailing me, when I say yes to something (thinking he would allow me to travel) he then comes up with something else he wants. I have even offered copies of my return tickets, any contact details of where I will be but he won't budge. The court seem to favour the father in this case as they support the fact that he is trying to build a relationship with his child and I would be denying him that basically. The other thing with my visa is that he sponsored me and I am terrified that if I let immigration know we split I would have to leave NZ which could mean also leaving my child behind.......I am in a bit of a mess

Persephone

Elmollie, I have replied to your post in the NZ forum

BEVS

If you wish to change the thread title, let me know what you would prefer .

I did link a couple of old threads into a thread in the NZ forum.

You may have now read that J19fmm was in the same situation with an ex. for UK to NZ . The move was blocked by the ex. the courts and the agency that concerns itself with child welfare - can't remember the name. She waited out the years to come to NZ with her kids and partner & is here now.

BEVS

Persephone has replied about this in your NZ thread.

Bottom line.
You are an NZ resident in your own right & have been for quite a while. You will not be deported and you are free , with the updated visa, to come and go to and from NZ .


Sadly, your child may not unless the ex agrees.
.

BEVS

As this is the Welcome Inn which is really just for intros and welcomes, I am now moving this to the NZ forum.