ukintexas

Oh, thank Goodness, it's just gerbils and not the onset of insanity

Thanks Bev - more valid points, and I shall be making this type of list over the weekend. I've made the bog standard pros and cons before (I am a Libran after all!), but haven't quite asked myself the questions in the way you have explained. Will see what light that sheds. Thanks.

Heljinder

Hey ukintexas, thanks for the cheerleader style support - love it, and need it!

I head out on 1st July with two young boys, on a 17 hour flight back to England. Hubby is staying on for a couple of months to accrue some funds to keep us afloat for a couple of months while he searches for the right job in his profession. All very very stressful!

We came here with a one year plan. If we like it, we stay, if we don't, we go. I've since found out it's not as simple as that.

This is an example of how I roller coaster. I took my eldest son to a birthday party in Fremantle, which is a wonderful, vibrant, eclectic type of port town. All the way up the boring Kwinana freeway, I was ruing the day I came here, and thank heavens I'm heading back in 2 weeks. Dropped son off at a party where the kids shoot each other with lasers, and headed off to the Fremantle markets. Oh I was in heaven!! Two hours of selfish me time strolling through the market, perusing the stalls. I bought a batch of souvenir aussie caps and t-shirts for children of friends in England, and a couple of things for myself. Lovely experience, and so different from the endless grind of bland, boring, beige Perth suburbia in which I live.

Later on, me, hubby and boys went to a beach to watch the sun set over the sparkling indian ocean. Eldest son found a dead starfish, buried it in the sand and wrote RIP with a stick, while youngest was trying to sabotage the memorial with another stick. There wasn't a breath of wind, the sky was a vibrant mix of red, pink and purple awaiting the setting sun. Pelicans and other types of sea birds were diving into the water in search of supper so that they could sleep easily knowing they had a full stomach. Hubby was taking photos like never before, and it just seemed like a final farewell to such a beautiful part of the world.

Very sad for us.

Heljinder

Just wanted to add. When I see my boys running and hugging my mum, dad and brothers at the airport, I'll know I've done the right thing.

ukintexas

To steal a quote from a thread by user Exile: "But I think perhaps that what we can end up with is an artificial flower. it looks pretty on the surface, and lasts forever, but has no real value."

The whole thread is really good:
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=610417 and I think you'll identify with it, and the other posts this user has made.

I think the fact that you set a certain timescale for your adventure was a good idea as it gives you a tangible reason to be revisiting it at this stage. If you had given it just 6 months, I would have thought that too soon, but at 12 months, you're over the initial phases of the relocation and are settled enough to know your own mind (kind of!), and can then make the decision more appropriately, if no less painfully.

I've also seen posts from those that talk about the chapters of our lives, and how relocation is just another of those examples. I like that simplistic view, as for us we came here thinking "this was it", no going back kind of deal. Not sure why as we certainly didn't hate the UK, but I think we saw the shiny stars and stripes of the USA and got a little bit gung-ho. Because of that, it seems harder to make the decision to return as it was not an expected course as such for us, or for those around us who said their goodbyes as we left.

Anyway, search the threads by Exile - they are back in the UK now, and have been for about 12 months.

Heljinder

Thanks for that, I'll take a look.

Yes, setting a timescale is good, although most people say a year is not long enough. I think the length of time a person gives to this is a very personal thing, and I've never bought into the 'two year settling in period'. Because of hubby's profession we could only give it one year to decide. In certain careers such as his, if you're out of the UK system for longer than a year than it can be quite difficult to get back into your chosen field without having to do refresher courses, even if you're doing the same thing in Aus. Hubby is qualified in two specialties, so getting the right job back home should be relatively easy at this stage. So, for us, it was a bit more cut and dry; 'if we like it' we'll need to commit to a good many years, possibly up to retirement. If we don't like it, or are 'wobbling' too much then we go back at the 12 month mark. Although there are parts of WA I love, I've never felt comfortable here, and I doubt I ever will, so off we go back. Hubby and I know what we could have here, and that's the hard part, it really is. But, my gut instinct tells me home is the right place for us, and particularly our boys.

To steal a quote from a thread by user Exile: "But I think perhaps that what we can end up with is an artificial flower. it looks pretty on the surface, and lasts forever, but has no real value."

Very true, and reading lines like this gives me the jolt back to reality that I need, particularly at this time. I'm having exactly the same feeling as I did two weeks before I left England for Aus, a part of me didn't want to go. But, I'll crack on with the move back as I know these romantic feelings and images I'm getting here hold no real value.

I've also seen posts from those that talk about the chapters of our lives, and how relocation is just another of those examples.

This is also a very good one - You've sure been doing your research ukintexas! I think I like this one the best, as it takes a very simplistic, no-nonsense approach.

It's good to talk through all the pros and cons - make's it easier!

How about your children? Are they open to a possible move back, or are they settled into their lives in the US? I must admit that most of my decisions have been made on the back of how I think my children like it here and what it can offer them. What i've seen can be pretty much replicated back home, apart from some areas which you can't possibly match. For us, it's a case of trying to get the right balance.

ukintexas

Haven't even dared broach it with the kids yet as I don't want to put them into the tornado that has become my mind! My gut tells me there might be a little of "wtf" from them - although I hope it wouldn't be quite that language! - but other than that, they would go and adjust, just as they did here. My worry is the lifestyle and opportunities for them, but that is really shallow, and when I think of some of the lifestyle things here (guns on college campuses, police in school cafeterias to name but two of my favourite things to moan about), then the UK lifestyle wins hands down!


I've started another post about US schooling in the US because having read another thread (yes, more research!), it dawned on me that I need to stop this "all or nothing" mentality I have in that I might go back to the UK for a couple of years and because of the business I have here (that would remain), we could come back again. As long as I can keep consistency in the education for the kids, it leaves that door open. I'm not actively searching out being a ping ponger (to quote a well known BE phrase) but I'm not actively thinking it has to be one way or the other either.

cricket1again

Just going slightly off the recent topics, I believe the biggest concern from parents is over their children's schooling.

Why don't you go to horses mouth and ask a few questions? I found this teacher's forum.

http://www.teacherstalk.co.uk/

Bear in mind you might get a few horror stories but you might get a few interesting and helpful pointers and some good advice.

The trouble with having a designer (me) in your midst, is that I can always see far over the horizon, which is worth Jack Schmidt if it doesn't apply to the current moment, but at least I can inspire those around me.

I can see a time where all good teachers get totally fed up of all the politics, while all the parents get fed up of them too. This means there is a fantastic opportunity for teaching your children at home with an online virtual teacher.
I really don't understand why the government aren't looking at this option anyway as they have to pay teachers to turn up at school. Why not pay them to teach online?
There wouldn't be nearly as much distraction, wasted time, arguments and you could totally stuff the LEA. What would you need them for?
No more children being bullied, best teaching support for those who want to learn, etc, etc.

Anyway, just my view of the future for our kids. Yesterday, while out shopping, I noticed a lot of online educational software programmes so maybe the idea is starting to take off.

Heljinder? Just an idea. You're not busy right now are you?

cricket1again

And the best thing of all..............is the kids would learn to write and spell in ENGLISH instead of SMS!!!

irish_eyes

Hi there, i've been following your thread with great interest - not only about your dilema but your thought process and i'm amazed at how many of us there is out there that are going through the same thing! I'm really dying to hear what happens with you. For me as you may have picked up on another thread, i'm back home after only 7 months in nz. Its complicated cause I did live there when I was alot younger and without kids for 1 year (this I thought, warranted me to leave the 2nd time after only 7 months) (WRONG) For various reasons which there are 2 many to list I came home and totally regret it just days after landing. When i took a closer look at it all - the problem was not the country i'd left = it was me. I was and still am constantly looking for another adventure, a challenge, a better way of life etc.... Its takin its toll for sure and i really enjoy reading how you and others think - its such a hard call to make - i'm sure you'll make the right one! I'm about to move back to new zealand (3rd time lucky) but the one change i've made is i've sorted my mind out and i dont argue with my sub-consious mind anymore! I'm clear on what I need to do but no doubt i have many more mistakes to make - difference now is I'm learning from them! Keep in touch and I truly hope you find an answer to your question.

DadAgain

On the other hand online schooling would cut out that valuable social contact that kids need and may teach them to be become even more insular and detached, rather than part of a larger and varied community.

Sorry - thats bit off-topic really isnt it?

cricket1again

I thought about that. You could make sure your children attend extra curricular events and activities, just like they do now. All they would be missing out on would be the current social activities you don't want them to learn.

I even wonder if they socialise so much these days that they actually don't learn what they should be learning and that they even become therapists and props for all the friends with problems.

Heljinder

I agree about keeping the door open, and approaching it in a more flexible manner. It makes moving less scary as well. You're wise to consider all your options, and decide what is best for you and your family.

Some people find closing the door on their old lives to be an easier way of settling in their new country. I've had a fair few people say to me that my big mistake in not being able to settle is because I decided to leave my house in England, the furniture and the cars, instead of selling it all. I prefer to be cautious, and I'm glad I was, as having to start again from scratch would be a nightmare for me. It's hard enough to go back to no job, without having to find a house, furnish it and buy a car. We felt we needed to do it this way.

I fully appreciate why people say this to me though. Maybe the reason I haven't settled very well is because I chose not to bring our possessions other than clothes and documents with us. Having your possessions around you makes you feel more secure, like a child's comfort blanket.

We've basically camped here, and bought the bare necessities to get us through the year. It isn't particularly fun, but it's doable. The only thing we didn't scrimp on was the kids stuff. They had outgrown a lot of their toys in England, which we either sold or gave away, and then bought new ones over here which we'll ship back.

Some people busy themselves so much with house buying, decorating etc., that when it's all done they're hit by full on homesickness, because they hadn't had time to think about it before.

But, we're all different and handle things in different ways, and what's best for one person, isn't for another.

Your boys sound well rounded and versatile, so they'll probably do very well. I don't think it's shallow to worry about the lifestyle and opportunities, you want the best for your children that a mother can give. I think it's about weighing up the pros and cons, and trading some things off for others.

Carry on doing your research, ukintexas, you're doing very well! Who knows, you may be able to write a book one day!

Heljinder

Hmmm....thanks for that, not!

Not particularly in favour of virtual teaching. Half and half maybe.

I read in one of the newspapers that secondary education is largely a lesson in crowd control, with only a couple of hours actual learning being done in a day.

I went on the website (thanks for the link), which is good. I'm printing off some worksheets for my 7 year old to do over the next couple of months while he's not at school. He's none too pleased!

ukintexas

[QUOTE=Heljinder;7665534]
I prefer to be cautious, and I'm glad I was, as having to start again from scratch would be a nightmare for me. It's hard enough to go back to no job, without having to find a house, furnish it and buy a car. We felt we needed to do it this way.

I soooooooooo wish I'd done the above, and kept our home etc, but the reality of the situation at the time was that we needed to sell our house, to release the equity to actually make the move. We were so looking forward only, not even contemplating the "what ifs" that it might not work, that at the time it seemed like the best thing to do. Hindsight and all that!

I fully appreciate why people say this to me though. Maybe the reason I haven't settled very well is because I chose not to bring our possessions other than clothes and documents with us. Having your possessions around you makes you feel more secure, like a child's comfort blanket.

We have all our stuff with us and to be honest, it doesn't actulaly make as much of a difference as you think - at least it doesn't to me now that I'm in this situation of deciding where "home" truly should be. I think at the beginning it helped us realise that we were here to stay (at least we thought ) so that was helpful, but now it's just a pain thinking about what we'll do with all the stuf.

BTW, not that it makes much of a difference, I have a son and a daughter - eldest the boy. I get the best of both worlds: Kevin the Teenager, and a hormone ridden pre-teen girl - yay me!

/QUOTE]

ukintexas

I get what you're saying here DadAgain - my kids are both really social so in any decision on their schooling, this would be a big thing. It seems really hard to find the American system in the UK though without it costing about 18,000 GBP per year, per child
I'll keep researching though......