Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Hi everyone

Well my dream of a better life has exploded and I will be returning to the UK alone as a single parent.

My soon to be ex-husband has refused to return and my daughter is desperate to get back to the UK.

The logistics of returning alone with nothing scare the hell out of me so I was hoping that there would be someone on this forum who has done something similar. Friendly advice would be so gratefully received.

Thank you

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

I divorced my husband and returned back to the UK with my 2 children. I understand your concerns but there is help for you in the UK. How old is your daughter? do you have family that can help? have you been working and what are your job prospects? These all all things to consider when choosing where to relocate to.

The most important question is, is your soon to be ex ok with you leaving with your daughter? If so this will need to be stipulated in your divorce agreement/custody order and a judge will need to sign off on it.

Trust me it is scary but I would always tell myself to hold my nerve because I knew that I was doing the right thing for my children. Please feel free to PM me. Chin up it will be ok:)

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Thanks I can't PM you yet as I haven't enough posts listed so I will do that then get back to you.

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Oh yes, I think you need to have 3 before you can PM??

and another thing...don't leave with nothing...make sure you get what you are entitled to;)

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Thanks Bromleygirl

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

I am returning to the UK as a single mum in 8 days, I am petrified cus my family have refused to help us with a place to stay...this is the worst feeling, I have to take the flight as I will never have the means to fly again

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

http://heathrowtravelcare.co.uk/ At least you can get some advice when you arrive.

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

I have not but I do know a few who have and it worked out for them, just stay strong and as BG said make sure you leave with everything you are entitled to as it could help you with your new life here. Do you know where your returning to? when it all seems a bit to much as it can do at times I "fast forward" and think of how it will be. I know how overwhelming any move can be for some so try and not think about the logistics if you can and look at it like a move to a different area if it helps. How old is your daughter, do you have help when you arrive in the UK? Try and stay positive, its a new year and a new start, I am sure you will get excellent advise from people who have gone through what you are going through now. Good luck

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Thanks Brits1

Yes I am returning to my old home town, with my tail between my legs, so I do have a network of family and friends but I don't want to be a burden on them. The fact that this time we will be moving with nothing is the thing that really scares me and the fact that I won't have a job either.

So would love to hear from others who have survived this issue.

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

You should never feei like you have your tail between your legs....NEVER...thats an order....you sound like a wonderful Mother who's doing the best for her child and I bet you would be there for your friends and family if you need them....so why don't you let them help you if you need help. Take little steps....just get home first....start the looking for work, you will be able to get help and advice by just calling into our local Job Centre and asking for info and what help you need in regards to your situation, even Citizens Advice here offer great advice....just get yourself home first and then the rest will fall into place in time. All the best and stay strong for you and your daughter

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Thanks brits1

You big up your wonderful new life in Canada and then he leaves and you are 4,000+ miles from home and your family and friends. I never expected to be in this situation. I have always paid my way and the thought of signing on and applying for benefits, if they will give me anything. I know it would only be for the short term until we get get sorted but it is so not me.

Luckily I won't be destitute and completely alone like some people on this forum so I should count myself lucky.

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

There was a programme on not long ago (I have never seen the series before but my OH was watching it) to cut a long story short, a young lady had gone to live in Portugal to work and while there met an older local man a few years later they had a daughter (the young lady had always work both here in the UK and in Portugal) fast forward 8 years and serious problems in the relationship which had led to other private problems and for these reasons (not her fault) she had to leave Portugal and come home with a Portugese speaking daughter, without anything but their clothes, they stayed with her parents (who only had a very small home) for a short while, long story short the young lady ended up with a nice flat (near parents) re educated herself and got work and all the while saying she felt terrible getting help, she certainly should not of felt like that....help is there and should be used, yes it can be used badly by bad people but thats not you. Look at getting help as a fresh independent start to a knew life for you, I am sure before too long you will be making your own way in life. All the best

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

sent you a PM backtoblighty

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Hi everyone

Just thought I would give you guys a quick update. Myself and daughter are flying back to UK next week for a 10 day reccy - weird isnt it reccying your old home tome? I need to make sure that I can afford to return, child support etc will be much easier if we stay I know, daughter has a school tour booked, I have rental properties to view and job agencies to search out.

Thank you all for your help and advice I will update you again when we get back.

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Thanks for the update Keep us posted and good luck

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Enjoy yourself when you are back as well and try to imagine your life being back on a full time basis. As for child support, if you contact your county child support department and start a case they can use your divorce agreement to set up an income with holding order so that your child support is deducted by your soon to be ex employer paid to the county who will in turn pay you. Depending on the county I have heard that some will transfer the support to a foreign bank. Check into it when you return it makes life so much easier. In my case they assess a cost of living adjustment every 2 years and they will take your ex back to court whenever there is a change in circumstances. I have to say the child support departments stateside are much better than the UK CSA.

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Well been back just over a week and I actually cried as we took off from Gatwick to return, I now know that for all it's faults the UK will be better for us in the long term. To be supported by family and friends and get our lives back together.

So now I have to start the formal seperation agreement and get him to sign on the dotted line.

Wish me luck.

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Fifteen years ago when I was back in the UK - actually its longer than that - I cried at the airport before my return flight to the USA. At the time, I thought there was something wrong with me for feeling that way but here in this forum, I have read that many have done that. Those tears are a strong message and I wish I had listened to them then. I think you are doing the right thing in going back.

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

:fingerscrossed::fingerscrossed:

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Glad you were able to confirm in your own mind what you now need to do. It can be tough being a single parent but if I had a choice between staying and having to cope with dealing with my ex I'd choose to do it on my own every time. If you need any help just shout:)

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Glad you gave it a go your tears are a sign & sure you will fulfill your decision. I was willing to return to UK last year after a bad patch in my marriage. I felt torn as had my eldest child in UK (returned to be with his father) I am currently in UK setting up a few things whilst on maternity leave i am happier now & hubby has now decided to return permanently by the end of this year.
In your situation it is better to be near close family & friends & get the support, it will be hard to sort the legalities (divorce, custody) etc. But you will get through it

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Thanks for the kind words everyone. As a British Citizen I can divorce him from the UK after 2 years of seperation, it's the permission I now need to leave with my daughter that will be the hardest thing to get although he did promise that if that is what she wanted and I could make a go of things that he would sign her over. :fingerscrossed:

I will need lots of positive vibes from my Expats in the coming weeks and months.

Back2Blighty

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

I agree. The last time I spent any time in the UK I actually walked off my flight before it took off when it was time to catch the return flight. Nothing to do with not liking flying but clearly I did not want to go back. Then ensued several days and much expense righting that decision as I had responsibilities - job etc....

I vowed then that when I made the final decision to go back to the UK it would be on a one way ticket as symbolism.

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

I've had to work at receiving such permission from my ex and my advice is to make it as easy on him as possible. Draw up the letter yourself, help him with figuring out notaries, let him know seeing his daughter whenever he wants won't be a problem. I don't know your daughter's age but maybe she could draft up a note to him stating she wants this and why. I'd also suggest doing it (the move) before the divorce gets to the child custody stage as that will make things more difficult.

Best of luck to you in this!

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Just an update. My daughter and I are due to fly home on May 25, it has been a very stressful few months trying to tie up loose ends, quit my job :eek:, all personal possessions either sold, donated or dumped, photos scanned, pared down our lives to 4 suitcases, basically leaving with what we can carry and the cat, a sad end to our Canadian adventure but looking forward to starting a new one back in the UK with family and friends.

I will update you all again in the weeks to come.

Back2Blighty

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Good luck to you both, its stressful just moving "down the road" let alone overseas and even more so when your doing all the work on your own....so a big pat on the back to you, if you can get through that you can get through anything, it will be a new and fresh start for you both. Best wishes

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Glad you made it so far...sure you won't have any regrets when settle here, its gonna feel a bit daunting but you won't be the first & definitely won't be the last!
I've returned & no regrets, good luck keep us posted :)

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Wishing you lots of luck, I can imagine how stressful and sad this must all have been. Hopefully it won't take too long for things to fall into place for you in the UK so you can start a new chapter in your lives.

Please keep updating us so we know how you are doing.

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Oh, it's so close now. I know the last few months have been so hard and it's all been so stressful and the uncertainty adds a huge amount of stress but you are well on your way to getting your lives on track, a bright new start. I know it's sad, but try to look to the positives and focus on the good that is to come.

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

There is an organisation for single parents in the UK called GingerBread that you can join for free and they offer support, advice and some really good offers. You can also network with other single parents and be kept up to date with any legislation that effects single parents.

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Hey,

couldn't just read and run.

Nope, I have no experience of moving back from another country.....but I can tell you what life can be like as a single parent in the UK

I split from ex husband when my daughter was two. She is now 23!!

Over this time, support both financially and practically for lone parents has improved dramatically.

I started out having to leave our house and going into a homeless families hostel (no family for support). Everything was sold...house (I had no job so couldn't take over the mortgage and he made it clear he wasn't going to help out - at all) ....all the furniture got sold as I had nowhere to store it, and finally the car went (he took it-and it was my car!!).

After the hostel the council gave me a nice little flat, and after a few years an even nicer little house (still living in it now). After a few months of being unemployed, I worked as a childminder which because of support for working the govt topped up my low income and I managed very well. I received help to improve myself academically, so much so I gained a degree with the O.U. I then trained at a "traditional" uni as a registered nurse.

Life now? bloody brilliant :thumbsup: great job, decent income, good savings, nice home....great friends.

That's not to say life doesn't throw you the odd curve ball now and again...but that's life isn't it.

My message to you.....IT WILL ALL WORK OUT, IT WILL BE OK.

One step at a time. Get home, spend some time adjusting. Go to job centre, gingerbread and citizens advice to find out what help to get and where (things like getting your name down for a housing list etc) and of course getting your little one in at a local school.

Things will fall into place. One piece at a time.

pm me if you need any advice...I will help out if I can

Ty

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

:amen: :goodpost: Positive advise :fingerscrossed:

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Terrible situation to have been put in but Good luck with your new adventure as that's how you should see it :)

sending positive vibes x

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Hi everyone

Here's my update, 5 weeks in and counting.

Schooling - After an appeal hearing managed to get my daughter a school place in Year 7, only 2 weeks left til the summer holiday but at least she will have a glimpse of the UK secondary school system before the 6 weeks holiday.

Job hunting - secured three interviews now, nothing on par to what I have left in Canada but a job no less. Have been totally tied up in red tape known as Jobseekers Allowance, Housing Benefit and Child Tax Credit. They are tightening up on benefit claimants which I have no problem with but they don't know kind of what to do about me and my situation.

Flat rental - had to pay 6 months upfront, gulp, as have no credit history.
Credit card - not a chance!
Mobile phone contract - not a chance, my sister-in-law ended up taking it out for me.
Car Insurance - hey ho that was fun too, finally managed to get National Farmers Union to give me my 4 years Canadian no-claims but cost me double what 'Go Compare' website stated.
Traffic - everywhere.
Sea - lovely to be back on the coast, I can see the sea if I stand in the middle of my road.
The locals - have found them to be very accommodating, even a 'have a good day' or two from shop assistants! Oh and how I have missed the humour.
Food - eaten far too much, need to leave off the Cadbury's or else I will be the size of a house.

By no means am I home and dry, living with a collection of donated furniture, charity shop finds and a couple of IKEA specials but it's home for the two of us. There have been days when I have said 'what the hell have I done' but a glass of wine and a shoulder to cry on with a friend has helped.

I am getting there folks.

Back2Blighty

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Glad you are making it and thanks for the update. I am sure you have said "what have I done" but in the end up I bet you get settled in and feel more secure in your homeland. Sorry about the 6 months up front. Hope you get housing allowance once they know you are staying and resident. God bless you and your family.

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Hi
Nice to hear an update, 5weeks in is not a long time but you have had the main things prepared.
You went the right time for your daughter to view the school prior to summer hols & sure she can make a few friends in the neighbourhood who go to the same school (may even be in the same class)
I hope the benefits situation will make decision in your favour but think you maybe able to get child tax credits not sure about the others.
The 6mnths rent is a deterent but hey you got a roof over your head as for mobile phone contract think could have bought your/a phone from canada get a UK chip & use top up vouchers.
I guess you can't beat the nfm/ncd car insurance (that will probably be the best quote you get)
I had to go through this all last year back in Canada until September to ship last bits if you need to pm me feel free, it is hard at first but like everything it gets easier, you have a good friend for support & that's better than having no1.. ..look at the bright side you can't beat good food & a good sense of humour (been getting gr8 weather lately too):thumbup:
Best of luck & welcome back!:)

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Sounds like thats a lot for 5 weeks. Well done.
:fingerscrossed: that one of the jobs comes though. I say the one that pays best and you like :D

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

OMG, OMG, OMG I've got a job!!!!!!!

It's in the school where my daughter is studying as PA to the Principal, I start at the end of August. I am still in shock to be honest as the interview and associated tasks were very hard and there were 8 of us all interviewed and assessed on the day.

So folks I can tick that one off my list, onwards and upwards.

There are jobs out there you just have to keep applying.

Good luck everyone.

Back2Blighty

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Yet another inspirational thread!

The merits of advice from others who have gone through the same, on these forums, cannot be underestimated!

I have been a Single Mum (note the caps!!) for 50 years. my return is now in different circumstances to yours, but I have never lost my faith in the indomitable spirit of a woman under pressure.

(Hopefully for the fellas it's the same...balance in all things!).

Well done to you. Face the Sun-the shadows fall behind you. :thumbsup:

Re: Moving Back As a Single Parent
 

Congratulations on the job! Good luck from here on in, brave lady!