Baby75

Hi Sam its not easy is it we are here 3 months as well and have had a bad start putting it mildly and ive had very bad home sickness have spent a lot of my time crying to be honest, but after a long chat with my DH we have decided that we have to stay here for a while we used all our money in the first 3 months while waiting for our visa to come through so have just reached the end of it now and not a minute to soon DH has started to work now. so want to have enough money to rent a house and support ourselves when we go home

my advice is think small steps (Im seeing how i go till Christmas) if you still feel homesick then why stay here treat it as a holiday and hopefully have a great summer here and do what feels right in your heart. I have days were im really negative about the shops and that and then others were I see stuff i like and think its not so bad.

for me I like Australia but its not home and Im now feeling more positive as my DH has said we will go home but first we have to work towards it so we can stand on our own two feet, im a lucky though as my kids are young and miss home we lived very close to our family and are very close I want my children to know there grandparents and have the happy memories we have and hopefully ill be ok and not feel as bad ive just had a baby here as well and its broke my heart my family haven't seen her or held her the Internet is great but its not the same

I dont know how long we will stay DH would be happy enough to stay here but is happy to go home either so first stop Christmas then we will see how we go.

Im sure you will work it out and if you do decide to go home your kids will adjust good luck

Sammy T

Sorry to hear you feel very similiar to me but glad to know I'm not alone!

It must be very hard for you as you so recently had your daughter and you really miss your families at such a time. I agree that taking it in small steps is more realistic, we have also said we will wait until after Xmas to see how we feel. In the meantime we are trying to see as much as we can and have decided to use some of house savings to do this, which will mean we will have less to buy ahouse in the UK if and when we return but that way we will feel this was an experience rather than a complete mistake!

If I could turn the clock back, I would go back to our comfortable lives, with my dog and horse, (both of whom we left behind in new homes) family a couple of hours away, nice job et etc but then we would probably still be moaning saying we wanted to do something exciting and challenging!

I hope it gets easier for you, shame we are not near!

Sam

Baby75

It is a shame let me know if you come for a visit to the sunshine coast

I feel exactly the same left our dog and my cat and horse at home they are with family though , our dog is with my DH parents but they have said they wont give her back

I think your right as well see and enjoy as much as you can before you go home have some good memories and treat it as much of a holiday as you can thats what im trying hopefully the housing market will work to your advantage when you return so it wont matter if you use some of you savings

At least we can look back and say we tried and no one knows for sure how we will feel when you move across the world no looking back and saying I wish I tried

Im feeling much better now I think because I know we are going to go home ive something to look forward to and plan for when we set a date

my sister and inlaws are planning to come over next June I am not sure ill last that long but we shall see

Niamh

ABCDiamond

Psychologists describe five distinct stages of culture shock, when migrating.

1: Tourist or honeymoon phase
2: Emptiness or rejection phase
3: The Conformist Phase
4: Assimilation Phase or Complete Adjustment
5:

Most of us go through all of the first four.

Sammy T

Mmmm, think I know what stage I'm at

What's number 5?

Sam

rabsody

I find it interesting that people use the word 'assimilate' as something to aspire to as a migrant. When I was learning intercultural communication, assimilate was defined as to shed/reject one's own culture in order to completely absorb the new. To integrate was to keep your own cultural identity but to make the effort to fit in the same time.

I've always thought the latter was the far healthier option.

Sammy T

Yes, that's a good point.
Although I'm about as far off assimilating or integrating as you can get at the moment!
Still stuck in the "wanting to return to all things familiar stage"

Sam

islandergirl

Good point Rabsody, I think I did assimilate for quite a while.

I am married to an Australian and didn't have any friends here from the UK (except one couple who came from somewhere horrible in the UK so thought Adelaide was the bees knees LOL!). So I did assimilate, to the point where I felt like maybe I missed something not growing up here.

Then I discovered this forum a few months ago and talking with so many people with similar experiences online has actually changed my feelings a lot, I am now happily planning my return to the UK.

ABCDiamond

Not being able to fit in back were you originated, and wanting to ping ping back

Here is the exact quote:


assimilate from the Cambridge Dictionary
verb [I or T]
to take in, fit into, or become similar.
eg: You shouldn't expect immigrants to assimilate into an alien culture immediately.

Motorboater

We have been in Australia for 25 years now, and although we are Australian citizens, have paid taxes, own our house, and have superannuation, we will never be "ozzies" for as long as our ar*es point downwards. Basically the "real" australians just seem to resent anybody who they perceive as not "true blue". After a while even the allure of beaches and sunshine fades. This will be hard for those still in the UK to comprehend. We have just returned from a holiday in UK and it was great to hear our own accents spoken everywhere. The feeling of being in our own home country was very real. People in Australia often say "you haven't lost your accent" I reply, "that would be very careless of me, and what would I replace it with?"
Many times some ignorant true blues try to mimic my accent to make fun of me. The accent is Scottish by the way. You are expected to support Australia in every sport they play, even against British teams. Just to comment that Johny Wilkinson was a good rugby player brought a torrent of abuse on me.
I dont think we can return to the UK though, as or finances are tied up here and we have become accustomed to the Aus costs and pay rates. No wonder newly arrived UK immigrants think its cheap here.

quoll

Well said!!! I agree with everything you say except I have lost the accent - it was fairly nondescript Anglia to begin with so not much loss there.

I think those of us who have been here for decades (almost 30 years now for me) are beyond the point of no return financially and now with an Australian granddaughter, perhaps emotionally too although at what cost to my sanity is another issue altogether. I think I would fight to return if I thought I could persuade my Aussie DH - so far all strategies have been miserable failures even the glorious holiday we just had in UK (with MY people, MY community, MY familiar surroundings etc -I was so much HOME). I am so with you on the fading allure of the sunshine and beaches!!!!

Maybe we need a forum Tatts syndicate to get us all home!

scooby3

I accept its not easy migrating... but the British are not very adaptable now are they we tend to look for British things everywhere...we had the in laws vist and they spent their whole time looking for something to remind them of blighty...Nort Terrace in Adelaide is a beautiful wide boulevard more in common with a majestic continental city and there comment was "you could be in Manchester"....why do people migrate if they cant adapt...its a shame that people are looking for "the house to die for"...how many migrants can discuss Australian history or Natural History....come on guys its a small world now and for those with kids give them a global outlook.

Olibeneli

Bloody hell where do I start.......SO many reasons.....

Olibeneli

Agreed.

Australian History, in comparison to, say, European History would take all of 5 minutes to cover in class.

And you won't get a global oulook living in either Australia or the USA. The BBC is a world best at delivering news from around the world.

I met a worryingly high amount Americans & Australians that had never heard of many European countries, never heard of some historic inventors or explorers ...I could go on. Most people I know here have heard of Georgia and Sir Walter Raleigh being 2 examples.

ezzie

For me it's missing the humour. You can't put a price on that...the banter and the cheekiness of the Brits. I'm always fearful here of offending people as they don't seem to have the ability to laugh at themselves like us Brits.