Up until recently, we thought my in-laws would help us with providing a home base to start from once we moved back to the UK. Now, my MIL has become this fount of negativity about anything related to the UK and does not want us to move back there. She keeps going on about how the job market is bad, blah blah blah. She wants us to call on Sunday to have a 'chat' about how we need to reconsider.

Well, regardless of her opinions about moving back, we still want to follow through. What's not clear is if his folks will help us now. Assuming they won't, what options can anyone suggest for an inexpensive place my husband could stay while looking for work? He will need to return ahead of me, and find a job and accommodation before I can apply for my visa.

What have others done to get themselves re-established when they don't have family to rely on or a job or a home to return to?

Do you have much savings? Do you have a set place you want to move to?

He could look at Gumtree.com to find 'short term lets/sublets/holiday lets' for cheap accommodation or even a temporary house share somewhere whilst he looks for work.

BUT you should consider the possibility of him not being able to find work for a while so the question will be - how long can he last?

Hopefully in your case, his mum is only saying she won't help but in reality, once you are both there she may lend a hand or 2

Many people are worried about jobs right now in the UK so I am not surprised if she is telling you to stay put tbh as this is exactly what my family and friends ALL said to me (maybe they don't like me? )

Have you thought about holiday lets or maybe shared accom? If you can email your in laws (better than to get into another "Your mad etc" conversation) and inform them that you are coming home and is there a home with them for you both until you are settled....We were lucky we stayed with my Father and he was good to us (and he thought we were mad for returning home) but we found a rental asap, others on this site have found accom. without family help etc, it might help if you mentioned which area of the UK you were returning to. All the best.

Well, my OH spoke to his mum today, and she says we are still welcome to stay with them, but I wonder just how friendly the atmosphere will be. But we'll just grin and bear it, keep our mouths shut about her negativity until he finds a job and we can live on our own.

We are planning to return to Scotland. He's hoping to find work in or around Glasgow or Edinburgh. However, we are prepared to start looking further afield than that, if employment opportunities aren't forthcoming.

The hardest part is really trying to understand why she's acting the way she is. She acted this way before the recession even hit as we talked about moving back 2 to 3 years ago. I guess there are just some Brits that really think Britain is crap and I really wish I knew/understood why.

Inspiring to hear that you know you're own mind, you know what you want.

As for why people don't understand your return (I'm sure you will have that conversation a lot, and not just with your mum)... most people have never actually lived in another country and are filled with ideas of how great it must be. They can't comprehend the feeling of "wanting to come home".

My mum had to travel when she was young, with 3 small kids, as my dad kept getting jobs away from the UK (India, Australia, and finally Africa). When my sister, then a baby, got sick in Nigeria, my mother insisted on returning to England and my dad stayed on for the work. She said when she flew over the green patchwork of English countryside she began to cry with relief. (And she's from Ireland, but close enough!) Green, wet, familiar, home.

In later years she retired to Ireland, her true home. Nothing could stop her packing up everything in her 60s for one final push. Personally, it's a bit of a pain to visit her there from the USA -- but she and my step father seem very content!

It's interesting about your mum Citizenmarie. My OH's parents have done something similar. Before my hubby was born, his parents moved to South Africa because my FIL found work there in the early-70s, and then returned back to the UK in the very late 70's, then turned around and returned to SA in the early 80's, and finally back to the UK in 2000. So they've ping-ponged around quite bit, and my MIL is trying to tell us to 'settle down'! She let drop the other day that they might even move back to SA in a few years after my FIL retires - that took us by a complete surprise.

I don't know if she saw our house (a very modest house by US standards - only 1600sqft), and the SUV (that we since traded in) as some examples of a 'better' life that we have over here or what. I do think my MIL is more impressed with material things sometimes. We've been asking her for specific reasons why she thinks the UK is so crap, but she basically says "it just is" and gives no real reasons. She even says it's stupid that one of the reasons why want to move is for me to get my UK citizenship. I don't understand why she thinks that would be stupid?! Since our future children would be dual US/UK, how would it be stupid to have the ability to come and go to the countries my children could legally live?

We aren't morons that think it will be at all easy for the relocation. We understand that the UK is in the midst of recession, but so are we here! It will be hard, there will likely be things we may not like about living there, but we can say the same thing about living here, so what's the diff?

Some Brits just parrot that out without even thinking about what they're saying. My Mum's the same, even though she has a comfortable, safe life as do all her friends, she tends to give the bad news about how 'everything is going to the dogs' - she can't actually back this statement up though. The best she could come up last time I spoke to her was that the Mothercare in Eastbourne was now closed.

All you can do is try it out and see how it suits you. I think your MIL will probably help out when push comes to shove.

Hi there

I just wanted to let you know that I have also had to deal with this same concept, so I hear ya!! My mother in law and husband have now not spoken for over a month! - fine by us!

When we intially told her about moving back to the UK later this year she was fine, tho my OH was nervous as he thought she would be negative etc, I told him all would be fine and she would understand........anyhow two days later she calls him to tell him - what a dissapointment he is, he cant stick at anything (been in Canada 3 years now and been married for 6 years), what will we do when we return (urgh buy a house find jobs etc like we did here), we cant live with her (we never had lived with her, OH moved out 25 years ago!), England is dreadful, theres no jobs - why when we have such a beautiful home here, we have done so well why would we throw it all away etc etc I WAS MAD!!!

I spoke to her later on that day and basically told her - we are adults, we know are own minds, we are not stupid and fully understand that it wont be easy, under no circumstances would we ever consider moving in with her (I would live in a tent rather than have to do that!), but at the end of the day if we can rock up in an unknown country, with no friends or support and be successful (from a material point of view anyway ie cars, house, jobs) then there is absolutely no reason that we cant do it in Engalnd. SCREW YOU is truly what I thought.

Any how, just wanted you to know that you are not alone, tho your MIL does not seem quite as bad as mine!! Funny tho, my mum was totally supportive, wanted to make sure we had reviewed all our options and that it was deffinetly what we wanted to do etc. She was in no way surprised, even tho we had not talked about it before, she said she knew things were not rosy as I apparantly was talking less about my life on the phone etc (not that I noticed) still we have her support and all of our friends are over the moon that we are returning. So excited! If I could, I would go back tomorrow and bypass the quitting jobs, selling everything, packing stuff and getting the dogs flown back!! Guess its all part of the adventure! GOOD LUCK

Its so good to read others going through what I'm going through re negative relatives and the hard yards to move back to UK.

I found out this week that if you want to rent a place and you don't have a job/income; then you will probably have to pay 6 months rent up front (ie pay for the whole Assured Shorthold Tenancy term). Not ideal but if I was the landlord I guess I would be the same.

Like another postee said, there a a few rooms and house shares on Gumtree and these would be a cheap option for singles or couples but not if you have a family.

Good luck everyone.

Or you can get somebody to stand as a guarantor for you, that's what I did in May 2009, I assume this still applies.