Lorry1

Hi all,

OH says I should stop coming on this forum, particularly the MBTTUK section as it's making me depressed. He says I should embrace Canada, make more friends and stop hanging out with Brits.

The thing is, I do have Canadian 'friends' but don't have such a laugh as I do with British people. Canadians are friendly and welcoming people, but beyond that I find them quite shallow and boring.

I come on this forum to get that laugh and meet others in the same situation. This forum just 'makes my day' sometimes with the humour.

There is nothing particularly I do not like about Canada, it is a great Country and I definately feel that the kids, and me are safer here. The only downside is, I don't feel like it's my home and I feel like I don't belong somehow.

Does anyone else think they could make more of a go at it if they try harder and stop using forums like this?

SDDep

Dont worry about it...I think lots of us use the forum for fun and a bit of escapism etc...it doesnt make me depressed (depending on whose posting)

If you do feel down etc after you come on here, then maybe take a break or just pick and choose the threads you are looking at..

Misery loves company after all...only reading about going home would prob make me want to go home too..


Your world (hopefully) doesnt revolve around the internet so I wouldnt get too caught up in it..

Even if you went "home" it wouldnt be how you left it anyway..and besides..you and the family are in canada, that makes it home...right..

Simon Legree

OH is probably right ! Stop listening to whinging, Brits or otherwise. Don't sweat the small stuff and even though we are, as you say, "shallow and boring" embrace your new life. You might find it isn't so bad after all.

N1cky

I found that this site depressed me when I first started coming on, I was homesick and kept looking at the moving home threads. I now come on here lots of times everyday, I've met friends, I have a laugh, I share experiences and sometimes I have a cry at what some people are going through.

I haven't been into the moving back section for months (I sometimes post from the right side latest threads). I'm not homesick any more and lots of it is down to this site.

dunroving

I have to take time away from BE sometimes because it does my head in. For some people it's because you are homesick and you it's hard to read about people who have gone back and are happy, or you read stories about wonderful Britain and it makes you even more homesick. For me, I just need to forget I was ever an expat and just get on with day-to-day life. Or I can't stand to read all the US threads because it reminds me I#m no longer there.

Only you know whether BE is making your life better or worse.

quoll

Can you make a go of it if you dont frequent this site (and others like it)?

IMHO it is totally irrelevant. I felt like I didnt belong in Australia right from the get go. I have/had friends who are Aussies and other migrants but even without this forum I just didnt gel. Sites like this actually help me from depression because they take away the knowledge that I am not Robinson Crusoe here and I can relate to folk in "my" way and to be myself unlike in real life where you put your happy face on in the morning and trudge through each day.

If you get something out of the board then stick around. If it is taking over your life then perhaps have a break to get some "real life" experience sorted out. But to ascribe exogenous depression to a board when the rest of your life is in turmoil is naive in the extreme.

Woodpigeon

It's a fine line to draw.

I lurked around the site on and off for ages before joining, posting, and reading on a regular basis. When I first read MBTTUK it did two things for me: 1. it made me realise that I am not the only expat who still experiences homesickness (after 7.5 years of being away from UK), and that that is acceptable, and 2. it helped me find some sort of peace and make some sort of longterm/in the future decision which has helped me to cope with most of the bouts of homesickness.

OTOH, reading the NZ forum can make me feel even more homesick and even feel cheated cos others seem to have settled so well and in less time than I have been here.

When I feel myself starting to become so down that I think I could be heading towards feeling depressed (rather than just homesick) then I back off. At these times I don't come anywhere near MBTTUK, and restrict what I read in the NZ forum.

But I like to come back for the support and to spend time with people who have had similar experiences to me.

Actually, now I think about it, I think using this site is a little like drinking alcohol - when you are 'up' it makes you feel better and have more fun, but when you're already down its just going to take you lower. So like alcohol, use it wisely

lilybilly101

OH MY GOODNESS SO TRUE. Just off to have a glass......ok, so I do both!

I think you're right, we seek what we want depending on our mood at the time. Being on here is usually helpful for me but I think it constantly reinforces that desire to go home. If I was going to stay for longer then I would probably not do this......just get on with life and take it for what it is. Enjoy it if you can.

dunroving

That's an interesting analogy and I think you are right (for me, anyway). I also find if I come on here when I'm in a foul mood I end up getting into arguments with some of the dipsticks who thrive on winding people up. I don't need that kind of bad karma when I'm already down in the dumps.

pammiej

I so agree...before we moved to Canada, we just read forums like this to support our decision, when I was unhappy in Canada, I used the forum to assist me in making a decision and now I am back in England I used the forum initially to justify my decision to return and now i just like to know what is going on with every one's lives and offer some input.

it is easy to get addicted to the site - i am a daily lurker even though i am back in the UK and so so happy to be here - and i can see how being on the MBTUK site can make it difficult to adjust to daily life in the country you are in particularly if its not the one of your choice....

BUT without this site both at the time and after my moving back, I could never have felt as good about the decisions I made without the fantastic advice and support from people who are essentially strangers but who could empathise with my situation in a way that no other person around me could.

Lorry, I don't think your OH can fully understand your situation which is why you are drawn to the forum time and time again....so maybe just discreet lurking is called for at rationed moments!!!

Sorry just putting my two penneth in!

Lorry1

Thanks for your replies, and I think you are all correct

This forum cheers me up when I'm in a good mood and makes me feel sad when I'm down.

I didn't mean to cause offense by saying Canadians are shallow and boring!
My wording is sometimes crap
I have many Canadian friends who are great people.
I simply meant that they do not always understand my humour and I do not have the same fun as I do with Brits.
Maybe they all think I'm too crazy and OTT

It is hard to build up friendships from scratch, you really have to make an effort. I don't have to make an effort with my friends in England, it just comes naturally because I've known most of them since being young.

Anyway, I am banning myself rom the MBTTUK forum for a while. I will allow myself on the Canada section and the general section

Steve&Tanya

I had to reply to this as I have been in a "down" phase recently and seriously looked at moving back. Hubby blames me looking on here and talking to my friends back in the UK

Personally I don't think the forum is the cause of my homesickness and depression. Hubby has no desire to return and so cannot understand how I feel so I think he is looking for a way to justify how I feel lol!

Like you I don't dislike Canada and up until the end of last year I even felt that I belonged here, but something changed and now I really don't know where I want to be

The joys of the life of an Expat eh?!

lilybilly101

It's so terribly difficult. For me, I have to go back to just try it for a while, hopefully forever! I kind of landed here by accident and I've enjoyed living in a stunningly gorgeous place but the pull has finally tugged one too many times.

I don't think the forum can make you homesick but it can compound how one feels when you find others feeling the same. It's heartening to know you're not alone but it can create a mind set.

I have tried REALLY hard to settle here but work opportunities are so poor for the both of us that it's time to depart and move to a recession hit Britain that will have teaching jobs for me and more IT work for hubby (or we hope so anyway).

My husband has put off doing this for seven years he said and has finally given in! He's actually looking forward to it but it's been a long road to get to this point in our journey. It's really hard (understatement of the year) when one person doesn't want to return.

Anyway, furniture is gone and I'm left with some lovely memories but at peace that this is the right decision for us at this point in our lives. We're a little young for a retired life style I think. We'll see.....

tdib

Hi

Its an interesting question. In my previous incarnations I have been skulking around British Expats for a long time - starting out by looking for info on moving to Australia about 10 years ago (although it feels a lot longer than that).

As time went on I gravitated to the MBTTUK forum and I guess that tells its own story. There have been times when it has been a help to me through providing "social proof" that I wasn't the only one struggling with life and wanting to go home. At other times though I felt that it wasn't helping at all. Logging on to read another "I've made a decision - we will be home by Christmas" can be profoundly depressing when you know you have no chance of doing likewise. So, I have periodically stayed away from British Expats so I don't slide into a "homesick ghetto" mentality. Keep coming back though

Its taken a long while but time & circumstance mean that I have a more balanced view of both UK and Australia so it doesn't affect me as much either way. Suppose I can only echo what the other posters have sensibly said - use the forum if it is a help but take a break if its becoming a hindrance.

I'd like to make one point though - I know Chinese people here in Australia - they are still Chinese, I know Maoris - they are still Maori, how come its only British people who are supposed to completely abandon their identity or be accused of not wanting to "fit in" ? That gets my goat.

brits1

Have to agree with you.......depression usually comes from "how you are feeling yourself"....to blame web sites etc is just another easy option than really looking at your life and changing it......I say whatever floats your boat (as long as it's legal..lol)....if reading and going on sites like this makes you happy for a few mins a day etc...then nobody should begrudge you that........and if you want to try and stop reading our wonderfully excellent British comments and see how you go on then do so.....all the best.....