It’s the truth IMO that people feel like they are failures when they decide a “new life” is not for them, they may not say it directly to you but friends and family DO look at you as some kind of failure for not making a go of it, they come on holiday and have 2 weeks of sand booze and new sights which give them the false impression that this is what life is like all the time, they don’t realise that the sun doesn’t always shine and that working 6 x 10 hour days a week leaves you shattered and the last thing on your mind is the beach on your day off.
I really think SOME people are still in a Country that they are not in love with is because they are scared to admit that they failed in their new lives to themselves and family and friends.

I dont think they have failed though.
why does it have to be a failure? If you try out living somewhere, decide you would rather live somewhere else so move there - isnt that the sensible thing to do? Havent they achieved rather than failed ie living somewhere they are happy?

If you lived in Scotland, say. then moved to London, decided you didnt like the lifestle so moved back to Scotland why would people say that was a failure? They wouldnt. So whats the difference between that and a move further overseas?

The bigger failure surely would be to stay somewhere where you are miserable to put on a front to the outside world.

I don't think that people are failures if their 'new life' is not for them. It takes a lot of guts to embark on such a journey in the first place, the easy option is to stay in your comfort zone. Without wanting to use the term 'fail' the saying goes "it is better to have failed trying, than failed to try". I can remember moving to the next town when we got married and did not settle, I did not feel like I had failed, I just didn't feel 'at home'. Moving to the other side of the world is not going to feel 'like home' for some considerable time for some people so just because you don't settle does not mean you have failed, you have had an adventure that has come to an end.

I agree it is not failure. We are going back to Australia because I can not settle here, and my english husband promised we could if I did not, but I wanted to give it a go for his sake.

I came here with the best intentions, this was it...sold the house/car, shipped the furniture/dogs etc baby on the way...but 2.5 years down the track, I still feel as alone/isolated and unsettled, which I can understand is what your going through.

I can not accept that the seasons are around the wrong way! for me it is just SO wrong that its cold right now...we should be in shorts/t-shirts sweating...and its vice versa for my husband.

But I know some people will be a bit funny..."you spent all that money moving, then you go through the process and go back again "(and boy its more expensive to go back that's for sure)

But at the end of the day, its your life and only you know what is right for you.

My family don't say it was a 'failure' as such, but know we should never have come.
I sometimes think it was a failure, but then i know that if we never came we would never know....not sure if i could live with that.
I wish we never came, but that's all too late now, time to repair the damage. New year, new challenges.

I certainly dont think it is a failure, but by the same token, I truly do not care if other people think it is!
I have got to the stage in my life where I live it for what myself and my husband want, not what other people say we should do or feel. I think until you learn to live your life this way no matter what the circumstances, you may well be failing, but in my book you are failing YOU by not making the decision that best suit you. The only way you fail in life is not doing what your heart desires.
Does that sound confusing? I know what I mean but i am not sure i explained it well... lol

My OH and I are planning a return to the UK, after our second time here; we certainly don't regard this as a failure - it's just been another chapter in our Big Adventure. Our family is so looking forward to our return - that alone is positive.
I agree with so many of the preceding comments....I think one of the reasons the word "failure" pops up is because some of the discussions on this forum (Canada especially - where I currently live), hate anyone to be negative about the country. I wonder, sometimes, if this is due in part to their own feelings of doubt.

Like Fleafly says............I really don't care what other people think about me - my life is unique to me and should not be judged by anyone else. And hey - at least you've done something different, which in itself is commendable

I think maybe people think we've "failed" if we return because life in the New Country (wherever it is) is supposed to be easier and better than in the UK.

Was thinking about it regarding self just a couple of days ago. My family doesn't understand why, after 30 years of living in the US, I'm not rich. Because in their eyes, salaries are higher, taxes are lower, goods are cheaper . . . . Any of which may be true in certain circumstances, but aren't necessarily so in any particular case.

It's been said in other threads, it's just as easy to be broke anywhere in the world as it is in the UK.

So no, it's not a failure. It's just that people who believe the grass to be greener on the other side don't understand the reality.

And that's why the MBTTUK section of BE is so important to many of us. Not just being supportive of each other as we come to the decision that we want (need) to go back, but also hearing from those who have done it and are glad they did.

Sarah

We moved to the Virgin Islands in 2000, hoping it would be a long term thing. We came back after 2 years but I have never viewed it as a failure because we learnt so much from it & in many ways it was a great experience. It just wasn't right for us!
We are now in the process of visas for Oz & we will view it in the same way. If it doesn't work out, so what? Whatever happens, you will have gained something from the experience. To never risk the experience IMO, is the failure!
Moving back is very hard in many ways but you got to do what is right for you & stuff what other folk think of you!

We're moving back to the UK in a couple of years. I'll have been here in the US for 15 years. Largely a very difficult 15 years. For personal reason, I belive my life would have been ten times harder if I'd stayed in the UK - I had a lot to learn and had to step away from my culture to do that. I realised last year that the person I have always called my best friend, isn't and hasn't been for a very long time. She is the one who doesn't understand why I want to come home. For the past 4 years the typical conversation between us, after the first hour or so has gone like this.

ME: "I'm really looking forward to coming home."

HER: (feigning surprise) Oh! Are you still planning on coming home then?

ME: Yes.

HER: Are you sure about that? I mean there's nothing here for you. I'd
think it over if I was you. What's Lou (OH) going to do? Poor Lou.

I then try to justify why it is I want to come home. Last year, I realised what was going on when I caught her smirking to herself during one of my explanations. She leads a near idyllic life in England, so I know it isn't jealousy on her part. I think she may be trying to tell me that I can't rely on her for social or emotional support when I go home. She's the only person who has done this to me and I feel very bitter towards her right now. We have rarely been in contact anyway for the last few years, though she is one of those people who will probably always be in my life to some degree.
I don't have any illusions at all about moving back to the UK. Some of the experience will be great, some of it crap. I'll take it all, thanks.

I got that from my MOTHER when I was back last time.

Agreed.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. It can be so hard when people who you thought you could count on to be supportive aren't.

My parents at every opportunity goad me with what are you going to do next. We see life as an adventure it has not been our choice to stay in the same house for 40 years. I have 3 brothers whose wives have never worked who all live in £500,000++ houses all settled with children gone to same schools etc etc. My OH and I have emigrated twice and have now decided to return to the UK in this summer. We shall have furniture to ship and about £25,000 in the bank and that is it. We are both the other side of 50, no jobs to go to, no house to go to. We have each other and 4 fantastic children. My parents think we have been mad to leave our children & 2 grandkids in the 1st place and I know it will be the talk of the town "there, there she tried but you know what she's like....never know what she is going to do next" We want to maybe move to a completely different part of the country as eldest son is in Wales, daughter is in Cyprus with her oh in the army & our youngest son is in the army based in Germany so family is nort the reason for our return, after 5 years here we just want to go home. Florida is a lovely place to take a holiday but living day in day out with these people does grind you down. We don't really see any friends, our social life is virtually zero thank god for all of you cyber buddies who lift my spirits..... Oh dear this is turning into a saga... I am upbeat, I am trying to think positively about this year being the one of the return, I don't think we have failed but I do believe others will assume that when we return......

Twigstar, you will have such great memories to look back on & have given your kids something irreplaceable, opening their eyes to different ways of life etc. How can that be a failure?
It's funny but the only person so far to question our move to Oz is a BIL who has never lived abroad, big house, successful career & completely full of his own self-importance! Personally, my values lie elsewhere!

My original post did not really put across what I was trying to say...
After the going away drink at you place of enployment and your party with friends and family a lot of people find it difficult to go home within 12 months as they will be seen as "not giving it a chance" by friends and family and will themselves feel a little guilty that they have these thoughts after only a few months, of course they have not failed...they have give it a go and if they had not tried it would always be thinking "if only" but it is family and friends who just dont understand what "working" in another country is like.