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Originally posted by bromleygirl I have heard that the U.K. government has a scheme for single parents that if they work part-time the government will make up the wages to a full-time wage -has anyone heard about this? I will have a decent downpayment to go back with for a house and am hoping find a position which is flexable enough so i can ensure that my children are safe and being taken care of. It will be nice to get back to the NHS and my children will also still be covered by the U.S. government military insurance. If anyone can think of any other benefits or programmes that i would be entitled to please let me know or any web sites that I can locate information. Thanks again everyone for your support. :) as a friend told me "life is too short" Check out the UK Inland Revenue Site and the DSS and UK benefits sites for UK citizens. all links from - http://www.inlandrevenue.gov.uk Possibly email each department with your specific requirements. Base your query from the UK and not as one from possibly moving back. If you come back and have a decent deposit for a house - how do you get a mortgage ? Not on benefits...sorry they will take the money saved first as part of the means testing. Bit chicken and egg (job first, house, kids?), so do your research for your specific circumstances. Can one of the helpful family do some finding out for your first? Get as much information as possible before hand. And then take one step at a time like Dotty already said. Your life is what is important and your choices...information is important. Best of Luck - I hope it all works out for you |
Thanks again for all the replies and i will certainly check out the web sites. I've been away for almost 7 years and you start to forget all the different places where you can go to for information.
Family and friends have sent me newspapers and magazines along with government pamflets. I'm afraid to say that I hav'ent really delved into the information too much maybe because I've been putting it off while I try and save my marriage. It was March last year that I set a deadline of summer '04 to move back and now I'm exactly 1 year away from that and I need to get my act together. I have another friend who is moving back in a couple of months and she has offered me a place to stay while I get on my feet( she incidently has a large family home that is not lived in so she has no problem with accomodation and moving back which is very lucky for her). My Mum is coming over next week and really has no idea how bad my marriage is. I know that some people especially my husbands family will think I'm terrible or that I'm trying to push my husband. My Mum always says that since he has left the military he has gone back to being a "small town boy" which is true in a way and I am originally from London and I suppose that I want and expect more. My step-sons are now 12,10 and 10 and each day it is becoming harder and more difficult to deal with them. My husband gained custody of them 4 months after we met - his ex-wife stated at the time that she "wanted her life back". She really doesn't have much to do with them and I have basically been their Mother all these years. It makes things all the more difficult - I don't feel that I ready at 32 to be dealing with basically teenagers which is how they have begum to act latley. My husband is a good man but he is very basic. He has had difficulty fitting back into civillian life again and for him to move to England with me would be even more difficult for him. I know if I were to take him with me I would be shouldering so much responsibility and he would probably get there and then say that he can't find a job because either he's nto qualified to do anything, i can earn more than he can, or he is being discrimanted against because he is American. We spoke briefly last year to his ex-wife who said she would like the boys to live with her if we moved back to the U.K. My husband has'nt been back there since '96 when we left and because he knows I want to go back so much he wants to come along because I'm usually the one who makes the long-term decisions for our family. I do not really want to use benefits when I get to the U.K. I know that here in the U.S. you can still get benefits if your money is tied up in your house they don't consider it money that you can use to survive. Another friend was saying that I could probably apply for jobs from the States and do telephone interviews. I really want to hit the ground running as soon as I get back and try to be as prepared as I can. What I'm looking at is moving at the end of May '04 so it will give me 3 months to find somewhere to live, a job and get my daughter placed in a school - she would be going into the second year of infants and my son into a nursery school. He will be 3 and I've heard that they have all day nursery schools. I will probably move back to the Bromley area or the Cambridge area but I know that finding a job is first and foremost. Thanks again everyone:) |
Child tax credits are not really considered 'benefits.' It's a bit like family allowance. And really I think if you spend your money on a house they could not count it as 'savings.' You could always rent for a while.
If you are the 'head' of your household then why not make the decision that you ALL are moving back to the UK? Afterall, if you've spent what will be 8 years in the US, your husband can do the same for the UK. Maybe you will have to nag him into getting a job, but then it would be the same if you stayed in the States. If it is really that bad and he ends up returning to the US, at least you can say you gave it a chance in Britain. |
Originally posted by bromleygirl Thanks again for all the replies and i will certainly check out the web sites. I've been away for almost 7 years and you start to forget all the different places where you can go to for information. Family and friends have sent me newspapers and magazines along with government pamflets. I'm afraid to say that I hav'ent really delved into the information too much maybe because I've been putting it off while I try and save my marriage. It was March last year that I set a deadline of summer '04 to move back and now I'm exactly 1 year away from that and I need to get my act together. I have another friend who is moving back in a couple of months and she has offered me a place to stay while I get on my feet( she incidently has a large family home that is not lived in so she has no problem with accomodation and moving back which is very lucky for her). My Mum is coming over next week and really has no idea how bad my marriage is. I know that some people especially my husbands family will think I'm terrible or that I'm trying to push my husband. My Mum always says that since he has left the military he has gone back to being a "small town boy" which is true in a way and I am originally from London and I suppose that I want and expect more. My step-sons are now 12,10 and 10 and each day it is becoming harder and more difficult to deal with them. My husband gained custody of them 4 months after we met - his ex-wife stated at the time that she "wanted her life back". She really doesn't have much to do with them and I have basically been their Mother all these years. It makes things all the more difficult - I don't feel that I ready at 32 to be dealing with basically teenagers which is how they have begum to act latley. My husband is a good man but he is very basic. He has had difficulty fitting back into civillian life again and for him to move to England with me would be even more difficult for him. I know if I were to take him with me I would be shouldering so much responsibility and he would probably get there and then say that he can't find a job because either he's nto qualified to do anything, i can earn more than he can, or he is being discrimanted against because he is American. We spoke briefly last year to his ex-wife who said she would like the boys to live with her if we moved back to the U.K. My husband has'nt been back there since '96 when we left and because he knows I want to go back so much he wants to come along because I'm usually the one who makes the long-term decisions for our family. I do not really want to use benefits when I get to the U.K. I know that here in the U.S. you can still get benefits if your money is tied up in your house they don't consider it money that you can use to survive. Another friend was saying that I could probably apply for jobs from the States and do telephone interviews. I really want to hit the ground running as soon as I get back and try to be as prepared as I can. What I'm looking at is moving at the end of May '04 so it will give me 3 months to find somewhere to live, a job and get my daughter placed in a school - she would be going into the second year of infants and my son into a nursery school. He will be 3 and I've heard that they have all day nursery schools. I will probably move back to the Bromley area or the Cambridge area but I know that finding a job is first and foremost. Thanks again everyone:) I just read this whole post. I really feel for you Bromleygirl. I'm not sure I can give any advice beyond whats already been said, but hope you can get everything sorted....I'm sure you will, you sound very capable, your studies and looking after the kids and the family. Good luck! |
Thanks again for everyones replies - it has been very difficult the last few months not really being able to talk about what is going on. Some family and a few friends kind of know but are not aware of everything and the extent to which things have become here.
I think if I were to take my husband back to the UK we would give his sons back to their mother as I just don't know being 12,10 and 10 if they would be able to cope with moving to a new country - the last time they were there they were 5,3 & 3 and really don't remember it very well. They are 100% American and want to stay here. Also I am concerned that they would not adapt to the UK school system that well. The twins have a speech/language delay and I'm sure that they would be picked on. So if things did not work out with my husband in the UK I would feel very guilty - he would probably return to the U.S. and be on his own with none of his five children. It is such a dilema. I want to do what is best for my children but I do not want to stay in a virtually loveless marriage. As someone once said chidlren and transient in your life and once they grow up and move out it will be just the 2 of you again. I'm 32 and feel like I am at a huge crossroads in my life. I know I definitley want to move back to UK but if we are going to split I would rather do it at that point than prolong it further. I'm trying to get a better position so it makes my CV look better before moving back. I graduated at the end of 2000, relocated and had my son in 2001 and 2002 temped and went to so many interviews I've lost track. I went for another interview this morning so hopefully fingers crossed I'll get this one! I want to manuever myself into a better position before I make the leap. I think that a lot of women are forced to stay in a marriage because they have been out of the worplace for so long they don't know how they would survive without their husbands income. I'll keep you updated.:) |
Originally posted by bromleygirl Thanks everyone for all your input and thoughts. We moved here in '96 and straight away I told my husband that I wanted to move back at some point to England. First of all we tried for a transfer back but it didn't happen so we decided to do it after he retired from the military. However with his 3 sons from his previous marriage living with us and then having our 2 together we decided that trying to find a house in the U.K. to accomodate all of us would be difficult. Also when he was retiring my daughter was only 2 and a half and my son 3 months old and I knew if we moved back to England then I would need to be the one to go out to work as it would be easier for me to find employment in the U.K. Anyway after we moved to Minnesota I ended up working full-time while he was trying to find a job which is really ironic. Ever since we moved to Minnesota I've explained to him that life outside of the military living in the U.S. is'nt all that it's cracked up to be i.e. wages might pay a little more but when you take into account paying for healthcare coverage, deductabiles and co-pays it's about the same, education standards are lower and employers do not give you as much time off. He is well aware of how I feel but refuses to try and face reality of the current economic situation and reassess himself for the job market and seek training for another career. He has also stated that he does'nt think that this should effect our marriage - hmmm maybe that's why this is his 3rd marriage! I've told him that if he wants to put his head in the sand and pretend that everything is fine then he is being ignorant and arrogant. He is almost 9 years older than me - i am 32 and we have been together for 8 years - I do beleive that we are at different points in our lives and whereas I want to keep going and experience new challenges and improve myself he is quite happy just going and coming home from work everyday and that's it. I actually naturalised back in 2000 and became an American citizen and at that time an older British lady told me then that I had done the right thing just in case anything was to go wrong with my marriage that it would be easier taking the children out of the U.S. At the time I didn't think anything of it but now I am glad that I have this. My children have been registered at the embassy making it easier to get their British passports. I went to England for a month last summer and when I came back things were still the same. I've even tried taking him to counselling but the counsellor gave up with us after the second session - and you have to pay for marriage counselling over here too! It's not free like the U.K. We have spoken about the option of divorce and he has stated that he does'nt mind me taking the children to live in England. I am the point where I really don't know what else to do but I am determined not to let my children grow up in the enviroment in which I did i.e. parents who fought for years but stayed together "for the sake of the children". I have heard that the U.K. government has a scheme for single parents that if they work part-time the government will make up the wages to a full-time wage -has anyone heard about this? I will have a decent downpayment to go back with for a house and am hoping find a position which is flexable enough so i can ensure that my children are safe and being taken care of. It will be nice to get back to the NHS and my children will also still be covered by the U.S. government military insurance. If anyone can think of any other benefits or programmes that i would be entitled to please let me know or any web sites that I can locate information. Thanks again everyone for your support. :) as a friend told me "life is too short" i really do feel for you1 i am in uk at the momment and you are right there is a lot of help for single parents if you are prepared to work. this year the government introduced to new tax credit systems, this was to replace the family tax credit. the first is working tax credit, that you can get as long as you work over 16 hrs, and you can earn up to £17,000 a year or more according to how many kids you have aand their ages. i had it last year, i was earning £9,000 a year working part ime and got £130 per week which made my weekly wage around £300 (includding child care help for youngest, i had 3 children, 6, 11, 13. the new tax is similar but you may be entittled to more, you can also claim an up to an extra £170.00 per week for child care costs! the other new credit is called tax credit and you can get this as well as the other benefit and is based on your overall earnings, up to about £38,000 per yr. my figures may be not be spot on but you could check on the uk inland revenue site (sorry don't know web aaddress) for clarification. wherever you live being a single parent is difficult, but if you are sure then the best way is to make plans as best you can good luck take care ellen |
Thanks Ellen for your very useful information.
Friends and family have provided some help however unless you are in a similar situation you don't always know all the ins and outs of the system. I am definitly prepared to work. I think working at least part-time sets a good example to children. I don't want to be a single parent living off of benefits - I just want to have a fulfilling work and social life and still be there for my children. By next summer my chidlren will be 5 and 3 and will be going into school and nursery school so if I can schedule my working time around them that would be great. I'm also looking at working at home the rest of the time. Yes, single parent hood is not what I would have chosen however I really beleive that it is not good to stay in a foundering realtionship after you have tried to save it. I have my mother visiting at the moment and she is of the opinion that children need both parents and that I should take my husband back to England with me but then again she says she wants me to be happy. I've been offered a part-time professional position within a large organisation that I think will be good for me and will look really good on my C.V. so I'm staying positive and looking forward to next year. Thanks again for the support:) |
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