Easterndawn

Please be aware if you give your wife an ultamatium that it might not go the way you want. I do know what it is like to be wanting to go back so very much that it overshadows your whole life, I wish you all the luck in the world and hope the outcome is what you are hoping for.

sickbrit

I dont think anyone wants to go back except me. The simple truth is if I stay here it will damage my marriage anyway as I am not good at hiding my feelings and getting on with things. I think two of the kids would be ok with it, the other is old enough to go alone anyway.

pinkkristen

Oh how i feel for you. I too am born to a Canadian mum and a scottish dad, but was born in the UK - just!!
I understand how you feel about the guilt of seeing your kids happy, but (don't know ages) they are kids and will adapt anywhere. Plus, i don't think its any good for the kids to see their Dad (u may be able to hide it now, but not forever) unhappy. You desp need to talk to your wife, she needs to see that homesickness (although can be taken all too lightly) is an actual sickness and one that can ruin your mental, physcholgical and physical self.

We are in a similar situation and all the things you describe about being unhappy here are exactly where we are, (thankfully we are singing from the same songsheet!!)

We too have considered staying here because the kids seem happy - but thats crazy! They will end up with alcoholic parents (already half way there!). A year ago, i wasn't quite as bad as i (we) are getting now. A lot of tears and very lonely depressing days.

How long have you been here? Not that i personally think its makes much difference. If your unhappy at 8 months i don't believe you'll be any happier at 8 years. You may however have changed personality so much by then you accept that you are not the same as you were and forget that you used to feel alive.

It would be a great shame if you and your wife can't come to a sensible agreement. Remember why you both came in the first place, both of you need to be happy - you only live once.

Forget the big house and swimming pool - whats the point when you haven't got the people you care and laugh with to enjoy it with you.

I totally understand where you are coming from. We (thankfully) are in the same boat, and will be heading back to the land of the living ASAP!!

Talk to your wife and i hope you come to some sort of resoultion.

lilybilly101

You totally make sense...to me anyway! I'm writing this from a KOA campground in Clearwater, near Kamloops....but had to respond. Your life echoed mine not so long ago. We were both working and earning WAY less than we could in the UK (I hope anyway....) and found life really expensive so difficult to enjoy. There were so many things I liked but like you felt board a great deal and in a retired life style too soon and without the time or money to enjoy it. Weird.....

So, here we are, escaping for a couple of months across BC and Alberta, through the US and into Mexico.....banditos allowing of course!

Your post struck a real chord with me and reminded me why I need to go home. BUT......I'm loving the travel here and will look forward to the occasional holiday here. It's gorgeous.

lilybilly101

And I forgot to say I cried too!! Yeh, I think it was my last yearly sacking from school and parade in front of the school assembly with the head whispering, "You'll get rehired so don't worry" as I went up on stage to say goodbye. So bizarre and ridiculous. It was humiliating and pointless so I decided then that I couldn't and wouldn't do it again. Seniority is a NIGHTMARE.

sickbrit

Lillybilly, You are so right. Me and the wife have traveled around north America extensively before relocating here, since we got here we have been NOWHERE. My last 3 vacation requests were denied due to someone more senior applying for the same time period. One person who has worked here for 25 yrs requests almost every weekend off in summer and gets it (she has no kids or grandkids). When we asked her if she would consider giving some of us with young families a break, she basically threatened to take time off at xmas if we didnt leave alone then we would have something to complain about !! There is so many places over here I want to visit, so I cant wait to get back to the Uk so I can finally visit them !!

lilybilly101

My husband had ten days a year for three years and then this year was awarded fifteen days and that's pretty much it from there on. He was told not take the whole fifteen days at once though so going on an extended trip to Europe wasn't an option.

The journey we are currently on is stunning. We have a tent trailer which is a pain in the bottom to take up and down every few days but it was our only option financially. I don't know where you put kids in a motor home. I will do this again when the kids are older as it's such an experience. We make fires every night and roast marsh mellows. We're finally having a true Canadian experience. Amazing! And yes, the only way to do it again is to move back to the UK. Bizarre but true!

Where are you right now and when are you planning on leaving?

lilybilly101

Sorry, having a bad brain moment. Just remembered you were wondering how to speak to your wife about it all. Oh goodness, it's so difficult when one loves it and the other is yearning to go back. I had to wait seven years to return and my husband loves the UK! He just wasn't ready for the change and to be honest we needed more time. I don't think we would have handled the stress of it all earlier on in our relationship.

I hope you find a way to raise the subject.....a nice meal, a bottle of wine....maybe she would be open to moving back if she realises how unhappy you are. I wish you lots of luck!

walkerv05

Thank you, I will keep you posted on developments.

sickbrit

I mean thank you, I will keep you posted. Thats what happens when you use your wifes laptop !! any hope of being incognito has just gone out of the window. O god !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

walkerv05

[QUOTE=sickbrit;8843166]Thanks for all your help on this issue. I have discovered since my original post that my wife is fully aware of my misery and takes the attitude that if I dont like it I should go (on my own). I know she is just frustrated with the situation and she is just sounding off about it, but it highlights the gulf in attitudes between us. Shelly748 is totally correct, you only live once. I have therefore decided to inform my wife that after the kids finish this school year we are going back




im with the wife on this one, snap out of it!,life is what you make it!, we moved here 2 years ago, and my husband is home sick, mooning for a life and counrty he could't wait to get away from, well i dont want to go back!.
i have said the same ....go back on your own and reinstall the reasons that you wanted to get away from in the begining. the kids love it here now and i am not prepared to upsticks and move them back.
ok, my job is not what i thought it was gonna be but they are freindly and and we have a good laugh, and the money is good, i serve in a restaurant(used to be a care officer) i plan to make a go of this life. i may get a few angy replies, but the other side needs to be heard too.

Lorry1

[QUOTE=walkerv05;8851078] I can see your side of the coin, as it were.
It must be hard on the person who is happy where they are to have to listen to their partner say 'I want to go back'.
Immigration is something most people plan for years, and you give up your whole life, everything you ever knew and owned and move to start all over again.
The kids leave their friends, their school, everything they know and most then adjust quite easily to their new life and make new friends. The last thing they want to do is say goodbye all over again and move back. Their old friends have possibly moved on and they struggle to fit back in.

When I told my husband I want to go back, I could see the disappointment on his face. It was really quite sad and I felt guilty cos I knew we went through alot, and spent alot, to get here.
His words were ' I don't want to go back to that cess pit of a Country!'

At least he is willing to listen and revisit the issue when my daughter finishes school in a couple of years.

But...what if it was you who wanted to return?
Would you expect more sympathy than what you are giving?

walkerv05

you have just been sussed my dear!.
i carnt see how its gonna work?
i feel as though you are leaving me with no choice. stay here and put you through misery, all my fault! or go back and me resenting you ! you could have said something 2 years ago, and thousands of pounds ago!
how can i not feel that its personal.
oh and you carnt be that board at work if you can chat on the internet all night.....lets go back to the UK and see if you can do it there with 30 patients to look after.....

and as for Mr Grumpy , you have always been him!

sallysimmons

[QUOTE=Lorry1;8851101] This is what I wonder too.

Dismissing someone else's unhappiness doesn't unfortunately make it go away.

Walkerv05, what would you like your husband to do? He can't talk to you about his feelings and now you're angry that he talks to other people about them? Would you like him to just bottle them up until one day he makes himself sick?

I feel for both of you - my husband and I have different desires about what to do next too. But I am so thankful that he doesn't just dismiss my feelings out of hand. That would break my heart.

walkerv05

[QUOTE=sallysimmons;8855176] its not that i dissmiss his feelings, i love my husband to death and would not want to hurt him, but we are a family , and there is more than just his feelings,
i feel as though he has mislead me into thinking that everything is ok, when it was not, and has just dropped a bomb on me from a great hight!
how does he want me to feel??, or react to that !