Yeah. Still not sure which decision would make me happiest. I keep trying to imagine all scenarios but I can't see into the future obviously so it's hard.

Yes indeed. Somehow by then I will.

I just hope that before I go to bed tonight I can make that decision and be sure that I can stick to it.

Hi - you don't know me at all, of course. But just from listening to a stranger...

It sounds like your head thinks you should take the job.
It sounds like your heart wants to be in the UK with your grandparents.

Since you can manage it practically, in your position, I think I would go to the UK. There will eventually be other jobs - an opportunity to take the time, and be with your family, you may not get often.

What a tough decision in any case - good luck

Backagen,

Very tough decision. I would love to know when you wake up in the morning which one of these choices comes to your mind first and makes you excited about doing it. I would choose that one.............whichever one it is. Good luck

Can't wait to hear what you have decided

Well I'm not sure how many nasty words I'm allowed to use on this forum so I'll just say ****, ****, ****!

I have literally stayed up late every night and woken early every morning for the last 2 weeks to spend time thinking this over and trying to make a decision.

I've tried looking for websites that have advice on decision making (and found quite good advice at http://www.beliefnet.com/Health/2008...ife-Coach.aspx (in case anyone else might like to have a look at it). I've tried closing my eyes and imagining how I would feel in each scenario. I've tried tossing a coin and then seeing how I feel about the result.

Still kept changing my mind.

I had to phone the recuitment agency 9am this morning as I promised them, with a final decision.

I told them that I have thought it over very carefully and I didn't think it was the right move for me at the moment.

Then at 1pm I found myself panicking at the thought that I had given up a really good job opportunity (brought about partly by the fact that I was once again subject to unfair criticism at work over something very petty indeed over which I had no control) so I ended up phoning the recruiter back and saying I had changed my mind and would accept the job after all.

However, virtually as soon as I put the phone down, I was once again unsure if that was the right move.

I haven't dared phone back again and I have made sure they can't phone me because I'm too embarrassed now, after keeping them waiting so long and then changing my mind, I'm too embarrassed to change my mind again.

However, I am still unsure so I think I will email the recruitment company and change my mind that way.

They are going to think I'm such an idiot, but I just can't help it.

It is a terrible decision to have to make and I had to leave work and go for a walk on the beach to calm down at lunchtime!

I felt like I was about to have a complete nervous breakdown. In fact if I don't look after myself very carefully I probably will. Hence I will do whatever I have to do to avoid that.

I'm still not completely calm so I've got a couple of cans of beer in to help with that!

I'm so annoyed with myself because I'm normally such a decisive person, but this all seems so confusing, and it has a major impact on at least the next few years of my life, possibly longer.

To be honest, a few months ago I was going to build a house on the land I own, and I literally got to the point of signing the (non-reversible once signed) contract with the builder. I got a sudden panic attack and literally got up and RAN out of their office before I signed it.

I actually really wanted to build that house (and still do) but I felt like I was signing my grandparents execution warrant! Something I just simply couldn't do of course.

I don't know if that makes sense, but that is how I felt because I just felt like "If I sign that form, I'll never have the chance to spend a decent amount of time with my grandparents again"

That same thought has been bothering me quite a bit when it comes to this job, and has crossed my mind more than once today.

I guess if my grandparents moved here, it would make it relatively easy to make the decision, but that won't happen.

So even now, I'm not 100% decided really. As far as the company in Brisbane knows I have decided to take the job. In reality, I almost certainly will not and I feel terrible about it.

Oh GOD. Why the hell can't life just be simple?

You're probably wondering why I even applied for a job in Brisbane. So am I now but I guess the lifestyle is very good there and I felt like I needed a change.

I've just read this from the beginning


you're going back to the UK

you know it's what you really want

financially it's possible

DO IT!

You're wrestling with three options that all present you with a long term major life change and it sounds like you're panicking. Have you ever had to make such big life decisions before?

I agree with ^

From what you've said, it really sounds like your heart is telling you to go back to the UK, even if just for now. It sounds like that's what you really want to do.

Yes I am panicking, and yes I suppose deep down I know that going back to UK is what I want.

I keep getting put off by various things like
- The lifestyle overall is not as good as here, in my opinion (weather, traffic, cost of living, crime, housing etc)

- I wouldn't be able to afford to buy land and build a new house and pay it off in 5 or 6 years there

- I wouldn't initially have a job and there's no guarantee I'd find a good one

- I moved back to UK in 1993 and ended up coming back after 2 years because I felt like my relatives there didn't care about me. I'm a bit scared of having a similar experience as it was hell (to drastically understate it). I doubt I would feel that way this time though because I have matured and gained a lot of life experience since then, plus I was only 18 and wasn't used to not living with my parents and felt like to some extent I needed people to "look after me". Well obviously now I am well and truly used to being independant to that's no problem.

I think if I did move back to UK again I'd be less focussed on the aunts and uncles and cousins (I do love them very much but don't always find it easy to 'connect' with them) so I'd just more or less aim to see them a couple of times a year and not worry too much about things. Obviously I'd be there for them if they needed me for any reason though which would feel good to know.

I'd mainly focus on my grandparents who are very elderly and really could use some help and support from me with lots of things.

I'd also focus much more on ME and doing other things that make me happy, like exploring the many sights of UK and europe that I haven't seen, or have seen and want to see again, and like just enjoying the culture, food etc.

Yes I think more than likely, even though I feel undecided still, moving back to UK is probably what I should do. It's not easy for the reasons I just mentioned but it's probably the right thing to do.

I think you need to leave your family out of the picture just for now, and make a list of all the other plus points of going back to the UK. If you can create a life for you without needing your family too much, you probably won't experience that deflated feeling if they opt out and leave you alone over there. If you go back hoping they are going to fill some kind of void and they don't, it's the same old situation.

You need to go back with a new agenda based on how you plan to live life for you. Great if your family get involved but equally great if they don't.

So what are you going to do over there? What's your big plan?

Interesting question cricket, and I wouldn't say I have a "big plan".

If I did move back, it wouldn't necessarily be forever either.

My plan would be to go explore as much as possible of Britain and it's many cultural, tourist and historical attractions. Also to enjoy the aspects of day to day life that I like about UK such as the food, pubs etc.

I would have to find a job sooner or later but I could afford to wait a few months for that.

I currently have a long distance relationship with a girl in the Philippines and I know she would be more than willing to move to UK and she shouldn't have any trouble finding work there as she already works for a UK company in Philippines.

Having her there would help me settle I think and more than likely I would want to have a child or 2 with her there, but only once I was settled and certain I didn't want to move again because obviously it would cause enourmous problems otherwise.

Sounds like a plan to me. That's a very good start.

Thanks.

I just wish I knew for certain what to do, but I suppose I have to face up to the fact that there probably is no "right" decision in these circumstances. I can only try to do what seems best overall at the time and then hope like hell that it works. If not, well I can always change things again later, albeit that it's sometimes very hard to do so.

Sounds like youre not happy in SA

Why not sell the land in SA, buy in QLD and take the job ? Get the FHOG and build there.

Before starting, take a month or 2 in the UK, then go to QLD and visit UK while house is built, then stay 12 months, and go back to UK after 12 months if you dont like it. With the current economic climate in UK, you'd have a better chance of a job in 12 months too.

The job having more pay will give a better chance of going back and forward to the UK.

Just my thoughts

Good advice! You need to return to the UK for YOU. If family are supportive then that's an added bonus.