louiseinfrance

Hi,

I am new to this site and was absiolutely delighted to finfd this forum.

I live in the vendee region in france with my husband. we are both 22 and have been living out here for nearly a year. and i want to go home. after some careful consideration my husband has decided he wants to go too.

I will be going home (UK) on monday and will be staying with a friend and working with my mum but andrew will have to stay in france for 6 months while he waits for our dogs papaerwork to come through and to sort our houses out. My parents in law live here too and they seem determined to make us miserable about leaving.

when we got here we bought two conjoined houses and we have renovated them both completely. we now rent one house to my grandma-in-law. my parents-in-law are saying that it will cost us over 6000 euros to get the gas and electricity board to separate the supplies of the properties, that our houses are worth next to nothing, the rental market is rubbish, we won't be able to come back and work ever agin because people will have gossiped about us, the bank will put up our interest rate if we aren't living here etc etc.

Also we are in an extremely awkward situation as my mother-in-law has signed guarantor against our mortgage - as HER mother invested a lot of money into a french bank account, so if it all goes pear shaped, that will pay the mortgage. SO she is saying that she will remove that if we move back. bearing in mind that we knew nothing about it until after we had signed - and wouldn't have bought the property if we HAD known, this seems a bit spiteful. They have also slipped in that they could just transfer the house over to them if we couldn't do anything with it - convenient or what?!?!?

I am now not feeling positive at all about going as i think we may end up falling out about it. I am already sad about having to leave my hubby here (no choice have to go now to help my mum with her business) so this is the last thing we need.

Sorry to ramble on! anyone got any advice?

dunroving

Do you have a choice, or not? Your question indicates you have a choice, but your message (above) indicates the opposite.

If you really don't have a choice then the answer is obvious - but I'd add "Don't have regrets". Just go, and make the best of a bad situation.

If you do have a choice (will your mum's business fail just because you're not there?), it seems very much to me like you should stay and be with your husband. Six months isn't that long.

louiseinfrance

My mums business would fail if i don't go, and i really want to work with her. I would be an equal partner and can choose my hours and no boss - heaven!

The reason that the opportunity arose is because her business partner decided to quit and so she is left by herself. either i go next week or she will have to start winding it down.

There is an awful lot to sort out here, we haven't decided wether to rent out our houses or to sell them and the work won't be finished for another two weeks - but i suppose it will give my husband something to do!

We both really miss being "US" - although we speak a good amount of french, we still cannot be ourselves. the place where we are is about 20 years behind england and we miss being in a city. I miss nottingham, the cinema, jongleurs comedy club, sainsburys, CURRYS!!!!, kebabs after a night out, going to the pub, my friends, loads of stuff!

I feel we are making the right decision, we are too young to be settling in a little village but i wish that my parents-in-law wouldn't make us feel so bad about it. it is like we have let them down.

Linda Maxwell

Louise, I spent years abroad hoping that things would settle, and everything would be great. Indeed a lot of times things were great, but if you are not 100% committed, and are yearning for home, the only thing to do is go. You are lucky you are not so far away, flights are cheap, and travel time is short, could you not have the best of both worlds?

callé

Hi Louise. I have to say I agree with Linda. You are not that far away that maybe plenty of visits untill your husband can join you? And as far as working with your Mum...I think you are very lucky to have an opportuniy for a job with her. I would go for it if I were you. Maybe your in-laws will understand in time. Right now they are probably just using it as a way to keep you there. But thats not very fair of them if you arent happy.

honeymommy

Firstly you are very young, so this is just one of those new life experiences to go through..... It will all be OK...

Sounds like you really miss the UK, and I understand totally about being in a small village at your age. I couldn't wait to leave after growing up in a small village.

As far as the houses... I would suggest getting a few quotes to have the gas and electric seperated, get a valuation from an estate agent for property sale... Also look into the possibility of renting them out as holiday homes or even rented to someone long term. You just have to include utilities in the rental price which you prorate over a year... easy. Do the investigating yourself so you know it's fact.....

If this is not a possibility, then sometimes we just have to cut our losses and leave.. You are young... You have all your life to enjoy, don't let something like this hold you back and make you miserable...

I totally agree with the others... Make yourself happy, and do whats right for you....

I had an experience with someone signed as guarantor who threatened to pull out if I did something they didn't want me to do... I was still able to pay the loan even if I did what I wanted, but they were just being controlling... I did it anyway.. They backed down after a dam good bitch and moan....
Anyone that is controlling like that has their reasons, some are just control freaks, some do it out of need for love etc.....
Either way it's controlling and can be suffocating, making a persons life miserable...

Do what is right for you... You are the only person that can make yourself happy in your life..... Have no regrets and enjoy it..

Good luck to you....


If we never face fear, we never grow, we just stagnate...

louiseinfrance

Thanks everyone for your positive replies. I feel much better now!

Flights are very cheap, after april i can get flights to an airport not far away for £50 return so i will be able to see my husband at least once a month. I know that my mother-in-law just wants us to stay but i wish she could try to understand.

We found out today that nana, who we rent one of the houses to doesn't want to stay there after we go. so we are going to try to sell the main part of the house and pay off the mortgages off with that (not impossible as they have both been completely renovated) and keep the smaller part mortgage free for a holiday home. If that works out it will be great.

We still have a flat in the UK so we can go to that if we need, but we are hoping to get our own pub when andrew comes back.

I really don't feel like a failure as all we have done is tried something and decided it is not for us. I wish we could be coming over together but as it is not possible i suppose we will have to try to make the most of it!