Hi all.
We moved to Hawkes bay in NZ, in Feb of 2005, and since day one i have been incredibly homesick, i was only here a week and i flew home with 2 kids and 6 months pregnant ( the in laws made me come back a week later)
I went home again in september 05, and loved it.
My husband loves it here and so do the kids, but i cant stand it, im currently having counciling, because my hubby thinks i have a problem yea i do its caleed homesickenss
So anyway i was wondering how much time are you supposed to give a place before you say no its not working lets go home???? my hubby wqnts to give it till next feb which will be 2 years!!
People tell me its can take between 1 and 4 years! not thanks
Can anyone help
thanks
kerry

What kinds of things are you discussing in counselling?

Hi, well, hes from the Uk too, so im not sure yet if this is a good thing or not, we discuss all sorts really, why im this homesick, my thought process, why my hubby wants to stick it out?, i have only been going for a month or so,
kerry

Will pm you

Good luck - the one thing that struck me about your post is the fact that you went back to the UK after a week.
I know its hard, I know it can be tough especially being so far away in NZ, but I would seriously wonder if you have ever given your move a proper chance. Obviously this is easier said than done, but you really do need to try to work through this - at least that way if you still don't like it and want to move back you are likely to have much more support from your husband.
Sitting there, hating it, knowing you hate it and just letting life generally pass you by will not help, and by trying to get into the whole experience a bit more it might take your mind of things you miss back home.

What is it exactly that you really dislike about NZ, or miss about the UK ??

Must be difficult if there is only you that wants to return and your family are happy in NZ. Can't imagine what it must be like for you.

Is it that you don't actually like NZ or just that there are things in the UK you miss?

Do you work in NZ?

Hope things work out for you

Mark

Hello thanks for your replys
Yes, well i had my son in May 05 then we bought our house in the June then i started my job in july, i must admit for the first few months we were here i did just sit, and stew in my own little pot of hatred for NZ, i cried everyday it was awful, im not too bad now, i still long to go home and Robin (husband) has said if im still the same we can go back in feb, but then i feel guilty for making him come back lol its never ending is it.
Apart from issing the usual family and friends i miss the culture, food, shops, familiarity of yorkshire, i know how sad i sound.
But i cant settle here and thats a big thing, i need family and a support network, i have a couple of friends here but they dont 'get me' if you know what i mean.
I just wanted to know how long do you give it 1 year 2 3 4???
Kerry

Have you tried searching the archives? This topic comes up quite regularly on this forum. I bet if you just search for the word "years" in this specific forum (advanced search), you'll find a stack of them.

I just wanted to know how long do you give it 1 year 2 3 4???
Kerry[/QUOTE]

I have given it 6 years, which is way too long in my opinion but hubbie always wanted us to have citzenship, then various other things have cropped up, so we have stuck it out, he has always been happy here too but is willing to give it a try back in the uk. I dont really have any advice because i dont think it gets easier with time, i think it gets harder and the longer away from uk you are then the more difficult it may be to settle back in there (i am worried this will be the case for us).

Anyway, all the best, hope you find the answer soon

IMO that's your key statement. If you really trust that your husband means that then you have nothing to lose. February is only 8 months away. Give it a real go knowing that you have a cop out clause. Try and relax and get the most out of the 8 months that you can.

If you really do still hate it and want to go you can and if you've chilled and begun to enjoy it you could think about extending your stay. If you have really tried and your husband can see that for you all to be happy then coming home is what's necessary then the guilt will subside.

Hi Kerry

I am a counsellor and also know about homesickness. If it feel serious the text books call it "adjustment disorder". Basically it gets to you until you make the adjustments! I have been here 18 months and for me it is still "work in progress". It can take different people different periods of time. I think counselling can help. If I had have a dozen people suffering from homesickness here in Sydney I would set up a therapy group because I think in group work people learn a lot from one another. They also can give one another a lot of support. I hope your counsellor helps. Don't forget you have been through a massive change and IT DOES TAKE TIME!!!!! Don't be too hard on yourself.

I think this is good advice. Can you meet any fellow Brits, as that has always helped me. Two years may seem long, but it isn't really in the big scheme of things. All the best Kerry.

You may aswel give it until Feb, as another poster has said it is only eight months.

However, that said I would be surprised if all you feelings about missing the UK are gone in such a short time.

I guess it's going to come down to one of two endings. You are either able to live with your feelings for the sake of your family or you just can't take it anymore and have to return to the UK.

I do miss family in the UK and I feel guilty that we have taken our 18 month old away from his grandparents. We use MSN Messenger to have video chats with both sets of grandparents and there are always pictures flying back and to by email which makes things a little better.

That aside we have settle in to Canada quite well after 3 months. It is a little different than New Zealand due to the distance as I know I can hop on a plane if I need to and return to the UK and the cost is not too bad. Maybe that is a third option you could consider. What is it that attracted you to NZ? Would the say Nova Scotia or Newfoundland in Canada be a compromise. It may not be as different to the UK as NZ and is a lot closer.

Hope things work out for you whatever you decide. Surely there must be somethings in NZ that you do like.

Take care

Mark

Its very difficult to say. I remember many years ago as an 18 year old I left family in the UK to live with family in Canada. I was very tired when I arrived and before going to bed asked my Gran for my return fare back to the UK!! Of course, she said no and I had to find myself a job and earn the money for my ticket, which I did. Now I look back and see that after a long journey I was very tired and very emotional but once I had got the idea in my head that I wanted to return home I thought of nothing else. I expect you were very tired when you arrived in NZ and pregnant and all with those hormones placing havoc I should think you had a whole lot of things going on inside, and fled home within the week.

I suppose what I am trying to say is try and put thoughts of going home in the back of your mind for a while, try to go a whole day, then week, then perhaps month without thinking about it and then you might fall into life there and meet new friends who could then offer a social life come babysitting service so that you and hubby can have some private time.

i know it is not easy. We are about to put our house on the market and hope to be in Canada August/September time and the closer it gets the more nervous although excited I become, and hope that I wont have great pangs of homesickness especially as I shall be leaving my 82 year old Mum who is not in the best of health and a 19 year old at University.

Chin up and I hope it all works out well for you.

Hiya
Well, thanks to you all for the great advice, i will take it all on board,
I am just going to make it through the next 8 months and then will assess things with Robin,
I often thing#k whats the big deal our life was ok in the uk, we just got bored and fancied a change, i think i was expecting it all top be like hoome but it wasnt, and i dont think i have ever got over the shock of that.
Im a very emotional thinker and thats not always a good thing.
But once again i thank you all
Kerry