So FED UP!!
 

God i need to have a scream and shout, so i chose to do it on here, hope you all don't mind.
Most of you know i am trying to sell my house, but with everyone else trying to sell and no bugger buying, i am still here:( in the land of nod
Anyway this is not about my house not selling but about the in-laws that live here too. My MIL has cancer and has requested that my hubby pays for a relative from Scotland to come over and see her. Feeling in a position of guilt, my OH said yes he would pay $1000 to help get his cousin over to visit his mum. Problem is that the rest of the family in UK want to come over too and said it is unfair that this cousin is getting over here for free and not them.
What annoys me, is that why the hell do we have to pay in the first place. If his mum wants his cousin over, why doesn't she pay!!!
I don't mind paying a share (maybe $500) but to hell with paying all of it.
We are skint anyway, any money we have spare is for our flights back to the UK, container, deposit for rental etc....we can't sell the house so that makes money even tighter. His mum knows this, yet she thinks cause she has cancer we should pay.
I am fuming!!!
Am i wrong?? I just can't stand this carry on anymore.:curse::curse:

Re: So FED UP!!
 

Well you know my feelings on this R. I would be absolutely fuming and it just wouldn't happen. Put your foot down strong and hard.

Re: So FED UP!!
 

I agree with SG if you dont put your foot down now before you know it you will have a house full of people that not only have you helped pay to get here but are paying for while they are here too.:eek:

I know what you mean about saving money I am hanging onto every penny like its my last at the mo, no meals out, no cinema. All that keeps me going(entertainment wise) is the estate agents websites in Sheffield.:rofl: If I see any I like I send my friend around to look at the size of the back garden. I have two boys who like to play football in the garden so we need a decent size..

good luck

Re: So FED UP!!
 

I am arguing with OH all the time about everything. He does agree that it is wrong, but feels guilty if he doesn't pay up. To me, she is playing on having cancer and taking the piss. You know what she is like. If we had the money i think i wouldn't mind as much, but we haven't, so i am fuming.
I don't want to feel trapped, but i am starting to get that way. Money has always been tight over here and for her to expect handouts just because she has cancer furiates me.
OH is going to see her tonight to say we can't afford all of it, but i hope he does say that as i know he frightened to death of her.

Re: So FED UP!!
 

So why him and not his brother and, why not the family she has back home for heavens sake? I wouldn't let him take that money R, you know how much you all need it. I'd tell him that I'd be going back to the UK with the kids if he does.

Re: So FED UP!!
 

They sound like a bunch of whining free-loaders to me who don't deserve the time of day.

Re: So FED UP!!
 

I so know where you are coming from!

My Mum once asked me to pay for my sister to go on a cruise (!!!!!!) because she needed a break!

When I said that I'd have to discuss it with my husband she blew a fuse and said that I earned my own wage and he had no say over what I did with it!

It took a lot for me to stand up to her, but I was at breaking point after years of subsidising my family because I had a good job.

Don't know how you get your husband out of this, apart from being there to back him up when he tells her that you can't afford to pay for airfare.

I know that you're upset and angry, but I really feel for your husband because he's being manipulated by his mother and she probably knows that she is putting him between a rock and a hard place.

So, then you pay for one and cause mayhem in the family when you refuse to pay for anyone else? Are these people going to pay for you to go home? Or, let you live with them and feed you and your family until you get back on your feet when you get home?

If it were me, (the hard-faced me that I am now), I'd be making up a list of all of her relatives and dividing the cost of the airfare down to individual contributions. Or, better still, why don't they pay for your MIL to go see them, then there would be no need for any of them to come here. If that were the case it might be worth the whole $1,000 to get her out of your hair for a couple of months.

It's not that I don't have sympathy for your MIL being ill, it's just that I just can't stand mothers who cause heartache for their own children.

Sorry for rant, and hope you get it sorted without you and your husband falling out over it.

Best of Luck!

M ;)

Re: So FED UP!!
 

Vent away sweetie!!!!!

I cant belive how some families are such "users". Why the heck should you be paying someone else's airfare for heavens sake. Unless you are Kerry Packer reincarnated no one should even think of asking you for such largesse - unless her ulterior motive is to keep you all here of course. Perhaps you may consider a loan to be repaid by (select date) but to "donate" to a distant relative is utterly beyond me!

As for the house - no bright ideas there, it is a sh*tty market for sellers at the mo and not much of a light on the horizon from all reports. Still, on the bright side, it only takes one person with a deposit to take a fancy to your kitchen and you will be home and hosed!

Re: So FED UP!!
 

I'd put your foot down with a very firm hand R. There is no way you guys should pay for all of them to come over, that's a cheek :frown:

Re: So FED UP!!
 

You pay for one, then the rest want to come, even though his mum said they won't..that's how his family work. They are quite poor, but i don't want to pay for one, nevermind anybody else. We can't afford to.

What is bugging me is if she wants this cousin over, why can't she pay?


Been arguing all day about it and it is really draining me. Do i give in, or make problems worse and end up on a plane back to UK on my own again.:(

Re: So FED UP!!
 

I would not be entertaining this for a second. By arguing you are leaving the door open for further discussion and for you to be worn down by it. Say no and end of story.

Sorry to be harsh but you always sound a fair person and your relatives are taking the mick out of your soft heart.

Re: So FED UP!!
 

[QUOTE=Nu-Shooz;6275987]You pay for one, then the rest want to come, even though his mum said they won't..that's how his family work. They are quite poor, but i don't want to pay for one, nevermind anybody else. We can't afford to.


I think you have to start standing your ground here. It will be very hard to begin with, but it will get easier with time.


What is bugging me is if she wants this cousin over, why can't she pay?

Why can't she pay?



Been arguing all day about it and it is really draining me. Do i give in, or make problems worse and end up on a plane back to UK on my own again.:

I wouldn't argue with your husband about it. Just say NO! Don't go saying you're going back home without him again, you're playing into her hands.

Stay strong!

M

Re: So FED UP!!
 

How i wish it was as easy as that. I said NO straight away and got called the biggest bastard on the planet:ohmy:

Re: So FED UP!!
 

Sound like a right bunch of free loaders to me.......I guess your MIL has got the sympathy card because of her illness but you know know them all better than anyone so stick with what your gut feel is.............family eh - you can choose your freinds but you can't choose your relatives..............

Re: So FED UP!!
 

Then don't R, you know how hurt and upset you are going to be if you let P have his way. He probably doesn't even want to, he's being pressured no doubt. You have enough problems as it is, why the hell should you have yet more problems because 'she who must be obeyed' demands something?

Ignore it then. You've said no. Why are you the biggest B for Gods sake?