cricket1again

Apparantly it's heading for -7 degrees in the UK with more snow (fantastic). This news had my friends and relatives begging me this weekend to reconsider moving back there or at least just go for a holiday to check I won't feel as depressed as they do (I won't). I got bitten by a whitetail spider while I was in bed a few months ago and my arm burns and itches still every night so i know I won't regret leaving here. I hate spiders so it was the last straw especially as it came and got me.
Anyone seen a whitetail? They look like this,

http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=e...cr%3DcountryAU

Horrible eh? At first I only suspected that it was a spider so I was happy not being sure. Now I know I can't wait to get on that plane.

Anyway, to keep everyone happy I made a list asking myself the question. What can I NOT live with here in Australia?

1. Spiders.
2. Heat
3. Bland scenery
4. Unable to develop business.


Second question. Can i make compromises and try to live here by appreciating the positives? Answer. No

Next question. What can I NOT live with in the UK.

Nothing ever disturbed me that much that I wanted to leave the country. I will probably find a few things different when i go back and I am sure the Brits tendancy to be a bit gloomy and dull will drive me nuts sometimes but I can live with it.

Anyway, I thought for the benefit of others who find themselves wrestling with the decision to stay or return, maybe summing up in a similar way might help. I definately can't live with spiders so i'm off. Boxes are packed, just got to tie up loose ends, I am going home.

Sherro

One thing to be mindful of and that can be the post relocation fall out. Often you see it on here, people get distracted with the logistics of moving and getting sorted and then when it is done and the dust settles anti climax CAN creep in.

I lived in Australia for 9 years, kept coming back to Europe and UK round June/July time and really loved it and started getting homesick. SO I moved back in June last year, after 2-3 months I really thought I had made a bad mistake, wasn't unhappy here but realised my friends and lifestyle and ME had changed. Getting up in the dark and getting home in the dark was different for me and left me empty, the harshness of some people in London where I lived was a surprise, the cold, the grey skies, traffic jams every morning to get to work, its the same shi* everyone moans about, but the biggest issue for me was I have 9 years of contacts in Melbourne business wise, here I have to start again !!! Whoa, I knew that before I left but it didn't register with me at all as i was so excited about traveling then going home.

All these things started to prey on my mind

I decided in December, NOPE I am better suited to Aussie now and started making changes to move back once and for all with my girlfriend. I am at ref checking stages with a job and have told my friends over there, see you soon.

Thing is Cricket, I am actually starting to love the UK, it has taken me time and I jumped back to comfort too quickly. I am seriously thinking about staying here now which is great, either way ill be happy but you need to give yourself 9-12 months and you HAVE to be prepared to do this otherwise don't bother IMO.

Rather than make a list of what you cant live with in Aus, try making one about what you need to be back here.

So, try to compile a list of what you want and need here to make the landing soft and comfy and you will be fine

Oh its 3 degrees in london and green green green !!!!!!!

cricket1again

I made my list about reasons to be in the UK ages ago but it was so long, I couldn't fit it on the page here ;-)

I moved to australia unwillingly, I came in support of an unfaithful husband which i obviously didn't know at the time. I love england and my list for being there just goes on and on but you are right in what you say. It does take time to adapt and the problems that you left behind will still be there when you return. However, i think you learn to make a choice about not letting them take over your perspective.

backagen

Whenever I've tried making lists of pros and cons in both countries, I usually find it's no real help.

Even though one country normally has more pros or less cons than the other, the importance of some of those things is much higher than others.

Basically it always comes down to this for me:
- Being in UK near family who I love and miss very much (but they certainly don't love or miss me at all and generally treat me like ****).
OR
- Having a lifestyle here which, on the whole, is considerably better than I'd have in UK (even though I hate to admit it, and even though it's far from perfect).

There's a lot more to it than that, but that's the main crux of it.

I know there's others on this forum with similar predicaments.

Not easy at all is it? Actually after many years of trying to make that decision I've accepted now that there is NO right decision to make. In other words I've resigned myself to the fact that it is an IMPOSSIBLE decision to make.

That doesn't help me know what to do for the best, but it does help me avoid feeling guilty about whatever I'm doing at the moment, because I know there's no way to resolve the problem satisfactorily so to some extent I have to stop giving myself a hard time and just relax, take it one day at a time, and try to enjoy what I can enjoy wherever I may be.

That's what I'm doing at the moment and as far as any decision to move back to UK goes, I will do it if and when I happen to feel like it, rather than trying to make some big deliberate decision which I know I can't make. The economic situation in UK is not exactly pulling me in that direction at the moment though.

cricket1again

I'm slightly different in my perspective. There are no fuzzy lines in my summing up. I'm not going back to the UK because of what i miss hoping that something or someone will fill the void. I'm going back because of what I cannot live with in Australia. There is a difference. i'm not being drawn back by sentiment or by need. I'm going because I prefer it to here. It's just a preference thing for me. There's not really an emotion just a like and a dislike of being in a certain place and a certain amount of discomfort and lack of familiarity caused by the environment.

Bevm

[QUOTE=cricket1;7235172]
I'll play.
Anyway, to keep everyone happy I made a list asking myself the question. What can I NOT live with here in Canada?

Nothing here is unendurable, but if we were still anywhere with Canadian winter, that'd be #1
2. Lack of variety nearby, and different places and cultures nearby.
3. Canadian politics, provincial structure etc.
4. Still not fully at ease here after 30 plus years.
No blame to anyone else implied. Just the way it is.

Second question. Can i make compromises and try to live here by appreciating the positives?
Absolutely. But at the moment I still think it'd be settling for the adequate, not trying for something good.

Next question. What can I NOT live with in the UK.

I don't think there's anything, though I'm open to finding out. Coming back is always an option.

If I had to live somewhere crowded, and/or commute, that might be a problem. But it could be over here, too. Such as living in Toronto, or any big city and having to commute.

On trips home, we've been caught in traffic jams on the motorways, which virtually never happen over here. It's not a deal breaker for us because we'll be able to travel out of busy times and not be in a fret if delayed.

Economic disaster. This is possible. I assume it wouldn't be pleasant to live in a place really hitting something like the Great Depression. But then, as I said in another post, I'm not convinced that one place will be much better than another when it gets that dire. The world's economy is interlocked, as we're discovering. If the US or the UK goes right down the tubes, everything probably goes with them. Overall, I'd rather be in the UK in bad times than in Canada if the US hits really bad times.

Bev

backagen

Your situation is obviously a lot simpler than mine then, you're very lucky in that regard. Congratulations on being able to be sure of what you want to do. I wish I could!

cricket1again

Having read your posts before, I think your situation is probably more about timing. You have to 'grow' into a decision. Once you do this, you'll know it's right and you'll also realise that just because you've made a decision, it does not mean that life will be full of happy ever afters. It's just a new set of challenges but they hopefully will be the sort that take you more into the direction you want to go towards.
I think many people lack confidence in making a concrete decision for fear of making a mistake. I'm well past this stage. I'm happy to make the decision then take full responsibility for the consequences after.
Pretty fearless really. I should shut up because it was this attitude that got me in this mess in the first place :-)
Seriously though, in my heart, I know my decision is right because i never wanted to leave england and I've never been happy here so it's pretty much an clear cut case.
Don't worry, eventually you will reach a time where you know which way you have to jump.

Chi_town

Cricket1,
I'm happy for you that you have made your decision. Everyone has their flashpoints (for you it was obviously the spiders!) I do think that some people are just better at making decisions than others (personally I suck at making up my mind, always have!)

When I think of the pros and cons of returning though I always bear in mind that things which didn't bother me before in Ireland might well bother me now (because I have got used to a difference) So for example I think the general litter and dog shi# on the streets is going to really annoy me. Yes, the gloomy attitude of the people. The general 'knocking' that if someone is doing well others have to find fault rather than be pleased for him/her. The applalingly bad service ethic in general. The weather. The teenage drinking culture (though the US has a bit if that too) They tend to take a harder line here though....

I think it is true to say that Dublin will not have changed very much, but I will have changed so irritants will present themselves that I maybe never thought about before.

Hmm, when I reread this, I wonder why I am even entertaining the notion of going back at all?

Anyway, best of luck to you,
Susie.

cricket1again

Thanks Susie, could you not go back to a different part of Ireland?

Chi_town

No, the job offer is in Dublin, so we are limited to return to that city. Really the way Ireland is structured most employment (at least in our field) is concentrated in and around Dublin, with a few jobs in Galway, Cork etc. But by going to Dublin you have more choice, plus our families are there...
Mind you, I was born and raised in Dublin and prefer it to the rest of Ireland. Though you wouldn't think it by the way I criticize it!

cricket1again

Well then you have no option. You've just got to start seeing the positives! :-)

backagen

Just a thought, but from a completely different perspective, here's another way you could make the decision.

Just ask yourself this: "If I go back to Britain, what's the WORST that is likely to happen? (Key word being likely, so a realistic worst case scenario rather than an unlikely catastrophe).

Then ask yourself: "Could I still manage to be reasonably happy somehow if that (the worst scenario) happened?"

It might also be helpful to ask yourself the exact same questions in relation to what could happen if you stayed put where you are.

Finally it might be helpful perhaps to also think of the better scenario that could happen to you in each country. Remember we're talking about LIKELY scenarios, not winning millions on the lottery or getting struck by lightening.

Has anyone tried something like that? If so did it help at all?

cricket1again

To the OP, are you an original Dublin child? I mean you grew up there when times were bad?

Coda

The bottom line is that moving back to the UK won't kill you. You can get all kinds of assistance if you need it when you land. If you feel like going overseas again, you can always move back. No worries! Just make sure you leave the door ajar a little bit and get the right visas before you leave cos you never know.