What have we done?
Sep 18th 2008, 11:27 pm
#1
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Location: Tasmania!
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What have we done?
I can't believe we are thinking like this but after less than 3 months in Oz, we are talking about returning to the UK.
We spent so long and so much money on getting here I feel pathetic and a complete failure that we are now considering returning.
The kids appear to have settled well here (aged 10 and 12) and really don't like the idea of going back, we have no house to go back to and I'm not sure we would even return to the same area so would have to start up somewhere new again, probably nearer family though.
If we go back and spend even more money on the process and lose out again on the exchange rate as it has now improved in the Oz direction, we will have a smaller house and a bigger mortgage than we had originally, what if we still don't like it?
I don't really know what I want, other than a magic wand to turn back the clock. My OH went to work crying this morning because he is so miserable (and he's not one for showing his emotions much), he says he has felt like this for weeks and its just getting worse.
What a mess, we are young (ish), in good health, have 2 lovely children but beacuse we were greedy and thought we could have a better life, we are now desperately unhappy.
We spent so long and so much money on getting here I feel pathetic and a complete failure that we are now considering returning.
The kids appear to have settled well here (aged 10 and 12) and really don't like the idea of going back, we have no house to go back to and I'm not sure we would even return to the same area so would have to start up somewhere new again, probably nearer family though.
If we go back and spend even more money on the process and lose out again on the exchange rate as it has now improved in the Oz direction, we will have a smaller house and a bigger mortgage than we had originally, what if we still don't like it?
I don't really know what I want, other than a magic wand to turn back the clock. My OH went to work crying this morning because he is so miserable (and he's not one for showing his emotions much), he says he has felt like this for weeks and its just getting worse.
What a mess, we are young (ish), in good health, have 2 lovely children but beacuse we were greedy and thought we could have a better life, we are now desperately unhappy.
Sep 18th 2008, 11:54 pm
#2
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Te Awamutu, New Zealand
Posts: 57
Re: What have we done?
I can't believe we are thinking like this but after less than 3 months in Oz, we are talking about returning to the UK.
We spent so long and so much money on getting here I feel pathetic and a complete failure that we are now considering returning.
The kids appear to have settled well here (aged 10 and 12) and really don't like the idea of going back, we have no house to go back to and I'm not sure we would even return to the same area so would have to start up somewhere new again, probably nearer family though.
If we go back and spend even more money on the process and lose out again on the exchange rate as it has now improved in the Oz direction, we will have a smaller house and a bigger mortgage than we had originally, what if we still don't like it?
I don't really know what I want, other than a magic wand to turn back the clock. My OH went to work crying this morning because he is so miserable (and he's not one for showing his emotions much), he says he has felt like this for weeks and its just getting worse.
What a mess, we are young (ish), in good health, have 2 lovely children but beacuse we were greedy and thought we could have a better life, we are now desperately unhappy.
We spent so long and so much money on getting here I feel pathetic and a complete failure that we are now considering returning.
The kids appear to have settled well here (aged 10 and 12) and really don't like the idea of going back, we have no house to go back to and I'm not sure we would even return to the same area so would have to start up somewhere new again, probably nearer family though.
If we go back and spend even more money on the process and lose out again on the exchange rate as it has now improved in the Oz direction, we will have a smaller house and a bigger mortgage than we had originally, what if we still don't like it?
I don't really know what I want, other than a magic wand to turn back the clock. My OH went to work crying this morning because he is so miserable (and he's not one for showing his emotions much), he says he has felt like this for weeks and its just getting worse.
What a mess, we are young (ish), in good health, have 2 lovely children but beacuse we were greedy and thought we could have a better life, we are now desperately unhappy.
All I can say is if you both feel that bad about it go back, things always have a way of sorting themselves out. As long as you as a family are happy then that is all that matters.
By the way I am no expert on this as we are in NZ for the second time (been here since mid may) and are probably going back next april (I just can't settle here) and we have nothing other than family to go back to.
All the best of luck, I really feel for you and your family. Fingers crossed it will work out. Keep positive!!!
Sep 19th 2008, 12:07 am
#3
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Location: Canberra
Posts: 8,378
Re: What have we done?
Oh dear, I am so sorry that you are both feeling this way - it really sux, doesnt it. Have some {{{hugs}}}
First of all, you are absolutely and utterly NOT a failure in any way, shape or form. You are giving something a go and at the moment it doesnt seem to be working for you there is no failure in that.
As one who absolutely knows that this place is not for me - 29 years and counting - I would say you probably need to sit down and dispassionately have a look at what it is that isnt working - is it the DH job? is that fixed? can he change it? (so often ones' identity is wrapped up in the work that you do and if you dont have job satisfaction then the rest of your life can go to pot). Is it the place you live in? what is it about the place that doesnt gel with you? can you change it? Is it the people that you are missing? what can you do to change that? better communication/less communication? (I actually believe that settling is more difficult the more communication you have with the folks at home - it was much easier in the days of airmail because you basically just had to get on with it, rather than picking at the scab of missing people. I talk to my folks maybe once a month - I email them more often but my mum gets into real knots with the computer so that isnt much contact at all! I sms my son about once a fortnight and he deigns to reply about once every 4 weeks - I did talk to him today though because yesterday was his birthday.
To go back to a dispassionate discussion - dont be afraid to have an impartial third party mediator to keep you on track.
It is so easy to get into a real merry go round of emotion and fail to get beyond the "I hate it and I want to go home" and into the reasons why it isnt gelling for you. I tend to think that if you can put an end point on your efforts - say we will give this a go for 2 years and evaluate at the end of that, it becomes much easier to deal with than if you realize that this is the rest of your life (the enormity of that can be crippling). However, that said, I think it is perfectly possible to know after 3 months that what you are doing is not for you and at the end of a longer period you may feel just the same way but with more equity and the capacity to go home with more security.
Of course your kids love it - chances are that less is expected of them and they are still on "holiday". By the time they leave uni they will probably be like every other young Aussie who cant wait to get out and experience life (sad but true, I've talked to many year 12 kids in my time!). With 10 and 12 year olds you probably do need to make a decision within 12 -24 months so as not to disadvantage them academically but I think you still have that time up your sleeve.
If you decide to cut your losses though and go home sooner rather than later you may have better luck picking up old networks and getting yourself back into the swing of things - or you may decide to give another part of UK a go - a lot of folk will tell you to give another part of Aus a go too but that all depends on what you have worked out is bugging you about the place that you are now.
You have a load of friends on here who know what you are going through so feel free to vent (we all do, from time to time!) Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
First of all, you are absolutely and utterly NOT a failure in any way, shape or form. You are giving something a go and at the moment it doesnt seem to be working for you there is no failure in that.
As one who absolutely knows that this place is not for me - 29 years and counting - I would say you probably need to sit down and dispassionately have a look at what it is that isnt working - is it the DH job? is that fixed? can he change it? (so often ones' identity is wrapped up in the work that you do and if you dont have job satisfaction then the rest of your life can go to pot). Is it the place you live in? what is it about the place that doesnt gel with you? can you change it? Is it the people that you are missing? what can you do to change that? better communication/less communication? (I actually believe that settling is more difficult the more communication you have with the folks at home - it was much easier in the days of airmail because you basically just had to get on with it, rather than picking at the scab of missing people. I talk to my folks maybe once a month - I email them more often but my mum gets into real knots with the computer so that isnt much contact at all! I sms my son about once a fortnight and he deigns to reply about once every 4 weeks - I did talk to him today though because yesterday was his birthday.
To go back to a dispassionate discussion - dont be afraid to have an impartial third party mediator to keep you on track.It is so easy to get into a real merry go round of emotion and fail to get beyond the "I hate it and I want to go home" and into the reasons why it isnt gelling for you. I tend to think that if you can put an end point on your efforts - say we will give this a go for 2 years and evaluate at the end of that, it becomes much easier to deal with than if you realize that this is the rest of your life (the enormity of that can be crippling). However, that said, I think it is perfectly possible to know after 3 months that what you are doing is not for you and at the end of a longer period you may feel just the same way but with more equity and the capacity to go home with more security.
Of course your kids love it - chances are that less is expected of them and they are still on "holiday". By the time they leave uni they will probably be like every other young Aussie who cant wait to get out and experience life (sad but true, I've talked to many year 12 kids in my time!). With 10 and 12 year olds you probably do need to make a decision within 12 -24 months so as not to disadvantage them academically but I think you still have that time up your sleeve.
If you decide to cut your losses though and go home sooner rather than later you may have better luck picking up old networks and getting yourself back into the swing of things - or you may decide to give another part of UK a go - a lot of folk will tell you to give another part of Aus a go too but that all depends on what you have worked out is bugging you about the place that you are now.
You have a load of friends on here who know what you are going through so feel free to vent (we all do, from time to time!) Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
Sep 19th 2008, 12:46 am
#4
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Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Blighty - but still mad!
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Re: What have we done?
Hi Sammy, I just wanted to say that we knew after 3 months - we just knew! Australia isn't for us, apart from the dreaded homesickness, there are so many other factors that just don't work for us (and some that are just downright irritating!).
Having said that, I do not feel like a failure, at least we had the balls to try it, I'm glad we'll never have to do the 'what if's'. We've also had some lovely experiences along the way and have a new found respect for F&F and England in general. I know it can be an expensive learning curve - but it is still a learning curve! It's been the most valuable lesson I've ever learned!
As quoll (o, wise one!) said, give yourself a time frame, it can help to take the pressure off and make it feel less permanent. Don't share your time frame with others (you don't want to get anyone's hopes up!) and when you hit that date - re-evaluate and if you feel the same? Get your arses home! You may surprise yourself though and gradually integrate into your new life and by the time your time frame is up, you may not want to go back (or not just yet anyway!). Meanwhile any funds you and can can't hurt, can they?
Take chances to see as much as you can and try and treat the weekends as mini holidays (your OH sounds like he needs them!). Tasmania is a beautiful place with lots to see ( in fact I am going back over in the new year!) go and see it!
Wishing you much strength and happiness, whatever you decide to do.
Having said that, I do not feel like a failure, at least we had the balls to try it, I'm glad we'll never have to do the 'what if's'. We've also had some lovely experiences along the way and have a new found respect for F&F and England in general. I know it can be an expensive learning curve - but it is still a learning curve! It's been the most valuable lesson I've ever learned!
As quoll (o, wise one!) said, give yourself a time frame, it can help to take the pressure off and make it feel less permanent. Don't share your time frame with others (you don't want to get anyone's hopes up!) and when you hit that date - re-evaluate and if you feel the same? Get your arses home! You may surprise yourself though and gradually integrate into your new life and by the time your time frame is up, you may not want to go back (or not just yet anyway!). Meanwhile any funds you and can can't hurt, can they?
Take chances to see as much as you can and try and treat the weekends as mini holidays (your OH sounds like he needs them!). Tasmania is a beautiful place with lots to see ( in fact I am going back over in the new year!) go and see it!
Wishing you much strength and happiness, whatever you decide to do.
Sep 19th 2008, 12:49 am
#5
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Joined: May 2008
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Re: What have we done?
Gosh, I do feel for you and I agree with much of what Quoll says but sadly there is no way on Gods earth I could continue living here (NZ) and wish I had the guts to admit earlier on. We are leaving as soon as the house sells have been here 5 loooong years and have 2 children now 10 and almost 13.
When i was going through it all at the beginning most of it was put down to homesickness but it was far more than that. Homesickness itself is horrendous and very genuine feeling of loss etc but I felt more than that and though over time the day to day eased a little I still cried all the time, have gained weight, had panic attacks and chest pains. Now that we are on our way home the flood gates have opened and though I see my old self returning the move has done me no favours and a lot of it is rushing to the suface.
There are many reasons why I could not and would never settle here like I said I wished I had bitten the bullet at the beginning and trusted myself and what is was feeling but hindsight is a wonderful thing.
You are not on your own, the costs are not important if you are truely unhappy you have to do what is right for you your OH and your kids. The kids will be fine whatever that adapt but they do better when mum and dad are happy. Quoll is right if your heading back to the UK for education reasons sooner rather than later would be best.
The pain and sorrow both physically and mentally is not something I would want to experience again... the one good thing to come out of this I no longer fanny foot around or worry what people will think, I do what I think is best for me and mine and go fot it.
Sit down this weekend and go through it with your OH and make decisions...stay strong, keep talking...you will get through it.
When i was going through it all at the beginning most of it was put down to homesickness but it was far more than that. Homesickness itself is horrendous and very genuine feeling of loss etc but I felt more than that and though over time the day to day eased a little I still cried all the time, have gained weight, had panic attacks and chest pains. Now that we are on our way home the flood gates have opened and though I see my old self returning the move has done me no favours and a lot of it is rushing to the suface.
There are many reasons why I could not and would never settle here like I said I wished I had bitten the bullet at the beginning and trusted myself and what is was feeling but hindsight is a wonderful thing.
You are not on your own, the costs are not important if you are truely unhappy you have to do what is right for you your OH and your kids. The kids will be fine whatever that adapt but they do better when mum and dad are happy. Quoll is right if your heading back to the UK for education reasons sooner rather than later would be best.
The pain and sorrow both physically and mentally is not something I would want to experience again... the one good thing to come out of this I no longer fanny foot around or worry what people will think, I do what I think is best for me and mine and go fot it.
Sit down this weekend and go through it with your OH and make decisions...stay strong, keep talking...you will get through it.
Sep 19th 2008, 1:26 am
#6
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Re: What have we done?
Gosh, I do feel for you and I agree with much of what Quoll says but sadly there is no way on Gods earth I could continue living here (NZ) and wish I had the guts to admit earlier on. We are leaving as soon as the house sells have been here 5 loooong years and have 2 children now 10 and almost 13.
When i was going through it all at the beginning most of it was put down to homesickness but it was far more than that. Homesickness itself is horrendous and very genuine feeling of loss etc but I felt more than that and though over time the day to day eased a little I still cried all the time, have gained weight, had panic attacks and chest pains. Now that we are on our way home the flood gates have opened and though I see my old self returning the move has done me no favours and a lot of it is rushing to the suface.
There are many reasons why I could not and would never settle here like I said I wished I had bitten the bullet at the beginning and trusted myself and what is was feeling but hindsight is a wonderful thing.
You are not on your own, the costs are not important if you are truely unhappy you have to do what is right for you your OH and your kids. The kids will be fine whatever that adapt but they do better when mum and dad are happy. Quoll is right if your heading back to the UK for education reasons sooner rather than later would be best.
The pain and sorrow both physically and mentally is not something I would want to experience again... the one good thing to come out of this I no longer fanny foot around or worry what people will think, I do what I think is best for me and mine and go fot it.
Sit down this weekend and go through it with your OH and make decisions...stay strong, keep talking...you will get through it.
When i was going through it all at the beginning most of it was put down to homesickness but it was far more than that. Homesickness itself is horrendous and very genuine feeling of loss etc but I felt more than that and though over time the day to day eased a little I still cried all the time, have gained weight, had panic attacks and chest pains. Now that we are on our way home the flood gates have opened and though I see my old self returning the move has done me no favours and a lot of it is rushing to the suface.
There are many reasons why I could not and would never settle here like I said I wished I had bitten the bullet at the beginning and trusted myself and what is was feeling but hindsight is a wonderful thing.
You are not on your own, the costs are not important if you are truely unhappy you have to do what is right for you your OH and your kids. The kids will be fine whatever that adapt but they do better when mum and dad are happy. Quoll is right if your heading back to the UK for education reasons sooner rather than later would be best.
The pain and sorrow both physically and mentally is not something I would want to experience again... the one good thing to come out of this I no longer fanny foot around or worry what people will think, I do what I think is best for me and mine and go fot it.
Sit down this weekend and go through it with your OH and make decisions...stay strong, keep talking...you will get through it.
We both live on the opposite sides of the planet and yet your description and symptoms of homesickness are "spot on" to how I feel. The depression I carry around with me day in day out is like lugging a medicine ball on my back, the chest pains, the anxiety/panic attacks that I am on the verge of and not to mention, the shadow of my former self. I've tried and tried and struggled to be positive about getting into life here but I can't......I'm lost. All my family and friends are back home (pissing and moaning about the UK!) and I feel so alone over here. Canada all began as a wonderfully exciting experience, a big adventure - "look at me, how great I am, breaking free from the misery of the UK and all you lot have to suffer there!".......how I swallow those words back now!! My only battle now is with my OH who does not want to return to the UK and for months, despite my depression and breakdown earlier this year, he still won't entertain going back. I've told him straight to his face just last week that "I AM going back before this year is out, with him, or without him".....and I mean that even if it means going back with nothing but the clothes on my back. I have nothing negative to say about Canada, or rather Red Deer where I live....it's a beautiful city, but it lacks soul and vibrancy. I'm happy to say I've enjoyed my experience of life in Canada, but I've had enough now and I feel the time is right to go back. I want to experience (and catch up on) closeness with my parents and sister again, have my daughter grow up closely with her cousins. I have so many friends back home, I could spend an evening with each one for each night in the week.....here, I feel like I'm dying of boredom and social deprivation!!
To the original poster, do what you feel in your heart....if you know in your heart it has been a big mistake, go with your instincts....don't live with the pain of regret and homesickness as long as I and many others on here have.
Best of luck,
Ruby x
Sep 19th 2008, 2:49 am
#7
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Joined: Jun 2007
Location: South Island NZ
Posts: 527
Re: What have we done?
I can't believe we are thinking like this but after less than 3 months in Oz, we are talking about returning to the UK.
We spent so long and so much money on getting here I feel pathetic and a complete failure that we are now considering returning.
The kids appear to have settled well here (aged 10 and 12) and really don't like the idea of going back, we have no house to go back to and I'm not sure we would even return to the same area so would have to start up somewhere new again, probably nearer family though.
If we go back and spend even more money on the process and lose out again on the exchange rate as it has now improved in the Oz direction, we will have a smaller house and a bigger mortgage than we had originally, what if we still don't like it?
I don't really know what I want, other than a magic wand to turn back the clock. My OH went to work crying this morning because he is so miserable (and he's not one for showing his emotions much), he says he has felt like this for weeks and its just getting worse.
What a mess, we are young (ish), in good health, have 2 lovely children but beacuse we were greedy and thought we could have a better life, we are now desperately unhappy.
We spent so long and so much money on getting here I feel pathetic and a complete failure that we are now considering returning.
The kids appear to have settled well here (aged 10 and 12) and really don't like the idea of going back, we have no house to go back to and I'm not sure we would even return to the same area so would have to start up somewhere new again, probably nearer family though.
If we go back and spend even more money on the process and lose out again on the exchange rate as it has now improved in the Oz direction, we will have a smaller house and a bigger mortgage than we had originally, what if we still don't like it?
I don't really know what I want, other than a magic wand to turn back the clock. My OH went to work crying this morning because he is so miserable (and he's not one for showing his emotions much), he says he has felt like this for weeks and its just getting worse.
What a mess, we are young (ish), in good health, have 2 lovely children but beacuse we were greedy and thought we could have a better life, we are now desperately unhappy.
At times like this its hard to see the mud for the trees and so everything seems so difficult to process my suggestion is when he gets home tonight crack open a bottle of wine and spend the night making a list of all the pros and cons and both be very honest about your feelings you will see then in black and white what you can do to fix things and you will possibly come up with things that bother you that you didnt even realise each other had been thinking. If each of you rate all of the things on a scale from 1 to 10 and see what you come up with. at least that way you will feel like you are doing something positive about your situation and will feel yourselves gaining back a bit of control....Baby steps.....
You werent being greedy by just wanting the best for yoursleves and your children and having the balls to go out of your comfort zone and try elsewhere.
Life is too short to be miserable and think about the fact that in a few years the children will be off to explore the world on their own as others have said they are fairly adaptable at their ages but wait another couple of years and they might not be.........If you read any of my posts you will see that i have been in NZ for over 30yrs (married a kiwi and now divorced)and have 2 sons here with children as well and if it werent for my 3 grandchildren i'd be off "home" tommorow.
Its just not worth making yourselves ill or ending up not getting on with each other...
Anyhow thats just my contribution hope its some help if you want to talk PM me.....
All the best
..Cally x
Sep 19th 2008, 4:19 am
#8
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Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Tasmania!
Posts: 2,414
Re: What have we done?
Thanks so much for all your replies, its very reassuring to know I'm not alone.
We did decide early on (when we realised that financially we will srtuggle here) that we would give it 6 months and then make a decision and I think we have avoided talking about any of it since then, in case we upset the other.
So this morning there was an eruption of feelings, anxiety etc and poor OH had to go to work feeling terrible. However, he cycled to work and sent an email to say he felt much more positive after a beautiful cycle ride in.
We have already decided that we cannot see us staying here and in the meantime we must try and see some of Oz, so we are going to spend yet more of our house savings, to try and get away as much as possible. We had a fantastic weekend away last week, (although the good feelings only lasted when we were away!) we are going to Sydney next month and are planning a summer holiday. At least this way, we will try and make this a positive experience rather than a disaster.
One thing I'm strugging with is the uncertainty, we spent 18 months planning to get here, including coming for a visit, selling the house, rehoming the dog and horse and causing great pain to our families, I thought once we were here we would have our next few years mapped out for us and now we are back to square one with it all!
I do hope that everyone else finds what they are looking for and I hope that one day we can see this in a positive light
Sam
We did decide early on (when we realised that financially we will srtuggle here) that we would give it 6 months and then make a decision and I think we have avoided talking about any of it since then, in case we upset the other.
So this morning there was an eruption of feelings, anxiety etc and poor OH had to go to work feeling terrible. However, he cycled to work and sent an email to say he felt much more positive after a beautiful cycle ride in.
We have already decided that we cannot see us staying here and in the meantime we must try and see some of Oz, so we are going to spend yet more of our house savings, to try and get away as much as possible. We had a fantastic weekend away last week, (although the good feelings only lasted when we were away!) we are going to Sydney next month and are planning a summer holiday. At least this way, we will try and make this a positive experience rather than a disaster.
One thing I'm strugging with is the uncertainty, we spent 18 months planning to get here, including coming for a visit, selling the house, rehoming the dog and horse and causing great pain to our families, I thought once we were here we would have our next few years mapped out for us and now we are back to square one with it all!
I do hope that everyone else finds what they are looking for and I hope that one day we can see this in a positive light
Sam
Sep 19th 2008, 4:56 am
#9
The Mango King
Joined: Nov 2005
Location: Pullenvale, Brisbane
Posts: 246
Re: What have we done?
What about living in a different state?
It may make you feel differently about Oz?
It may make you feel differently about Oz?
Sep 19th 2008, 5:05 am
#10
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Location: Lagrange 2
Posts: 1,507
Re: What have we done?
Oh dear, I am so sorry that you are both feeling this way - it really sux, doesnt it. Have some {{{hugs}}}
Of course your kids love it - chances are that less is expected of them and they are still on "holiday". By the time they leave uni they will probably be like every other young Aussie who cant wait to get out and experience life (sad but true, I've talked to many year 12 kids in my time!). With 10 and 12 year olds you probably do need to make a decision within 12 -24 months so as not to disadvantage them academically but I think you still have that time up your sleeve.
If you decide to cut your losses though and go home sooner rather than later you may have better luck picking up old networks and getting yourself back into the swing of things - or you may decide to give another part of UK a go - a lot of folk will tell you to give another part of Aus a go too but that all depends on what you have worked out is bugging you about the place that you are now.
!
Of course your kids love it - chances are that less is expected of them and they are still on "holiday". By the time they leave uni they will probably be like every other young Aussie who cant wait to get out and experience life (sad but true, I've talked to many year 12 kids in my time!). With 10 and 12 year olds you probably do need to make a decision within 12 -24 months so as not to disadvantage them academically but I think you still have that time up your sleeve.
If you decide to cut your losses though and go home sooner rather than later you may have better luck picking up old networks and getting yourself back into the swing of things - or you may decide to give another part of UK a go - a lot of folk will tell you to give another part of Aus a go too but that all depends on what you have worked out is bugging you about the place that you are now.
!
There is just nothing wrong with having a change just after another has taken place and there is nothing unnatural about some members of the family wanting it and others not. So good luck in resettling and maybe you will try again for something diferent in the future.
Best wishes
Sep 19th 2008, 5:33 am
#11
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Re: What have we done?
We have considered that but its not Tasmania that we dislike, far from it, its just this feeling of not belonging and therefore wanting to go back to the UK where we do feel we belong (or we did, 3 months ago)
We did have many doubts during the visa process but always brushed them to one side as normal anxieties and they were probably were.
We may stay or may not, at the moment it is too "easy" to assume all would be ok if we return to the UK. I'm sure it would not be easy at all
Sam
Sep 19th 2008, 9:14 am
#13
Enjoying the good life!
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Bayside, Brisbane
Posts: 886
Re: What have we done?
Hi
We have considered that but its not Tasmania that we dislike, far from it, its just this feeling of not belonging and therefore wanting to go back to the UK where we do feel we belong (or we did, 3 months ago)
We did have many doubts during the visa process but always brushed them to one side as normal anxieties and they were probably were.
We may stay or may not, at the moment it is too "easy" to assume all would be ok if we return to the UK. I'm sure it would not be easy at all
Sam
We have considered that but its not Tasmania that we dislike, far from it, its just this feeling of not belonging and therefore wanting to go back to the UK where we do feel we belong (or we did, 3 months ago)
We did have many doubts during the visa process but always brushed them to one side as normal anxieties and they were probably were.
We may stay or may not, at the moment it is too "easy" to assume all would be ok if we return to the UK. I'm sure it would not be easy at all
Sam
Sep 19th 2008, 9:22 am
#14
Weirdo Latin Dude
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Hotter than hell
Posts: 2,545
Re: What have we done?
I can't believe we are thinking like this but after less than 3 months in Oz, we are talking about returning to the UK.
We spent so long and so much money on getting here I feel pathetic and a complete failure that we are now considering returning.
The kids appear to have settled well here (aged 10 and 12) and really don't like the idea of going back, we have no house to go back to and I'm not sure we would even return to the same area so would have to start up somewhere new again, probably nearer family though.
If we go back and spend even more money on the process and lose out again on the exchange rate as it has now improved in the Oz direction, we will have a smaller house and a bigger mortgage than we had originally, what if we still don't like it?
I don't really know what I want, other than a magic wand to turn back the clock. My OH went to work crying this morning because he is so miserable (and he's not one for showing his emotions much), he says he has felt like this for weeks and its just getting worse.
What a mess, we are young (ish), in good health, have 2 lovely children but beacuse we were greedy and thought we could have a better life, we are now desperately unhappy.
We spent so long and so much money on getting here I feel pathetic and a complete failure that we are now considering returning.
The kids appear to have settled well here (aged 10 and 12) and really don't like the idea of going back, we have no house to go back to and I'm not sure we would even return to the same area so would have to start up somewhere new again, probably nearer family though.
If we go back and spend even more money on the process and lose out again on the exchange rate as it has now improved in the Oz direction, we will have a smaller house and a bigger mortgage than we had originally, what if we still don't like it?
I don't really know what I want, other than a magic wand to turn back the clock. My OH went to work crying this morning because he is so miserable (and he's not one for showing his emotions much), he says he has felt like this for weeks and its just getting worse.
What a mess, we are young (ish), in good health, have 2 lovely children but beacuse we were greedy and thought we could have a better life, we are now desperately unhappy.
I myself am not from the UK neither Australia but have lived in both countries for some periods of time and personally I think Australia has a lot more to offer than the UK does, so I know which i would choose.
So I would just give it more time and I am sure if your kids like it you both will in time as well.
Sep 19th 2008, 10:07 am
#15
Account Closed
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,533
Re: What have we done?
You have to ask yourself why you left the UK in the first place. Will those reasons still be there when you get back?
On one hand, you could listen to your heart and head home now and try to salvage some level of normality. On the other hand, if you do that after a few months will you start to think "We didn't give it long enough?"
I really feel for you. Just like a lot of people here in Oz you realise the grass isn't any greener and you replace one set of issues with another.
I wish you all the best and I hope you find some peace soon.
On one hand, you could listen to your heart and head home now and try to salvage some level of normality. On the other hand, if you do that after a few months will you start to think "We didn't give it long enough?"
I really feel for you. Just like a lot of people here in Oz you realise the grass isn't any greener and you replace one set of issues with another.
I wish you all the best and I hope you find some peace soon.