Being British
Jan 12th 2008, 10:34 am
#1
TeamEmbo
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Rangiora
Posts: 1,557
Being British
Got sent this today and had a chuckle. Thought it'd be good to share...
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!
Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the
back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy
cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a
DIET coke.
Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the
counters.
Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and
lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have
call waiting so we won ' t miss a call from someone we didn't ' want to
talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating
rink.
NOT TO MENTION..
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations
were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying
to open bottles of beer with their teeth...
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.
And finally...
In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
If you ' re proud to be British, send this on!
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!
Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the
back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy
cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a
DIET coke.
Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the
counters.
Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and
lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have
call waiting so we won ' t miss a call from someone we didn't ' want to
talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating
rink.
NOT TO MENTION..
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations
were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying
to open bottles of beer with their teeth...
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.
And finally...
In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
If you ' re proud to be British, send this on!
Jan 12th 2008, 10:53 am
#2
Dr. Watchers
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Kapiti Coast
Posts: 82
Re: Being British
This is superb - it made me laugh so much.
Thanks for that.
Thanks for that.
Jan 12th 2008, 9:29 pm
#4
Queen of the Underworld
Joined: Dec 2007
Location: In NZ!
Posts: 4,785
Re: Being British
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations
were chocolate.
were chocolate.
What!!! I may be being thick but how?
Jan 13th 2008, 6:44 am
#5
Account Closed
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 548
Re: Being British
79.1 % of all statistics are made up on the spot! 
Last edited by Yotty; Jan 13th 2008 at 6:47 am.
Jan 13th 2008, 11:24 am
#7
conquering the world!
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Puatahanui, Porirua
Posts: 4,905
Jan 13th 2008, 11:48 am
#8
Account Closed
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 548
Re: Being British
Yeah not bad for a Teuchter!
Jan 13th 2008, 11:52 am
#9
Account Closed
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 8,913
Re: Being British
Still makes me laugh.
Jan 13th 2008, 6:39 pm
#10
conquering the world!
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Puatahanui, Porirua
Posts: 4,905
