Re: How long do i give it???
 

Could you go onto the NZ forum and ask if anyone in your area would like to meet up. Maybe with a few more like minded people from home may also make it easier. When I read how so many people are homesick, I often think it would be great if they weren't too far away to become friends, and it may make it easier for you.

I think it often harder for women, especially if you're at home without the support of family and friends especially with a new baby. I think this is the time we need the support the most. As said on the NZ forum you may be able to meet up with some like minded people who are also homesick and it might make life a bit easier for the time being.

I found it easier once I had made friends and had my life sorted out, and had a social life, then I didn't feel homesick, but if you haven't made any good friends yet, and you're on your own quite a bit, of course you start to think about the friends and family back home. Loniness and feeling isolated is bloody awful. Keep your chin up and as said see if you can meet up with others who are probably feeling the same, it may make it easier. If your'e surrounded by natives of the country who have their established friends, they don't always understand and that can also included Councellors. I went to one years ago, and I warmed to him because he was English, had migrated and I found he had more of an understanding and was able to explain a few things which helped me. Having someone who has never experienced life, I unfortunately don't usually gel with and they usually end up irritating me. LOL.

Re: How long do i give it???
 

Hello,
I have a couple of kiwi friends, they have been good to me, i also have a couple of English friends and i find and i think so do they that we are not always good for each other, once you start talking about being homesick its like a downward spiral and thats not good, one of my English friends is going home for good in 7 weeks shes only just made it to the year.
We all have our good days and our bad ones, i just wonder if its all really worth it, being out here and feeling like i do.
Kerry

Re: How long do i give it???
 

Hi Kerry,
the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave. I have now been in Holland for longer than I was in England, but I´m still a stranger and feel as if I don´t actually belong anywhere. I´m not down or anything but don´t actually feel 100% me, not here, not in England. I am lucky enough to have a very good friend here, she has become very Dutch but also went through a crisis 1 1/2 years ago, but decided (for the goodwill of the family to stay). The indicision for her was the worst but once she had made her choice things did get better. I believe the same applies to you.
Are you sure you´re not suffering from any kind of depression (ie post natal). And I was just wondering how eager were you to go to NZ? Where you happy and content with your life in England?

Re: How long do i give it???
 

Hello, thanks for posting,
I think am depressed but only about being here and not being able to go home, i really wanted to come to New Zealand, i was just bored at home in the UK, nothing bad happened to me i wasntwasn'tled or attacked i just fancied a change so thats why we made the move, and i know NZ is not the right place for me

Re: How long do i give it???
 

Well it seems to me you´ve already made your decision....you now just have to convince hubby! I wish you lots of luck.

Re: How long do i give it???
 

Your statement here worries me a little, do you mean if it wasn´t for the kids you´d up and leave? Are you sure your relationship is ok, you´re obviously desperately unhappy how can your husband be happy knowing you´re so miserable? Going back might well have a deprimental effect on your relationship, resentment can be a nasty and destructive thing. I´d certainly question my relationship, perhaps its something to discuss in therapy.
In the meantime think positive... YOU WILL BE GOING HOME but now you must make the most of a bad situation. Are you overdoing it? Running a busy family, 3 young kids and working (I believe you had a job?) is very tiring and time consuming. Talk with Robin, does he really know how strongly you feel? (I hope he´s not a workaholic) Get a good babysitter and get out and about.
Good luck.

Re: How long do i give it???
 

Hello,
I think our relationship has suffered a great deal, during our time here, he knows how i feel, but still wants to stick it out, saying its better for the kids.
I have had a really rough week this week, and have put it to him that i could go home in july with the 2 youngest and he follow when hes ready with the eldest,, although i know this is not ideal as a family, i think short term split up would be better then a long term one
We got a baby sitter at the weekend and went to a party , it cost us $60 which on Nz wages is a lot
Thanks

Re: How long do i give it???
 

If you are feeling desperately homesick, then it can't have helped you that one of your English friends is going home for good. Maybe this has unsettled you more than you realise.

Re: How long do i give it???
 

He says its better for the kids......what is better for the kids having an miserable mother or a happy one? I really feel for you. I would try a compromise and agree to stay until next February and really do your best knowing its just for a short period.
I don´t know if returning to the uk with the two youngest would be the solution, that would be asking for trouble quote ¨and he follow when hes ready¨what if he´s never ready? Is that a risk you´re prepared to take? How old are the ouder ones? What about your familly, you said earlier the in-laws encouraged you to return to NZ, but what do your family think? Have you had visits from family and friends? And have you been back to the uk lately?

Re: How long do i give it???
 

Hello, i know its not the best situation to do,me go home and him stick it out, but im at a loss at to what to do.
I went home in september last year for 7 weeks, with my youngest child, and that was great, i didnt want to go back to NZ but ha#d to for the rest of my family.
My eldest is 9, and i told him what i was thinkthink of doing and he was devesdevastatedwanted to come, but i cant afford that, so im goI'mg to have to rethink my plans arent i??
Ive had no family or friends out to see us, Robins parent came out in january this year for 3 weeks which the kids loved.

Re: How long do i give it???
 

My parents in law are coming out to see us in July, if you like I will divert them to you instead and you can pretend they have come to visit you!! They are very nice honest and It will be a great personal loss to me that I wouldn't see them but I'll manage ;)

Re: How long do i give it???
 

Thanks for making that sacrifice, but im sick of my own, so having your will just send me over the edge
lol
:scared:

Re: How long do i give it???
 

OK your loss!!!! Things will work out eventually, it probably doesn't feel like it but what ever happens I'm sure you will fine. Try and keep smiling, and if I ever win the lottery I will pay for all your freinds and family to come out and see you there!!

Take care

Mark

Re: How long do i give it???
 

Hi Mark
thanks for the offer , but instead of paying for all them to come out you could pay for ma and the kids to go home, it would be cheaper he he
Enjoy the inlaws when they get there
Kerry

Re: How long do i give it???
 

Hubby wants to stay, you want to leave. You've lived in misery for more than a year. I think drastic action is required here....Tell your husband you want a divorce...perhaps he'll realise then just how serious you are....What is he thinking, he's got a lot more to lose than (what he see's as) living in paradise. Shock him back down to the ground and quickly!
I think in your case the only think to do is pack up (all of you) and return to the UK, perhaps you can get your marriage back on track...and perhaps not....
How was your relationship before you left for the UK? Having a new baby and emigrating is bad enough but struggling in a relationship aswell is maybe just a little too much to topple the balance.