ukintexas

Hi all
Just come back from my week in the UK, which I had planned after feeling homesick since about November of last year. Had such a lovely time with my three closest friends - got to spend three days with each of them, just hanging out and enjoying the comfort of being home. Anyway, from the decision viewpoint, it makes it really hard - if I had the money, I'd move back now, but I have to talk my hubby, and kids into it! Work would be OK as I run my own business and we already have some clients in the UK that I could expand upon to support us, but I just feel a bit lost in how on earth do I actually come to the decision? Coming back to Houston felt lovely in the fact of seeing my kids and hubby, but I've been looking around all day today just thinking there's no significance in anything here for me. Being in the UK, there are all sorts of things that produce memories, feelings of familiarity etc, but here I just don't have that. Yes, it's a beautiful sunny day and as I type, my hubby and kids are in the pool in our back yard but it just seems really empty. I used my time home to look at some house prices, schools for kids - not in any great detail - just lots of internet surfing with my friends but my hubby really has no idea how strongly I feel about it all. I guess I'm rambling, but I wanted to post on here just so that I can start the process of drawing on all the BE members' experiences of going through the same thing!

Mummy in the foothills

Aww (((hugs))) It's time for the sit down with the hubs and talk about the future plans.
It's a tough one. My Dh has been warned I want to go back, but I think he's in denial, so we'll be having that talk before the end of the year most likely.
Good luck

ukintexas

Been back 48 hours and still haven't been brave enough to start conversation with hubby!

Feel dreadful today - really sad that I'm back here - never felt like this before when I've returned from a trip. Am being ever so sensible and trying to let it run it's course but in feeling like I'll open a can of worms once I've expressed how I feel to hubby, I've simply been really quiet since my return and he must be wondering what on earth is occuring!!!

I am back into work today so I'm going to throw myself into the things I enjoy so that I can pep myself up a little. I know myself well enough to know it's no good trying to make decisions when I feel this way as I'll simply turn all the answers into those I want - ie the return home. I'm crafty like that

On a practical front, I have done a couple of things:
Contact UK Mortgage Broker so that I can see what our options would be
Arranged to see the British school here as my son would be into Year 10 UK education in which he would start GCSE's, so I figure that if we do move back within the next 6 to 12 months, I need to start him on that curriculum rather than continue him in the American system

It might seem mad to have done the above without even talking to my husband, but it's actually my way of processing what the hurdles/options might be so that when I have that conversation I feel like I've done some tangible investigations on it rather than just blubbering that I want to go home!

The hardest part, as I am sure most will agree, is the lack of a crystal ball to let you see 100% if you are doing the right thing or not. Even though I'd jump on a plane tomorrow if I had the chance, I'm going to work through the decision as methodically as I can.

Thanks in advance for the help from this forum.

Mummy in the foothills

Are you kidding, I look at houses to buy and rent all the time, and even job vacancies
You are doing exactly what I've done.
I get depressed/quiet/plain old miserable and teary when I come back. (((hugs)))
We'll see how bad I am when we get back from 6 weeks in Wales this summer. I may have found a job and rented a house.

ukintexas

You are very sweet. Your last comment really made me LOL as me and my girlfriends were joking all week about how if I bought a house my OH really couldn't do much about it! Believe me, I was tempted! Watch this space........

Mummy in the foothills

You are funny.
I've been scouring summer jobs for my oldest this morning. I think he's coming with us this summer, I've even got my Mum looking for him, I hope we can just get him some free work experience in the area of his degree if nothing else.
No doubt I'll be talking shop with all my friends and family too.

ukintexas

Well I was big and brave, and spoke to hubby yesterday!!!!!! When I say "spoke" I kind of mean "stropped" about how unhappy I was! Was very teenage like of me as I wasn't sure how else to start the conversation actually - me, a 35 year old Managing Director, resorting to teenage antics to start a debate

Anyway, he didn't freak out quite as much as I thought he would although he did seem quite shocked that I was seriously considering it. I think he thought my homesickness was a whim and it would pass. So, we had an "opener conversation", pros, cons, why I'm feeling like this. Then we stopped and haven't re-opened it again since! Might be an ace card up my sleeve though as it turns out he might be eligible to return to his old job in the Metropolitan Police as an experienced officer - he would be well chuffed with that and it might mean that he gets more enthused about the whole prospect. Keep you fingers crossed that stays an option.

I feel better for having to spoken to him but no more certain about how to make the decision. One step at a time I figure. Am waiting for the mortgage company to let me know what our options would be in the UK so will post on that as it might help others understand their options too. Bye for now

Mummy in the foothills

dewdrop

ahhh! I hope it all works out for you. I'm sure once the conversation starts it won't be so bad.

fulwood

Hey I wish you well with your decision. Where do you look for places ot rent in UK? considering moving back myself - to North of England but much more likely Scotland - Edinburgh area..

stm1971

ukintexas, hang in there. These things can take time. You have upset his equilibrium, and forced him to question what he knows. I would leave it a few days for him to digest the information. I don't know about your hubby but I know mine would get defensive if he thought that I was forcing him to return and I would probably be the same if it was the other way round.

Now your hubby realises how unhappy you have been he can't ignore your feelings. One of our biggest problems as women, I feel is that we often keep our true feelings hidden and put the rest of the family first. I read a line on here a while ago that said if a wife isn't happy then no one is really happy. It struck a chord with me and gave me the kick I needed to talk to my OH seriously about returning. This was about 3 months ago now. In those 3 months he has now come to realise that something is lacking for him here (W. Australia) too and we are taking a trip to the UK as a family for a reccie. He feels he needs this for his own peace of mind before upping sticks again although he knows logically it is the best thing for us. Like you I could get on a plane tomorrow but I am happy to let him to do this, apart from the cost and impending GCES’e , as I am confident he will realise that life in the UK is not so bad.

I wish you all the best, keep us updated.

ukintexas

What a lovely post - very sweet of you. Will definitely leave hubby to digest/stew/get over shock! Am sure I'll be posting on here to either vent or look for further advice on this particular subject so watch this space! Thanks again. Let us know how the reccie goes as well.

ukintexas

Hi All
Still feeling as homesick as hell and still trying to rationally let it run it's course. Doesn't help that the weather here in Houston has been bloody glorious lately - lovely and sunny, no humidity (although it's a-coming!), which has meant lots of late night swims for the kids etc. Even I was looking at the beautiful day yesterday wondering what on earth I'm moaning about!
Anyway, on a practical front, we'd have to rent a property in the UK If we were to return as mortgages are now looking at a minimum 25% deposit! I nearly fell off my chair as I'm not sure who has that type of money laying around (we'd be looking at 250/300k house value). Secondly, schooling sounds like a complete nightmare if I'm trying to get my kids into a decent State School. Sounds as though we'd need to rent a property way before going home, to be able to get onto a waiting list for a school, and even then there's no guarantee so that's a little worrying.
Have been coming up with all sorts of options in my head: maybe we split our time, maybe we go back for a bit in the summer to suss it out more, pehaps a move to the Moon would sort things out - you know, all the options of a sane person!!!
Anyway, maybe I'll start a blog as my posts on the subject these days are more of a brain dump than any questions! I do know, however, that sharing the inner madness surrounding this decision is really helpful and you've all been lovely so far so don't get fed up with me just yet!!!

LondonPerth

I have been home 4 weeks and I do not want to go back to Oz in 3 weeks time.

The UK is looking stunning in this fantastic weather it has had over the last couple of months, after 3 years in Oz everthing looks so green and the air seems cleaner and so much fresher.

Mummy in the foothills

Please share your inner madness, it makes me feel like I'm not the only one.
We leave Wednesday for 6 weeks at home with my Mum. I know I'll have some trouble coming back, and will be all mopey when we return at the end of July.
I'll post lots of pictures to make you more homesick OK.