Thanks but there's 2 problems with that.
1. I am happy in SA, except for the fact I don't particularly like my job at the moment and it's getting worse by the day. Also except for the fact I miss UK and particularly my relatives there.

2. I can't take a month in UK before starting the job in Qld. They would need me ASAP. They would be willing to let me take 3 weeks leave after only being there 6 months though.

As harsh as this sounds (and i have experianced what you are going through)..by going home you dont know how long your granparents have left ...but you have the rest of your life .....
I only moved 72 miles away from my parents 4 yrs ago prior to moving here ...4 days after we moved my mother had a massive heart attack(out of the blue)and died .....5 mths later i was moving to ad ... my DH was already here...which then ment leaving my father who is now(86).....i decided to do what was best for my family ...through all this i nearly had a nervous breakdown and was very ill....but my family all loved it here .....so after prof help for a couple of months and a fab DH ..i came through all this and survived...my father now travels here all the time and we would love him to live here(he is stubborn)...maybe one day ..... but i realised i cannot live my life through him (although i love him very much)....good luck with what ever you decide xxxxxx

I think I understand your point that I could go back to UK to be near my grandparents and they could die within months, or weeks. Who knows?

However I have taken that into account and as far as I'm concerned, if I do go back to UK (which is not yet decided obviously) I would be mainly doing it for myself, and the various experiences I can derive from being back HOME. However seeing my grandparents would be an important part of it, and I would consider it to be wonderful and a real blessing if I managed to get even just a few months with them.

A year would be amazing, and if I was very lucky I might even get more than that.

After that, well if I was feeling settled and happy I would stay. If not I would come back here knowing I achieved what I set out to.

But that's all IF I move back to UK.

Backagen, you have to live your own life for you. Your grandparents, if they really love you, would want this for you. At your age, you can afford to take a few risks and make a mistake or two, you've got the time to make up for any losses. In this case, you should follow your heart and do what feels right for you. Don't tie yourself down to having children though, if you can't meet the responsibilty. Wait till you're settled and know what you want. At this time, life is an experiment and if finances aren't the issue, you are free to explore.
But put a safety barrier in place, such as a time limit for finding your path in life and living in the place where you feel whole.
Once you get into your 40's, financial security needs to be your focus, in my opinion.
By this time, you should aim to be as independant and secure as possible, otherwise you could end up working to live for a long time. This is not my experience, only the rule by which I live but many people end up frustrated because they left things too late only to pay a high price later.
Go the route that makes you happy for now but be realistic. Eventually you will have to settle down in one place, but be shrewd too and don't overspend or live beyond your means.

Yeah thanks for that cricket.

I already don't live beyond my means and for quite a few years now I have been buying and selling properties in order to raise some cash and that has worked which is why I now have a block of land I own outright.

One thing that worries me is if I sell that, I most probably won't be able to buy anything like it again anywhere near as easily (I got it very cheap due to good timing).

However, that's only one factor to consider isn't it?

Well in that case, don't sell it. If making money is your priority, hang on to it. The point here is assessing what your priorities are. If they are financial, hang onto your investment until the market picks up. If they are sentimental, cash in and go have your life experience. You're young enough to make a mistake and recover.
Money is important though. People hate me for saying this. But I owned my own house at 18. I had 2 pairs of jeans, 2 T shirts and a dress in case I had to attend a wedding or a funeral. I did not have a mobile phone, store cards or a car. I had a bike. My life was about renovating property and making money.
By 25, I owned 2 houses without a mortgage. This gave me a lot more choices. But politics and recessions change all these things so you have to have deeper values and move with the times preparing to take a loss or just be glad of the times when you're ahead.
I won't go back to the UK unless I have something to go back to because the UK can be tough so I'm working on creating a lifestyle to go back too. I'll put up with a lot of irreconcilable differences and difficulty until I can do this. I will not be trying to fit in to an old an old life because it's long gone so I want to establish something new.
Go for it Backagen, take the bull by the horns, then if it's not right, make a new choice that's right for you.

Thanks everyone for all the good advice.

Believe it or not, even now, I'm STILL not quite sure what I'm going to do. I do potentially have the option of taking the job (I have taken that decision as far as the employer knows) or I can email or phone them tomorrow and say no. I think I'd do it by email to avoid having to speak to them again given that I've already changed my mind once!

I will sleep on it, and most probably send that email but if I feel like I'm really certain I want the job in Queensland then I still have that option available.

I'll let you all know tomorrow!

An excellent idea. No point making another decision today seeing you are still undecided.

I feel your pain, as I was in a similar situation in August, going back and forward about a job I had accepted in Scotland, then at the last minute canceling. I am now in the process of re-thinking everything. And like you, I am usually a very decisive person too.

Have a very good sleep and see what your heart is telling you in the morning

Will do that marmalade.

It's so annoying just not being able to decide isn't it?

I feel like every possible decision I could make is the wrong one. And the right one!

I suppose I want all the good things about living in Adelaide, but in UK and with none of the bad things about UK. Not going to happen quite like that though is it!

Yes, it's awful. It's as if a cloud descends on your brain and refuses to let it think logically. Very frustrating

Ah backagen - still undecided! Frankly, from all that you've said on this thread and your other thread, I think what you REALLY need is professional counseling ASAP, as there's clearly more to all this than any of us, including yourself it would seem, know. May I strongly suggest that you leave things as they are at the moment (meaning DON'T phone the agency to turn the QL job down, not just yet anyway) and get yourself booked in with the best 'counselor' you can find to help you figure out what's really going down here and why - unless you do so, and do so right away, you are going to be seriously stressed and miserable, possibly to the point of a breakdown it would appear to me from what I'm 'hearing' in your posts, no matter what decision you make. Please take my advice, make an appointment with a counselor today and in the meantime don't burn ANY BRIDGES!!! You can change your mind again about taking the job, but for your sake I'm strongly suggesting that you not do that UNTIL you understand and address the important underlying problems here that are making all decisions at the moment so 'impossible' for you. No-one here on this forum can really help you choose the 'right' option, I'm sure of that now.

Meanwhile, may I suggest that you help yourself right now by trying not to emphasize so much the FINALITY of any decision you make. None of the decisions you make today HAVE to be set in stone, - if you can just allow yourself the option, or room, to change your mind if you need or want to further down the road, then whatever decision you make now willl not seem so overwhelmingly 'final'.

(Hey, I see some new posts have appeared while I was writing this - haven't time to read them, I"m off to bed... but as before: good luck)

I feel like I'm writing an episode of "Days of our lives" in this thread!

I had NO CHOICE but to make a final decision today on the Queensland job, because I have kept them waiting 2 weeks now and already turned it down and then changed my mind and accepted it once.

Black sheep, thanks for your advice. I may well take your advice about seeing a counsellor, but to be honest I'm not sure it would help.

I once saw one (well actually 2 counsellors and one psychologist) many years ago about a somewhat different problem I had then. It didn't help one bit. They all tried their best I suppose but none of them actually had the slightest clue what I was going through, and therefore none of them could truly give me any useful advice.

MAYBE I will still try that, but frankly I really do think I'm getting much more help from people on this forum (including you) because you guys have all actually experienced something a bit like what I am going through, in one way or another.

Anyway the advice so far on this thread, well it varies a lot, has actually helped significantly so I would like to say a BIG thank you to everyone for that, once again!

I woke up this morning, and although I still had a twinge of doubt and uncertainty, I pretty much knew that I had to (again) turn down the job in Queensland, so I have done so. Black sheep, I appreciate what you mean when you say nothing is set in stone, and that is good to remind myself of, but to some extent, had I not turned down the Qld job then I would have been putting myself in a position of some degree of commitment, because I would have had to resign today from my current job, and then do things like terminate my rent on where I live now, enter into a contract for a new place in Qld, and so forth. It would have committed me to a large extent. Not irreversibly, but it would have made it hard to undo.

Anyway I sent that email. I later got a phone call from the recruitment lady who has been handling my application. She was not happy (as is to be expected) so I have burnt a bridge with her agency and with that particular employer, which is fully understandable.

The good news is that since doing so, I have felt much calmer. I no longer feel that my stomach is tying itself in knots. I can relax and not feel like my head will explode.

What all that tells me is that as far as was possible, I made the right decision. Maybe not the right decision, but at least the best decision I could have made in the circumstances.

I'm glad I did that and proud of myself for doing so,

I feel bad that I won't be living in Queensland, and that I will miss out on that very good job offer, but overall I feel good!

I guess it just wasn't to be, and hey there's always going to be more opportunities to get a job in Queensland in the future if I want to, so no big deal really.

Also, by moving to Queensland I would have closed all doors except one. By not doing so I now have several options. I can stay in SA and build a house on the land I own (very cheaply) and have it paid off in a few years time.

I know lots of people struggle for 20+ years to pay off a mortgage, and even then they often don't have a nice detached house that they designed themselves, so I am lucky to have that option and it is very tempting I must admit.

I could sell the land and spend a bit of time out of the workforce to seriously relieve my stress and to take a month or more in UK, then look for another job in 6-12 months.

OR I could pull the plug on everything here and move to UK.

So I'm back to 3 options again!

However I'm not going to think too much about those right now. I'll just try to slowly come to a decision over the next few weeks or months.

Thanks again everyone!

Backagen,

Congratulations on making a decision! I know how hard it is, even if it isn't the 'final' decision. Good for you

I totally understand the relief you are feeling, and it will give you plenty time to make up your mind about what you really want to do.

Take it easy for a while and the right thing to do will come to you

I do think you should find the right counselor and try again, because here you are with a new dilemma. A counselor isn't going to tell you what to do, but a good one should be able to lead you to decision making skills so you don't run yourself ragged between options all the time. Then you can make a decision fairly quickly and put the what-ifs aside and enjoy it.

Bev

Thanks. I'll steer clear of making any more major decisions for a few weeks at least and then try to work out the next steps to take!