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Re: How long do i give it???
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Re: How long do i give it???
Originally Posted by Kerry UK
Hi all.
We moved to Hawkes bay in NZ, in Feb of 2005, and since day one i have been incredibly homesick, i was only here a week and i flew home with 2 kids and 6 months pregnant ( the in laws made me come back a week later) I went home again in september 05, and loved it. My husband loves it here and so do the kids, but i cant stand it, im currently having counciling, because my hubby thinks i have a problem yea i do its caleed homesickenss :p So anyway i was wondering how much time are you supposed to give a place before you say no its not working lets go home???? my hubby wqnts to give it till next feb which will be 2 years!! People tell me its can take between 1 and 4 years! not thanks Can anyone help thanks kerry Some people never settle no matter what they do. We bough our house in Oz five months after arriving although I was terribly homesick and knew I could never stay. I do feel for you and having a small baby away from family can't have helped you. My hubby liked Perth and wanted to stay but knew how homesick my daughter and I were so we all agreed to return. Its been the best decision, coming back. Things have worked out better than ever. Only you know how you feel about being there and if its 'permanent' or not. I dont think councilling can make a person stay somewhere they dont want to be but maybe it helps you feel better about being ther 'for now'? I saw Napier on the tv yesterday and it looked lovely, but we all know that beautiful surroundings, a big house and nice weather dont make the homesickness go away! :) Good luck and take care. |
Re: How long do i give it???
Originally Posted by janeyray
Hi Kerry,
Some people never settle no matter what they do. We bough our house in Oz five months after arriving although I was terribly homesick and knew I could never stay. I do feel for you and having a small baby away from family can't have helped you. My hubby liked Perth and wanted to stay but knew how homesick my daughter and I were so we all agreed to return. Its been the best decision, coming back. Things have worked out better than ever. Only you know how you feel about being there and if its 'permanent' or not. I dont think councilling can make a person stay somewhere they dont want to be but maybe it helps you feel better about being ther 'for now'? I saw Napier on the tv yesterday and it looked lovely, but we all know that beautiful surroundings, a big house and nice weather dont make the homesickness go away! :) Good luck and take care. I could not agree more. I have just returned after spending two and a half years in Australia. I was homesick from the start, got a job, got a house, got a social life, enjoyed the sights, saw as much as I could but all along I knew that I would have to go home. So all the above were in some way clouded I suppose. I found making the decision to come home was the hardest part in all of the move back. Knowing at that point that you are having to add more unsettlement to your life when you have not felt settled for years. But as I saw my belongings go off in the container and as I walked through arrivals at Heathrow, the anxiety that I had lived with for so long lifted. Once again everything that I do is for the longrun, no more living for the now, I can plan and establish and this for me makes me feel settled. I've been back now just three weeks. It has not been easy, but friends and family have helped me get back into British life at breakneck speed. My furniture and pets have yet to arrive as well as my Boyfriend who can't decide where he wants to live. Despite this I am settled and happy to be home. One thing I would recommend is not returning in the Winter, February is not a good time for the UK as a whole, perhaps April/May, with the lambs in the fields, bluebells, daffs and glimpses of summer. Good Luck, it will work out in the long run!! :) |
Re: How long do i give it???
Originally Posted by Kerry UK
Hello thanks for your replys
Yes, well i had my son in May 05 then we bought our house in the June then i started my job in july, i must admit for the first few months we were here i did just sit, and stew in my own little pot of hatred for NZ, i cried everyday it was awful, im not too bad now, i still long to go home and Robin (husband) has said if im still the same we can go back in feb, but then i feel guilty for making him come back lol its never ending is it. Apart from issing the usual family and friends i miss the culture, food, shops, familiarity of yorkshire, i know how sad i sound. But i cant settle here and thats a big thing, i need family and a support network, i have a couple of friends here but they dont 'get me' if you know what i mean. I just wanted to know how long do you give it 1 year 2 3 4??? Kerry in terms of how long you give it, no one can answer that but YOU will know in your heart of hearts that your opinion isnt (or is)going to change and that could be from 10days to 10yrs! who knows but you! i think if you stay ANYWHERE long enough you will assimilate into that culture/environment and it will become your own. it isnt impossible for anyone to become a successful part of another culture. but i think the fundamental question you should ask (and what i think makes a difference between those staying and thoise going back) is do you WANT to adopt the new culture/lifestyle? you will if you stay, you wont be able not to really. is thats whats holding you back, not that you cant do it but you dont want to ? if you know you dont want to, then go home. if you think you cant, believe in yourself that you can and will fit in NZ if you want and give it more time. hope this makes sense good luck to you - a really horrible time for you hope you feel happier soon. |
Re: How long do i give it???
Hi
Yea adopting the culture thing is spot on, Now i have been here for 15months I'm a bit more accepting of it all. There are still things i dont like, but i have moved to another country Ive got to accept it wont be the same as west Yorkshire, and i need to get that into my head which is easier said then done at times. I really d think i will be heading back home next year and if it is a mistake we will live with that, i know i will fell inner peace which i dont have now. thanks once again for all your replys Kerry |
Re: How long do i give it???
Originally Posted by ABOD
I could not agree more. I have just returned after spending two and a half years in Australia. I was homesick from the start, got a job, got a house, got a social life, enjoyed the sights, saw as much as I could but all along I knew that I would have to go home. So all the above were in some way clouded I suppose. I found making the decision to come home was the hardest part in all of the move back. Knowing at that point that you are having to add more unsettlement to your life when you have not felt settled for years. But as I saw my belongings go off in the container and as I walked through arrivals at Heathrow, the anxiety that I had lived with for so long lifted. Once again everything that I do is for the longrun, no more living for the now, I can plan and establish and this for me makes me feel settled.
I've been back now just three weeks. It has not been easy, but friends and family have helped me get back into British life at breakneck speed. My furniture and pets have yet to arrive as well as my Boyfriend who can't decide where he wants to live. Despite this I am settled and happy to be home. One thing I would recommend is not returning in the Winter, February is not a good time for the UK as a whole, perhaps April/May, with the lambs in the fields, bluebells, daffs and glimpses of summer. Good Luck, it will work out in the long run!! :) Good luck with your life |
Re: How long do i give it???
Originally Posted by Kerry UK
Hiya
Well, thanks to you all for the great advice, i will take it all on board, I am just going to make it through the next 8 months and then will assess things with Robin, I often thing#k whats the big deal our life was ok in the uk, we just got bored and fancied a change, i think i was expecting it all top be like hoome but it wasnt, and i dont think i have ever got over the shock of that. Im a very emotional thinker and thats not always a good thing. But once again i thank you all Kerry Surely you thought it out before you did the BIG move? for God's sake get over it and move on |
Re: How long do i give it???
Originally Posted by lydiadodds
I think that you are just being mard and wanting the cake and the cherry. Your hubby and kids love it, what is your problem?
Surely you thought it out before you did the BIG move? for God's sake get over it and move on |
Re: How long do i give it???
Originally Posted by mjanovitz
Wow, thats harsh, and erm....not particularly constructive advice!!
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Re: How long do i give it???
You're in a very forgiving mood. ;)
Originally Posted by gedge
Just what I was thinking. Maybe it's a newbie mistake?
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Re: How long do i give it???
Originally Posted by Geordie George
You're in a very forgiving mood. ;)
Good w/e? |
Re: How long do i give it???
Aye. Shame it's bitter and twisted.
I no longer have weekends - I study dontcha know. This weekend was patricularly thrilling as I spent lots of time indexing. Yay ... How 'bout you?
Originally Posted by gedge
I'm all heart, you know that :)
Good w/e? |
Re: How long do i give it???
Originally Posted by Geordie George
Aye. Shame it's bitter and twisted.
I no longer have weekends - I study dontcha know. This weekend was patricularly thrilling as I spent lots of time indexing. Yay ... How 'bout you? all work and no play? I don't believe it. retail therapy for OH, drowning my sorrows for me |
Re: How long do i give it???
Well, I did make time to watch Eurovision. :o Or maybe that was an excuse to get smashed, as everyone knows you can't attempt to watch Eurovision sober ...
You let your Mrs out alone in her current condition, whilst you got smashed?! Shame on you. What's the cause of the woe? (Or was it the amount J spent in retail therapy?)
Originally Posted by gedge
hehe :D
all work and no play? I don't believe it. retail therapy for OH, drowning my sorrows for me |
Re: How long do i give it???
Originally Posted by Geordie George
Well, I did make time to watch Eurovision. :o Or maybe that was an excuse to get smashed, as everyone knows you can't attempt to watch Eurovision sober ...
You let your Mrs out alone in her current condition, whilst you got smashed?! Shame on you. What's the cause of the woe? (Or was it the amount J spent in retail therapy?) Someone had to be there to grumble about the money, complain about sore feet, etc etc.. We were in your neck of the woods at Drummoyne. |
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