honeymommy

Hi.. Forgive me if I am incorrect, but from your post, are you saying you have been back in the UK for 12 weeks?

iaink

To be fair, he was only in Canada for a little longer than that!

ladyofthelake

Seems like he is in culture shock now too, only this time it's the UK. Maybe he should consider giving himself some more time to try and settle. I've been here in Florida 3 years and only really just starting to get that settled feeling. You really can't make a decision about a place in 6 months or even worse 12 weeks. Feeling at home and comfortable with a place is a long process. This is really not the time to be making such knee jerk reactions.

Rete

I realize I'm not British nor am I Canadian nor am I an immigrant. However, I felt compelled to participate in your poll and I hope that my participation does not cause a problem for anyone here.

My thoughts are from the old school of parenting. The parents are the ones in control of the household, not the children. While it is nice of parents to allow their children to have a voice in minor day to day decisions such as what to have for dinner, which movie to go to, etc., major changes to a family's lifestyle is the sole responsibility of the parents. Sounds harsh to today's young parents, I'm sure. But I'm 56 and my children are raised and living on their own. They do not and did not consult me on whom they chose to live their lives with nor where they were to move to when they left home. Once they were adults and financially self-sufficient, they had earned the right to make the sole decisions on their lives and lifestyles. Until that day arrived, regardless of their ages, they were living under my domain and had to adhere to house rules even at the age of 30.

I see today's society as being far to permissive with children and allowing them freedom to make decisions that their minds and emotions are not equipped to make in a responsible manner. An 8, 9, 10 or 14 year old child is just that ... a child. They are not adults and even the law does not treat them as adults when they commit heinous crimes against society. Why are parents giving them responsibilities that they are ill equipped to deal with.

If you and your wife have carefully researched the return to Canada and weighted the pros and cons for yourselves and what they are for your children and your decision is that the best place in the world for you to be at this time in is Canada, then go to Canada. Your sons are planning careers in medicine you said. Do you think this profession will coddle your son and that he will advance far in his field of choice if he is unable to deal, at his young age with the added educational challenges presented to him in Canada? By allowing him to remain in the UK with his grandparents so he can attend a school where he is not expected to be challenged academically are you doing him a favor?

The choice of where you live is up to you. Remember that it is YOUR choice. Not the choice of your sons.

Rete

Flame retardant suit is in place ...

SANDRAPAUL

No flame thrower from this direction. As an example allowing 16/17 years olds to vote. More pre-occupied with the first love story and certainly as a general rule not able to decide between Tory/Labour/Lib Dem. Even I have trouble seeing the differences and I doubt many 20 somethings ever sat through days of no electricity/gas/local services as I recall doing in the lovely days of the 70's. Experience and world knowledge should come with age but not always.

iaink

In this case I dont think it is culture shock, as they werent ever in Canada long enough to get used to a new culture. I think its just a fresh reminder of the reasons they wanted to leave in the first place that were forgotten on arriving in Canada.

mandpete

We've been in the US for 3 years now and it took my son probably 12-18 months to really settle in at school and find a group of really good friends. He loves it here now and considers it home.

During those first 18 months he went through some really tough times and a couple of times we really did consider all moving back to the UK but we stuck with it and eventually everything turned out OK. At no point did we ever consider sending him back to the UK to be with his grandparents (who would have loved having him). We would have missed him terribly and his younger sister would be completely lost without him even though they do fight like cat and dog most of the time. Plus I wouldn't want my parents having to go through the trauma of living with a teenager in the house again, they've done it 3 times already.

When children visit their grandparents for a couple of days or weeks they think it's great because they get spoiled and can do more or less what they want but living with them permanently is another matter.

Can't offer you any advice but whatever you decide stick with that decision and good luck.

ladylisa

Are you sure after a few weeks of Canada and then 12 weeks in the Uk your not getting into a trap of being scared to commit yourselves to any one place. Making the decision to move is hard, the moving process is pretty easy however making a life and working through issues is the really tough part.

stepnek

I think there lies the problem in that nowadays it's very tough to apply the principles of yesteryear good parenting. Family life now seems to be under attack from every direction and children are too easily given the ammunition they need to make life so difficult for parents. Personally I've tried the approach of not just requiring respect from my children (simply because I'm their Dad) but also as they've grown in earning it through my actions. I believe it's worked for me and as my daughters have grown up I think it's all about mutual respect and once they start becoming young adults working hard to keep the communication open at all times. Of course as individuals we are going to have our own set of standards that we wish to apply but I think that above a certain age we must give careful consideration to what our children need (and desire) and not to think we always know what's best. After all is moving to another continent really what's best? It has to be considered as a calculated gamble.

In summary all I'm saying is that our children are not stupid and will learn to make judgements themselves on what decisions we make. If we don't know what we want ourselves or we can't stick with it they notice these things. What do we want from our children? Their love and respect or to just do as we tell them because we are always right?

SANDRAPAUL

Anybody notice that MrsG voted?

iaink

I Dont think its that MrsG, judging by other posts.

SANDRAPAUL

Sorry. I am obviously not up to speed.

ladylisa

who's Mrs G?

iaink

Theres "MrsG" who voted in this poll, and theres Glaswegians better half, who often signed "Mrs G" AFAIK they are unrelated. Glaswegian is sadly missed from the canada forum since work interfered with his leasure time and he retired to get on with real life rather than hang around here. I'm actually rather jealous as I cant break my addiction Probably time to try again though.