Margaret3

I always maintain i am going back to scotland, but in reality i dont think i am, even typing this makes me feel sick, i manage every day here thinking i will return to the u.k.

I had accepted it would probably be without OH, who probably wont go back to scotland if you paid him a kngs ransom, but i doubt very much my children will or want to go back (17 and 10), they have made it clear they dont want to go back.

It aint all bad here, we do ok, mostly, and have recently had a superb offer from a friend which has given me some hope for a bit of security here, so i can see why oh doesnt want to go back, but it makes my stomach churn to face this reality

quoll

Oh Margaret {{{hugs}}} looks like you are going to end up being one of us misplaced persons - I hope you do it better than I do, living in limbo and waking up in a cold sweat most mornings knowing that you are in the wrong place but no one else gives two hoots. Even if you do get stuck here at the arse end of the universe, you can cope from day to day but make the DH go and earn extra just so you can go home occasionally for a sanity hit (that's what I do!!!)

Sadly, when one of you doesnt like it and the other/s do, you have to work out which one of you is going to be the unhappy one and make the sacrifice. I am sorry it looks as if it is going to be you but you are a strong girl and you can make a go of it - after all, it is your life to be lived and the place you get to live it in is actually not awfully relevant in the scheme of things when you have the people you love to live it with.

Merseygirl

Margaret, I do understand where you are coming from.
I am in a similar predicament in that I know I don't belong in Australia, my heart is in the UK, but my husband will not move back and it has put a terrible strain on our marriage (fortunately in this case, I do not have the added complication of children). However, the reality is that we may have to part company as what I want out of life is now different to him and I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling misplaced!! I have been in Australia for 13 years now and whilst it hasn't all been bad and I don't hate the place, it just isn't home and doesn't suit me personally as I feel that I have to be a different person to try and fit in and this makes be feel like a fake in many ways.
My best advice to you is to try and get over to Scotland for a few weeks every year on your own if you can (not always easy I know..) just so you can get your fix of what makes you feel like "you".

onepearlyb

Yeah - what quoll said!

Margaret, are you having one of those days where you don't know your arse from your elbow?? It's confusing, I know. Just go with it. You might ( no might about it - you will ) feel differently next week.
Come closer to xmas you might be back on the "I'm off" train, just coz of the time of year.

I have those up and down days still, and we're all booked to go back!!
In my case it's the worry of it not working out back home, but if I think about it - why shouldn't it work-out there?? It can't be any worse than here, and we'll have familiarities all around and family and friends close at hand!
It's just momentary panic.

What else do we have to do when we're not working!!

Margaret3

Thankyou all for your kind words, pearl you may be right i can be an impulsive bugger i may just pack my suitcase, but i know with 99% it would be one suitcase, i would be prepared to leave my OH, coz our relationship has been shite since we arrived here, (been a teeny bit better lately though), but i could never, ever leave my kids, or do something that would make them so unhappy.

Perhaps if we had major family support in scotland then that would have swayed the kids, but we practically have no one.

I have opened up a 'holidays for scotland' bank account today, so will concentrate on that to keep me sane. Perhaps its a holiday i need there just now to help me here, as i said almost zilch family , so would have to book holiday accom anyway, when i think like this, i realise it would be lonely there, trouble is am scottish through and through and want to be home.

scrubbedexpat055

Mags I wish you well, but to me your thread title says it all. Time to open your eyes and go for your dreams, not to close your eyes and be unhappy. I hope you can find a way as a family to be happy, and whatever that choice is, I wish you all the best.

Pete

onepearlyb

Margaret,I know what your saying. I'm only close to ONE family member now, and as we're not even moving back to Scotland we'll hardly see them anyway. BUT - they are there - only 2hrs away IF and when we need them. Also, my mates live in Jersey!! So again miles away but only a short flight away.

For us it 's more the familairity of people,places and everyday things that draws us back to the UK.

Some sunny days here I think "what if we COULD make a go of it here", but I remind myself that all the things that I didn't like about here the 1st and 2nd time I was here are all still here - and they all still annoy the sh*t out of me. I've given it a go, now it's time to leave.

It'll be the same with back home. Stuff that goes on there that I hate, but I somehow seem to be more accepting of it and more importantly - I KNOW what to expect back there.

Your situation is so different to mine pal, and I couldn't begin to understand where you are in it all. I'm really sad to hear about you and H. You knew long time ago it was going that way, didn't you.
Margaret - this life is for living. You're only here once. Do what makes you and you and your kids happy. Don't waste precious time being unhappy in ANY situation.

I've just had a "normal " result today for my bi-annual check up's and it's brought home to me how we trivialise so much sh*te in our lives when all that really matters is that we have a good life and that we live it well!!Squeeze in as much of the good stuff as possible because we don't know what lies ahead of us.

See how things are in another month or two then reassess.
Have you thought about trying somewhere new in the Uk if you did return??? A change is as good as a ..............cannae remember what, but change is good anyway!!

*pearly*

quoll

Margaret, keep up with the saving for holiday account - and get the OH to match you dollar for dollar at least if it is him that is keeping you here against your will.

Dont despair of the kids either - it wont be long before they are in with the kids who will be heading over to Europe to escape once they finish school or uni, your kids will likely want to go over too and when they get there they may find that there is a buzz and excitement about the place that even magnificant Melbourne cannot match and they may never want to come back here! You could strike it lucky!

backagen

I know exactly how that feels (except it's England I miss not Scotland.

It is impossible to find a perfect solution to this problem. I know that because I've been trying constantly to find one for 20 years now.

I'm still no closer to knowing what to do.

I know that feeling of feeling sick when you think about all this, but I like onepearlybs comment that we do all tend to worry so much about things that perhaps in the bigger scheme of things are not necessarily as important as we think they are.

I guess it's important to try and just be grateful for the good things we do experience in life, wherever we are. Not always easy when you're not home, but I do try.

islandergirl

Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad Margaret.
Maybe if you book your next trip home that would give you something to look forward to? And quoll is right about the kids, there will come a day when they may well want to spread their wings and look for more than Australia has to offer.
Chin up pal, if I was in Melbourne I'd have a few bevvies with you.

Margaret3

[

Dont despair of the kids either - it wont be long before they are in with the kids who will be heading over to Europe to escape once they finish school or uni, your kids will likely want to go over too and when they get there they may find that there is a buzz and excitement about the place that even magnificant Melbourne cannot match and they may never want to come back here! You could strike it lucky![/QUOTE]




This is one straw am clinging to, she already expressed an interest of a 'gap' year after yr 12 (one more yr),

pearl am gonna get the dog vaccinated just incase, i can leave OH here but not the dog

also as pearl says in the great scheme of things my life aint so bad.

meljor

Margaret, I really feel for you being in a similar predicament, my OH can see no wrong in Australia and still subscribes to the Britain is crap mentality, I even heard him telling a mate that we are all still loving it here, (the mate is in the process of getting PR) when he knows full well that I would be on the next plane out if I could, I think he suffers from ostrich syndrome. The only hope is that my eldest wants to join the British Army and enroll at the college when he is 16 and I think (hope) my youngest will miss his brother and want to join him, I also hope that we need to go over there to sign the forms etc. with him being a minor. Anyway as I said the idea of staying here because my kids don't want to go back has had me unable to do anything but cry for days and then I have the better days when I think I am strong and can go home on holidays and I can cope, but I guess we just have to see how things pan out, in the meantime it gives me the strength to grit my teeth and do an extra agency shift on top of my 40 hours for my getting outta here and starting again in England fund. I am in Melbourne too so if you want to meet up in the shitty/city pm me. In the meantime I am sending you a big cyberhug.

Margaret3

I know what you meant about good days and bad days, today is bad, btw, but am working later, so that will get me off my arse, lol.

Last night i had awful dreams about moving home, i mean awful when i woke up this am and the first thing i saw was our revolting 70's en-suite and i realised i was still here

I truly believe i could leave OH here and not glance back (too much), but as i said no way i cant leave the kids (yet!!), they still need me.

coolio_carl

Sometimes you need to think about yourself. Can you cope being like this for the rest of your life? Mabey wait until the kids are grown up then you can come back home, you can visit each other as often as possible.