I realize there are lots of these questions on the forum, but I've read them all and still feel compelled to get some third-party opinions on our situation! I have tried my best to be brief!

My husband is British. He left England at 18 because he wanted to be a cowboy -- a profession that doesn't exactly exist in the UK! He's become quite successful in his career, has a good reputation training ranch horses and managing sustainable ranches. However, I don't love the small western communities where ranching forces us to live. (I am a city person - how we ended up married is another long story.) Many people are lovely, but just as many (if not more) are small-minded and intolerant. There are lots of guns, children regularly handle guns, there's a lot of extreme right-wing Christianity, homophobia and other things we're just not fans of. We have two young children and we don't want them to grow up here even though there are definitely advantages to rural life for children (like being able to roam unsupervised on bicycles, fresh air, etc). I have a PhD in the social sciences and there aren't many options for me work here -- though I was lucky to get a part-time non-tenured position teaching at a local community college. I am mostly at home with the children.

As we've discussed where we want to be for the long term/raise our children etc., we always come around to the idea of moving back to the UK. Healthcare/maternity leave situation in the US is still appalling and we'd like to have another child. And although I know things are changing in the UK they're still better over there than they are here.

The other things that make us want to consider moving back there are that it's a smaller country, meaning we could possibly live in a semi-rural setting (my husband's preference) and still be close enough to a major city that I could find work. More vacation time is a big deal too -- he gets 10 days here and that's it. Where we live it takes us an entire day just to get to an airport. Proximity to Europe is a bonus as well. The right-wing in the UK is still pretty much to the left of the left wing in the US so that's good in our book too.

Things that give us pause: My husband would be facing a career change since we can't afford to buy a huge farm in the UK and there aren't many cattle ranches in the UK looking to hire a manager (at least, not that we've been able to find). He worries that he's been away too long and that he doesn't know what it's like to live and work in the UK as an adult because he was so young when he left. As well, he's not sure that the England of his childhood (he's 33) still exists. He grew up in a rural village, went to a small local school built in 1585 with something like 25 pupils, etc. Fairly idyllic.

I went to university in the UK for a year, so it isn't entirely foreign to me, but it was over ten years ago. We've been to the UK to visit his side of the family and such, but that's not the same as living there and putting down roots. My entire family is in North America, his entire family is in the UK (England and Wales).

Obviously there are logistical issues -- we'd probably have to go the Surinder Singh route which presents it's own difficulties, but mostly we just aren't sure how to make this decision. Not only does moving involve the transition of living in an entirely different country, it involves a major career change for him and probably a career change for me as well.

We are trying to be thoughtful about this and have been mulling it over for about two years. What else do we need to consider before making this move? Is there something critical we're not thinking about? Should we take a fact-finding trip at some point? If so, what do we look for?

Sorry if I left out crucial information/this is confusing, I tried to keep it short but ended up with a disjointed novel anyway! Thanks in advance for any pointers!!

I know where you're coming from, I used to own a blue Subaru. (1998 Outback, sapphire blue.)

I wonder if there are jobs in his field, or related fields, in heritage breeds, country parks, etc.? In other words, in the heritage "industry" rather than commercial lifestock. There are places like the donkey sanctuary in Devon.

Me too - blue Subaru Legacy estate, first car I bought (used, and old) when I came back to the UK. That thing got me up and down Caerphilly Mountain in a freak snowstorm in 2007, and everyone else was ending up in the ditch.

Sorry, OP, didn't mean to side-track the thread. Out-of-the-box idea - what about the RSPCA?

It's okay! You know what they say about people who own Subarus We're not fanatical, it's just what popped into my head trying to make a user name!

The RSPCA is a good idea actually. I will suggest it to him. I guess the big question I have is really the hardest to answer. "Is life better in the UK than in the USA?" Obviously it's difficult because it's so subjective, but that's what I'm trying to sort out overall.

I think you will struggle, unfortunately. Could your husband get into the dairy industry ? Or agriculture of any other sort ? That was an easy and glib thing for me to say wasn't it ?

(I can't help but think of a line from a musical song, 'oh the farmer and the cowboy should be friends. One likes to chase a cow the other likes to push a plough.')

The childhood your husband had could probably still be found in Britain but who knows where ?

You will get a lot of pressure from your relatives about taking the children away from them.

If you're flexible about location the cost of land might be better. What do I know, I've never purchased land.

I'm British born and raised. I've been living overseas in New Zealand since 2011.

Interesting story. Best location for you will probably be Scotland or NI, but I wouldn't weigh out the option of the Rep of Ireland. He would definitely have more options in farming over here and semi rural living is more affordable, especially if you want to buy land (a farm).

@SnapShot actually we considered moving to NZ but that's too far for all the grandparents. Oddly enough, the way rural flights work, we would be closer to my family (East coasters) if we moved to the UK than we are now! So I don't think that would be a problem.

@Moses2013 Scotland is at the top of our list. And Republic of Ireland is where we'd most likely go to take the Surinder Singh route.

...

Thanks. I'm only here because my husband is a New Zealander. I'm just humouring him for a few years. We will probably return to Britain in a couple of years.

We are fairly flexible where we end up within reason !

Probably not the South East of England. That's where I'm from and we lived for nearly twenty years. Property is expensive there, the area is overcrowded, always has been though. Driving, parking, commuting are just to much like hard work as bazillions of other people are doing the same thing !

However, it will probably be dependant on where my husband's job offer is located................watch this space.

Have you considered other areas of the US which might be more to your liking? Expat moving doesn't have to be a binary thing - US or UK. See if there are cities in the USA or the UK that might have some of what you both want and need.

For example we lived near Annapolis MD, a deep-blue state, but out in the rural bits of Southern Maryland (Southern Anne Arundel County / Calvert County) where there are a number of large horse farms and even the occasional hunt. Within driving range to Washington DC and the job opportunities there, but also close to rural living in a smaller town. There are other rural areas around say Lexington KY that have both urban and rural options available.

Somethings are what they are--family are in only one country generally, but sometimes you can get quite a bit of a change without having to totally relocate across the ocean.

Good luck.

@penguinsix You're totally right about different areas in the US and we have considered a change of scenery within the US for sure, but my husband's position is essentially that if we're not doing large-scale ranching (he's a cowboy after all) then he'd most likely want to move back to England since the only reason he came to the US was to ranch.

BlueSubaru I'm afraid all I can say is - the only way you'll know is if you go! A costly decision I understand but difficult and frustrating to keep asking "what if?" especially under your set of circumstances.

We moved back after 15 years in the US (moved over when I was 20) freaked out and then moved back to the US after 18 months only to get back to LA, ask ourselves "what the hell are we doing?" and now planning the move back to the UK in 6 weeks!!! All very costly life decisions but I'm glad we did them. We now know for certain that the UK is where we want to live no matter what and we wouldn't know that unless we had gone.

Good luck with your decision.

@britwhore no offense, but ping ponging back and forth like that seems like a nightmare! And as you say, very expensive and we don't have the means to be doing that, honestly. I guess that's part of my hesitation. If we go then we simply can't "undo" it (at least, not quickly). I suppose that's like all major life decisions though, you often just don't know until you try. I am curious though, what made you ask "What the hell are we doing here?" when you got back to LA? As in, when you were in the UK something made you panic and turn back, but when you got back to the US you were obviously able to see things more clearly and are now confident in going back to the UK. Do you mind sharing some of your thought process?

Yes, the Surinder Singh route would also be an advantage, but you might as well stay here if you can make it work, rather than moving on again You'll obviously need to find work and there are advantages and disadvantages in each location. I find the quality of life great in Ireland and just think that you would find the best of both worlds here (depending on region). Farming is huge over here and we're the first country in the EU that can export beef to the US again. Semi rural living is a lot cheaper here and there are plenty of US companies around. Obviously we don't have the UK NHS system, but private health care is cheaper than the US + you do get more holidays than over there. Food and clothing will be a bit more expensive than the UK, but that's reflected in a higher minimum wage. Since you'll have savings in dollars, you will get more euros than pounds. Wales is just a short flight away & we have good flight connections to the US too, so some things to consider.

If you've got a property to sell and can raise £62,500 you can get a UK spouse visa without having to do the Singh route. And maybe your husband could get work at a stables. Long term even open your own riding school?