Albertauk

Hi all,
I have been a long time lurker lol! And have finally decided to post.

So we have lived in Canada for 8 years and for the last 6 weeks or so my husband and I have become increasingly homesick. We are at the point where we either go back now or we stay here for good due to our kids school ages.

I love where we live here but just can't stop thinking about our family back in the UK and that our kids are not growing up around them. I feel like my kids have a better life here with regards to being allowed to be kids and being safe wherever they go. Other than that I feel that most of the reasons we like living here are for material reasons, e.g big house, more disposable income etc.

What was it that made you finally decide to go back? And was it all you expected it to be? I apologize if this has been asked before, I have read so many posts!

Thank you

Editha

Six weeks isn't much time out of eight years. I spent eight years in Canada and 7 years, 364 days of that time feeling homesick. My own reasons for going back are irrelevant to your situation, because I don't have children, and was in my fifties when I went to Canada. But, I do wonder whether you need to analyse why you are homesick now and weren't before.

Novocastrian

Albertauk pointed out that (at least in his/her perception) the time is approaching when it would be detrimental for, I presume, the children's education to take them back to the UK.

I once found myself in a similar position when living in Germany, with excellent job offers in hand in both Germany and Canada. We decided that although we were happy in Germany, we didn't want the kids to go through a complete German education.

It's up to the parents, and I offer no advice, but I understand the issue.

Editha

I do understand that having kids makes a huge difference. A couple I knew in Alberta, a little older than us, were intending to retire back to the UK, but eventually decided not to because they did not want to be so far from their children and grandchildren. So, I suggest that is one of the issues to consider -- how will Albertauk feel in twenty-five years time if they are still yearning for the UK but now have a clutch of Canadian grand-children?

Rosie Lee

We were in Canada for 2 and a half years, and I was homesick after the first year. We had the same issue with kids ages, it was either now or stay forever.
But I couldn't bear the thought of my kids not understanding me or where I/they come from. Not knowing their family or having the memories we have. The feeling of being a part of something ongoing, centuries old.
Everything was put into perspective and became crystal clear. A big house etc really becomes pointless when is isn't in the surrounding context with who you really are.
So here we are, in a smaller house, in the same beautiful Village we left over 3 years ago. Priorities are all clear and put in place. And almost a year later I still look around every day and say I never want to be anywhere else.

Albertauk

Thanks everyone. This is what I worry about. I was homesick for he first time after a death in the family a couple of years ago and we decided to wait it out and are now feeling the same again but nothing significant has happened his time.
Rosie Lee, did your kids settle back into the UK education system ok?

Yes you are correct I don't want to go back at retirement age as I don't think I could leave my kids. If they decide to move elsewhere when they are grown, that is their decision but for me, I could not leave them.

Thanks so much for your advice everyone

Bumblebee2

We are in a similar position. We've lived in Alberta for 3.5 years however my husband wants to stay whereas lately I have felt homesick. I've heard a visit to the place you're homesick for will either convince you that it's where you should be or confirm why you left. My return visit is fast approaching so I'll have to see if it helps with my decision making. There are things I love about Canada and things I love about the UK.

Albertauk

Thanks Bumblebee2, we are planning a trip back in April to see if we are just pining for a visit or if it really is how we remember it and what we want. Please let me know how you get on

Bumblebee2

I will. I just hope I'll be settled either way because I too wonder about the future and how I'd feel if I did want to return but my kids didn't.

feelbritish

I was living in what Canadians call Paradise. Vancouver Island , close to beach, large house and I felt so isolated and lonely as well. After 12 years those friends I made who were Canadian were nowhere closer to becoming real friends. They were just neighbours. My father died and I could not get there to Cape Town and I realised I was on the other side of the world to family and friends and they had no intentions of regularly visiting due to the cost. My OH was not interested in moving bcack to UK to our old home but after tol years of seeing me so unhappy and
nearly the end of our marriage he relented and we moved back last October. We love it. He has settled in extremely well, I am still trying to find my feet but best decion we made. It helped that we still had our house and neighbours were the same. On returning one lot of neighbours who we were friendly with just picked up the friendship and we socialise and enjoy our neighbourhood and town, except parking but that is a separate issue. We have no children between us but OH has a daughter and grandchildren an hour's drive away. We are retired. I love England, the history and feeling of belonging to a culture I grew up in plus being much closer to my family in Cape Town and we are now able to spend 3 months a year there and the rest of the year in England. Family and friends are very important but you only seem to realise it when you move away. Homesickness seems to affect women more than men.

michali

It is a huge decision but in life we have to take risks! I was not particularly homesick but I did miss our children and grandchildren. When I suggested to my husband that we move back he thought I was mad! We had tried it in 1998 and could not live on my salary and he could not get work in his field. And now, with a change in the Immigration rules, getting a visa would be a real challenge. I left the idea with him to consider and after about a month, he agreed it was the right move. A close friend had recently died and we realized how isolated we were as our closest friends were leaving or dying. We needed to be nearer our children. So we began the process and the timing worked out perfectly. Our flat which was rented out became available one month before we travelled, having been issued the visa, so we had time to have it painted and cleaned.

We have no regrets at all but, in any case, I try not to live a life of regret. It is all a great experience, one way or another! We have the next visa to tackle at the end of this year and we both have health issues but we enjoy each day as it comes.

Albertauk

Thanks everyone.
It is so nice to hear so many people have settled back in.
The thing that worries me is that I wasn't homesick at all the first few years. We lost a close relative and from then on we have had sporadic periods. It doesn't matter what reasoning we use to stay here and how much we like living here. Our family and friends are never going to be with us and that is the one thing we cannot change.
I am trying to be realistic in that we probably won't see them all too often as life gets in the way, but as my husband says, 'if I need to get to my mum she will be a drive away not a 9 hour flight'.
I guess we still have some soul searching to do but in any case I think we would try renting out house out here in case we hated it lol! And we wouldn't want to take any money back right now with the exchange rate.

Thanks again I really do appreciate your opinions.

Rosie Lee

It took time for them to catch up as they were quite a lot behind. But they got a lot of extra help, and they also made friends very quickly.

mariabc

We've lived here in Canada the past 18 years and are moving back to Europe. When we look back, we feel we should have made this move earlier when our parents were still alive. Although we got to see them fairly often, it was only for short holidays and as the years went by the 'goodbyes' became harder and harder. We also feel our children missed out greatly being away from them and their cousins. Moving to Canada gave us a great life and yes, the big house, pool etc, something that we'd never of had back home. But after a while, we realised all the material possessions meant very little and were not making us happy or content. For us, once we began to doubt our future here, it proved impossible to get our passion for Canada back, hence our pending move. Everyone is different, but if we had the chance to turn back the clock, we'd have pent our parents golden years with them. It's never an easy decision to make such big moves as we've all done, but in the end, there's nothing more important and precious than family and time with them.