moving back
Apr 18th 2005 | 3:19 am
#16
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 14,858
From: Mother Land.
Re: moving back
Originally Posted by Mercedes
You probably hit the nail on the head. If the woman has had her own career/job and outside friends it suddenly a bit of a shock to be stuck at home with no friends and that takes time also. With old friends they know who you are and you can be yourself, with new people you're still in the aquaintance stage and it takes time to go through that transition. I remember when I first emigrated I was suddenly conscious of having to make friends rather than people just "appearing" in my network. I was stuck at home for a little while and hated it and was much happier when I was working and that doesn't matter where I have been in the world either. I got over the boredom when I wasn't working by doing voluntary work, it made me meet people who were often in much worse position than I was and I enjoyed helping them. The elderely ones who's families had abandoned them, I adopted so had my own little family then and they had me. 
Apr 18th 2005 | 7:18 am
#17
Came Back 2003
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 659
From: Home & Settled
Re: moving back
Originally Posted by mcmercer
In your wifes defence, homesickness can be very powerful, have you read any of the threads over here about how common it is and the effect it has on people? We're in a similar position, I want to go home, husband doesnt, though thankfully he's being very supportive (but no doubt feels as you do) but its nothing to do with family pressure I just cant settle here.
Did you discuss this possibility before you came, or put any time frame on how long you'd give it?
Hope you find something thats suits you both, good luck,
Michaela
Did you discuss this possibility before you came, or put any time frame on how long you'd give it?
Hope you find something thats suits you both, good luck,
Michaela
As others have said, get her on here, she can PM me anytime, and don't worry I wouldn't dream of suggesting that she come home because we are all different and sometimes we just need someone to say that its ok to feel like this and I understand.
Susan
Apr 18th 2005 | 8:55 am
#18
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: moving back
Homesickness has been described many times as like a death in the family, it truly is hard to bear at times and those that harp on about it being a sign of someone being weak, you don't have a heart.
I certainly would not have given up a reasonably good life in Australia, sold the bulk of my worldy possessions and live in the UK on the bones of my bum if it wasn't for my family.
I have had the best 12 months of my life being back and if I was dragged onto a plane now never to see them again, I have fabulous memories (good and bad) that cannot be taken away. You only get one life, how you choose to live it is up to you and go with your heart.
M
I certainly would not have given up a reasonably good life in Australia, sold the bulk of my worldy possessions and live in the UK on the bones of my bum if it wasn't for my family.
I have had the best 12 months of my life being back and if I was dragged onto a plane now never to see them again, I have fabulous memories (good and bad) that cannot be taken away. You only get one life, how you choose to live it is up to you and go with your heart.
M
Apr 18th 2005 | 8:22 pm
#19
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 448
From: Now in West London, but one day soon in Vancouver.....!
Re: moving back
be very very careful, mate! thats what i would say after having dumped canada and come back to the uk. tell her from me--she will not like what's going on here. by that i mean filthy streets, yobboes everywhere, pussy-footing police, asylum seekers driving around in almost-new mercedes benzs/bmw's ( if you are in london anyway), general lawlessness by all and sundry, and the list goes on....would you want to live in a place like that? not me, and that is why i have decided to go back and give it another try but this time with determination. have a good sensible chat together instead of biting each others heads off and you will reason it out!
Originally Posted by its grim up north
my wife has told me she wants to return to the uk as she dislikes nz and she miss;s her family ,im putting on a brave face but im gutted, i had a look at property on the net today and their so poxy ,are kids are settled and we have two new buisness;s that are just picking up ,we have been having some arguements lately ,but i feel she is being selfish ,its a case of like it or lump it and the kids go with her , just needed to get it off my chest
May 30th 2005 | 2:58 am
#20
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 2,025
From: Nevada b4 California b4 Colorado b4 Valley of plastic and sand, b4 London
Re: moving back
felt the same about an ex girlfriend...used to miss her like hell...but within a day or two of getting back with her id regret it and be reminded of every reason why i dumped her in the first place..... (thought id get that off my chest 
)
hope things work out for the best mate.[/QUOTE]
Classic mate, classic!
)hope things work out for the best mate.[/QUOTE]
Classic mate, classic!
May 30th 2005 | 3:03 am
#21
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 2,025
From: Nevada b4 California b4 Colorado b4 Valley of plastic and sand, b4 London
Re: moving back
My gosh, you should talk to my wife!
Originally Posted by honeymommy
Personally I think it's any country.....
Went to the USA... Hubby happy in his new job... Me suddenly a stay at home Mum, which I thought would be wonderful...
Very soon felt lost and alone, no english women to hang out with. Totally different culture and way of life.... Hard to talk to hubby about it, as he was having a great time with his new job, meeting loads of people and learning new skills.....
I became miserable and what my Mum would call a mardieass.... Took it's toll on us... Hubby could'nt see my point of view at all....
Took me 3 years before I actually felt settled..........
I do believe a lot of the reason is that when couples move it's usually the hubby that has the job..... Seen it a lot on here....
I used to get very frustraited that he didn't understand how I felt... He couldn't understand as he was'nt in my head... he could see prospects, sun, sea, sand and a good future.... I saw boredom, isolation and just a lonely existance.......
Even today I don't think he understands how hard it was for me not to jump on a plane all those years ago....
When we did have to come back to the UK, neither of us wanted to... LOL
I would seriously talk it out together... Listen to each other. Perhaps wait for permanant residency or whatever it's called there... Then at least you have choices.....
If she came on here, there's a lot of support from other women who have been through it. I'm sure it would help....
Went to the USA... Hubby happy in his new job... Me suddenly a stay at home Mum, which I thought would be wonderful...
Very soon felt lost and alone, no english women to hang out with. Totally different culture and way of life.... Hard to talk to hubby about it, as he was having a great time with his new job, meeting loads of people and learning new skills.....
I became miserable and what my Mum would call a mardieass.... Took it's toll on us... Hubby could'nt see my point of view at all....
Took me 3 years before I actually felt settled..........
I do believe a lot of the reason is that when couples move it's usually the hubby that has the job..... Seen it a lot on here....
I used to get very frustraited that he didn't understand how I felt... He couldn't understand as he was'nt in my head... he could see prospects, sun, sea, sand and a good future.... I saw boredom, isolation and just a lonely existance.......
Even today I don't think he understands how hard it was for me not to jump on a plane all those years ago....
When we did have to come back to the UK, neither of us wanted to... LOL
I would seriously talk it out together... Listen to each other. Perhaps wait for permanant residency or whatever it's called there... Then at least you have choices.....
If she came on here, there's a lot of support from other women who have been through it. I'm sure it would help....
May 30th 2005 | 6:43 am
#22
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,398
From: California since 1997 now back in UK since July 2004
Re: moving back
Originally Posted by veryfunny
My gosh, you should talk to my wife!
Be happy too..
May 30th 2005 | 1:04 pm
#23
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 557
From: Toronto
Re: moving back
Originally Posted by its grim up north
my wife has told me she wants to return to the uk as she dislikes nz and she miss;s her family ,im putting on a brave face but im gutted, i had a look at property on the net today and their so poxy ,are kids are settled and we have two new buisness;s that are just picking up ,we have been having some arguements lately ,but i feel she is being selfish ,its a case of like it or lump it and the kids go with her , just needed to get it off my chest
Moving back to the UK should be a mutual decision, for all concerned.
I also would like to return to Britain at some point, but not until I've given Canada a proper go.
Sometimes I absolutely hate it here, but I suppose that's only natural when you move to a totally different country and culture. Things take time.
May 30th 2005 | 1:17 pm
#24
Sand, sea and serenity
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 189
From: Sydney
Re: moving back
Originally Posted by aussie73
Having read alot of threads, why does it always seem its the wife in OZ or NZ that is homesick and wants to return to the UK, while the Husband loves the place, is there an explanation for the difference between the sexes.
I work full time as our children are older and can pretty much look after themselves, so I can't say that I am bored either, I think it must take a long time to familiarise yourself with your new country, something women do not enjoy.
Whenever we talk about the situation of homesickness ect, he just doesn't want to know really because it then makes him unsettled ( and I can undersand that too), as he is just getting on with his life and that makes me feel guilty- that I don't have the same feelings
Does that make sense I hope it does!
I think within time we will all know if our 'new life' will be forever or not!
It just takes time.
Marie
May 30th 2005 | 2:00 pm
#25
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 557
From: Toronto
Re: moving back
Women tend to be more sensitive than men, although not always of course. Therefore moving away from friends, family and familiar things will bother them more.
May 30th 2005 | 2:26 pm
#26
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 14,858
From: Mother Land.
Re: moving back
Originally Posted by seacreature
Women tend to be more sensitive than men, although not always of course. Therefore moving away from friends, family and familiar things will bother them more.
May 30th 2005 | 5:04 pm
#27
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 234
From: Bournemouth > Bribie Island, Queensland>Brisbane
Re: moving back
Most women tend to be closer to their families than men. My husband seems more than happy only to see his parents once in a blue moon. Women don't tend to move away from their family circle in the way men do and they also benefit more from the help and support given by family.
May 30th 2005 | 6:43 pm
#28
Live the moment
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,026
From: In between nappies and feeds
Re: moving back
Hi
You know someone said it to me once....that when men marry they leave their family(parents etc) and create their "family" but for women when they have children they want to be close to their matriarch family/familiar surroundings to protect their children. Sounds very much like elephants eh !!lol...now there's a thought...!!!lol..
My hubby really doesn't bother much at all with his family..we are his family and to him thats all that counts. !!However if his parents were ill and needed him he would be there asap.
I only have one parent left so for me I really wanted my daughter to have a relationship with my mum. This was one reason for our return along with a good few others.
Well I really hope you wife comes on and reads some of these posts. She may get some comfort from reading how many people suffer with it. !
Good luck...
You know someone said it to me once....that when men marry they leave their family(parents etc) and create their "family" but for women when they have children they want to be close to their matriarch family/familiar surroundings to protect their children. Sounds very much like elephants eh !!lol...now there's a thought...!!!lol..
My hubby really doesn't bother much at all with his family..we are his family and to him thats all that counts. !!However if his parents were ill and needed him he would be there asap.
I only have one parent left so for me I really wanted my daughter to have a relationship with my mum. This was one reason for our return along with a good few others.
Well I really hope you wife comes on and reads some of these posts. She may get some comfort from reading how many people suffer with it. !
Good luck...
May 31st 2005 | 10:45 am
#29
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,284
From: Wakefield.......now Wellington Point
Re: moving back
Homesickness is really hard to cope with. I found that getting out and about and trying to meet new people helped enormously, also doing things on a weekend with family as in the UK we were always busy working etc. Also there is so much to do here that is free and the weather is a bonus, we are spending so much time outdoors.
I am now so much more settled and when I think back to what we used to do in the UK our quality of life is so much better. Yes I still miss family but we speak regularly on the phone and have a trip booked to UK for Christmas. Still not sure if this will be a permanent move, but taking one step at a time works.
I am now so much more settled and when I think back to what we used to do in the UK our quality of life is so much better. Yes I still miss family but we speak regularly on the phone and have a trip booked to UK for Christmas. Still not sure if this will be a permanent move, but taking one step at a time works.
Jun 2nd 2005 | 4:27 am
#30
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 4,764
Re: moving back
Originally Posted by its grim up north
my wife has told me she wants to return to the uk as she dislikes nz and she miss;s her family ,im putting on a brave face but im gutted, i had a look at property on the net today and their so poxy ,are kids are settled and we have two new buisness;s that are just picking up ,we have been having some arguements lately ,but i feel she is being selfish ,its a case of like it or lump it and the kids go with her , just needed to get it off my chest
or more basic problems with your marriage. If your marriage is ok you'll come to
a compromise because the thing you both want most is to be together. If not you
have to face some difficult stuff.
