.......just want to go home !!!
only 16 weeks and 3 days until 2 years and feel like I've served my time 4 times over !!
Just had to share.............
Thank you and goodnight.
All the best,
Tass. x

ok ,sober this morning.
Mr Smirnoff and me don't mix very well at times of extreme homesickness.
Hope everyone has a great day ,
Thanks for listening,
All the best,
Tass. x

Hi Tass,

Can I just ask what it is about Sydney that you dont like? I think its a fantastic place and would swap with you in a second. Are you definitly going home? Are all of your family in the Uk and do you have any family with you?
Best of luck though,
Sue

Hi Sue !
Have you ever lived here ? or just holidayed ?
We are not going home. My husband loves his new life with a passion, he will never return and I love him too much to go back without him.
For me , the move was just not what I anticipated. We moved from a great lifestyle to sprawling suburbia where we can't afford to buy a house.I am in a cr#p job , have less friends and no family. I have never felt like this was worth everything I gave up and am constantly at conflict with myself that this is the life I now have forever.
I would be happy to move again and try a different area , job etc. but my husband is settled. I'm the one that stays at home with the kids and has to live with their upsets and struggles and I know how different things would have been right now if I had stayed put back home instead of aspiring to "live the dream"
There are many other reasons but they are all personal reflections.
For me , this is a place I would maybe retire to. The slow pace of life and don't give a sh#t attitude is something I'm surprisingly finding hard to adjust to ! We have less quality family time here than in the UK and after almost 2 years of hard grafting I feel we're still not any further forward !
We never moved over with a huge amount of money and had never been here before we moved.
We are both nurses and knew jobs were guaranteed but I wasn't prepared for the differences in that field either.
I really wanted to do this , probably more than my husband , but am devastated now at the way I feel about it all.I put EVERYTHING into this move.
I guess you can't really know until you do it yourself !
Hope this helps.
All the best and good luck to you,
Tass. x

i can relate with your post ...i moved here are after marrying a Sydney girl and I still have really tough days....i'm having one today actually. I tell you it does get better and you'll have more good days soon. For me its been 5 years on and off. I went back for a year and was even more confused after that! I find gettting involved in stuff in community helps. although u sound like time is a luxury. I also find that adapting to aussie culture is tough because its not so obvious how it differs....its an attitude change.... but i also want to hold onto my identity as a pommy.
sometimes i find myself wanting to plead to go back to UK with my wife but its hard when the other person is happy here!

I'm in the same boat over in Perth. Wife and kids love it, while I often sit here thinking "what have I done?".

I've been trying to be more positive, but it doesn't seem to be working. Not much to say really. You're not alone.

Hi Tass

Sorry to hear that you are suffering homesickness... many of us can relate but unfortunately we are too far away to help.
Last year I was in the same boat and my OH never wanted to move back. I did everything that I could to socialise and adapt but I was never content. Luckily for me after we became citizens my OH listened to how lonely and desperate I was and agreed that we could move back when we had finished renovating. Suddenly I saw light at the end of the tunnel and I got the spring back into my step. I guess that due to this I stopped trying to be Australian and adapted back into my English routine and put English expectations on to the children. Now they seem much more settled and although they sometimes complain that their friends are treated different they are overall much happier and I have made some great friends.
It is only now 3 years on nearly that I am happy and content here. For me my biggest mistake was trying to be Australian.
Maybe have a chat with your OH and see if you can review the situation in a few months. Maybe he just doesn't want to have to repeat the whole process back just to return again. There are many that have.

Hi Tass,

We have only ever holidayed there and I know that you can never compare a holiday to the everyday life you lead. We are in NZ. We both had wanted to go to Oz, like forever and ever. We were not skilled in anything they needed so decided to try Nz and have been here for 6 months. I dont feel totally settled there, not sure why. Dont know if its still early days or what but I just thought by this stage it would have felt more like home. It is a slower way of life here, but I dont think thats a bad thing in some respects. Kids love it. I just think that we would give it the 5 years till we can get citizenship and then decide whether to stay or try Oz which is where we both originally wanted to be. My sister is also moving to Sydney in 4yrs so I will have family there too. I can sympathize with you though and hope you get through this without too much stress!!
Sue

yeah...you just have to be yourself and like minded people will come along

Thanks for the replies everyone.
I know there are many other people out there who have similar experiences and worries. There is just not a forum for us to chat on without being labelled "whingers" !
I have been trying hard to get involved with everything of late. I took my daughter to Brownie Guides , after I had to search to find one, and am fed up with it already. There is no "team spirit" It's all about how much money they can get out of you instead of all the good things I remember about being a guide.Also ,took the kids bowling with group of friends and their mums from school . Was fun for 2 mins and then the competition started.It may be just my nature ,or a British thing , am not sure, but I have always participated in sports and encouraged the kids to take part. The "having fun" part is the important element, but I find very much for my Aussie friends that they actively encourage their kids from toddling age to be competitive and "in your face "with it.Despite the fact my 5 year old son had a higher score they were all jumping around shouting "You're crap!! and our family is beating yours ! "
Kinda spoils it, but say nothing because their all doing it and it's me thats weird.
There are loads of subtle differences and as someone said earlier , attitudes.
I'm not adapting to them all as easy as I thought I would.
Maybe , we could keep this thread going as a place for us "whingers" ??
Thanks again guys,
All the best,
Tass.

We've been here in Oz for 8 long years and although the first 2 were okay and a bit of an adventure, I realised that I could never live here for the rest of my life. My husband wouldn't contemplate returning home. He felt life was easier for us here and it caused a lot of arguments between us. His feelings about the place have now changed dramatically and we are planning to return to the UK to live.He,s probably more desperate than I am now, to go back.I can't wait to get back to a switched on life The attitude here has played a big part in the decision. We find the "who gives a toss" attitude extends into every part of life especially work and school .He's a tradesman and finds it hard to find something new to say about Holdens !
What I,m trying to say is that sometimes it takes a little longer for our partners to see what it is that we dislike about living here. I,ve been lucky, we're going home still as a couple.

but what if your partner is FROM here. Thats the dilemma I face. She doesnt see or feel things like I do and that makes me feel quite isolated. i want to put my finger on why i want to go back but cant but i have a feeling that my trip back this xmas will help me a bit. i mentioned teh subtle differences Tas and yeah, there is a difference in attitude. Its whether you can cope with being different inside and the people who cant acccept that. Stuff the people who cant accept you for being who you are I say - this country is a country of immigrants and it will forever be adapting because of it. Thats another thing - its so easy to miss an english identity you had back home (something that u take for granted)...people latch onto sport here for culture....i find it boring conversation.

I understand your dilemma, Wombatboy. I really hope your trip back at Xmas will help.All the best

Thats what makes it hardest, when your partner is at home here, and you are not. My husband doesn't understand why I feel isolated, because he is an Aussie, and he understands life here, he's always lived here. The longer I am here, the less I feel that I fit.

When I came here my ambition was to see Australia as my home. I now know it'll never be that, and have stopped trying to make it so. Its just the place I live in, it'll never be home.
Its even come down to things like - I came back from my dad's funeral this week, with a photo of my sister and myself, with her kids - we were in black hats and outfits. He actually scoffed and said it wouldn't happen here, and we were "odd" for wearing black.

I have given up trying to "fit" at work, and have settled into being "English" - people actually accept me better now, they tend to see me as a bit eccentric at times but explain it as me being a mad Pom, but are much more friendly than when I was trying to fit in and failing. Hanging onto my English identity does seem to be making things a bit easier around work if not in the rest of my life. The other thing that helps me is always planning my next trip home - then I have something to aim for and work towards.

Hi everyone,
I know exactly how you all feel and have been there and done that.
We've been here for 3 yéars now and still have difficulty sometimes. The first year wasn't too bad as I was working and OH was studying. I was in a job I hated and OH couldn't get a job. Then I got another job and OH finally got a job aswell so things were more or less ok. My Dad died when we first got here and we couldn't go back for the funeral and then my OH's dad died and we went back to the UK 18 months ago for the funeral and catch up with friends. Shortly after that things changed at work and and the 'girls' I worked with turned into immature bitches and I wondered what I had signed up for. I had just committed to being there for 3 years and suddenly they turned on me. Seriously p!ssed me off for a few months and then I thought &*(^ them. Money was very tight and we didn't have money for going out and had no friends to socialise with and the family that I had over here which I thought I could count on carried on with their lives and virtually ignored us. Then beginning of this year we reached an all time low. OH got made redundant with less than 2 weeks to go for a payout and the place he was studying at went bust. All within 2 days of the new year. We wondered what the hell we had done to deserve this. Australia was supposed to be the dream we had been dreaming for years and we were finally here and we were being dumped on majorly. OH got a job within 2 months thankfully and I discovered this website which has been a haven. We have developed a great social life with fellow BE members in Melbourne and we are actually having a fun time. OH hates his job and he is searching for something else and we have decided that this time next year when I've finished my studying we will decide what we do then. We might move further north or we might try another country or we may even go back to the UK. At the end of the day, we have been to Oz, we have tried it and we shall see what happens in the future. Nothing can replace the friends we left in the UK and we got a text from a dear friend the other day asking when we were going back and that really hit the spot if you know what I mean.
All I can say is try to get out to the meet-ups organised on this site and get talking to fellow expats who can understand how you feel and even if they don't share your views they will help you feel better within yourselves just by comparing stories, if not make you feel at home.
Phew, didn't mean to write so much - need a drink now.