I have been here for 2 years now and I am still homesick. I really miss my family which is daft as they were the main reason for coming out. They suddenly seemed to change when we applied for our visa's and we got on like best friends. Is it because I grew up and showed I was independent or was it some kind of mental pressure from them

I would now love to move back and be back in the throws of the family - have my nieces and nephews running around but what happens if they turn back into the people I wanted to move away from.

Life in Melbourne is good but we haven't got the finances we used to have in the UK. I miss the holidays abroad and the lunches with hubbie once a week. Going to the gym and theme parks with the girls.

I am so frightened that if I drag my family back it could be a huge mistake and maybe the cost of my marriage! Hubbie loves it here.

How many have stayed here because you felt obliged to??? Do the feelings of homesickness ever go away?

I've been here nearly two years - the feelings certainly haven't gone away, though they are easier to deal with, especially as I have decided to always have the next "UK holiday date" planned to aim at.
I definitely feel obliged to stay, although thats not to say I dislike Australia, I just find some aspects - like the Qld climate - very hard to deal with.
Hoowever I've never really thought that going home would be a possibility so I really don't know what I would do if given the choice.
I know The Bloke would be desperately miserable in the UK, so moving home is not an option. Even moving within Aus is not really practical because we have no money - or property - to keep us going unill we get new jobs. That also would be true if I wanted to go home - no money, no job, nowhere to live.

I guess the thing for you to weigh up I whether you would want to be in the UK if your family reverted to being how they were originally - would you all stay best friends?
I also think if you have the choice to go back, and you feel you would be happier there, then take the chance and go - life's too short to be miserable when you have the option to change things

For myself, I am hoping my upcoing UK trip will give me enough of a boost to keep me going till next time!

Hi,
I don't know about the family thing, maybe when you applied and got your visa they suddenly realised just how much they loved you and would miss you. Isn't it true that we always take for granted those that are closest to us? Maybe they'd done just that. This could well have brought you all a lot closer and once that closeness is formed, it could well be there forever.

As for the feeling obligated to stay...yep that's me alright! I'm doing a degree and will be here for another 3 years yet and my hubby adores this place. I feel guilt, guilt, guilt all the way about taking him home!)

I've been here 15 months now and the homesickness never goes away for me, it just get's a little more bearable. I am scared stupid at the prospect of going home. Even more scared than I was before I came here (and that's saying something!) When we came here though it was all a big adventure and exciting, we all know what we're going home to and it's not quite as thrilling is it? There is also that sense of "why hasn't it worked for me?" I've tried my damndest to settle here, done everything I possibly could, but as each day passes I realise that my home will always be the UK. I know it has problems, so does this place, but I have come to realise just what a special country I left behind and that I love it....warts n all!

The things that scare me more than anything:

1) staying here forever and growing old here.
2) going home and sitting back after a year or so and thinking "I think I've made a mistake...Aus was better"
3) Putting an ageing parent into a UK Care Home...while I'm sat here in Aus and cannot visit or help.They would be all alone.

The last one is the worst for me. I've just lost my Dad in July and that was awful. Leaving my Mum behind in the UK was so painful. I know people say that you shouldn't live your life for your parents, and I totally agree, but I happen to love my folks very much and I feel a sense of duty that I should be there to support them when they need me. After all, they made huge sacrifices for me when I was growing up, shouldn't I be prepared to give a little something back?

Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do. Hard decision isn't it? Harder than the decision to come out here in the first place.

There are all kinds of complex explanations why this kind of thing happens, but I think they all boil down to the perversity of human nature. Bit like when people are getting ready to go back to the UK because they can't stand life in the US/Oz, wherever, then in their last few weeks suddenly realize how much they like and will miss the US/Oz, wherever

Dont go back because of your family, or assume that if you do go back they'll be the same as when you were about to leave (see above comment on the perversity of human nature). Obviously, many people here have moved overseas (or back home) because of "people", especially spouses or children. But if you are going back because of non-spousal/children family, you have to ask yourself whether you'd still go home if they weren't there, or didn't want to see you, or moved away. You don't have control over other people, go home because you want to be there, not because of expectations you have of your family

Everyone on here is different. Some people never get over homesickness and eventually go home. Others are desperate for a year, two years, then down the line are so glad they didn't go back home (because they eventually grew to love their new home). For me, it's lasted between a matter of hours/days to over a year, but I've always eventually settled in (several moves!) I'm lucky in being single so that whenever I screw up I only have to answer to myself. I've read many people on here who are married to someone who has the polar opposite opinion to them (love/hate their new country) and I can't imagine how difficult a situation that must be to deal with. I wish you luck in your decisions.

I don't know how old you are but you say that your parents all of a sudden "changed and got on well".......I can say from experience that that happens with almost everyone especially when you get to about 24-28 yrs old..........from the age of 15-21 kids seem to know everything and I was the same then normally once you have had your wild times you start to grow up a little and do more sensible things thus parents are happier that you are getting your act together.......if your relationship with your parents is not good at the age of 30 then it porbably will never be any good.......good luck with everything and I hope you find whatever you are searching for

I know exactly how you feel - but life is short to stay somewhere you are not 100% happy. If family is not important in life then what is? Yes we do have our own lives to live - but do we have to live them so far away? The people who most care about our children after us - are their grandparents - and they live 12000 miles away, and may not be around much longer.

My DH likes it here too, but is more than happy to go back and we always said 2 years, and if one of us was not happy, we'd go back! What wouldn't I swap to have done your 2 years instead of my 9 poxy months! Surely your DH would want to see you happy?

We too don't have the finances we had in the UK, and I too used to love having the choice of different holiday destinations in Europe, all the choice of skiing destinations, and there's just so much more to do in England, so much more choice with theme parks, castles etc isn't there? Such alot more to teach the kids.....

I'm in Melly too and I go and meet DH at lunchtimes in the CBD now and then.....so depending where you are that's not impossible. Are there no gyms where you are that you could join?

If you go back you've got to think of it as another sort of adventure and concentrate on the positives like the ones you listed. Maybe go and live somewhere else (I want to go back to live in Bath and look at rightmove daily!!), and if family is a problem, live a livable distance away from them. Make a list of all the things you could visit.

Both places have pros and cons, neither place is perfect.

For me – life is too short, this is just too far away to live the rest of my life...end of story!

I WANT TO GO BACK SO VERY VERY MUCH.....BUT I AM REASONABLY HAPPY HERE??

Nope the homesickness for me has not gone away in 3.5 years and with my sister getting married this year and having another baby shortly all my feelings have returned again. I like Pollyanna work on making sure I have planned visits and lots and lots of contact.

Sometimes the visits help - I had a horror visit just over two years ago when I went back for four weeks and had to stay with family and most of the buggers made it really really difficult for me and the two kids, didn't put themselves out at all. I was so pleased to get on that plane and come 'home'.

A month ago I cried all the way back from the UK after staying with my sister for a week, I cried in M&S and Sainsburys as well while I was there :scared: I was just so happy to be surrounded by the familar.

My hubby is very happy here and has no plans to return the children are settled enough that they only state they will be leaving at around 18 (4-5 yrs from now) to see more of the world or live in the UK for a time. All the rellies have visited and to be honest most now do not want to spend their cash on visiting the same place again.

I am eligible for citizenship this year and will get that organised soon, but I think it would be silly for us to uproot before the kids are out of high school, it has also taken us over three years to get back financially to a point we felt we were in the UK, I do not fancy the hard work all over again so I am planning on the next UK/Europe holiday and the next AUS one instead. Thanks goodness we can afford some holidays I feel for the ones who can't. I will admit we have had financial help from Father In Law cause it really is too expensive for all all to go backwards and forwards.

I hope to be able to retire and live in Europe and Aus.....I can dream can't I?

Does any of this rambling make sense....nope to me neither, it is what I worry about often, so what I do instead of driving myself mad, is take enjoyment out of every good bit, whinge a little to make myself feel better rather than store it up - and come on here and find I am not the only ejeeit.

Please email or private message and we can always chat further.

Hope you feel supported and empathised with

cheers

Point 1 scares me too. My son's kindy teacher's mum came from Greece 40 years ago. She's been through 40 years of depression and never got over leaving her homeland. That is what would happen to me too!!!

I'm also meeting my share of £10 poms!!! They've all got their stories to tell.

Yes we shouldn't live life for our parents - but we don't have to live it quite so far away do we?

Its great to hear from you all.
I really don't want to grow old in Australia and I know that the longer I stay here the harder it will be to put away a UK pension!
I love my family so much and I guess that coming here has made me realise that. Yes I was in my late 20's when we came so maybe I have just grown into that friendship faze with my Mum and Sister.
They changed big time when I left because they both split with their long term partners. Guess they needed me.
I have also realised how much I miss going down the gym and pub with my friends. I can't do it here as we don't have the finances.
When we came here I always thought that I would visit family every year. It has really hit hard this month financially and I have realised that going home to visit maybe a dream of the past.
I know that the UK could be my home for life but I have to take into account the fact that the time isn't right for the girls or hubby. Unfortunatly hubby doesn't want to hear about me harping on about the UK anymore so I now feel more lonely than ever!
In a way though I guess that I have to think that although I miss nephews and nieces they for sure never want to visit Aunties when they get older! Unless they live in an exotic place as OZ.

I did go back to the UK last year and I had a fantastic time. My family clubbed together and sent my on a stunt flying lesson for my 30th. We had a huge family meal after in Brewers Fair. There were about 50 of us! I forgot how special moments like that are! After that I went camping with my sister and Mum and then we went to Disney land. ohh got tears again now remembering.
Guess I need to win the lottery to obtain the lifestly I dream of in OZ with the trips back home that I yearn for.

[QUOTE=woodyinoz]Unfortunatly hubby doesn't want to hear about me harping on about the UK anymore so I now feel more lonely than ever!
QUOTE/]

Don't feel lonely!!! Come and harp away on here.........

I thought we'd be able to go back once a year, but we couldn't afford it! I'm just hanging out for my 5 weeks at Christmas when I can get my UK fix which will hopefully get me through next year!!!

[QUOTE=kendodd] My 5wks last year lasted me a good year. It will really help you get through.
After going back last year I did realise that Australia was a great place to bring up little kids. It has helped me stay immensely for that reason.

Where are you visiting... Don't forget your winter woollies

I have just had an email from hubby listing the cost for citizenship. I think that he is starting to realise how finances are starting to effect our lifestyles. He wants a chat tonight.

I am still way too scared to commit to going back yet though.. and excited at the same time

Are you sure it's not just a case of the grass is greener..

Could be, but unlike when we came here we have lived there and we know that the grass is greener and more fun when you have your herd with you

I just had to respond to your message as I felt like I was reading about my own life

I have been here 5 years and am as homesick as you could ever imagine! I had the same situation where I wasnt that phased about leaving family back then, now that I am a mum myself I feel the need to be close to my mum again. The only reason i dont just pack up and go is that I know I am giving my girls a better lifestyle here - but at what cost?

My hubbie lives and breathes Aus, to me it is too isolated. I go through the same feelings every year and normally we would look at having a holiday back there to give me my "fix" but with two children now we just cant afford it. I, like you cannot bear to think of growing old here and missing my family so much, it makes me feel phyiscally sick.

My husband is starting to get concerned about the effect it is having on me and has said we can go back, but i just know he will hate it - even though he is from there he hates it I think it would ruin our marriage if we were to go back and i would always feel guilty if any of us didnt like it there.

Oh what to do It is comforting to know that there are others out there who feel the same (mainly females???) and that I am not being ungrateful for the wonderful opportunity to live in a beautiful country.

Hope we manage to make ourselves happy soon

Well, I thought that it would be greener here, then we got here and it isn't greener! For us personally ....as a family anyway!

It depends where you came from and what you had in England!