THEGREATIDIOT

I wouldn't put money on that.

Spikey

I'm not moving back to the UK but have moved around the UK a lot before we came here so I've done the making new friends a few times now. I find the idea of it quite daunting, but as someone once said to me: " there are special people wherever you go in the world with the potential to become great friends, it's just a case of you making the effort to find them". I think that is true, when I'm starting somewhere new I make an effort to smile and say hello to people and to strike up conversations and be interested in their lives. It does work though admittedly the older I get the harder I find it - I'm quite impatient and sometimes it takes a good while to get close to people.

Spikey

Hmm, I'd tend to agree with Yorkshire Girl (being a yorkshire girl myself originally ). I don't know you GreatIdiot, but I've read a few of your posts and you don't come across as happy and content but very bitter about the hand life has dealt you and you seem very quick to put down Australians and Australia. I appreciate 16 was a hard age to emigrate (why we wanted to do it while our kids are still v young) but I wonder if your attitude of everything about Australia stinks that is evident from your posts here comes across to people you meet IRL and that's why you find it tough.

THEGREATIDIOT

I didn't have an attitude when I came, or indeed for many years after. It's an easy "pass the buck" attitude to blame the person who dares to do the complaining, but it has little to do with reality. In order for anyone to detect an "attitude" from me, they'd actually have to talk to you for more than five seconds to begin with. No chance of that round these parts.

Mercedes

Okay, time for you to move. Why don't you try Darwin, it's a young place, plenty of friendly people and you will have plenty of fun. Workwise, it's a good time to go up there as often many work opportunties. It might help you get out of your rut. If you can't make friends there, you would need to have a hard look in the mirror at yourself. So go and pack your bags, seriously, it may be what you need, help you get your finances up so you can return to UK. I hitched hiked 2000 miles from there to Perth, so you don't need too much money, and the bus fair isn't that expensive either... I arrived there with $30 in my pocket and I found work. So what are you waiting for, change your life or stay put, but stop moaning about it if you do.

Dizzillusioned

You should get Skype and talk to me, I guarantee after 5 minutes you would be out of your front door so fast and getting that life you need.

kiwi_child

Darwin has avery diverse and transient population. So 'friendships' made tend to be for a season. Many backpackers and young people go there but move on looking for new sights and opportunities. This idea that it is simply down to the individual if they find difficulty making friends is so far from the reality of the situation.

I have lived in this country since mid 90s and can honestly say I have only ever made acquaintances, not friends. Friends keep regular contact with each other, share real discussions about real topics and show mutual interest in each other. These things have not been experienced by myself in Australia and in no way has it anything to do with the person I am.

I have always been basically easygoing and found it no drama making new friends; except for in Australia! I am not shy, don't suffer social phobia, nor do I have self esteem issues. What I do have now though is a genuine lack of interest in bothering to try and make friends with Australians. I've tried long enough and only ever met people who either don't want to know you or else just want to be 'friends' as long as they perceive and advantage to themselves in it.

My agenda now is simply to have a holiday in NZ, come back and finish my degree, then buggar off to UK.

kiwi_child

I agree. Australian 'culture' in relation to making friends is not like it is in UK or NZ or probably many other countries. You can be friendly, humourous, outgoing, show interest, and hold various levels of conversation, yet still not find you develop anything more than a superficial casual aquaintance.

Mercedes

Lived in Darwin for 2.5 years, and the friends I made there I'm still in contact with and contact them regularly. There are alot of people who live there permantly, like the friends I made there. The main military is up there as well so many people get posted there as well as there are quite a few government jobs. Yes it is transient, but you can make permanent friends there. I'm still friends with the girl who hired me when I first went to Oz and went intially to Darwin when I was backpacking in 88. She came to my wedding 2 years later, and I stayed with her when I split from my husband, years later. I last saw her in 97, and I still receive emails off her. I have about 6 good Australian friends there who I love to bits and who are great people and in fact have told me that they love me and miss me and when am I going to go and see them. I never had problems wherever I was in Australia to make these types of friends, nor in UK nor anywhere else I have lived. Yes you meet aload of aquaintance, but when I call someone a friend they become part of my family and I'm also considered an extension of theirs. I don't use the word friends loosely in my life, I don't just have anyone as one and anyone else falls into the aquaintance box. But there are some great people in Oz like anywhere else and maybe I was lucky because I found loads.

kiwi_child

Then all I can say is that you have been fortuante. This is not the experience of many migrants to Australia.

Spikey

I don't agree. I think we as individuals are responsible for our attitude, our thoughts, feelings and actions and it's easier to blame our surroundings when things don't go our way, that way it gives us an excuse not to do anything about changing things.

I don't know how old you are or how long it's been since you came but I think if I were you I'd be saving tooth and nail to get to a better place. I know it's expensive blah blah but where there's a will there's a way. I don't know whereabouts in Oz you are but perhaps a move within Oz might suit as Mercedes suggests.

Spikey

I think it can be like that in the UK and anywhere else in the world too actually. I find it like that whenever I go somewhere new, building close friendships takes time and effort. My closest friend in Crewe wasn't someone I particularly took to when I first met her, we became much closer when we were both pregnant with our 2nd child and she's a good mate now, but it took a good couple of years from our first meeting to get to that stage.

kiwi_child

Yes you are correct about these things taking time and also being open to possible friendships with those you might not first consider. However my point was that in OZ I have found that the desire to put the effort in on the part of Australians seems lacking. It is not a country in my experience that is at all inclusive... they just like to make out they are.

Spikey

I see what you're saying but I felt like that in Crewe at times too - I don't agree it's an Australian cultural thing.

Mercedes

If you look on the forums of this board for every country, you will see people moan about the country they are living in and whats wrong with it and how unfriendly the people are and they haven't made any friends. On those same boards you will see people who are happy with their lives, made some good friends and love their adopted country. If you listen to migrants who are living in UK you will hear similar.