Hi,

I am living in France, I came here 18 months ago with my husband and 3 children.

So far so good, the children settled well and are now speaking french.
The eldest is 15 she has her first boyfriend and lots of friends.
My husband has casual work but nothing permanent.
We have found our dream home and are not unhappy.

But is doesn't seem to be enough, we are homesick for england, it only started about 4 to 6 weeks ago. I think until that point we were just pushing any niggly doubts out of our minds because we didn't want to burst the bubble.
We are missing family, friends, shops etc.

It is like we have stepped out of the real world and are in this parallel universe.
We escaped all the financial pressures of council tax etc, My husband left a job that he hated in England, we now have very low outgoing's, hubby only works 4 days a week and does work he enjoys with people he likes.
We have a very big 5 bedroom house, en-suite, big garden, big courtyard at front.
The width of the house is equivalent to two of our old house in England, we bought it outright, no mortgage and we have made some money on it.
So everything should be great. Mostly it is great but we have these niggly little doubts about our future here long term.

We have done research and have come to the conclusion that neither of us is likely to be employed here.
We are not paying towards our state pension either which is big concern.
At the moment we are living the simple life but with all the mod cons of our old life. Eventually those mod cons with wear out, i,e computer, cars, dishwasher and we are not earning enough to replace those sort of things.

Is the honeymoon period coming to an end?

Does homesickness pass?

Are we just seeing our old lives through rose tinted spectacles?

Before leaving England we had grown to hate it and have heard that things are no different and a lot of people say "the things that made you leave are still here so you would be mad to come back"
Is this good advice?

How do we know?

sorry for all the questions but I really need to sort things out.

Hope to hear from loads and loads of you however small your contribution is.

Thanks in advance xx

Hi bramblebush,

on paper you have this perfect life and as you say people are saying why go back to the uk, you said yourself you had grown to hate it. I don't think you are seeing your old life through rose tinted specs perhaps you have just realised that things weren't so bad afterall, now you have the life you dreamed of and actually that isn't enough.

I have only been in aus for just over a year, not away that long compared to some others, and my homesickness started about 6 months in. Since christmas it has been far far worse, too the point that it is making me ill. Plans are in motion to move back asap, have a house to sell, but I am so impatient with it all. We are going to a leaving party at the weekend, this couple have been here over 40 years yet are so homesick, they are going back indefinatly despite leaving the kids and grandkids behind.

Maybe if you went back for a holiday things would be clearer, sadly that isn't an option for me.

I hope things work out whatever you decide.

TT.

Your post is quite contradictory. You say that you've escaped financial pressures, got your dream home, hubbie has work that he likes with people he likes, yet you also say that you both feel you won't be employed over there? I'm confused. If you have the financial means to support yourself, then you're set, right?

As for the homesickness, I've been in the states for almost 5 years now and I still miss home. You always will. You, however, are in the enviable position of being a mere couple of hours away from England.

Do you think you could live in France with regular trips home to satisfy the homesickness?

I would look into paying your UK pension contribution. I found that after the first year of being in the states, I started realising what I had done in moving over here, missing friends etc. At the end of the day you need to decide where is best for you, financially and emotionally.

Hi Leeds lass

Sorry for being confusing.

what I meant about being employed was that my husband at the moment is working on a casual basis for english people that are renovating their houses, when the houses are done so is the work.
What I meant by being employed was a pemanent job with a french employer and contributing to the system.

The work is soon to run out.

Thanks for replying

Hi Treacle Tart,

We did go to england for a week and we came back feeling that we had a lovely time, everything was just how we expected.

We spent good quality time with friends and family but told ourselves that it was just a holiday feeling that we were having and that we should return to france and work harder at it.

However on return to france now two weeks later and we are feeling just the same if not worse.

Thanks for the reply.

Ah, now I see.

Well, if you feel that you will have a hard time getting employment in France and have researched this thoroughly, then what other options do you have? Your husband is in the building trade? Could he maybe get employment with a local building firm? Start his own? Are you in an area where this work is in demand?

Why do you not think you would likely get employment where you are?

Leeds Lass,

The chances of employment are low because the area we are in is very rural and the few jobs that do come up go to the french people.
This is the case even if you are fluent in the language of which we are not.

I have spoken on the internet to other peoples in france and they have confirmed this to me.

It is a good place for retired people that do not need to work.

Setting up a business in france is difficult due to red tape and the tax's are very high.

Perhaps I am putting obsticles in the way on purpose or maybe I am being realistic, I don't know the answer myself.

First of all, where did you live in England? Many people who return go to a different town or city rather than the one they left and find that better and enjoy being back.

Second, since you live in France, could you not got over for a month or so during school holidays to the area you have in mind and get a feel for the place, without being in a holiday mode. Check out what work is available for your husband and/or you.

Third, you should try and pay contributions for a pension. You will be glad of it in later years. My husband did this for a few years when we left UK, and he should have continued, but we kind of didn't realise it at the time. At least this year he will get some pension and I get just under a quarter. So it pays to continue.

You must know that house prices in UK have rocketed, and if you are in a comfortable house with no mortgage you are in a good position.

It seems that English are going over to live in France all the time and buying houses that need work. Are there no new residents coming to your area whereby husband would get work?

Hi Pamela.

Pensions are one thing that worries us a lot, that's why we are anxious about not being able to find permanent work.

The part of england that we lived in was hertfordshire and we would return to the same place so as to be near family and friends, if we went anywhere else then I think we would still feel the pull towards returning there.

House prices yes have gone up and we have looked at what we could afford, we would be in a similar position financially as before leaving with a similar house. We would rent in the UK initially and keep our house in france until we felt ready to let it go completely.

Work wouldn't be a problem, we have researched that.

So all there is to do is to know whether to trust our present feelings.

I would hate to go ahead and then regret it, it wouldn't be fair on the children to move them again so we would have to stay there.

I think you are going through the first phase of homesickness. I got this about 1 year into moving abroad, but it passes. I'd try to stay put for at least another year and see if your feelings change. Why not take an extended holiday in England, you'll probably realize why you went to France in the first place and get back looking forward to the wonders of Galic life.

Hey

Homesickness is a very bad thing its also very powerfull and makes you do some crazy things I served in the UK millitary for 4 years and never once got homesick went to some beautifull places, sierra leone, Afghanistan and germany etc.

I left the army and eventually moved to the US was very happy married to a US CIT, but I was always homesick, and one day the homesickness got the better of me that day without much thought I packed my things and flew home to england leaving my beloved wife in the US, im still to this day distraught over what happened and what my homesickness caused me to do and my wife is slowly trying to rebuild her life, I still love her but because I was waiting for my last interview screwed up my immigration so I Fear I may never be able to go back to right what I have wronged, I am not posting for Judgement but merely to help the original poster think long and hard about what they do.

Please think about what you are doing before you do it

There was one saying that my dad said to me before I left for the US and never understood what he meant by it until after 3 weeks of arriving back in the UK

THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE

Hi Nun and Ashnic,

Thank you both for very good advice.

Ashnic I am sorry to hear of your situation, don't give up hope of someday resolving it.
And thanks so much for caring about others.

Hi everyone,

I am so glad that I found this forum.

I/we have decided to ride the storm for the time being and hope that it passes.

The sun is shinning today and everything looks so much more positive.

We are going to try harder with the language and look into maybe paying voluntary NI contributions towards our UK pension (if possible).

We owe it to our 3 very brave children to stick it out, they came from england aged 8, 9 and 13 they have embraced the language and the way of life, they are surrounded by countryside and are far safer here that the UK, it would be so unfair to take that from them.

As Ashnic said THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE and I am sure always will be

Thanks again everyone xx

i came to the states 2 years ago and hated it. After 6 months i packed my bags and left with the kids, got a new appartment and job in europe and that is when the s%^t hit the pan!!! Whilst away I had built this immage up of home, I forgot about all the reasons of leaving in the first place. If it was so great why did i leave. But oh no once back I had to face reality and realised that i hadnt really given it a chance. So here i am again, 2 years down the road, adjusting slowly. But in the reality that i went back and now i sit back and think of home and see it realistically.

It could have back fired, but I was lucky it didnt. It cost me over 30,000 euros and that alone bites me. Thank god I can laugh about it now. The problems that made u leave in the first place are still going to be there. However, maybe for u home is where the heart belongs. There is no shame in saying u made a mistake. But think long and hard before u do. It could be an expensive lesson.

Deedee13

Very wise words.

Thank you for the reply.

I am glad you are now settled.