suzy1

We have been granted PR. Why am I not as happy as my partner? He is over the moon. I haven't been that keen on the whole idea from the start but this is his life dream. I am OK with living abroad. I've done it before. But always with the intention of going home. I know there are 100 reasons for going. And I agree with them all. Mortgage free life (almost), outdoor living (apart from the flies), less stress, etc., tougher immigration policy (sorry if that is a bit controversial).

The point is, I know that there are so many good things and yet I don't know why I can't feel as excited as the folk on the other chatroom (you know the one, where they are going to / hoping to emmigrate to oz). They talk as though it is the be all and end all. How do they muster up that much enthusiasm. I really want to. But why? Isn't it just the same here as it is there?

God, I do not want to be a whinging pom.

Help!!!!!!!!!!!

TraceyW

Where do I start? I suppose I'd better say...read my post "does it ever stop aching?" see the response I had to that, I also had lot's of PM's too, then try to imagine how you would feel if you were in the same situation as me and so many other women over here.

I will tell you something now, and this is the absolute truth, if I could turn back the clock, prior to us even thinking about coming to Oz, I WOULD DEFFINATELY GO BACK TO THE UK, back to my old life. I am not alone in this either, there are lot's of people who are here who feel the same way.

Before we came, we always said that if either one of us was unhappy out here, well, we would just go back. Simple. Eeeerrm...not so simple. We have spent so much money doing this that we can't afford to go back at the moment. We have to get more capital together to make the move back to the UK possible. Then there's the worry about finding work, housing etc etc etc.

You see, the problem I'm finding now is...we left the UK in search of a better quality of life for us and our children, because we didn't think the UK could offer it to us. Well, I now don't feel that Australia can offer us what we need either, so where does that leave us? In limbo land! Trapped, and worried sick about what the future holds.

Think very carefully about what you are about to do, listen to your gut reaction, it's usually the right one. If you don't really want to do this, I mean 100% do this, then DON'T.

Good luck with your decision.

scoobydoo

Suzy1....is there any way you could persuade husband to validate the visa with a holiday. Then you could spend a couple of years (or whatever) saving to move over to oz to enable you to live there for a while without having to sell up? You could then find out whether it is for you but still have property in the UK to go back to if you don't like it.

I sympathise with you and would suggest that if you are not 100% sure to tread very carefully and keep your options open. It is a very stressful process, the whole resettling thing, so try to keep that stress down from the start if you can.

Best wishes. x

jad n rich

Yes and the be all and end all converstations often stop flat once they arrive!! Brick wall into reality.

Your being more sensible its not a dream its hard work which starts when the visa arrives. You need to talk to that partner and make it clear you have doubts, give it some time here you might just love it, but the partner needs to be aware of how the two of you will handle it if you dont, especially if there are kids.

JAJ

A fair comment when a family migrates.

My general advice is to decide in advance to give it three years and not even think about moving back before then. You can get your citizenship after two.

A few months in Australia won't be long enough to make a proper decision.

The three year mark is a good point to make the 'stay or go' decision. At that stage you ought to know if Australia's for you (both of you) or not - if not, then by all means return to the UK.

If you decide now not to migrate, you may spend the rest of your lives wondering 'what if'.

Jeremy

odaat

Ditto
odaat

Alberta_Rose

I haven't done it yet, but "Ditto" from me too from what I have read. We will be burning boats when we leave that'll make it extremely difficult to turn back with our tails between our legs.

I have heard several people say though that if they COULD have gone back, there were plenty times in the first year that they WOULD have done just that! However, over time they have confirmed that the move was the best they could have made.

Everyone recommends sticking at least for two years to give yourselves time to settle. It makes sense to stay long enough to get citizenship...then you can come back to the uk if you like, and see if what made you want to leave is still the case! Then you would be able to choose more freely exactly where you want to be!

That said ..... I suppose NOW is the time to have serious talks if you have serious reservations. Oh it's so difficult, impossible maybe, to be sure one is making the "right" decision, but also a certain amount of pre-move jitters (like pre-wedding) are also inevitable. Is one supposed to ignore them and just cross your fingers? Sorry, working through this myself a bit and not being of much help to you!

Good luck!

Morw

doodle

You make very good points. I was in a similar position six years ago when I moved with my husband and three children to the USA. He got a job offer so we had to make a quick decision. Because I wasnt the one who wanted to go I tried to convince myself that I would be OK. I had a very hard time settling in, I got depressed and missed home so much. I wasnt allowed to work as my visa at the time didnt allow me to, things have changed now. I didnt feel that I fitted in for at least four years! The one big thing that would have helped me would have been if I had been able to get a job, of any kind. I think the isolation made my life very difficult. In Australia you would be around fellow Brits and a similar culture, you could work, this will help you feel connected. You will miss family and old friends but this gets easier the longer you are away as you accept it. Key word, acceptance. Dont fight it. Its normal to feel sad when you move away. Things certainly changed for me, we have a nice life, love the good and bad of living in another country so much so that we are moving to Perth in 2005. Conclusion: If you are brave enough to make the move, expect a bumpy ride, know that culture shock will end, and really concentrate on your making your new life wonderful you will reap the rewards. Best advice: Dont compare everything to the UK it will drive you crazy. Dont surround yourself with too many negative Brits who constantly winge about not being able to get this or that. It will drag you down! I'm glad my husband convinced me to leave the UK, I fought him hard for a long time wanting to go back to the UK on several occasions, but he had the ability to see beyond the emotions and hysteria and not to look too deeply into the 'what if's'. Boy did it pay off, I lacked confidence six years ago, not anymore though. I am stronger, self assured and happy and am looking forward to another challange and no I would not return to the UK - too cold. Dont forget that the excitement that people show on this forum is catching, its easy for a lot of people to get drawn into "the race for the visa" so much so that some people will forget about the end result and what it really means, maybe thats why so many will return. I think of it a bit like planning your wedding, exciting, fun, parties, presents, honeymoon, once its over then what? You have to do the really hard bit like making the marraige work, something that will hopefully last a lifetime. I think of emmigrating as similar. Hope I've not gone on too long, try stepping out of the comfort zone for a while and get your toes wet, remember its not set in stone that you cant change your mind and return. Australia isn't another planet (well some people might say it is!) Hope this helps.

Jules Stringer

Hi, I thought your reply to this lady was very constructive and made a lot of sense. We are emigrating to Perth in 2005 as well. We have lived in Oz before, so it won't be totally new to us, although we lived in Sydney the first time round. It is exciting, but scary as well. I really do think the hardest bit of all is leaving ones friends and family, especially when there are a great many of them. I worry about taking our only son (aged 13) away from his friends and relatives too, but I think there comes a point when you have to try and shut that out, and deal with the new life one is about to embark on. Apart from the people I know and love, there is very little else about England that encourages me to stay. I am looking forward to the challenge and excitement of living in a new place. We can all cling so desperately to our comfort zones and really never move on or forwards at all. It's so boring to do that. Life is an adventure, or it should be otherwise it is so stagnant. And of course it is always possibly to come back. There's absolutely no point in staying somewhere if you are deeply unhappy there. Life is not a prison sentence. It is only our minds that keep us imprisoned if that's what we choose. Anyway, I can't wait to see blue skies and feel the sun again. That will be a complete joy in itself! Where abouts are you going to live in Perth? do you have children and have you lined up a school for them. We are aiming to get our son into Churchlands Senior High which comes highly recommended.

Jules

doodle

Hi Jules,

The place we like the look of is Hillarys. Of course I dont know what its really like as I havent been there before but it seems to keep coming up top on our list because of its house prices, location (near the marina) not too far from Perth, and not too far from my brother who lives in Iluka. He has lived in Australia for the past two years. I have three teenage girls 18, 16 and 14. The eldest will be applying to Edith Cowen University next year and will hopefully get in to start Feb 2006, my 16 and 14 year olds will be going to the International School of Perth at City Beach. The reason for this is that they have only been used to the American school system and this school offers the same curriculum. I have been in contact via email with the admissions officer who is really nice and very helpful, it looks like a great school. Have you heard of this school? I have not heard of Churchlands where abouts is it? Where are you planning to live? Maybe we could meet up when we get there. We shall be going in September possibly a bit earlier. I think having already made the move to the USA, moving to Australia will be pretty straight forward we sort of know what to expect. I think the most important thing to do first of all is to explore your new surroundings and get familiar with all the good places to shop, eat, have fun. What makes you choose Perth this time?

Jules Stringer

Hi doodle, great to get your reply. Why Perth? I think we were partly influenced by one or two friends of our going out there and just raving about it. It just felt like it was going to be more our sort of place with a lot to offer. When we lived in Sydney, we were both younger, single and child-free. I havn't been back there for 17 years, but a friend of mine visited Sydney a couple of years ago, and said it was quite hectic and had become very expensive. I think the 'pace' and friendliness of Perth is a strong pull. It just had a lovely laid back feel to it, which we all liked. The beaches are fantastic, and our son is hooked on surfing, so he will be in heaven. We have to drive at least 3 hours to find the surf here, and the weather conditions are rarely on one's side! Churchlands was recommended to us by a woman who is an assistant head at a school in Wembley Downs, which is part of the catchment area for Churchlands. She said it was a very good school, with very good results (2nd top acheivment in WA). Also, it is a music college and the students, I understand, get to play all over the world. My son is made up, because they get to go surfing, bodyboarding and scuba diving in school time! Likewise, the secretary has been tremendously helpful and friendly. So long as we live in the catchment area (which is big) Bernie can go there. Hillary's is very lovely - (very 'pommy'!). Wouldn't choose it for myself, but I'm certain it's not until you get to a place that you can really suss it out and decide where you want to be. It takes a long time to find one's feet. I am very much hoping to re-instate my acting career when over there. I havn't had a lot of luck in UK, largely due to where I live. You really do need to be in London, and we're not, neither would I want to be! I have made a very good contact in Perth, a lady who is a top Casting Director, and again who sounds so positive and friendly. Will be off to see her as soon as we are setteld. Will probably go into rented to begin with. somewhere near the school. Churchlands is approx half way from the coast to the city, so good location. Funnily enough, I thought about a school at City Beach - it's not the one you have identified, but it's a very small co-ed (not sure if private). Might take a look at that one too. It's tiny though - maybe too small for our son.

Hey, I'd love to meet up. How can we stay in touch? We plan to be over there by March, so it sounds like you'll be coming out a bit later. I guess email, or this forum would be OK.

How do you feel about leaving the US? And why Perth? Is it work taking you over there?

Best wishes,
Jules

doodle

Hi Jules,

I have sent you a Personal Message. I dont know if you know how to get to it though so you might have to fiddle about a bit with the site. Let me know on this forum if you have received it.

Becs

Are you sure it's not just nerves? It's perfectly natural to feel a little insecure, since you'll be entering into a completely different way of live. If not, then please go with your gut reaction, especially if you have children.

-Becs

suzy1

Thank you everyone for all your replies and PM's. We are flying to Oz on 28th December for a 'holiday' (booked before we had PR). After all your responses I now know that this is most definately a very personal decision but all your opinions and advice are invaluable as they will ensure I think this thing through from all angles.

thanks again.

An extremely stressed pom.

Mel Gibson

Perhaps you have the right attitude towards immigration. Perhaps it is those
that immigrate with high expectations expecting OZ to be some sort of paradise and everything to work out perfectly that end up dissapointed. Perhaps if you have lower expectations and a more pessimistic outlook
you will be able to cope better with the downsides of life in OZ and enjoy the upsides better.
Can you let us know how your holiday went.