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Moving back as a single parent
Hello All,
I have decided that I shall be moving back with my two children next summer '04 with or without my husband. We have not been seeing eye to eye now for over a year. I moved with him to the States almost 7 years ago and did make the effort to assimilate i.e. went to college and obtained 2 bachelor degrees while taking care of his 3 young sons from his previous marriage and having 2 children together, gatherings with his family and relocating to Minnesota after he left the military. The job market is not great right now and he won't make the effort to find a better job or gain additional training and education. It makes me really upset that he expects me to be O.K. with living in the mid-west while he refuses to make any effort to improve himself. By the way i am working part-time in mortagage sales while trying to find a good full-time position. I miss the U.K. and want my children ages 4 and 2 to grow up there, have better education and not always have to worry about medical bills. If we do split which is highly likley I should have enough from my share for a decent downpayment. What does everyone think - do you think it will be harder for me being a single parent moving back to the U.K. I do have family and friends that can provide help and support. i have bachelor degrees in Computer/Management Information Systems and Management plus several O Levels and a couple of A Levels. Any input, advice, comments would be helpful and appreciated.:) |
Re: Moving back as a single parent
Originally posted by bromleygirl Hello All, I have decided that I shall be moving back with my two children next summer '04 with or without my husband. We have not been seeing eye to eye now for over a year. I moved with him to the States almost 7 years ago and did make the effort to assimilate i.e. went to college and obtained 2 bachelor degrees while taking care of his 3 young sons from his previous marriage and having 2 children together, gatherings with his family and relocating to Minnesota after he left the military. The job market is not great right now and he won't make the effort to find a better job or gain additional training and education. It makes me really upset that he expects me to be O.K. with living in the mid-west while he refuses to make any effort to improve himself. By the way i am working part-time in mortagage sales while trying to find a good full-time position. I miss the U.K. and want my children ages 4 and 2 to grow up there, have better education and not always have to worry about medical bills. If we do split which is highly likley I should have enough from my share for a decent downpayment. What does everyone think - do you think it will be harder for me being a single parent moving back to the U.K. I do have family and friends that can provide help and support. i have bachelor degrees in Computer/Management Information Systems and Management plus several O Levels and a couple of A Levels. Any input, advice, comments would be helpful and appreciated.:) Hello Bromleygirl, Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch. I feel a bit uneasy commenting about some-elses marriage, and don't have any experience to offer as a single parent, but here goes. I can totally sympaphise with you about wanting to raise your kids in the UK. Like you I'm married to a person from another country (canadian in my case), and whilst at the moment we're in canada my wife has known that I've wanted to move back to blighty (probably in a couple of years) I hope this doesn't come across as condescending, but how much have you talked about it with your husband? You would hope that if he fully appreciates how you feel then he would try and accomodate your wishes. I'm sure you've talked about it, but does he realise how much you want to move back? As for some of the other issues...well I suspect that you would find it a bit easier to get employment in the UK, for a couple of reasons. First as you are probably experiencing, the job market in the US is very flat right now (I was reading a newspaper article saying the US economy has lost over two million jobs over the last couple of years). Employment levels in the UK remain solid for now, but by next summer who knows what the situation will be. Second, having been through the british education system, employers might have a somewhat better idea about your qualifications etc. If you were to split up....well lots of single parents do raise kids on their own, and you don't need me to tell you that, but I would think that moving to another country (which is a big step anyway) whilst possibly going through the trauma of splitting from your husband and trying to raise your kids...as I said moving is a big step anyway, and then there would be these other issues to work through. Sorry I hope that isn't too negative, just trying to say that it would be a major change in your life (I suppose thats stating the bleeding obvious). All I can really suggest is that you sit down with your husband and impress upon him how you feel, and beyond that you have to decide what it is you truly want from your life. If that involves coming back to the Uk with your kids then yes I think it can be done if you really want it to happen...but its a big big step. Sorry I can't say anything more specific, but as I said I feel a bit uncomfortable commenting much on some-one elses marriage. Hope everything works out for you, and you figure out where it is you're going!:) Best of luck Andrew |
Re: Moving back as a single parent
It is very difficult to offer any advice, as everyone`s circumstances are different.
Perhaps it would be less unsettling for your children if you do actually split up at the same time as moving back? that way the children would only have one time of major upheaval, as opposed to two separate traumas if you were to a) split up and move back later or b) move back together and then split up later over there. Don`t underestimate the stress you will be under from the move alone - if your relationship has already hit rock bottom, it is unlikely to improve it!!! Have you got any family who can support you (emotionally I mean, rather than financially) through this horrendous time? At least your children are very young at the moment - hubbie and I had a major argument a few weeks back, and both mine wanted to know when we were getting divorced. I`m sorry I can`t be more helpful, but really feel for you going through this. If you need any "anonymous support" feel free to PM my anytime. Chin up - things will get better, one way or another, eventually!!! |
Re: Moving back as a single parent
I do have family and friends that can provide help and support. i have bachelor degrees in Computer/Management Information Systems and Management plus several O Levels and a couple of A Levels.
Woops, sorry Bromleygirl, I didn`t read this bit properly - so ignore the bit in my previous post about family support. |
Re: Moving back as a single parent
Originally posted by bromleygirl Hello All, I have decided that I shall be moving back with my two children next summer '04 with or without my husband. We have not been seeing eye to eye now for over a year. I moved with him to the States almost 7 years ago and did make the effort to assimilate i.e. went to college and obtained 2 bachelor degrees while taking care of his 3 young sons from his previous marriage and having 2 children together, gatherings with his family and relocating to Minnesota after he left the military. The job market is not great right now and he won't make the effort to find a better job or gain additional training and education. It makes me really upset that he expects me to be O.K. with living in the mid-west while he refuses to make any effort to improve himself. By the way i am working part-time in mortagage sales while trying to find a good full-time position. I miss the U.K. and want my children ages 4 and 2 to grow up there, have better education and not always have to worry about medical bills. If we do split which is highly likley I should have enough from my share for a decent downpayment. What does everyone think - do you think it will be harder for me being a single parent moving back to the U.K. I do have family and friends that can provide help and support. i have bachelor degrees in Computer/Management Information Systems and Management plus several O Levels and a couple of A Levels. Any input, advice, comments would be helpful and appreciated.:) Good luck |
There could be another problem unfortunately.
If a couple get divorced the court can take an unsympathetic point of view regarding the party with whom the children are resident moving too far away from the non-custodial parent I have a Canadian friend who divorced from her American husband last year. She is not even allowed to take the children out of the county without either the permission of her husband or the court. She would dearly love to return to Canada where she would have the support of her family. |
Originally posted by lairdside There could be another problem unfortunately. If a couple get divorced the court can take an unsympathetic point of view regarding the party with whom the children are resident moving too far away from the non-custodial parent I have a Canadian friend who divorced from her American husband last year. She is not even allowed to take the children out of the county without either the permission of her husband or the court. She would dearly love to return to Canada where she would have the support of her family. |
The US court would have jurisdiction for at least 6 months. The UK court wouldn't have shot until at least then and even after that the US court could argue against this. Basically the courts go "head to head" over which venue is the most appropriate.
If the children are USC's this could also complicate matters. No parent is supposed to be able to remove children from the jurisdiction of a court in order to gain an advantage over the other parent. This lady needs to talk to her husband. If she can convince him- even begrudgingly - that her returning to the UK with the children is in their best interests and stay there for 6 months without him kicking up a fuss she has a stronger case. I'm not saying it's not winable if the residence is less than this, just much more of a potential hassle if the children's father decides to contest the move. |
Have English friends here, she hates it, he loves it. Shes going back, hes staying. (They were by all accounts happy before the great OZ adventure). She wants the three kids back in the UK, hes wanting them to stay on in OZ. Two kids hate it here, one kids loves it. I have never seen such a awful mess.
Work out first if you can get your kids back to the UK. Then look at practical issues like work as a single parent. Back up care for kids if younger, it may mean moving close to family who can help out. Take one issue at a time, or it all seems too much. Really wish you good luck with it. |
Originally posted by lairdside The US court would have jurisdiction for at least 6 months. The UK court wouldn't have shot until at least then and even after that the US court could argue against this. Basically the courts go "head to head" over which venue is the most appropriate. If the children are USC's this could also complicate matters. No parent is supposed to be able to remove children from the jurisdiction of a court in order to gain an advantage over the other parent. This lady needs to talk to her husband. If she can convince him- even begrudgingly - that her returning to the UK with the children is in their best interests and stay there for 6 months without him kicking up a fuss she has a stronger case. I'm not saying it's not winable if the residence is less than this, just much more of a potential hassle if the children's father decides to contest the move. |
I do too Rosy. Best of Luck Bromleygirl :)
I know a little about this stuff - not a lot - as the result of having spent over a year in an International Custody battle :( |
Custody issues aside, it's quite likely that even if working full time, you would get 'tax credits' towards child raising and childcare back in the UK. Don't know if you get that in the US, but if not, you'd probably be better off financially as a single parent in the UK.
Maybe you could work something out together like he has the kids during the holidays? Most good fathers would realise surely that little kids need their mum. When the kids are older they can decide where they wanna live. |
Thanks everyone for all your input and thoughts.
We moved here in '96 and straight away I told my husband that I wanted to move back at some point to England. First of all we tried for a transfer back but it didn't happen so we decided to do it after he retired from the military. However with his 3 sons from his previous marriage living with us and then having our 2 together we decided that trying to find a house in the U.K. to accomodate all of us would be difficult. Also when he was retiring my daughter was only 2 and a half and my son 3 months old and I knew if we moved back to England then I would need to be the one to go out to work as it would be easier for me to find employment in the U.K. Anyway after we moved to Minnesota I ended up working full-time while he was trying to find a job which is really ironic. Ever since we moved to Minnesota I've explained to him that life outside of the military living in the U.S. is'nt all that it's cracked up to be i.e. wages might pay a little more but when you take into account paying for healthcare coverage, deductabiles and co-pays it's about the same, education standards are lower and employers do not give you as much time off. He is well aware of how I feel but refuses to try and face reality of the current economic situation and reassess himself for the job market and seek training for another career. He has also stated that he does'nt think that this should effect our marriage - hmmm maybe that's why this is his 3rd marriage! I've told him that if he wants to put his head in the sand and pretend that everything is fine then he is being ignorant and arrogant. He is almost 9 years older than me - i am 32 and we have been together for 8 years - I do beleive that we are at different points in our lives and whereas I want to keep going and experience new challenges and improve myself he is quite happy just going and coming home from work everyday and that's it. I actually naturalised back in 2000 and became an American citizen and at that time an older British lady told me then that I had done the right thing just in case anything was to go wrong with my marriage that it would be easier taking the children out of the U.S. At the time I didn't think anything of it but now I am glad that I have this. My children have been registered at the embassy making it easier to get their British passports. I went to England for a month last summer and when I came back things were still the same. I've even tried taking him to counselling but the counsellor gave up with us after the second session - and you have to pay for marriage counselling over here too! It's not free like the U.K. We have spoken about the option of divorce and he has stated that he does'nt mind me taking the children to live in England. I am the point where I really don't know what else to do but I am determined not to let my children grow up in the enviroment in which I did i.e. parents who fought for years but stayed together "for the sake of the children". I have heard that the U.K. government has a scheme for single parents that if they work part-time the government will make up the wages to a full-time wage -has anyone heard about this? I will have a decent downpayment to go back with for a house and am hoping find a position which is flexable enough so i can ensure that my children are safe and being taken care of. It will be nice to get back to the NHS and my children will also still be covered by the U.S. government military insurance. If anyone can think of any other benefits or programmes that i would be entitled to please let me know or any web sites that I can locate information. Thanks again everyone for your support. :) as a friend told me "life is too short" |
Bromleygirl; I do feel for you and you have been a saint raising three step-children as well as two of your own. It's no mean feat and I applaud you for continuing with your studies whilst caring for a large family. I think you are more than capable of managing as a single parent as you seem to be very self-reliant and independent.
I hope you don't mind me asking, but was there a huge custody battle with the step-children ie. did your husband fight to keep them or was there an amicable agreement between your husband and his ex? It might be a pointer to how things might develop when you make a firm plan to return to the UK. Here's an excellent website where you can get practical information: its the website of the 'Femail' section of Britain's "Daily Mail" newspaper. It also has some excellent message boards for advice & support on the "Sex and Relationships" forum; 'divorce', 'splitting up', 'let off steam' etc. There are also boards for parenting, money matters, jobs & careers etc. There is an 'advice bank' and a 'family lawyer' for practical advice from professionals. You can also go to the "search" feature and type in "Children's Tax Credit" where you can find out all about it: http://www.femail.co.uk (You will need to register). Hope this helps! :) |
Originally posted by dotty Have English friends here, she hates it, he loves it. Shes going back, hes staying. (They were by all accounts happy before the great OZ adventure). She wants the three kids back in the UK, hes wanting them to stay on in OZ. Two kids hate it here, one kids loves it. I have never seen such a awful mess. Work out first if you can get your kids back to the UK. Then look at practical issues like work as a single parent. Back up care for kids if younger, it may mean moving close to family who can help out. Take one issue at a time, or it all seems too much. Really wish you good luck with it. Dotty's advice seems pretty sensible. Deal with one issue at a time so you're not worrying about all of all at once. If this is truly what you want to do (ie move back to the UK) and you're sure in your heart, then yes I think you should go for it. Figure out things one step at a time. Good luck with everything!:) |
Originally posted by bromleygirl I have heard that the U.K. government has a scheme for single parents that if they work part-time the government will make up the wages to a full-time wage -has anyone heard about this? I will have a decent downpayment to go back with for a house and am hoping find a position which is flexable enough so i can ensure that my children are safe and being taken care of. It will be nice to get back to the NHS and my children will also still be covered by the U.S. government military insurance. If anyone can think of any other benefits or programmes that i would be entitled to please let me know or any web sites that I can locate information. Thanks again everyone for your support. :) as a friend told me "life is too short" Check out the UK Inland Revenue Site and the DSS and UK benefits sites for UK citizens. all links from - http://www.inlandrevenue.gov.uk Possibly email each department with your specific requirements. Base your query from the UK and not as one from possibly moving back. If you come back and have a decent deposit for a house - how do you get a mortgage ? Not on benefits...sorry they will take the money saved first as part of the means testing. Bit chicken and egg (job first, house, kids?), so do your research for your specific circumstances. Can one of the helpful family do some finding out for your first? Get as much information as possible before hand. And then take one step at a time like Dotty already said. Your life is what is important and your choices...information is important. Best of Luck - I hope it all works out for you |
Thanks again for all the replies and i will certainly check out the web sites. I've been away for almost 7 years and you start to forget all the different places where you can go to for information.
Family and friends have sent me newspapers and magazines along with government pamflets. I'm afraid to say that I hav'ent really delved into the information too much maybe because I've been putting it off while I try and save my marriage. It was March last year that I set a deadline of summer '04 to move back and now I'm exactly 1 year away from that and I need to get my act together. I have another friend who is moving back in a couple of months and she has offered me a place to stay while I get on my feet( she incidently has a large family home that is not lived in so she has no problem with accomodation and moving back which is very lucky for her). My Mum is coming over next week and really has no idea how bad my marriage is. I know that some people especially my husbands family will think I'm terrible or that I'm trying to push my husband. My Mum always says that since he has left the military he has gone back to being a "small town boy" which is true in a way and I am originally from London and I suppose that I want and expect more. My step-sons are now 12,10 and 10 and each day it is becoming harder and more difficult to deal with them. My husband gained custody of them 4 months after we met - his ex-wife stated at the time that she "wanted her life back". She really doesn't have much to do with them and I have basically been their Mother all these years. It makes things all the more difficult - I don't feel that I ready at 32 to be dealing with basically teenagers which is how they have begum to act latley. My husband is a good man but he is very basic. He has had difficulty fitting back into civillian life again and for him to move to England with me would be even more difficult for him. I know if I were to take him with me I would be shouldering so much responsibility and he would probably get there and then say that he can't find a job because either he's nto qualified to do anything, i can earn more than he can, or he is being discrimanted against because he is American. We spoke briefly last year to his ex-wife who said she would like the boys to live with her if we moved back to the U.K. My husband has'nt been back there since '96 when we left and because he knows I want to go back so much he wants to come along because I'm usually the one who makes the long-term decisions for our family. I do not really want to use benefits when I get to the U.K. I know that here in the U.S. you can still get benefits if your money is tied up in your house they don't consider it money that you can use to survive. Another friend was saying that I could probably apply for jobs from the States and do telephone interviews. I really want to hit the ground running as soon as I get back and try to be as prepared as I can. What I'm looking at is moving at the end of May '04 so it will give me 3 months to find somewhere to live, a job and get my daughter placed in a school - she would be going into the second year of infants and my son into a nursery school. He will be 3 and I've heard that they have all day nursery schools. I will probably move back to the Bromley area or the Cambridge area but I know that finding a job is first and foremost. Thanks again everyone:) |
Child tax credits are not really considered 'benefits.' It's a bit like family allowance. And really I think if you spend your money on a house they could not count it as 'savings.' You could always rent for a while.
If you are the 'head' of your household then why not make the decision that you ALL are moving back to the UK? Afterall, if you've spent what will be 8 years in the US, your husband can do the same for the UK. Maybe you will have to nag him into getting a job, but then it would be the same if you stayed in the States. If it is really that bad and he ends up returning to the US, at least you can say you gave it a chance in Britain. |
Originally posted by bromleygirl Thanks again for all the replies and i will certainly check out the web sites. I've been away for almost 7 years and you start to forget all the different places where you can go to for information. Family and friends have sent me newspapers and magazines along with government pamflets. I'm afraid to say that I hav'ent really delved into the information too much maybe because I've been putting it off while I try and save my marriage. It was March last year that I set a deadline of summer '04 to move back and now I'm exactly 1 year away from that and I need to get my act together. I have another friend who is moving back in a couple of months and she has offered me a place to stay while I get on my feet( she incidently has a large family home that is not lived in so she has no problem with accomodation and moving back which is very lucky for her). My Mum is coming over next week and really has no idea how bad my marriage is. I know that some people especially my husbands family will think I'm terrible or that I'm trying to push my husband. My Mum always says that since he has left the military he has gone back to being a "small town boy" which is true in a way and I am originally from London and I suppose that I want and expect more. My step-sons are now 12,10 and 10 and each day it is becoming harder and more difficult to deal with them. My husband gained custody of them 4 months after we met - his ex-wife stated at the time that she "wanted her life back". She really doesn't have much to do with them and I have basically been their Mother all these years. It makes things all the more difficult - I don't feel that I ready at 32 to be dealing with basically teenagers which is how they have begum to act latley. My husband is a good man but he is very basic. He has had difficulty fitting back into civillian life again and for him to move to England with me would be even more difficult for him. I know if I were to take him with me I would be shouldering so much responsibility and he would probably get there and then say that he can't find a job because either he's nto qualified to do anything, i can earn more than he can, or he is being discrimanted against because he is American. We spoke briefly last year to his ex-wife who said she would like the boys to live with her if we moved back to the U.K. My husband has'nt been back there since '96 when we left and because he knows I want to go back so much he wants to come along because I'm usually the one who makes the long-term decisions for our family. I do not really want to use benefits when I get to the U.K. I know that here in the U.S. you can still get benefits if your money is tied up in your house they don't consider it money that you can use to survive. Another friend was saying that I could probably apply for jobs from the States and do telephone interviews. I really want to hit the ground running as soon as I get back and try to be as prepared as I can. What I'm looking at is moving at the end of May '04 so it will give me 3 months to find somewhere to live, a job and get my daughter placed in a school - she would be going into the second year of infants and my son into a nursery school. He will be 3 and I've heard that they have all day nursery schools. I will probably move back to the Bromley area or the Cambridge area but I know that finding a job is first and foremost. Thanks again everyone:) I just read this whole post. I really feel for you Bromleygirl. I'm not sure I can give any advice beyond whats already been said, but hope you can get everything sorted....I'm sure you will, you sound very capable, your studies and looking after the kids and the family. Good luck! |
Thanks again for everyones replies - it has been very difficult the last few months not really being able to talk about what is going on. Some family and a few friends kind of know but are not aware of everything and the extent to which things have become here.
I think if I were to take my husband back to the UK we would give his sons back to their mother as I just don't know being 12,10 and 10 if they would be able to cope with moving to a new country - the last time they were there they were 5,3 & 3 and really don't remember it very well. They are 100% American and want to stay here. Also I am concerned that they would not adapt to the UK school system that well. The twins have a speech/language delay and I'm sure that they would be picked on. So if things did not work out with my husband in the UK I would feel very guilty - he would probably return to the U.S. and be on his own with none of his five children. It is such a dilema. I want to do what is best for my children but I do not want to stay in a virtually loveless marriage. As someone once said chidlren and transient in your life and once they grow up and move out it will be just the 2 of you again. I'm 32 and feel like I am at a huge crossroads in my life. I know I definitley want to move back to UK but if we are going to split I would rather do it at that point than prolong it further. I'm trying to get a better position so it makes my CV look better before moving back. I graduated at the end of 2000, relocated and had my son in 2001 and 2002 temped and went to so many interviews I've lost track. I went for another interview this morning so hopefully fingers crossed I'll get this one! I want to manuever myself into a better position before I make the leap. I think that a lot of women are forced to stay in a marriage because they have been out of the worplace for so long they don't know how they would survive without their husbands income. I'll keep you updated.:) |
Originally posted by bromleygirl Thanks everyone for all your input and thoughts. We moved here in '96 and straight away I told my husband that I wanted to move back at some point to England. First of all we tried for a transfer back but it didn't happen so we decided to do it after he retired from the military. However with his 3 sons from his previous marriage living with us and then having our 2 together we decided that trying to find a house in the U.K. to accomodate all of us would be difficult. Also when he was retiring my daughter was only 2 and a half and my son 3 months old and I knew if we moved back to England then I would need to be the one to go out to work as it would be easier for me to find employment in the U.K. Anyway after we moved to Minnesota I ended up working full-time while he was trying to find a job which is really ironic. Ever since we moved to Minnesota I've explained to him that life outside of the military living in the U.S. is'nt all that it's cracked up to be i.e. wages might pay a little more but when you take into account paying for healthcare coverage, deductabiles and co-pays it's about the same, education standards are lower and employers do not give you as much time off. He is well aware of how I feel but refuses to try and face reality of the current economic situation and reassess himself for the job market and seek training for another career. He has also stated that he does'nt think that this should effect our marriage - hmmm maybe that's why this is his 3rd marriage! I've told him that if he wants to put his head in the sand and pretend that everything is fine then he is being ignorant and arrogant. He is almost 9 years older than me - i am 32 and we have been together for 8 years - I do beleive that we are at different points in our lives and whereas I want to keep going and experience new challenges and improve myself he is quite happy just going and coming home from work everyday and that's it. I actually naturalised back in 2000 and became an American citizen and at that time an older British lady told me then that I had done the right thing just in case anything was to go wrong with my marriage that it would be easier taking the children out of the U.S. At the time I didn't think anything of it but now I am glad that I have this. My children have been registered at the embassy making it easier to get their British passports. I went to England for a month last summer and when I came back things were still the same. I've even tried taking him to counselling but the counsellor gave up with us after the second session - and you have to pay for marriage counselling over here too! It's not free like the U.K. We have spoken about the option of divorce and he has stated that he does'nt mind me taking the children to live in England. I am the point where I really don't know what else to do but I am determined not to let my children grow up in the enviroment in which I did i.e. parents who fought for years but stayed together "for the sake of the children". I have heard that the U.K. government has a scheme for single parents that if they work part-time the government will make up the wages to a full-time wage -has anyone heard about this? I will have a decent downpayment to go back with for a house and am hoping find a position which is flexable enough so i can ensure that my children are safe and being taken care of. It will be nice to get back to the NHS and my children will also still be covered by the U.S. government military insurance. If anyone can think of any other benefits or programmes that i would be entitled to please let me know or any web sites that I can locate information. Thanks again everyone for your support. :) as a friend told me "life is too short" i really do feel for you1 i am in uk at the momment and you are right there is a lot of help for single parents if you are prepared to work. this year the government introduced to new tax credit systems, this was to replace the family tax credit. the first is working tax credit, that you can get as long as you work over 16 hrs, and you can earn up to £17,000 a year or more according to how many kids you have aand their ages. i had it last year, i was earning £9,000 a year working part ime and got £130 per week which made my weekly wage around £300 (includding child care help for youngest, i had 3 children, 6, 11, 13. the new tax is similar but you may be entittled to more, you can also claim an up to an extra £170.00 per week for child care costs! the other new credit is called tax credit and you can get this as well as the other benefit and is based on your overall earnings, up to about £38,000 per yr. my figures may be not be spot on but you could check on the uk inland revenue site (sorry don't know web aaddress) for clarification. wherever you live being a single parent is difficult, but if you are sure then the best way is to make plans as best you can good luck take care ellen |
Thanks Ellen for your very useful information.
Friends and family have provided some help however unless you are in a similar situation you don't always know all the ins and outs of the system. I am definitly prepared to work. I think working at least part-time sets a good example to children. I don't want to be a single parent living off of benefits - I just want to have a fulfilling work and social life and still be there for my children. By next summer my chidlren will be 5 and 3 and will be going into school and nursery school so if I can schedule my working time around them that would be great. I'm also looking at working at home the rest of the time. Yes, single parent hood is not what I would have chosen however I really beleive that it is not good to stay in a foundering realtionship after you have tried to save it. I have my mother visiting at the moment and she is of the opinion that children need both parents and that I should take my husband back to England with me but then again she says she wants me to be happy. I've been offered a part-time professional position within a large organisation that I think will be good for me and will look really good on my C.V. so I'm staying positive and looking forward to next year. Thanks again for the support:) |
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