Same here, best thing we ever did was move back.

We were well prepared for this and you don't have to move far to find the same problem. When we moved to Brussels the only time we saw anyone was when we packed up the car and 4 kids and went back to the UK to visit. Some people visited once but then prefered their holidays elsewhere (can't say that I blame them really ). When my parents moved to the USA all of the promises of keeping in touch and visiting came to nought, so when we moved to OZ we realised that the only contact that we would have with most people would be when we made contact first.
People move on and say what they think that they want you to hear (often meaning every word of it when they say it). We are happy to leave it as it is and make our friends here, family we will keep in touch with but have no illusions about the fact that we won't see anything of them unless we do the visiting.
It can be hurtful but I am sure that most people do not mean it to be it is just that they get so wrapped up in their own lives that they have difficulty in finding time to keep in touch. I expect very little but do not take it personally it is just human nature and people seem to have such massively busy lives in the UK.
We are happy with our move and we do find that there are a few people that keep in touch and these are the only ones that really matter anyway.
Enjoy
Nicky

Glad to see you're settled again Wise move

This post should be pinned! So true.

From our experience and that of the many expats in our area that I've met, it takes anything from 2 to 5 years to feel truly settled into a new country, where you feel you are truly home.

Most new expats don't give themselves this time to settle. They have this expectation that all will be rosy once they're in their new country, but it doesn't work like that. It doesn't matter how many countries you've lived in (I've lived in many), you still go through a settling in period, which varies from person to person.

It doesn't matter if you've been away for six months or 10 years, you will experience what snowqueen so well put into words. Just the amount of backbone it took for you to gather information, apply for visas, get the runaround from immigration departments no matter where in the world (extra 100 points if you've had to deal with the USCIS ), will make you a different person to what you were before, never mind how you change as a person when you do live in the new country. You might not think you've changed, but you do, you get a different outlook on life. Most expats forget that the folk back home are getting on with their lives, and often, many go back to their 'home' countries and aren't totally happy there, and then play 'expat musical countries'. If they'd only allowed themselves a longer time to settle in, they'd probably find that they'd be able to get over whatever is 'left behind' and truly settle in.

. So why the heck should I move my immediate family back to the UK just to be with our parents when basically, no-one else gives a sh*t whether we went home or not!!

Anyone else discovering that maybe you miss people more than they miss you?[/QUOTE]

Hits the nail on the head, real hard too. been back almost a year from NZ and now begining to want to go back or else where. Funny how you think you are part of a big picture but in fact your just a pencil line rubbed out at a whim.

Hits the nail on the head, real hard too. been back almost a year from NZ and now begining to want to go back or else where. Funny how you think you are part of a big picture but in fact your just a pencil line rubbed out at a whim.[/QUOTE]
For this reason we have decided to be very selfish and only move back if us and the kids have a chance at a better life... well one with a holiday anyway looking forward to having Europe close again. I had stupid dreams of returning to the UK once a year and visit a country each time!! oh I didn't do my homework very well did I
We are lucky if we can go camping now that the ££ have run out

Fab post and so true! We found that it was us who had to make the effort to keep in contact with people. I called my sister, wrote emails to my friends and sent numerous text messages. My sister made one phonecall and sent one text saying it was an emergency! Panic stricken I called her back only to find it was to do with our tenants - they couldn't work the central heating! Every time I called my sister she pleaded with me to come back. When we did get back to the UK, she was awful! I'd missed people so much and quite honestly, I don't think they gave a stuff whether I was there or not!

You probably will miss friends and family, but they get on with their lives and move on, so you have to as well. Put yourself and your families happiness first and do whats right for you.

People don't stay in the same place for life. They move to the other end of town, other end of the country or other end of the world. The location isn't really the issue it's just that they're no longer handy.

Just jumped across from my normal hunting ground on the Canada forum, to say what a great series of posts on this thread.
We have been in Canada for 6 months now, having never lived further than 30 mins from our parents before, so we are still adjusting to that separation and our new lives.
I am an incredibly organised individual and have to say that most of the keeping in contact is initiated by me, usually by e-mail. Apart from parents that is , who we speak to on the phone twice a week at least.
We send out a general e-mail to everyone on our 'list' about once every 6 weeks, just to update them where we are up to and this usually brings a few replys. I think, naturally, some people are better at keeping in touch than others. I won't let them be strangers.....................the good friends are the ones you can speak to after a gap of 2 months and just pick up where you left off. My best friend since we were 11 years of age, is back in the UK, and we don't speak as often as we like, but I can't imagine ever not being in contact with her ................it doesn't matter where in the world you are. You make the effort with the people that REALLY matter. !

Hi all, great thread by the way. I normally post in the Middle East forum. My hubby and I have been living in Dubai for the last 5 months (originally from UK). I have never had lots of friends just a handful of very very close ones and to be honest there is only one who hasn't been in contact with me since I moved, despite her floods of tears and speech about her realising how much she would miss me. At first I thought 'what a cow, she doesn't work and she has 24 hour internet access and yet she doesn't reply to my e-mails' but then after finally getting hold of her on the phone one day I realised that she had issues going on in her life and contacting me was the last thing on her mind. She won't contact me at all whilst I am over here but then our relationship has always been like that really - me doing all the phoning and going to see her even when she moved 300 miles away from me. I just know though that the minute I get back to the UK it will be like we never were apart, some friendships are just like that. She is quite a contrast to my other friend who doesn't have any spare time in her day due to demanding child and job and yet she e-mails me once a week with an update on her life.

My parents have been great and phone me a couple of times a week and hubbys parents do too. The brothers and sisters from his side of the family send the occasional mail but I haven't had any contact with my brothers - when I lived with them I never saw them though so no change there!! I do as R2D2 and send out a monthly update with pictures to everyone I know with an e-mail address and last week I wrote 3 letters and put some pictures in there too.

I agree that when you move away from friends and family some relationships may change and you may find some old friends move on without you, but those who are truly important to you, when you see them again it will be as though you never left except they will have loads to tell you.

Sometimes I don't think that its just the friends we miss its just the 'familiarity' of things we used to do and places we used to go. I used to go to one girlfriend's house for coffee once a week and have a 'girly' chat where we would both 'offload' on each other. I can't do that here because I don't feel I have made a close enough friend to reveal all too - yet! I had my favourite place I used to shop and I don't here. My hubby misses his loal pub and his favourite pint more than he misses his friends!!! But then we are still adjusting to our life here (gone past the 'hate it' and 'yeah its ok' stages and heading towards 'like it lots' stage - don't ever think I will get to the 'love it' stage!).

One thing I have learnt from this experience is that you have to put yourselves first. We are here to earn money and that is our main priority. If we lose friends in the process then they weren't worth knowing in the first place. If any of my friends treat me differently when I go back then they will become ex-friends. As long as me and my hubby are ok thats all that matters as he is my bestest friend ever (can hear gagging noises coming from people reading this )

Oh and I also meant to say that living here has made me appreciate how much I like the UK. I hated it when I lived there and always wanted to escape, but now I see its finer points - just don't ask me to list them

Being an expat means a better way of life as there is excess money and therefore a better social life, holidays and no more credit card bills!!!! But no matter how long we stay here the UK will always be my home and if I go home and find that none of my friends want to know me then so what!!! At least I am home

Maybe next year!! We don't know yet. I guess if money and families were no object we would go tomorrow, with no pressure on ourselves to stay, etc. But these are two influencing factors. We are still happy here and don't feel desperate enough to go with the attitude of 'sod how much it costs'. We know what we are getting into this time so we're trying to decide if this is a wise investment - life, time and money - for the future and children's future. Decisions, decisions!

Thanks for popping in. I am fascinated by what's happening in Dubai so will have to stop by the Middle East forum.

Hehe... I think we can all relate to that. I convinced myself that I was miserable in the UK and couldn't wait to leave. However, I was 20 years old with no committments and looking back now I realize just how good and easy life was back then so I think I was just looking for reasons to hate the place to justify leaving. Now I always focus on the good points of the UK. Perhaps a part of it is looking through rose-tinted glasses, but I think a lot of it is that you don't know what you've got till it's gone. Now I realise how much I took for granted.

Well good for you that things worked out like that. In my experience though, being in expat in the US means scrimping and saving every penny to pay get by. It's partly due to difference point in life (now married with kids and wife doesn't work) which would be the same in any country, but also due to extortionate health, car insurance costs, etc. Also, no social life whatsoever and pathetic vacation allowance meaning the only holidays are to visit family. I'm not knocking your post BTW, just saying why I, and others on here, need to get back!

I'm sorry but being an expat means watching the purse strings. Not everyone is in a fortunate position with lots of equity in the house. It all depends on the socioeconomic status you're coming from. Money isn't everything, but it can help when you're starting from scratch in a new country

This has been a good thread for me to read. We went home to the UK for New Year, and when we returned to the USA we put our house on the market, spent hours on this website, and did basically everything to return home, albeit with a July deadline. We'd lived in the US for 9 years, and the kids weren't too chuffed about going back, since they've grown up here. Anyway, come August we hadn't sold the house, and decided to stay. We were sitting on the beach in blazing sunshine, the kids were in the ocean having fun after Junior lifeguards, and we realised that as long as we were happy as an immediate family, then things were good. We're going home for the Christmas/New Year break, and we were getting worried that we'd come back feeling the same way. I think I'll keep reading this thread whenever those feelings surface!