janeyray

I was at work the other morning talking to a collegue....

Her friend and hubby had gone to live in Oz but her friend was finding it hard to settle. The friend came back to the UK (leaving hubby behind in OZ) for a 'holiday' but ended up staying longer than planned (fear of going back maybe?) She ended up going back just to be with her hubby but still longed for the UK. She managed another four months but has finally packed her bags for the ast time and returned to the UK for good....without hubby

This is the 3rd story I've heard like this since being back in the UK and heard lots more of this kind of story when I lived in Perth, I think it's very sad

One thing hubby and I did which also included our daughter (we felt she was a big part /dissision in why we were going to live in Oz) was to make a kind of 'agreement' that if one of us was unhappy and couldn't settle in Oz then we would ALL come back to the UK.....no one got left behind so to speak.

If you do have any doubts about going to live in Oz or feel you want to come back to the UK then speak to each other...make a plan. Its not good when families are seperated because one loves what the other hates.

Afterall, it's tought enough making the decission to go and it far tougher once you get there. Even toughter is the decission to come back to the UK.

OK pep talk over..

Englishmum

We were on an expat posting in Singapore for a few years and became friends with the wife of my husband's work colleague. They had moved out there (from Essex) a few weeks before we did and she was heavily pregnant with her fourth child. They had a live-in Filipina maid but it was like having an extra child... for example the maid would go to the 'wet' market to buy some veggies but would be gone for hours...and on return would make a comment like "but ma'am, you didn't tell me what time to come back". The maid was married with her husband back home in the Philippines, but she had a boyfriend in Singapore so she would just go missing for hours to meet up with him. There were other problems too, such as the maid continually asking for an advance in her salary and putting in red T shirts on a hot wash of the husband's white work shirts! (This was supposed to be an experienced maid too).

It all became too much for my friend....she had a new baby to care for, a three year old at nursery school, one at infant school and the eldest at junior school....but they all finished at different times each day and despite being able to go on a bus from their house to and from school the daily routine for Mel became a nightmare. She went with the kids on Summer home-leave back to the UK....and didn't come back after living there for only about 8 months. Her husband stayed on in Singapore for ten more months to finish his project and trying to find a job with his company back in London.... A couple of years later Mel did come out for a short holiday in Singapore and we spent a couple of days together...she admitted that on reflection she was a bit hasty in deciding to return to the UK.

Jockstar

Not woman bashing here. But why is it that its mostly women that find it difficult in a new country? Could it be that they are closer to their families.Emotionally? Just my opinion. Have been reading many people complaining about life in an other country. And are considering going back to the Uk. I have lived in Oz, Nz, Thailand and the Uk. I would say that the uk has some things i miss. But never enough to make want to live there again for any length of time. Enjoy your life where ever you are and make the most of your situation. You are lucky. Many people would love to be in your position.

janeyray

You're right of course! It is the women who want to come back. I posted a thread ages ago about homesickness and the fact that it's mostly women who want to return.

I think it's because women tend to have closer relationships with 'best' friends - the need to have that kind of friendship is more common for a woman to have than for a man. I know I certainly missed my friends. Of course I missed family too and again it's the ladies that seem to miss their familes more than the men.

We came back to the UK because of 'my' homesickness, hubby wasn't homesick at all but like I said our adventure in Oz was based on the fact that we all wanted to stay and my daughter and I couldn't make it a permanent thing.

TraceyW

Yep, you're right in our case Janey, it's me that's not settling very well here, hubby is fine and dandy.

But, we have two sets of friends where it's the opposite and the hubbies are wanting to go back and the wives are having a ball!! In one case, the hubby is threatening to get on a plane after Christmas on his own if the wife won't go.

I totally agree with what Janey has said, about making an agreement prior to coming out here, that if one of you can't settle, then you go home without moaning too much about it!

Simone

Yep, agree about the reasons why it's usually the women.

I've also heard a few stories like this(the men(including my father)) mostly did return, but don't really want too. (as I mentioned in the thread in the Oz forum)

My parents are moving back here soon, and so I'll be quite settled here then probably(am now, but I'm not sure how I feel having kids here with no grandparents around). We've been here 5 months, and Pascal is too. I hope that never changes, because otherwise it'll always be one of us without family. I don't think I could make a pact to go with him. Things would have to be very, very bad for him here would I go back, but I don't think that'd ever be the case luckily. I don't even want to think about having to make a decision like that. And can't either when I'm not in that situation.

Hmm, I'm starting to confuse myself now, I'll shut up
I will now also leave this forum, because I have no reason to be in it

janeyray

How long have you been in Perth?

TraceyW

Hi Janey

We've been here nearly six months now.

We're having a house built, which will take another year. During that time we are planning on travelling around Oz a little, just to see what the other states are all about. You never know, I might land in one of them and love it! If not, heck, at least we've seen Australia!

If, in a year or so, I still feel like I do now, we'll be heading home. My husband has agreed to this even though he doesn't want to and he won't bitch and complain about the decision as it was something we agreed on prior to landing here.

All for one and one for all...etc, etc, etc

nun

Jockstar, its sad to say but its still the case that its the husband who gets a job in a foreign country and the wife comes along. The husband has an immediate work and social outlet while the wife can be left to her own devices. Work provides some insulation from the foreign counrty for the husband as he will be in somewhat familiar surroundings while the wife is generally thrown into the culture having to shop and converse in a foreign language. No wonder some wives find it difficult.

I'd like to hear from any women who got foreign postings and from the husbands that followed them to foreign parts!