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Not sure whether to cry, scream or continue drinking!

Not sure whether to cry, scream or continue drinking!

Old Apr 19th 2007, 4:13 pm
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Unhappy Not sure whether to cry, scream or continue drinking!

So there we were last night doing our weekly 'should we go or should we stay' discussion. Yes over beer, on perhaps less sleep than we both should have, in a cold basement with the snow STILL falling (in April...... I know should be used to it by now, afterall it has been 6 years) well thought we would again check out house prices in the UK, and my was that depressing.

We had agreed that part of the reason for the move would be to be closer to my family, so that the boys can have a closer relationship with their Nanny and Grandad and cousins. So therefore we were looking for houses in the same area. And yes I suppose I am a little bit of a location snob there are a few areas that you just won't get me considering. Well anyway what it eventually boiled down to was that if I wanted to live withing 6 miles of Mum then we need to win the lottery. There are houses available but part of me just balks at paying 174,995 small 3 bed end terrace place, with almost no garden, back or front.
I suppose I have this very romantic view of living close enough to my folks that the kids can go visit everyday if they want, that we can get together to go on a joint dog walk, without one of us or both of us having to drive 15 minutes to meet at a central location. That Mum can help with the 3 boys when OH is late back from work.
The whole work thing is another sticking point. Due to OH's career, it would likely mean a job in London, or other major city. London would mean we could live close to Mum (if we were willing to pay) but would also mean a long commute for OH. Currently he can be home in 20 minutes, so goes in for 7.00/7.30am and is home by 4.00/4.30pm. This allows him time to play with the kids or cook dinner. The opportunity to volunteer at activities with the kids and then still have time/daylight for walking the dog, ilicit trips to Dairy Queen etc...... Hence the possibility of leaving for work at 5.00am and not returning until 7.00pm not that attractive to either of us. Should I be apologsing but I am used to and like the fact that he is here to help with the day-today mundane things.
Sure we could move to a location closer to work, but then the support network which was a prime reason for moving, would not be there. I have this feeling that I would probably see less of the family if we were based elsewhere in the UK than I currently do here in Canada. I know my folks, my Mum is busy with her stuff, my Dad only travels to go on holiday, my elder sister says she would visit, but she has her new relationships/business so wouldn't be holding my breath until she made a trip and my younger sister, well she herself has just planned a move 40 minutes away from the family - I am waiting to see how often she will see my parents! not often I think.
So basically we are screwed! Give up my OH's time with the kids/me, compromise on the support of my parents/sister, give up on ever being able to afford to buy a house....
So part of me is sitting here wondering whether it is at all worth it. I am not in the situation that I am 100% homesick, in fact there are a few things I miss, but I can certainly live without them (probably not all that good for me anyway - food) the important parts of my family will come visit (although perhaps as of next year, less often, dad retires so less money there for trips across the pond) Is the fact the winter never seems to be ending clouding my mood?
I think to myself that perhaps I am better to sit here and imagine what it would be like to live in the UK with my rose tinted glasses on, than to actually uproot the kids, OH and dog. Move over to love it for the first month then struggle to find somewhere to live, hate the commute OH is doing and end up regreting the whole move - having to go back through the whole process of leaving my family again (in particular my Mum) and then struggle to get back onto the housing market in Alberta (yes we would probably come back here as this is where OH family is, and it seems that is important to us both, the contact with the family).
Other options, move back to Calgary (not sure we could afford to do that long term financially with me not working)perhaps it is because I am so lonely here in Red Deer that the move to the UK is attractive (although I ask myself time and time again why I would be going back when I have more friends in Canada than I ever had in the UK), so perhaps a move to Calgary would be better!!!! The commute wasn't that bad for OH in Cowtown.
Or stay here in Red Deer......... Couldn't stay in this house though as it was only a temporary buy until our 'dream home' was built. That's not happening now though. So do we stick it out, volunteer left right and centre and try to build/buy our dream home. Use the money to go visit my folks once a year and go to Cornwall/lakedistrict/yorkshire with them, afterall I think it is this what we are really missing, the family vacations. Give up on the family christmas (OH's family are pretty dysfunctional the majority of times so no hope there of family get togethers that are enjoyable) perhaps pay for my folks to come over.

Sorry to be soooo long and boring. It helps to write it all down though. I think today we will investigate how long it will take to build here in Red Deer and whether there is anything available that I like. If there is nothing or we are looking at over a year then I think next on our list is reviewing the MLS listings again. After that who knows. The reason for rush, well the dog will be eligible to travel as of August 22, and if we don't go before October 31st then it will mean traveling with Air Canada and the cost involved there, or waiting for Zoom to recommence flights to Gatwick early next year. I will need to know fairly soon whether to apply for OH's visa - no more than 3 months before we want to use it. Also the longer we stay of the UK property market the harder it will be to get onto it in the first place.

Hence the crying, screaming and drinking, none of which I can really do, crying and screaming would scare the kids and we are out of beer.... DO have some choccy biccy's though.............
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Old Apr 19th 2007, 6:34 pm
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Default Re: Not sure whether to cry, scream or continue drinking!

Well done, it's good to get it off your chest

We too are having the constant discussions and looking on the internet at house prices, I don't know why we keep looking though, the prices aren't going to get any better.

We have a similar problem to you, we want to return to where we were before, we would be near family and friends, also it would be a good area for hubby to get work, he intends to go self employed and he has a lot of friends and contacts that he can sub work off of until he is established. However the house prices are high and I hate the thought of paying 170k - 180k on a 3 bed mid terrace.

You said about needing to make a decision by August, do you think that maybe the pressure of the dead line is making it even harder for you to know what to do.
I feel under pressure because if we go back then I want to be back in time for the schools to start in September this is making it harder for me.

Take your time, if you rush you risk making the wrong decision.

I have sent you karma
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Old Apr 19th 2007, 7:01 pm
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Default Re: Not sure whether to cry, scream or continue drinking!

Originally Posted by bramblebush
Well done, it's good to get it off your chest

We too are having the constant discussions and looking on the internet at house prices, I don't know why we keep looking though, the prices aren't going to get any better.

We have a similar problem to you, we want to return to where we were before, we would be near family and friends, also it would be a good area for hubby to get work, he intends to go self employed and he has a lot of friends and contacts that he can sub work off of until he is established. However the house prices are high and I hate the thought of paying 170k - 180k on a 3 bed mid terrace.

You said about needing to make a decision by August, do you think that maybe the pressure of the dead line is making it even harder for you to know what to do.
I feel under pressure because if we go back then I want to be back in time for the schools to start in September this is making it harder for me.

Take your time, if you rush you risk making the wrong decision.

I have sent you karma
I suppose part of the rush is purely of my own making. I know that if we decide to go, but wait until early next year, I am not sure whether my sanity will cope with another winter here in red deer with nothing for the kids to do outside of the house. We would not move if this was the decision and I really do not like this house, which doesn't help my mood either - which I am upset to say invariable rubs off on the kids.
The eldest will be 5 next September so if he is to go to school in the UK I would want to be there the term before...... i.e. May/June 08.

Thanks for the karma, really appreciate it, helps to make me feel less lonesome.
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Old Apr 20th 2007, 12:49 am
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Default Re: Not sure whether to cry, scream or continue drinking!

It's a shocker isn't it when you look at the house prices back there. What you get for your money is stupid.

I'm saying to OH, "It's o.k dear, I'll move you from your lovely 4 x 2 with a pool in the garden and just plonk you in a little 3 bed semi back in the UK....you o.k with that then?" He's horrified!

I've come to realise we cannot have everything; somethings gotta give. So, if you are prepared to be a little further away from family, will you be able to afford more? Would OH be happier with that compromise? The way I see it, o.k, you'll have to get in the car and drive maybe 40 mins to see your folks but it sure as hell beats getting on a plane and sitting in a tube for 9 hours!!!!
(in our case, flying 20 hours!)

Good luck to you. Oh, and can you send me some snow over, I'm sick of the sunshine!!!
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Old Apr 20th 2007, 3:11 am
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Default Re: Not sure whether to cry, scream or continue drinking!

Originally Posted by polarbearmum
I suppose part of the rush is purely of my own making. I know that if we decide to go, but wait until early next year, I am not sure whether my sanity will cope with another winter here in red deer with nothing for the kids to do outside of the house. We would not move if this was the decision and I really do not like this house, which doesn't help my mood either - which I am upset to say invariable rubs off on the kids.
The eldest will be 5 next September so if he is to go to school in the UK I would want to be there the term before...... i.e. May/June 08.

Thanks for the karma, really appreciate it, helps to make me feel less lonesome.
It's tricky but something tells me you won't be 100% happy if you stay in Canada. It will always be bugging you.

Can you just rent out your house for a while and go and test the waters back in the UK. From what I read your kids are young so it's really an ideal age and they will get so much out of spending time with their grandparents.

Funny enough my 13 year old son is so keen to move back to England to spend time with his Grandad. They used to do so much together and have a special bond. I keep checking with him to make sure he definitely is happy to move back and he is so excited. That to me is worth everything, to see him so happy.

I'll send some Karma your way. Chin up!
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Old Apr 20th 2007, 3:24 am
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Default Re: Not sure whether to cry, scream or continue drinking!

Nothing to add really, just wanted to say good luck with whatever you do do.

Also you need to think about what you want aswell as everyone else....

Also send me some snow aswell as TraceyW as I too am sick of the Sunshine.

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Old Apr 20th 2007, 10:24 am
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Default Re: Not sure whether to cry, scream or continue drinking!

i'll just send you karma and hope for the best. At the end of the day if you do end up in a small 3 bed semi (like we probably will) I dont give a shit anymore!!! is just somewhere to sleep and eat and it will be your "home" and at least you will be happy in the fact thats where you belong, I cant be doing with all this status about a big house etc, been there done it, dont make you feel any better, and if you stayed there it would probably cost you an arm and leg to move as well...(just my thoughts anyway),

It might be smaller, but it will be yours and you in your heart will feel happier...

Good luck with what you decide xx
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Old Apr 20th 2007, 5:34 pm
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Wink Re: Not sure whether to cry, scream or continue drinking!

Originally Posted by TraceyW
It's a shocker isn't it when you look at the house prices back there. What you get for your money is stupid.

I'm saying to OH, "It's o.k dear, I'll move you from your lovely 4 x 2 with a pool in the garden and just plonk you in a little 3 bed semi back in the UK....you o.k with that then?" He's horrified!

I've come to realise we cannot have everything; somethings gotta give. So, if you are prepared to be a little further away from family, will you be able to afford more? Would OH be happier with that compromise? The way I see it, o.k, you'll have to get in the car and drive maybe 40 mins to see your folks but it sure as hell beats getting on a plane and sitting in a tube for 9 hours!!!!
(in our case, flying 20 hours!)

Good luck to you. Oh, and can you send me some snow over, I'm sick of the sunshine!!!
It's me with the concerns about living too far away from my folks. I suppose I have this romantic view of eventually letting the kids walk to Nanny's house for a cup of tea.

We priced up how much it would be to visit this Sept instead of moving. We are looking at least a $5000 bill for flights, without car hire and kennel fees for the monster over here. As of June next year that will be even more as the little one turns 2 and we have to pay full fare for him. So if we stay visits to the UK will only happen once every 2-3 or possiby 4 years. I can't live with that.

My boys decided that they would make you a snowman... Well actually Mummy would make the snowman and they would say it was their's......... So here it is for you. Libby aswell of course. Anyone else who wants to share the snow, go ahead, more than enough for all as far as I am concerned.
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Old Apr 20th 2007, 10:47 pm
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Default Re: Not sure whether to cry, scream or continue drinking!

Originally Posted by polarbearmum
So there we were last night doing our weekly 'should we go or should we stay' discussion. Yes over beer, on perhaps less sleep than we both should have, in a cold basement with the snow STILL falling (in April...... I know should be used to it by now, afterall it has been 6 years) well thought we would again check out house prices in the UK, and my was that depressing.

We had agreed that part of the reason for the move would be to be closer to my family, so that the boys can have a closer relationship with their Nanny and Grandad and cousins. So therefore we were looking for houses in the same area. And yes I suppose I am a little bit of a location snob there are a few areas that you just won't get me considering. Well anyway what it eventually boiled down to was that if I wanted to live withing 6 miles of Mum then we need to win the lottery. There are houses available but part of me just balks at paying 174,995 small 3 bed end terrace place, with almost no garden, back or front.
I suppose I have this very romantic view of living close enough to my folks that the kids can go visit everyday if they want, that we can get together to go on a joint dog walk, without one of us or both of us having to drive 15 minutes to meet at a central location. That Mum can help with the 3 boys when OH is late back from work.
The whole work thing is another sticking point. Due to OH's career, it would likely mean a job in London, or other major city. London would mean we could live close to Mum (if we were willing to pay) but would also mean a long commute for OH. Currently he can be home in 20 minutes, so goes in for 7.00/7.30am and is home by 4.00/4.30pm. This allows him time to play with the kids or cook dinner. The opportunity to volunteer at activities with the kids and then still have time/daylight for walking the dog, ilicit trips to Dairy Queen etc...... Hence the possibility of leaving for work at 5.00am and not returning until 7.00pm not that attractive to either of us. Should I be apologsing but I am used to and like the fact that he is here to help with the day-today mundane things.
Sure we could move to a location closer to work, but then the support network which was a prime reason for moving, would not be there. I have this feeling that I would probably see less of the family if we were based elsewhere in the UK than I currently do here in Canada. I know my folks, my Mum is busy with her stuff, my Dad only travels to go on holiday, my elder sister says she would visit, but she has her new relationships/business so wouldn't be holding my breath until she made a trip and my younger sister, well she herself has just planned a move 40 minutes away from the family - I am waiting to see how often she will see my parents! not often I think.
So basically we are screwed! Give up my OH's time with the kids/me, compromise on the support of my parents/sister, give up on ever being able to afford to buy a house....
So part of me is sitting here wondering whether it is at all worth it. I am not in the situation that I am 100% homesick, in fact there are a few things I miss, but I can certainly live without them (probably not all that good for me anyway - food) the important parts of my family will come visit (although perhaps as of next year, less often, dad retires so less money there for trips across the pond) Is the fact the winter never seems to be ending clouding my mood?
I think to myself that perhaps I am better to sit here and imagine what it would be like to live in the UK with my rose tinted glasses on, than to actually uproot the kids, OH and dog. Move over to love it for the first month then struggle to find somewhere to live, hate the commute OH is doing and end up regreting the whole move - having to go back through the whole process of leaving my family again (in particular my Mum) and then struggle to get back onto the housing market in Alberta (yes we would probably come back here as this is where OH family is, and it seems that is important to us both, the contact with the family).
Other options, move back to Calgary (not sure we could afford to do that long term financially with me not working)perhaps it is because I am so lonely here in Red Deer that the move to the UK is attractive (although I ask myself time and time again why I would be going back when I have more friends in Canada than I ever had in the UK), so perhaps a move to Calgary would be better!!!! The commute wasn't that bad for OH in Cowtown.
Or stay here in Red Deer......... Couldn't stay in this house though as it was only a temporary buy until our 'dream home' was built. That's not happening now though. So do we stick it out, volunteer left right and centre and try to build/buy our dream home. Use the money to go visit my folks once a year and go to Cornwall/lakedistrict/yorkshire with them, afterall I think it is this what we are really missing, the family vacations. Give up on the family christmas (OH's family are pretty dysfunctional the majority of times so no hope there of family get togethers that are enjoyable) perhaps pay for my folks to come over.

Sorry to be soooo long and boring. It helps to write it all down though. I think today we will investigate how long it will take to build here in Red Deer and whether there is anything available that I like. If there is nothing or we are looking at over a year then I think next on our list is reviewing the MLS listings again. After that who knows. The reason for rush, well the dog will be eligible to travel as of August 22, and if we don't go before October 31st then it will mean traveling with Air Canada and the cost involved there, or waiting for Zoom to recommence flights to Gatwick early next year. I will need to know fairly soon whether to apply for OH's visa - no more than 3 months before we want to use it. Also the longer we stay of the UK property market the harder it will be to get onto it in the first place.

Hence the crying, screaming and drinking, none of which I can really do, crying and screaming would scare the kids and we are out of beer.... DO have some choccy biccy's though.............
Oh darn what a pickle you are in. It sounds like you are at a major cross roads. What does your heart say ? Forget all the other back ground, if's, but's and maybe's. Where do you truely want to be?
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Old Apr 21st 2007, 12:22 am
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Default Re: Not sure whether to cry, scream or continue drinking!

Originally Posted by polarbearmum
It's me with the concerns about living too far away from my folks. I suppose I have this romantic view of eventually letting the kids walk to Nanny's house for a cup of tea.

We priced up how much it would be to visit this Sept instead of moving. We are looking at least a $5000 bill for flights, without car hire and kennel fees for the monster over here. As of June next year that will be even more as the little one turns 2 and we have to pay full fare for him. So if we stay visits to the UK will only happen once every 2-3 or possiby 4 years. I can't live with that.

My boys decided that they would make you a snowman... Well actually Mummy would make the snowman and they would say it was their's......... So here it is for you. Libby aswell of course. Anyone else who wants to share the snow, go ahead, more than enough for all as far as I am concerned.

Say thankyou to your boys (and you) for me.....excellent snowman

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Old Apr 21st 2007, 2:33 am
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Default Re: Not sure whether to cry, scream or continue drinking!

Thankyou for the snow!!!! It's been a long time since I felt that lovely crunching under my tootsies!!!

I still reckon, move back, into a smaller house, you'll be a bit further from your Mum, but so what? You'll have to hop into your car and drive to see her. No big dramas in the great scheme of things. At least you'll get to see her whenever you feel the urge. You won't have that homesickness gut rot that you have every day now. And, to top that lot....if you have a smaller house, it's a helluva lot less to clean!!!!
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Old Apr 21st 2007, 3:36 pm
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Default Re: Not sure whether to cry, scream or continue drinking!

Originally Posted by TraceyW
Thankyou for the snow!!!! It's been a long time since I felt that lovely crunching under my tootsies!!!

I still reckon, move back, into a smaller house, you'll be a bit further from your Mum, but so what? You'll have to hop into your car and drive to see her. No big dramas in the great scheme of things. At least you'll get to see her whenever you feel the urge. You won't have that homesickness gut rot that you have every day now. And, to top that lot....if you have a smaller house, it's a helluva lot less to clean!!!!
clean who cleans?????????
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