Still Homesick
Nov 29th 2010, 7:56 am
#16
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Re: Still Homesick
Hi SuperRams, sory to hear of your predicament
I think from what you have said reading between the lines is that you are really lonely as well as being homesick, and would love someone from home who you can talk honestly to and they will understand where you are coming from. If you don;t mind me asking what part of the UK are you from? You seem to work from home which would isolate you from workmates as well, are there any english social clubs that you could join, I know when we went to canada we went to some Irish pubs when we first arrived and it helped, meeting people from home, although when we got settled we went on to make some fantastic Canadian friends, but we still kept our Irish/English/Scotish/Welsh friends as well, and I think they keep your feet firmly planted on the ground and thry understand when you have bad days, as they all had them too, but it really helped me. I don't think it helps your oh having problems and you feel you can't talk to her, to me that: is creating a pressure cooker situation. I really think you need to try and get into some sort of activity outside the home for some YOU time, as you don't seem to like the idea of councillers. I really hope you keep talking here as it is a kind of therapy and it really helped me last year, so please keep in touch and let us know how your getting on Denise
I think from what you have said reading between the lines is that you are really lonely as well as being homesick, and would love someone from home who you can talk honestly to and they will understand where you are coming from. If you don;t mind me asking what part of the UK are you from? You seem to work from home which would isolate you from workmates as well, are there any english social clubs that you could join, I know when we went to canada we went to some Irish pubs when we first arrived and it helped, meeting people from home, although when we got settled we went on to make some fantastic Canadian friends, but we still kept our Irish/English/Scotish/Welsh friends as well, and I think they keep your feet firmly planted on the ground and thry understand when you have bad days, as they all had them too, but it really helped me. I don't think it helps your oh having problems and you feel you can't talk to her, to me that: is creating a pressure cooker situation. I really think you need to try and get into some sort of activity outside the home for some YOU time, as you don't seem to like the idea of councillers. I really hope you keep talking here as it is a kind of therapy and it really helped me last year, so please keep in touch and let us know how your getting on DeniseI even tried joining a soccer team but alas there is nothing around here. It is a perfic storm to a certain extent where it appears everything is against me.
I try and have an hour or two a week at the local bar just for some peace and quiet but i am referred to as the Limey which i dont really mind and the fact that i would be speaking German if it wasnt for them.
So you are right, lonely is definitely part of it, no one to open up to is the other part and then trying your harderst for your kids.
Nov 29th 2010, 8:11 am
#17
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Posts: 766
Re: Still Homesick
I live in in a remote part of PA, there is no such thing as a English social club where i am. My work is just outside a major city but due to where i am i work mostly from home.
I even tried joining a soccer team but alas there is nothing around here. It is a perfic storm to a certain extent where it appears everything is against me.
I try and have an hour or two a week at the local bar just for some peace and quiet but i am referred to as the Limey which i dont really mind and the fact that i would be speaking German if it wasnt for them.
So you are right, lonely is definitely part of it, no one to open up to is the other part and then trying your harderst for your kids.
I even tried joining a soccer team but alas there is nothing around here. It is a perfic storm to a certain extent where it appears everything is against me.
I try and have an hour or two a week at the local bar just for some peace and quiet but i am referred to as the Limey which i dont really mind and the fact that i would be speaking German if it wasnt for them.
So you are right, lonely is definitely part of it, no one to open up to is the other part and then trying your harderst for your kids.
Nov 29th 2010, 8:39 am
#18
I have a comma problem
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: Fox Lake, IL (from Carrickfergus NI)
Posts: 49,598
Re: Still Homesick
I have spent time reading older posts to see if there is a magic answer to solve homesickness... the reality of it is that there isnt. I guess i am using this board as a method to just let it all out.
I have been in the states for 10 years. Never 100% felt like i belonged but did what i was told and gave it time. I live in an area which is close enough to both NewYork and Philly but far enough away for it to be pratical. Tried on this board and others to see if there was any local Brits that i could talk with but there are none. Tried the route of speaking with TOH who is American but that did not go down well. In fact she feels gulity and instead of listening and understanding makes me feel bad for feeling the way i do. There is little chance of her agreeing to move to the UK, marriage is not strong enough to survive that and even if it was she would still be against the move (houses to small etc). I have 2 great kids that i adore but i am just lost. They say you should never stay married for the kids but i could never leave them, married or speparated i would still miss home.
I struggle with it every day, the people i know are all from being married. I have first hand experience of telling them something and for it to get back to TOH. I work from home so do not have the social connection at work to build any meaningful friendships.
I am not really sure what i am doing even wrtiing this, there is no magic answer that will make it go away. Feel lost, want to be there for my kids if no one else but i cant even be there for me. Any help, advice or just an ear would be good from people who understand.
I have been in the states for 10 years. Never 100% felt like i belonged but did what i was told and gave it time. I live in an area which is close enough to both NewYork and Philly but far enough away for it to be pratical. Tried on this board and others to see if there was any local Brits that i could talk with but there are none. Tried the route of speaking with TOH who is American but that did not go down well. In fact she feels gulity and instead of listening and understanding makes me feel bad for feeling the way i do. There is little chance of her agreeing to move to the UK, marriage is not strong enough to survive that and even if it was she would still be against the move (houses to small etc). I have 2 great kids that i adore but i am just lost. They say you should never stay married for the kids but i could never leave them, married or speparated i would still miss home.
I struggle with it every day, the people i know are all from being married. I have first hand experience of telling them something and for it to get back to TOH. I work from home so do not have the social connection at work to build any meaningful friendships.
I am not really sure what i am doing even wrtiing this, there is no magic answer that will make it go away. Feel lost, want to be there for my kids if no one else but i cant even be there for me. Any help, advice or just an ear would be good from people who understand.
I deal with homesickness of varying degrees every day, earlier this year I had a really bad month or two where all I could think about was how much I missed the UK and wanted to do anything to get back there again. It led to many stupid and petty fights with the mrs, led to me almost packing up and going at some points I am ashamed to say.
Like you, I have children here too, and I am aware that it is very unlikely that my wife would agree to move to the UK. She's pretty much told me it is an absolute no (although that was during a barny), so I have had to reluctantly accept that I am pretty much stuck here unless I can suddenly get rich or something.
It has got easier the last month or so but that is mostly because of the cooler weather (I hate the hot summers here so much), and I was always a bit more easy going in the autumn and the run up to Christmas anyway, but each day I still have that hour or sometimes more when I can think of nothing other than returning to Blighty. I'm not sure that is ever going to go away.
Anyway, enough rabbiting on about myself - I just wanted to let you know that I know what you are going through, as do plenty of others around here.
Sounds like a bunch of arseholes in your local bar though! I don't even go out drinking any more since I came here, I just can't be doing with it. Not the same as the local in my town back home by a long way!
Nov 29th 2010, 8:47 am
#19
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Re: Still Homesick
Sorry to hear about your homesickness but you really have come to the right place, posting on this section of the forum.
I deal with homesickness of varying degrees every day, earlier this year I had a really bad month or two where all I could think about was how much I missed the UK and wanted to do anything to get back there again. It led to many stupid and petty fights with the mrs, led to me almost packing up and going at some points I am ashamed to say.
Like you, I have children here too, and I am aware that it is very unlikely that my wife would agree to move to the UK. She's pretty much told me it is an absolute no (although that was during a barny), so I have had to reluctantly accept that I am pretty much stuck here unless I can suddenly get rich or something.
It has got easier the last month or so but that is mostly because of the cooler weather (I hate the hot summers here so much), and I was always a bit more easy going in the autumn and the run up to Christmas anyway, but each day I still have that hour or sometimes more when I can think of nothing other than returning to Blighty. I'm not sure that is ever going to go away.
Anyway, enough rabbiting on about myself - I just wanted to let you know that I know what you are going through, as do plenty of others around here.
Sounds like a bunch of arseholes in your local bar though! I don't even go out drinking any more since I came here, I just can't be doing with it. Not the same as the local in my town back home by a long way!
I deal with homesickness of varying degrees every day, earlier this year I had a really bad month or two where all I could think about was how much I missed the UK and wanted to do anything to get back there again. It led to many stupid and petty fights with the mrs, led to me almost packing up and going at some points I am ashamed to say.
Like you, I have children here too, and I am aware that it is very unlikely that my wife would agree to move to the UK. She's pretty much told me it is an absolute no (although that was during a barny), so I have had to reluctantly accept that I am pretty much stuck here unless I can suddenly get rich or something.
It has got easier the last month or so but that is mostly because of the cooler weather (I hate the hot summers here so much), and I was always a bit more easy going in the autumn and the run up to Christmas anyway, but each day I still have that hour or sometimes more when I can think of nothing other than returning to Blighty. I'm not sure that is ever going to go away.
Anyway, enough rabbiting on about myself - I just wanted to let you know that I know what you are going through, as do plenty of others around here.
Sounds like a bunch of arseholes in your local bar though! I don't even go out drinking any more since I came here, I just can't be doing with it. Not the same as the local in my town back home by a long way!
I am just getting hit from all angles whether it be work or home and the fact that for the most part my office is also my house it is just very hard....
Nov 29th 2010, 8:59 am
#20
I have a comma problem
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: Fox Lake, IL (from Carrickfergus NI)
Posts: 49,598
Re: Still Homesick
It is just the area i live in.... i dont think they mean harm but it does not help. Circumstances are the reason why i go out for a beer. I dont drink at home and it is my way out for an hour..
I am just getting hit from all angles whether it be work or home and the fact that for the most part my office is also my house it is just very hard....
I am just getting hit from all angles whether it be work or home and the fact that for the most part my office is also my house it is just very hard....
It would certainly be easier if you could separate work and home. I know what that's like as well, I don't work from home but the wife and I work at the same place. It gets pretty suffocating sometimes, having the one overspill with the other from time to time . . .
Nov 29th 2010, 9:10 am
#21
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Re: Still Homesick
Yeah, that has to make it twice as hard being that you work at home - I certainly can't fault you for wanting to get out for an hour or so.
It would certainly be easier if you could separate work and home. I know what that's like as well, I don't work from home but the wife and I work at the same place. It gets pretty suffocating sometimes, having the one overspill with the other from time to time . . .
It would certainly be easier if you could separate work and home. I know what that's like as well, I don't work from home but the wife and I work at the same place. It gets pretty suffocating sometimes, having the one overspill with the other from time to time . . .
Again, you just take it one day at a time. I dont think people realize how much this can affect a person.
Nov 29th 2010, 9:16 am
#22
Home Sweet Home
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: Surrey, England
Posts: 5,128
Re: Still Homesick
I think on the BE forum you will find people who are totally sympathetic, as I said before this place has been a lifesaver for me at times and I hope you have the same experience here.
Nov 29th 2010, 9:17 am
#23
I have a comma problem
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: Fox Lake, IL (from Carrickfergus NI)
Posts: 49,598
Re: Still Homesick
It doesn't help, you lose the art of socializing when you dont get to meet colleagues etc. I have looked for other jobs as i think that may personally help me (not with homesickness) but alas there is nothing around her for me. I am basically 2 hours north of philly and 2 hours west of manhattan which in reality would make a very long work day 5 days a week.
Again, you just take it one day at a time. I dont think people realize how much this can affect a person.
Again, you just take it one day at a time. I dont think people realize how much this can affect a person.
It's just a shame that your location is not ideal. Hopefully if you continue to hang around here, we can provide some sort of relief, or escape for you in that there are a bunch of us who do realise the affect that this can have.
Nov 29th 2010, 10:39 am
#24
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Re: Still Homesick
It doesn't help, you lose the art of socializing when you dont get to meet colleagues etc. I have looked for other jobs as i think that may personally help me (not with homesickness) but alas there is nothing around her for me. I am basically 2 hours north of philly and 2 hours west of manhattan which in reality would make a very long work day 5 days a week.
Again, you just take it one day at a time. I dont think people realize how much this can affect a person.
Again, you just take it one day at a time. I dont think people realize how much this can affect a person.
I as so lonely and missing my family so much back in Ireland, my oh and I had our first ever xmas on our own, and I never want to experience anything like it again, and I started to drink too much and became nasty, now I am back home, a lot poorer for the experience but healthy and as happy as life permits, nothing is perfect, but health and sanity are a priority, so maybe take some you time and think are there any solutions to your predicament, even if it means, becoming a little poorer financially. Hope you don't mind my intruding, but my heart is going out to you you sound so alone and that is a horrible feeling Denise
Nov 29th 2010, 9:29 pm
#25
Home Sweet Home
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: Surrey, England
Posts: 5,128
Re: Still Homesick
I don't know your situation, but would it be possible for you to move closer to another place to live? I know the housing climate is dire at the moment, but if it were to help you, could you rent your own property and then look at moving somewhere that is not so remote and rent there for a year and try and get a job? You sound so down it worries me a little, and maybe there are sacrafices to be made by both of you for a better and happier future, and kids do adapt, and they will be happier if mom and dad are. This time last year
I as so lonely and missing my family so much back in Ireland, my oh and I had our first ever xmas on our own, and I never want to experience anything like it again, and I started to drink too much and became nasty, now I am back home, a lot poorer for the experience but healthy and as happy as life permits, nothing is perfect, but health and sanity are a priority, so maybe take some you time and think are there any solutions to your predicament, even if it means, becoming a little poorer financially. Hope you don't mind my intruding, but my heart is going out to you you sound so alone and that is a horrible feeling Denise
I as so lonely and missing my family so much back in Ireland, my oh and I had our first ever xmas on our own, and I never want to experience anything like it again, and I started to drink too much and became nasty, now I am back home, a lot poorer for the experience but healthy and as happy as life permits, nothing is perfect, but health and sanity are a priority, so maybe take some you time and think are there any solutions to your predicament, even if it means, becoming a little poorer financially. Hope you don't mind my intruding, but my heart is going out to you you sound so alone and that is a horrible feeling Denise
Barb xxx
Nov 30th 2010, 12:02 am
#26
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Re: Still Homesick
I don't know your situation, but would it be possible for you to move closer to another place to live? I know the housing climate is dire at the moment, but if it were to help you, could you rent your own property and then look at moving somewhere that is not so remote and rent there for a year and try and get a job? You sound so down it worries me a little, and maybe there are sacrafices to be made by both of you for a better and happier future, and kids do adapt, and they will be happier if mom and dad are. This time last year
I as so lonely and missing my family so much back in Ireland, my oh and I had our first ever xmas on our own, and I never want to experience anything like it again, and I started to drink too much and became nasty, now I am back home, a lot poorer for the experience but healthy and as happy as life permits, nothing is perfect, but health and sanity are a priority, so maybe take some you time and think are there any solutions to your predicament, even if it means, becoming a little poorer financially. Hope you don't mind my intruding, but my heart is going out to you you sound so alone and that is a horrible feeling Denise
I as so lonely and missing my family so much back in Ireland, my oh and I had our first ever xmas on our own, and I never want to experience anything like it again, and I started to drink too much and became nasty, now I am back home, a lot poorer for the experience but healthy and as happy as life permits, nothing is perfect, but health and sanity are a priority, so maybe take some you time and think are there any solutions to your predicament, even if it means, becoming a little poorer financially. Hope you don't mind my intruding, but my heart is going out to you you sound so alone and that is a horrible feeling Denise
I do have options to move but again, i am not sure financially how that would work. The company i work for is a multi national, in fact it does have openings in the office in the UK which i have been looking up recently.
I just need to try and find something that works that allows me to still be sane but stick it out... it is not want i want to do but i dont know what else i can do.
Nov 30th 2010, 3:05 am
#27
The Kwisatz Haderach
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: North Wales
Posts: 8,080
Re: Still Homesick
Thanks again for all the advice... i am taking some time to think about all the options that i have... i am not sure how i can move back home without separated from the kids... my parents are also a little old fashoined like that and would proabably not forgive me if i ever did that... the last think i also want to do is to dissapoint them.
I do have options to move but again, i am not sure financially how that would work. The company i work for is a multi national, in fact it does have openings in the office in the UK which i have been looking up recently.
I just need to try and find something that works that allows me to still be sane but stick it out... it is not want i want to do but i dont know what else i can do.
I do have options to move but again, i am not sure financially how that would work. The company i work for is a multi national, in fact it does have openings in the office in the UK which i have been looking up recently.
I just need to try and find something that works that allows me to still be sane but stick it out... it is not want i want to do but i dont know what else i can do.
Nov 30th 2010, 3:12 am
#28
Finally Home!
Joined: Mar 2010
Location: Used to be New York, now North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,610
Re: Still Homesick
I second the suggestion to think about at least moving to somewhere else in the US. If you were close to NYC for example, there would be lots of ways you could connect with other Brits, but being so remote just seems to be making everything worse.
It makes me laugh when people say money can't buy happiness. Bollocks! If those of us who are stuck here had enough money, we could buy a second home in the UK and split our time. Money might not be a guarantee of happiness, but it certainly offers the freedom to pursue it rather than being stuck.
It makes me laugh when people say money can't buy happiness. Bollocks! If those of us who are stuck here had enough money, we could buy a second home in the UK and split our time. Money might not be a guarantee of happiness, but it certainly offers the freedom to pursue it rather than being stuck.
Nov 30th 2010, 4:05 am
#29
-------------------------
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 8,382
Re: Still Homesick
They never go away, you learn to deal, the problem is that i dont like the way dealing with it has made me. The lack of a support network etc is what adds to this. Other things are going on (for another message board) that necessitates some familar faces, sounds etc.. I have the hope that nothing is forever.... just seems that 12 years which is how long it will take for my youngest to graduate high school is a mighty long way away.
Nov 30th 2010, 4:08 am
#30
I have a comma problem
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: Fox Lake, IL (from Carrickfergus NI)
Posts: 49,598
