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Moving back to UK - marriage breakdown/impact on kids

Moving back to UK - marriage breakdown/impact on kids

Old Dec 29th 2019, 2:03 am
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Default Moving back to UK - marriage breakdown/impact on kids

Hi all

i’m a long time lurker but this is my first post. My situation is very sad and long so will try and keep it short, been in Oz for 15years, moved here with my boyfriend now husband and we had 2 kids now both pre teens age. Our marriage has broken down due to him having an affair which also resulted in a child. He has the affair for nearly 3 years. I had no idea. Have been completely blindsided by the affair and finding out he has another child as a result of it. So obviously the marriage is over.

I would like to return to the uk. Although he doesn’t wish to see the kids go, he completely understands what he has done to me and would give me legal consent to take them.

the reason for my post is that I would really like to hear from anyone that has done this. I know it is massive to take children from their father but for me I just cannot see a future in Australia. I have always wanted to move back but he has always wanted to remain and I have gone along with it until now.

I won’t be making any rushed decisions but has anyone else done this ? Was the impact on the kids just awful or did they adapt ?

Thanks in advance
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Old Dec 29th 2019, 2:17 am
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Default Re: Moving back to UK - marriage breakdown/impact on kids

Sure you'll get lots of responses, as this question is always coming up.

Also do a search on this forum with something like "children schools UK" Plenty of threads regarding children and moving back to UK
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Old Dec 30th 2019, 7:30 pm
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Default Re: Moving back to UK - marriage breakdown/impact on kids

Just wanted to say I'm so sorry that you are going through this, must be really hard for you. I don't have experience to offer you but I imagine that like all these situations there is no "one answer fits all". It's going to depend on so many different factors as to how the children would cope including their own individual personalities and relationship with their Dad and you. For example it could be that one child takes it in stride and the other struggles. That said I think there is an awful lot that can be done to minimize the negative impact on the children if you and their father can work together to help them.

I think the situation is going to impact them whether you stay or move and the best way to make things easier for them is to decide what would be the best for you. If you feel you will happier in the UK, better support system, work opportunities etc. then I think they will benefit from you being happy. Bottom line they will do best wherever you will do best. Hugs to you I can imagine you must be reeling from it all. x
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Old Jan 2nd 2020, 4:10 am
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Default Re: Moving back to UK - marriage breakdown/impact on kids

Originally Posted by NiHao View Post
Just wanted to say I'm so sorry that you are going through this, must be really hard for you. I don't have experience to offer you but I imagine that like all these situations there is no "one answer fits all". It's going to depend on so many different factors as to how the children would cope including their own individual personalities and relationship with their Dad and you. For example it could be that one child takes it in stride and the other struggles. That said I think there is an awful lot that can be done to minimize the negative impact on the children if you and their father can work together to help them.

I think the situation is going to impact them whether you stay or move and the best way to make things easier for them is to decide what would be the best for you. If you feel you will happier in the UK, better support system, work opportunities etc. then I think they will benefit from you being happy. Bottom line they will do best wherever you will do best. Hugs to you I can imagine you must be reeling from it all. x
NiHao said it all so I will just add hugs for you and wish you all the best. Hopefully as your kids are still preteens they'll find settling in a new country easier. Do weigh up the pros and cons of your move - have you visited the UK recently? Have you got a better support network over there than you do in Oz? At the end of the day - happy Mum = happy kids so do what you feel will be best for you in this difficult situation.

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Old Jan 2nd 2020, 9:11 pm
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Default Re: Moving back to UK - marriage breakdown/impact on kids

Thank you for your messages of support and good advice. I have been to the Uk recently (last year), I'm going to head over the 2 weeks in March and have a look at the areas I'm thinking of moving too. I have little to no support in Oz, and not much more in the UK but I just can't see a future here in Oz for the three of us x
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Old Jan 4th 2020, 5:17 am
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Default Re: Moving back to UK - marriage breakdown/impact on kids

Just wanted to ask if you all have Australian Citizenship? If not, I would recommend it as it keeps all your options open. Best of luck to you.
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Old Jan 7th 2020, 7:04 pm
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Default Re: Moving back to UK - marriage breakdown/impact on kids

If you want to move back to the UK and your husband is currently agreeing to it - I'd do it asap. If he changes his mind, then you will be stuck in Oz until they are grown up. I'm also going to add the advice given by a lawyer friend of mine - get some cash in your own bank account, at least 1 month's total living expenses. I can't count the number of women I've known that have been blindsided by a husband who decides to empty the joint bank account without warning.
As for whether the kids will be ok or not, well they need a mother who can stand on her own two feet financially and emotionally. If you can't earn enough in Oz, that's going to impact their lives too. Where are your work prospects better? Help with childcare?
Good luck xxxx
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