Should I stop using this forum?
 

Hi all,

OH says I should stop coming on this forum, particularly the MBTTUK section as it's making me depressed. He says I should embrace Canada, make more friends and stop hanging out with Brits.

The thing is, I do have Canadian 'friends' but don't have such a laugh as I do with British people. Canadians are friendly and welcoming people, but beyond that I find them quite shallow and boring.

I come on this forum to get that laugh and meet others in the same situation. This forum just 'makes my day' sometimes with the humour.

There is nothing particularly I do not like about Canada, it is a great Country and I definately feel that the kids, and me are safer here. The only downside is, I don't feel like it's my home and I feel like I don't belong somehow.

Does anyone else think they could make more of a go at it if they try harder and stop using forums like this?

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Dont worry about it...I think lots of us use the forum for fun and a bit of escapism etc...it doesnt make me depressed (depending on whose posting:))

If you do feel down etc after you come on here, then maybe take a break or just pick and choose the threads you are looking at..

Misery loves company after all...only reading about going home would prob make me want to go home too..


Your world (hopefully) doesnt revolve around the internet so I wouldnt get too caught up in it..

Even if you went "home" it wouldnt be how you left it anyway..and besides..you and the family are in canada, that makes it home...right..

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

OH is probably right ! Stop listening to whinging, Brits or otherwise. Don't sweat the small stuff and even though we are, as you say, "shallow and boring" embrace your new life. You might find it isn't so bad after all.

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

I found that this site depressed me when I first started coming on, I was homesick and kept looking at the moving home threads. I now come on here lots of times everyday, I've met friends, I have a laugh, I share experiences and sometimes I have a cry at what some people are going through.

I haven't been into the moving back section for months (I sometimes post from the right side latest threads). I'm not homesick any more and lots of it is down to this site.:wub:

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

I have to take time away from BE sometimes because it does my head in. For some people it's because you are homesick and you it's hard to read about people who have gone back and are happy, or you read stories about wonderful Britain and it makes you even more homesick. For me, I just need to forget I was ever an expat and just get on with day-to-day life. Or I can't stand to read all the US threads because it reminds me I#m no longer there.

Only you know whether BE is making your life better or worse.

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Can you make a go of it if you dont frequent this site (and others like it)?

IMHO it is totally irrelevant. I felt like I didnt belong in Australia right from the get go. I have/had friends who are Aussies and other migrants but even without this forum I just didnt gel. Sites like this actually help me from depression because they take away the knowledge that I am not Robinson Crusoe here and I can relate to folk in "my" way and to be myself unlike in real life where you put your happy face on in the morning and trudge through each day.

If you get something out of the board then stick around. If it is taking over your life then perhaps have a break to get some "real life" experience sorted out. But to ascribe exogenous depression to a board when the rest of your life is in turmoil is naive in the extreme.

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

It's a fine line to draw.

I lurked around the site on and off for ages before joining, posting, and reading on a regular basis. When I first read MBTTUK it did two things for me: 1. it made me realise that I am not the only expat who still experiences homesickness (after 7.5 years of being away from UK), and that that is acceptable, and 2. it helped me find some sort of peace and make some sort of longterm/in the future decision which has helped me to cope with most of the bouts of homesickness.

OTOH, reading the NZ forum can make me feel even more homesick and even feel cheated cos others seem to have settled so well and in less time than I have been here.

When I feel myself starting to become so down that I think I could be heading towards feeling depressed (rather than just homesick) then I back off. At these times I don't come anywhere near MBTTUK, and restrict what I read in the NZ forum.

But I like to come back for the support and to spend time with people who have had similar experiences to me.

Actually, now I think about it, I think using this site is a little like drinking alcohol - when you are 'up' it makes you feel better and have more fun, but when you're already down its just going to take you lower. So like alcohol, use it wisely :D

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

OH MY GOODNESS SO TRUE. Just off to have a glass......ok, so I do both!

I think you're right, we seek what we want depending on our mood at the time. Being on here is usually helpful for me but I think it constantly reinforces that desire to go home. If I was going to stay for longer then I would probably not do this......just get on with life and take it for what it is. Enjoy it if you can.

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

That's an interesting analogy and I think you are right (for me, anyway). I also find if I come on here when I'm in a foul mood I end up getting into arguments with some of the dipsticks who thrive on winding people up. I don't need that kind of bad karma when I'm already down in the dumps.

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

I so agree...before we moved to Canada, we just read forums like this to support our decision, when I was unhappy in Canada, I used the forum to assist me in making a decision and now I am back in England I used the forum initially to justify my decision to return and now i just like to know what is going on with every one's lives and offer some input.

it is easy to get addicted to the site - i am a daily lurker even though i am back in the UK and so so happy to be here - and i can see how being on the MBTUK site can make it difficult to adjust to daily life in the country you are in particularly if its not the one of your choice....

BUT without this site both at the time and after my moving back, I could never have felt as good about the decisions I made without the fantastic advice and support from people who are essentially strangers but who could empathise with my situation in a way that no other person around me could.

Lorry, I don't think your OH can fully understand your situation which is why you are drawn to the forum time and time again....so maybe just discreet lurking is called for at rationed moments!!!

Sorry just putting my two penneth in!

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Thanks for your replies, and I think you are all correct :D

This forum cheers me up when I'm in a good mood and makes me feel sad when I'm down.

I didn't mean to cause offense by saying Canadians are shallow and boring!
My wording is sometimes crap :blink:
I have many Canadian friends who are great people.
I simply meant that they do not always understand my humour and I do not have the same fun as I do with Brits.
Maybe they all think I'm too crazy and OTT :rofl:

It is hard to build up friendships from scratch, you really have to make an effort. I don't have to make an effort with my friends in England, it just comes naturally because I've known most of them since being young.

Anyway, I am banning myself rom the MBTTUK forum for a while. I will allow myself on the Canada section and the general section :thumbup:

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

I had to reply to this as I have been in a "down" phase recently and seriously looked at moving back. Hubby blames me looking on here and talking to my friends back in the UK :frown:

Personally I don't think the forum is the cause of my homesickness and depression. Hubby has no desire to return and so cannot understand how I feel so I think he is looking for a way to justify how I feel lol!

Like you I don't dislike Canada and up until the end of last year I even felt that I belonged here, but something changed and now I really don't know where I want to be :confused:

The joys of the life of an Expat eh?!

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

It's so terribly difficult. For me, I have to go back to just try it for a while, hopefully forever! I kind of landed here by accident and I've enjoyed living in a stunningly gorgeous place but the pull has finally tugged one too many times.

I don't think the forum can make you homesick but it can compound how one feels when you find others feeling the same. It's heartening to know you're not alone but it can create a mind set.

I have tried REALLY hard to settle here but work opportunities are so poor for the both of us that it's time to depart and move to a recession hit Britain that will have teaching jobs for me and more IT work for hubby (or we hope so anyway).

My husband has put off doing this for seven years he said and has finally given in! He's actually looking forward to it but it's been a long road to get to this point in our journey. It's really hard (understatement of the year) when one person doesn't want to return.

Anyway, furniture is gone and I'm left with some lovely memories but at peace that this is the right decision for us at this point in our lives. We're a little young for a retired life style I think. We'll see.....

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Hi

Its an interesting question. In my previous incarnations I have been skulking around British Expats for a long time - starting out by looking for info on moving to Australia about 10 years ago (although it feels a lot longer than that).

As time went on I gravitated to the MBTTUK forum and I guess that tells its own story. There have been times when it has been a help to me through providing "social proof" that I wasn't the only one struggling with life and wanting to go home. At other times though I felt that it wasn't helping at all. Logging on to read another "I've made a decision - we will be home by Christmas" can be profoundly depressing when you know you have no chance of doing likewise. So, I have periodically stayed away from British Expats so I don't slide into a "homesick ghetto" mentality. Keep coming back though ;)

Its taken a long while but time & circumstance mean that I have a more balanced view of both UK and Australia so it doesn't affect me as much either way. Suppose I can only echo what the other posters have sensibly said - use the forum if it is a help but take a break if its becoming a hindrance.

I'd like to make one point though - I know Chinese people here in Australia - they are still Chinese, I know Maoris - they are still Maori, how come its only British people who are supposed to completely abandon their identity or be accused of not wanting to "fit in" ? That gets my goat.

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Have to agree with you.......depression usually comes from "how you are feeling yourself"....to blame web sites etc is just another easy option than really looking at your life and changing it......I say whatever floats your boat (as long as it's legal..lol)....if reading and going on sites like this makes you happy for a few mins a day etc...then nobody should begrudge you that........and if you want to try and stop reading our wonderfully excellent British comments and see how you go on then do so.....all the best.....

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

I often asked this while living in Perth WA....the larger majority of our friends were from overseas....Italians ....3rd generation in the main still spoke Italian, my sons friends all had the Italian/Australian accent and they were 4th generation Aussies...same with the Surbians...even a Polish friend who's sons were born in Aus spoke polish as their first language and still insisted on cooking only Polish/German type food at home....oh I have loads of examples...but when I asked my very close Aussie friend why the Brits were labeled as whinging whenever we might for some reason or another she said "well you should simulate...we are the same race of people"...but we are not...we just kind of speak the same language....

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Heh heh.

My son's football team played against East Fremantle last week at their ground. They play in the colours of the Italian flag (a red,white & green strip), the corner flags on the pitch are mini Italian flags, the coach is Italian and most of the kids seem to be called Gianni,Luca, Franco etc...

Now that's assimilation !

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

I don't think people are "blaming" the site for making them depressed any more than other people are saying the site "makes" them happy. I think the point is that when you are in a certain state, certain exposures can worsen how you feel. A simple analogy would be exposure to certain people. When you are in a bad mood, your best mate might help lift you out of it, whereas your other mate might just drag you down further.

I can't see any posts that indicate people "begrudging" you being happy for reading this site either.

To be sure, there are some people who look for other things to blame for their situation (psychologists call it "external attribution"), but to imply that depressed people should stop blaming this site and change themselves sounds a bit too much like the "Just snap out of it" response of the 60's. Understanding of mental health has come a long way since then.


Live and let live ...

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Rubbish.

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

How long have you been here?

I've been here 8.5 years now and though it is mostly my home, I still have days where I have intense homesickness for NZ or even just the more UK-dominated world. I started coming on here because I was tired of feeling like such a minority all the time ->:rofl: I had already been here years before I came on BE but there was always something lacking for me, I love Canada but I get tired of the sanctimoniousness etc. sometimes. OH, kid and most of our friends are Canadian. I don't express myself like a Canadian, I don't think like one and am now accepting I probably never will. It's okay. They think I'm strange sometimes because I'm so reserved and low-key about stuff, I don't go on and on abut how fab something is, I think they are full of crap sometimes with all the OH MY GAWD AWESOME Etc. ...it's all good. :p

I've decided there's nothing wrong with staying in touch with your own people :unsure:. There's a reason so many immigrants stay in ethnic ghettos. IT makes the parts of life where you have to deal with the difference easier when you have people you can talk to who understand where you're coming from. I think, over time, it's healthy to have that, as long as you're not restricting yourself to just that. I'm glad I came on BE. I've met some good people on this site who love British comedy as much as I do, take things less seriously, etc, it's been awesome ;)

I've also noticed women seem to feel this way more than men. My MIL has lived in Canada over 30 years, and she still hankers after Ireland. My FIL couldn't care less.

So, basically, what I'm saying is that I think forums like this are fine. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things.

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Hy Lorry1
My wife and I are going back to the UK this December after spending the last 3 months in lloydminster, before that we lived in Calgary for 2½ years. Lloydminster has to be the most depressive place ever. I think a lot of the people are incredibly shallow and a few of the company owners I had the misfortune of dealing with turned out to be absolute liars and will think nothing of stabbing you in the back. We are now packing our 3 cubic metres of personal effects and heading back to the smell and taste of a good Sunday roast and some real British ale. Just a shame we waited this long!
Steve

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Good luck Steve!
Sunday roast sounds and smells good even from here.

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

OK...I'm back! :blink:
Could you not try somewhere else in Canada, or are you done here?

I am feeling alot more positive actually. I don't know whether this summer plays a huge part though, it has been fabulous for the last 3 months and we have gone out and done so much :)
I really appreciate all the lakes and the fact you can just drive to one and jump in on a hot day. The're never to crowded either.
I seem to recall that as soon as a hot day comes in England, everyone has the same idea to go to the coast. You could spend an hour driving there, an hour getting through traffic, and then another hour trying to find a parking space :blink: I definately don't miss that.

Well, lets see what winter brings and if this changes my mood :eek:

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

I'm happy here in Oz (I have to say that or my Aussie wife hits me :D only joking).

There is an Australian sense of humour and we have lost of Aussie friends and we belong to lots of local clubs and societies.

However, I found BE by mistake, joined in and now have a little job to do on here as well. There is very definitely a British sense of humour which I enjoy and it is quite uplifting at times. Sometimes though I need a break.

I think you can embrace Canada and the internet.

Our winter this year (for Oz) has been 4 months of utter shite (scuse me) but today was a lovely spring day and I never think of the UK on a day like today.

I think you are quite normal in all honesty.

Alistair.:)

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Hey Charleygirl
Thanks for the kind words - yes, Sunday down your favourite local, with the smell of a gorgeous Sunday roast, covered in onion gravy with roasties and fresh veggies, phoar!! Will I ever miss nachos and cheese sticks, damm thats difficult to imagine, yea right :o)

I cannot understand why Canadians seem fixated on the cheese thing, pizza drips with cheese, cheese sticks, poutine. I tried it once and nearly threw up. chips with cheese and gravy - ugh, heart attack served up on a plate.

The best line one waitress served up in Bo Diddleys was when we ordered a double baileys with ice, that is one lump please. She immediately threw the glass wrist high into the ice box, and surfaced with a glass full of ice cubes. At infant school we were always taught that one is just one and nothing more! When we reminded her of this, she did apologise and served up two double Baileys with one lump in each glass. She leaned on the bar and said, "doesnt the ice change the flavour of the Baileys?" Well, how do you respond to that? The wife and me looked at each other and tried really hard not to fall off our stools in fits of laughter, but explained that ice really was just frozen water and that the Baileys would only be slightly chilled. And this is how we have found Canadians to be ever since coming here. Innocent? maybe. Certainly naive in many things but if you cross them, watch out! Having been laid off 5 times in 5 years, and one mega argument with a company owner, I think its best we just got out the frying pan once and for all and headed back to the first real ale festival we can find.

So, one question I have is, does anybody know how much it would be to send 3 cubic metres of boxes to the UK with a shipping company? I have contacted some companies and now I am just waiting for some replies which once again I could be waiting here for the next three weeks. I am dealing with AMJ Van Lines which we dealt with in the past, and another company callled Allied Van Lines. So, if I was to say $2500 to get our stuff back, would I be close or way off?

Any input from you guys would be welcome. And the stories we can tell about Canadians and Canada would make even Mr.Letterman cry with laughter!

If I had to make one comment about our experience, it would have to go like this.

"Thinking about making a new life in another country is a big step, but even worse is wondering what if? for the rest of your life. If you are still young, (unlike us old gits), then there other places much worthier than Canada to set up shop. Almost $35,000 out of pocket like we are was not the right way to go"

Keep smiling, Britain awaits your return.
Steve :thumbup:

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Actually I got laid off f times in 2½ years - duh :rofl:

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

five times even - damm this Baileys is good :thumbsup:

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

It seems we need a drink and type thread these days. There must be some hitting of the booze in these stressful moving times! I am doing my fair share of the wine consumption in this house!

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Been here 3 years :blink:
Yes, I've decided I love coming on this forum to get my daily dose of British humour :thumbsup:
You can't beat it and some of the threads on here have me in stiches :rofl:

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Humour is like a good bottle of Baileys, always manages to put a smile on my face :o)

A few things we will be taking back to the UK will be the ability to make shots now. Never done that before. Imagine getting spannered on a dozen chocolate cake shots and a few dozen slippery nipples, rounding the evening off with a couple of apple pies.

And of course nothing beats about a 100 chicken wings in good old Franks red hot sauce to get the old sphinctar muscled wobbling!!

I cant wait to try these out on our friends:rofl:

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Good luck with your slippery nipples :blink::lol:

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

I think more luck is probably needed with the sore head this morning. Occasionally following someone getting blootered over a series of posts is one of the joys of being on BE. :rofl:

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Small world our oldest played for Perth Reserves and 1st team....they also play in the Italian colours....the main "board" was made up of 99.9% Italians, pre match food was pasta, pasta and more pasta...and also anytime Italy played ..yes even against Australia....well the place was packed with 99.9% of various generations of Italian migrants supporting Italy....oh and all the coaches bar one were Italian decent....lol...

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Urm I thought that was what I wrote?....I know all to well about depression....it's my line of work...so as I have always said...."whatever floats your boat...(legally ofcourse).... to get you through a day"...then do it......

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

What do you mean by "that"? I made about 5 different points in my message. Some of what you said was in direct contrast to some of the points I was making.

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

This is a very interesting thread. When I first discovered this forum it galvanised me into action about moving home; made me feel Not Alone and Not Mad.

But, if I was unable to move home, for whatever reason, MBTTUK would make me feel very sad. Better really to hook up to one of those IP providers so you can watch some British TV, which probably has a greater chance of making one feel positive, rather than just bereft.

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

"That"...sorry you have lost me (some would say that's not hard) on this one..the original thread stated...."the OH said coming on Expats MBTUK was a cause of the depression" and all I said was in so many words..."do what she needs to do to get by"...end of story....

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Hy guys
Seeing whats being said on here, I would like to suggest we keep the comments more up beat rather than poking each other in the ribs on whats been said or what hasnt for that matter. I joined up last year and saw exactly the same thing happen, I even got banned for 12 weeks for voicing my side of things!! I came back on two weeks ago and now I try to help people going back to the UK instead of just getting verbally mad!! :)

There are pro's and con's about Canada and one of the things I will not miss is the Bacon! 1" wide and 4" long, mostly fat, eeewww! In the UK I shall look forward to a nice juicy real egg 'n' bacon sarnie! So far I havent even seen Muller yoghurt/rice or Walkers crisps or even pork scratchings let alone some Haywards piccalilli. Carefull of the British food shops, a lot of the stuff is past the sell by date. On the other hand where in the UK can you buy a 2" high steak and would fill your plate for $10?:blink:

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

lol...a friend of mine who still lives in Aus and has done for many years said to me not long after our first meeting..."I'd kill for decent bacon...it's looks great here but taste's of nothing, if you have family coming over can you ask them t bring bacon, walker cheese and onion crisps, toffee crisp bars" (her list went on for about an hour..lol)..me being a new arrival thought her a bit barmy..lol...but after being "back home" for a few months now...wow...bacon here...well I am going to have to ban myself from it....bacon sarnies....big breakfast's....oh my hips....and I have to wear blinkers when I walk past the "sweetie" section.....walkers oven roasted cheese and Onion crisps....cor blimey...they are just delicious....by the end of the year if I carry on like I am....I am going to be rolling everywhere.....lol...

Re: Should I stop using this forum?
 

Yeah - but, you will be happy!!!!:thumbup: