A week at home not making decision any easier!
Jun 11th 2009, 2:32 pm
#61
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Re: A week at home not making decision any easier!
Hi Heljinder, what an eloquent addition to this thread! Completely sums up how I feel about the education situation, and the decision as a whole to yank my kids from one place to another (again!). The family/friends thing is the main push for us to return - I know what you mean about feeling insecure without that - I explain it to people as feeling vulnerable.
The "opportunity" you/I are looking at taking our kids away from is also something that plays on my mind. However, in all other aspects of my life (both work and personal) I often talk about how you can only make decisions with the facts you have in front of you, and the based on the moment/time that you are in. Trying to make decisions on the crystal ball of what might, or might not be, is impossible. Goodness knows why then, I'm trying to go against this way of making decisions with this particular one - not sure what that's all about
I went to a good school, yet didn't take advantage of it, so I suppose that is the same as going to a bad one and bucking the trend. Guess we are all looking for the 100% guarantee that we're making the right decision when unfortunately that's not going to happen
For me, this thread continues to be really valuable in providing me with other people's viewpoints and opinions - it is genuinely helping.
Thank you to all who have contributed.
The "opportunity" you/I are looking at taking our kids away from is also something that plays on my mind. However, in all other aspects of my life (both work and personal) I often talk about how you can only make decisions with the facts you have in front of you, and the based on the moment/time that you are in. Trying to make decisions on the crystal ball of what might, or might not be, is impossible. Goodness knows why then, I'm trying to go against this way of making decisions with this particular one - not sure what that's all about
I went to a good school, yet didn't take advantage of it, so I suppose that is the same as going to a bad one and bucking the trend. Guess we are all looking for the 100% guarantee that we're making the right decision when unfortunately that's not going to happen
For me, this thread continues to be really valuable in providing me with other people's viewpoints and opinions - it is genuinely helping.
Thank you to all who have contributed.
I've just been back through your posts again, and many of the things you talk about I can very much relate to. The decision to stay or go is quite agonising at times, and you're bang on when you say the decision to go back to the UK is much harder than the decision was to leave.
Like you, I seem to be the decision maker in the family, and often put my own needs last. I see hubby having an easier life in Aus, as medicine is so cut throat in England. He can walk to his surgery from home here, and he's back early in the evening unlike in England. I feel bad for dragging him back to England where life is more stressful for him. It was my wish to emigrate, and the ball's in my court to make the decision to go back as well. I've told him that if he's happier staying in Aus then I'd stay, absolutely no question, but he's not sure either, OMG! How on earth the pair of us made the decision to come here in the first place, and actually go through with it, God only knows!
DadAgain makes some good, valid points about the education system in Aus. The system here seems to produce more rounded, confident young people. I dropped my 7 year old at school this morning, and I lost count of the number of older kids saying 'good morning' to me as they passed. They didn't know me either. I find young people here to be very polite and respectful of adults. Not saying that they're not in the UK, but children seem more guarded over there for some reason.
So, hard decisions for us to make, ukintexas. Do you think it's likely that you'll go back to England?
Jun 11th 2009, 2:41 pm
#62
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Re: A week at home not making decision any easier!
I should just clarify before I get burnt at the stake (again), schools do appear to have become a breeding ground for some worrying activity and I can understand why parents are worried.
But we cannot expect teachers to manage their job of teaching as well as manage a whole host of social problems that currently exist in society today.
Therefore worrying about which school might be best or worst, may not be the best way to think.
If it was me, thankfully my children are young adults, I'd be trying to take a more realistic and objective view. You can't change the mass of problems and politics currently affecting schools, and in some ways, the politics between teachers, government and the LEA are often the worst problem. It used to make me so angry when I'd go into school and be given excuses after excuses as to why my son wasn't making the grade.
In the end, I decided to leave them all to play their game of petty politics and I got my son a really good home tutor to bring up to scratch. It worked and it wasn't expensive. He had to sacrifice his football one night a week but it was worth it. I ran a business around my children so i was a hands on mum.
Don't wait for someone to fix the problems where educating your children are concerned. We'll end up with a nation of dimwits. Jesus, look what we've got for politicians now.
You, as parents, can take the reins and prop up any areas that aren't getting full attention at school.
This will cut the teachers some slack (so they can drink more tea in the staff room and complain to their union about the lack of McVities biscuits
) and you will know that you are keeping your child on the right track.
Just my opinion but as a mum who has now got two young fledglings off thye branch and flying with no problems so far, I hope it helps.
But we cannot expect teachers to manage their job of teaching as well as manage a whole host of social problems that currently exist in society today.
Therefore worrying about which school might be best or worst, may not be the best way to think.
If it was me, thankfully my children are young adults, I'd be trying to take a more realistic and objective view. You can't change the mass of problems and politics currently affecting schools, and in some ways, the politics between teachers, government and the LEA are often the worst problem. It used to make me so angry when I'd go into school and be given excuses after excuses as to why my son wasn't making the grade.
In the end, I decided to leave them all to play their game of petty politics and I got my son a really good home tutor to bring up to scratch. It worked and it wasn't expensive. He had to sacrifice his football one night a week but it was worth it. I ran a business around my children so i was a hands on mum.
Don't wait for someone to fix the problems where educating your children are concerned. We'll end up with a nation of dimwits. Jesus, look what we've got for politicians now.
You, as parents, can take the reins and prop up any areas that aren't getting full attention at school.
This will cut the teachers some slack (so they can drink more tea in the staff room and complain to their union about the lack of McVities biscuits
) and you will know that you are keeping your child on the right track.Just my opinion but as a mum who has now got two young fledglings off thye branch and flying with no problems so far, I hope it helps.
Jun 11th 2009, 2:54 pm
#63
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Re: A week at home not making decision any easier!
Hi ukintexas
I've just been back through your posts again, and many of the things you talk about I can very much relate to. The decision to stay or go is quite agonising at times, and you're bang on when you say the decision to go back to the UK is much harder than the decision was to leave.
Like you, I seem to be the decision maker in the family, and often put my own needs last. I see hubby having an easier life in Aus, as medicine is so cut throat in England. He can walk to his surgery from home here, and he's back early in the evening unlike in England. I feel bad for dragging him back to England where life is more stressful for him. It was my wish to emigrate, and the ball's in my court to make the decision to go back as well. I've told him that if he's happier staying in Aus then I'd stay, absolutely no question, but he's not sure either, OMG! How on earth the pair of us made the decision to come here in the first place, and actually go through with it, God only knows!
DadAgain makes some good, valid points about the education system in Aus. The system here seems to produce more rounded, confident young people. I dropped my 7 year old at school this morning, and I lost count of the number of older kids saying 'good morning' to me as they passed. They didn't know me either. I find young people here to be very polite and respectful of adults. Not saying that they're not in the UK, but children seem more guarded over there for some reason.
So, hard decisions for us to make, ukintexas. Do you think it's likely that you'll go back to England?
I've just been back through your posts again, and many of the things you talk about I can very much relate to. The decision to stay or go is quite agonising at times, and you're bang on when you say the decision to go back to the UK is much harder than the decision was to leave.
Like you, I seem to be the decision maker in the family, and often put my own needs last. I see hubby having an easier life in Aus, as medicine is so cut throat in England. He can walk to his surgery from home here, and he's back early in the evening unlike in England. I feel bad for dragging him back to England where life is more stressful for him. It was my wish to emigrate, and the ball's in my court to make the decision to go back as well. I've told him that if he's happier staying in Aus then I'd stay, absolutely no question, but he's not sure either, OMG! How on earth the pair of us made the decision to come here in the first place, and actually go through with it, God only knows!
DadAgain makes some good, valid points about the education system in Aus. The system here seems to produce more rounded, confident young people. I dropped my 7 year old at school this morning, and I lost count of the number of older kids saying 'good morning' to me as they passed. They didn't know me either. I find young people here to be very polite and respectful of adults. Not saying that they're not in the UK, but children seem more guarded over there for some reason.
So, hard decisions for us to make, ukintexas. Do you think it's likely that you'll go back to England?
How long have you been in Australia just out of interest?
Jun 11th 2009, 5:10 pm
#64
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Re: A week at home not making decision any easier!
Jun 11th 2009, 5:13 pm
#65
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Re: A week at home not making decision any easier!
Jun 12th 2009, 6:17 am
#66
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Re: A week at home not making decision any easier!
this is the friendly and loving thread remember, no stake burning here!!! Anyway, whether you like it or not, I'm now officially petitioning for you to adopt me as your advice is very motherly! All valid points, utterly invaluable a this point in my insanity. Thank you mum
Jun 12th 2009, 6:17 am
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Jun 12th 2009, 6:24 am
#68
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Re: A week at home not making decision any easier!
[QUOTE=Heljinder;7657799]Hi ukintexas
Like you, I seem to be the decision maker in the family, and often put my own needs last. I see hubby having an easier life in Aus, as medicine is so cut throat in England. He can walk to his surgery from home here, and he's back early in the evening unlike in England. I feel bad for dragging him back to England where life is more stressful for him. It was my wish to emigrate, and the ball's in my court to make the decision to go back as well. I've told him that if he's happier staying in Aus then I'd stay, absolutely no question, but he's not sure either, OMG! How on earth the pair of us made the decision to come here in the first place, and actually go through with it, God only knows!
QUOTE]
The whole thing about feeling like I/you carry the weight on my/our shoulders about the decision one way or the other (I was the driving force to relocate in the first place too!), is really draining isn't it? I have a constant script in my head about it all and it's actually starting to make me physically ill. I feel quite depressed - manic one minute and lethargic the next and as an incredibly confident person, this is just weird for me. I am still finding it really hard to talk to my hubby about it and because I've been silent on it for a while (well, not silent on here, but silent in the real world!) I think he thinks the moment has passed!
I can't tell you how much this post is helping though - it is one of the best I've ever been part of on here in terms of real constructive advice and comments - no "moaning", killing each other or defending one point of view against another. I am loving it
Like you, I seem to be the decision maker in the family, and often put my own needs last. I see hubby having an easier life in Aus, as medicine is so cut throat in England. He can walk to his surgery from home here, and he's back early in the evening unlike in England. I feel bad for dragging him back to England where life is more stressful for him. It was my wish to emigrate, and the ball's in my court to make the decision to go back as well. I've told him that if he's happier staying in Aus then I'd stay, absolutely no question, but he's not sure either, OMG! How on earth the pair of us made the decision to come here in the first place, and actually go through with it, God only knows!
QUOTE]
The whole thing about feeling like I/you carry the weight on my/our shoulders about the decision one way or the other (I was the driving force to relocate in the first place too!), is really draining isn't it? I have a constant script in my head about it all and it's actually starting to make me physically ill. I feel quite depressed - manic one minute and lethargic the next and as an incredibly confident person, this is just weird for me. I am still finding it really hard to talk to my hubby about it and because I've been silent on it for a while (well, not silent on here, but silent in the real world!) I think he thinks the moment has passed!
I can't tell you how much this post is helping though - it is one of the best I've ever been part of on here in terms of real constructive advice and comments - no "moaning", killing each other or defending one point of view against another. I am loving it
Jun 12th 2009, 8:27 am
#69
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Re: A week at home not making decision any easier!
You might want to try getting a quiet moment and writing some things down. You could start with "what do I want?" and then "why do I want it?" And put as many reasons as we can think of.
Sometimes we can spread it out like a tree. eg, (this is just made up.)
What do I want? To go back to the UK.
Why do I want it?
To be with dear old dying gran.
To reconnect with old friends.
To live among really old stuff.
So then we can -
Why do I want to be with dear old dying gran?
Why do I want to reconnect with old friends?
Etc, etc, etc.
It can help stop the gerbils and get us thinking about the basic points that really need thinking about. You might end up knowing exactly what you want to say to your husband.
Good luck with it,
Bev
Jun 12th 2009, 10:00 am
#71
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Re: A week at home not making decision any easier!
ukintexas, bevm
Yes, the decision making process is hugely draining. Unless you're actually going through it, it's difficult for some people to understand as well. I've been over and over it a thousand times, and often wake up with the cogs still grinding away. I've had periods of happiness and contentment here, and convince myself that this is where I see my future, and then the very next morning - when the wine has worn off! - I've changed my mind again. It's just awful.
ukintexas, I empathise entirely with your description of the physical effects this can have. I too can feel sick, lethargic and depressed. I think it's our body's way of saying "hold on, enough is enough". For my own peace of mind and preservation of sanity(!), I made my decision yesterday to put all thoughts of staying in Aus away in a locked draw (got the key, just in case!), and forge ahead with the plan to go back to England. I've done my list (thanks, Bevm) and England still comes out tops. Just, mind! I'll need all the energy I can muster in the next two weeks to get things sorted this end and that end, to make a smooth journey back for my boys and hubby (who's still confused!), oh and me.
Cricket's been great, hasn't she. All we need now is quoll to join and our little family of counsellors will be complete!
This thread is so nice and friendly, which helps when you need to get things of your chest. It's very therapeutic. Thank you.
Yes, the decision making process is hugely draining. Unless you're actually going through it, it's difficult for some people to understand as well. I've been over and over it a thousand times, and often wake up with the cogs still grinding away. I've had periods of happiness and contentment here, and convince myself that this is where I see my future, and then the very next morning - when the wine has worn off! - I've changed my mind again. It's just awful.
ukintexas, I empathise entirely with your description of the physical effects this can have. I too can feel sick, lethargic and depressed. I think it's our body's way of saying "hold on, enough is enough". For my own peace of mind and preservation of sanity(!), I made my decision yesterday to put all thoughts of staying in Aus away in a locked draw (got the key, just in case!), and forge ahead with the plan to go back to England. I've done my list (thanks, Bevm) and England still comes out tops. Just, mind! I'll need all the energy I can muster in the next two weeks to get things sorted this end and that end, to make a smooth journey back for my boys and hubby (who's still confused!), oh and me.
Cricket's been great, hasn't she. All we need now is quoll to join and our little family of counsellors will be complete!
This thread is so nice and friendly, which helps when you need to get things of your chest. It's very therapeutic. Thank you.
Last edited by Heljinder; Jun 12th 2009 at 10:02 am.
Jun 12th 2009, 10:22 am
#72
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Re: A week at home not making decision any easier!
this is the friendly and loving thread remember, no stake burning here!!! Anyway, whether you like it or not, I'm now officially petitioning for you to adopt me as your advice is very motherly! All valid points, utterly invaluable a this point in my insanity. Thank you mum 
What about your sister instead?
Jun 12th 2009, 10:31 am
#73
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Re: A week at home not making decision any easier!
Hey even I'm a bit nervous about going home. I'm not going with rose tints but I do know running a business and getting skilled, committed staff is easier in the UK.
The UK does worry me with it's negativity sometimes. I think it's only after you've left, you can recognise just how the news and the media impact on the Brits thinking.
Being an optimistic and happy with life kind of person, I worry a little about dealing with the reserve and the tendency to see life as a glass half empty, but I think I'll manage it much better now I can see the problem.
Because I have a clear reason for returning, I know I'm doing the right thing. I did not want to leave England in the first place, I came to Oz supporting what turned out to be a devious now ex husband.
I think you have to look back at why you left the UK and try and work out if you can go back to living with whatever you regarded as problems but seeing them in a different way and with a view to managing and limiting their impact on your life.
Glad this thread is going so well for everyone. I think that's what BE's here for and this is it operating at it's best.
The UK does worry me with it's negativity sometimes. I think it's only after you've left, you can recognise just how the news and the media impact on the Brits thinking.
Being an optimistic and happy with life kind of person, I worry a little about dealing with the reserve and the tendency to see life as a glass half empty, but I think I'll manage it much better now I can see the problem.
Because I have a clear reason for returning, I know I'm doing the right thing. I did not want to leave England in the first place, I came to Oz supporting what turned out to be a devious now ex husband.
I think you have to look back at why you left the UK and try and work out if you can go back to living with whatever you regarded as problems but seeing them in a different way and with a view to managing and limiting their impact on your life.
Glad this thread is going so well for everyone. I think that's what BE's here for and this is it operating at it's best.
Jun 12th 2009, 2:28 pm
#74
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Jun 12th 2009, 2:35 pm
#75
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Re: A week at home not making decision any easier!
ukintexas, bevm
For my own peace of mind and preservation of sanity(!), I made my decision yesterday to put all thoughts of staying in Aus away in a locked draw (got the key, just in case!), and forge ahead with the plan to go back to England. I've done my list (thanks, Bevm) and England still comes out tops. Just, mind! I'll need all the energy I can muster in the next two weeks to get things sorted this end and that end, to make a smooth journey back for my boys and hubby (who's still confused!), oh and me.
:
For my own peace of mind and preservation of sanity(!), I made my decision yesterday to put all thoughts of staying in Aus away in a locked draw (got the key, just in case!), and forge ahead with the plan to go back to England. I've done my list (thanks, Bevm) and England still comes out tops. Just, mind! I'll need all the energy I can muster in the next two weeks to get things sorted this end and that end, to make a smooth journey back for my boys and hubby (who's still confused!), oh and me.
:
On a serious note, not sure if I've missed something, but you're going to head back in two weeks?? Pray tell...........
