brits1

Jamz......you really don't (nobody really does) deserve that treatment....don't waste your time with this kind of person.....can you not return home?....some people are not worth being nice to.......good luck and be strong......for you and your children........

isleofmanmike

Hi Liza Jane


I am moving house to Peel today, lived in Port Erin for 7 years and even though we are only moving 12 miles I know I will miss the sunsets over Bradda Head. Great weather at the moment, yesterday was early 20's looking forward to an exciting TT in June.

Are you staying in New Zealand or are you planning to return. My sister in law moved to N Z a few years ago and lasted 18 months. They felt the standard of living was not as good and were always struggling financially.

Take Care

tillysmum

My hubby is manx born but never lived there but his mum and three brothers and their family do. Only been there twice on hols nice place will be visiting when go back for a visit next year.

LizaJane

In Hamilton, New Zealand and yes we are coming back can't wait this place has some stunning scenery etc but thats about it very insular, crap shops, run down, still has alot of catching up to do.

loved the IOM lived in Douglas, great history talking to hubby the other day about going back but think should give the mainland ago only one health authority in IOM so lacking in choices for hubbies work. But we would consider coming back have told him I want to retire there... long way off yet!

I consider it home opposed to London where I spent my youth.

At this stage I really envy you, say a double high to the fairies for me it may bring me some luck.

I think I may check in with you now and then to get my dose of IOM, would that be ok with you?

good luck with the move

LizaJane

lucky you, you must say hello to the fairies!!!

LizaJane

hi brit1, we are going back had enough of here from day 1, 4 years on hubby now gets me and we are heading back hopefully within the year. would love to back to Isle of Man but will try mainland , suffolk, norfolk, cambs area maybe. have told hubby would like to retire in IOM planning for the future, best friends still live there and want us backs , who knows. what are your plans ?

LizaJane

i totally agree with quoll and chicagojlo, get the hell while you can, take the kids and run but make sure you set up an account in your name only in the UK if thats where you are heading and transfer as much as you can as soon a you know you are gettin the hell out. and as for getting out of his face...go max out the credit cards, book your tickets and buy the kids a leaving prezzy. take a deep breath, step back and take alook at the bigger picture and go for it.

JAMZ

I know what your saying and believe me I was so close last year to doing exactly that. He drinks a lot too, and although my heart says "Get out of this situation", he stops drinking and is nice for a while and then I think that I am better off for the kids sake staying. I mean at least they have a roof over their heads and two parents. Still having said all that, I know that probably it isn't the best situation for them. They know what is going on and hate living like this. Me and the kids are very close and we talk all the time. I can see they are hurting like me and we try to help each other through this. My worry is that if I do what you say, leave, go back to UK with kids, he will have me arrested and get the kids from me bacause I ran off with them. They have told me they don't want to live with him and I am scared to risk it. Neither of us are citizens here, but I believe I have to follow the California law and if I file for divorce here and even if I get custody which I am sure I would, they will not let me ever leave the country with the kids so he can have visiting rights. I am so scared that I will end up stuck here.

LizaJane

so take the kids back for a holiday and don't return? Arm your selves to the gills when you get back to the UK plenty of charities and voluntary organisations that would surely be able to advise you. You are going around in a vicious circle, and appear to be in an abusive and controlling relationship. Is there anyone you can trust to help you confidentiallly in the UK? Someone that can go gathering all the info you require on your rights and the rights of your children. Start keeping a very secret diary of you feelings and hubby's behaviour etc in detail, they can be very cunning see if there are other people that notice his abusive behaviour, no court with any sense would hand kids over to an abuser... would they? Is your hubby a US citizen? I do feel for you. but somehow you need to get professional and personal advice. I'm sure if family/friends in UK knew how bad it was they would do as much as they could to help you get! As for his gaps in drinking and improved behaviour ..blah..Don't fall for that old chestnut. Get your kids out i had a father that drank, believe me as they gat older the situation will get worse..get out.. good luck if there is anything you think I can help with or you just want o mull things over feel free to pm me.. just a thought can you go to the British Embassy and speak to someone there?

LizaJane

JAMZ, another thought, have you read the thread by Kebabo..I wanna go home...? What about contacting her you could be a good support for each other worth a try?

chicagojlo

Believe me your kids are not better off with two parents and a roof over their head if that is the price of it.
Please try to find a lawyer who will help you. There are many charities out there to help women in your situation of living with an abusive husband but not being able to leave because of the kids. You haven't gotten any legal advice on whether or not you would be able to take the kids back to the UK, only what he is feeding you which we've already established is mostly crap.

quoll

I agree with the others - recruit your family if they are still in UK, arrange for a holiday "home" and dont come back. I think he would find it really hard to get you or them back from that situation because you are all UK citizens. This is definitely the time to be exploiting your support network - friends, family, women's agencies, whatever it takes to look after yourself and your kids. If you have effectively been isolated from your support network over the years then get back to it, your friends will understand if you explain it to them. Get legal advice - forewarned is forearmed!!!

Kids will grow up happier if they are not in a war zone between two parents who for whatever reasons are not working together for their best interests.

It is unconscionable when partners are not prepared to compromise to some degree - even those of us who are stuck where we dont belong, can do so because we see that there is compromise and even if it isnt perfect and we dont get our own way, we are not being trapped and isolated by someone else's determination to control.

Take care of yourself!

brits1

Our home is going on the market and we will have to wait until it sells, if not we will have to rent it out as we really need to be home by Aug.....we just have to decide between the two agents on who to sell our home...will have to make the decision by tonight as we want our home on the market by next week....we are heading back to near Manchester but about 20min drive from where we use to live and about 3/4 an hour from our families.......we want to be near our families but not to near.......

LizaJane

I second all of that, you must make contacts of your own and find your own info out or get someone to help as I have mentioned before, but please what ever you don't let him spoon feed you the cr*p anymore. He will only tell you what he wants you to know remember that, it is not to his advantage to give you a 'get out clause' you need to find that yourself...be safe and have faith in yourself. If you can't do for yourself do it for the kids..thinking of you

LizaJane

hi brits1, why do you have to be back for August?