Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

The thing that looks like a round waffle with the filling pushed out of it?

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Yes! Never had 'em til I moved to the Midwest. DH lurves 'em, :)

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Just been up there recently. Its a bit grim. Plus that was the summer. Its miserable in the winter.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

dude it's so hot right now ... i like the grim weather best! don't know why, i guess it's cause i'm a mancunian!

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

I know I was up there when it was hot and at its best.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

It's cooler more than it's hotter up there. I was there in August a couple years back and it was in the mid 80's. From what I was told and hearing all the local weather casters is that those temperatures were unusual. For the most part it will remind you of blighty from what I'm told. It's usually cool, misty, and has overcast skies. You are saved from lots of drenching rains given that the rain forest west of Seattle and the ridge that separates the Olympic peninsula from the rest of the state keeps the total rainfall lower than expected.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

But cheer up our kid Strangeways, Shameless is on the box here plus where you are is a billion times better than being in Kansas. I can tell you, that is just utterly shite so all in all things are looking up. Plus you can always escape up to B.C. ;)

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Why thank you dear.:wub: The state of Kansas appreciates your recommendation but if you'll notice I'm in Missouri;).

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Gets worse then. Good luck with that.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Just the opposite.:D At any rate Missouri is a temporary state of mind for me. Virginia is where my heart is.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Erin, You are the Unsinkable Molly Brown


RESPECT! :)

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Peoria Illinois :confused: ....redneck :confused::confused: never :D

Homesickness !!!! been there a time or two. In the very begining I hated this place, the people, the food,the beer, the tv... all of it. Now .....well quite simply I'd never leave.
For me it was all about attitude and a swift kick up the arse.....remembering why the move was made (gorgeous woman with big norks who became my wife). It literally happened one day, just woke up and decided not to live with the regrets and bitterness any more and to just get on with it ....it being life...no one else can do it for you.

Good luck though

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Yep, I can relate to the OP's homesickness. At first I just wanted to go back, kept grumbling to my wife about it. I found myself missing some absolutely ridiculous things, like the variety of the weather, red-brick semi-detached houses, Sainsbury's. Sometimes I have to remind myself what I don't like about Britain: mainly kids hanging about on street corners taking the p**s out of my glasses.

Like the OP, it was, and to a certain extent still is, the loss of control that made me pine for home. In England I had a pretty ordinary, low-level clerical job at a university, a place I enjoyed working for. I could hop on the bus to work, or get the train down to the coast to visit old university friends. Here, while the public transport is pretty good, I don't really feel any urge to go out and explore, not yet anyway. And once you're out of the downtown area you really need a car. Being visually impaired, I can't drive.

The weather is a bit of a mixed bag. I like the winter, very similar to the West Country, where I came from. But months of sunshine and (admittedly dry) 90-degree days in summer does get a bit boring.

The one thing I did notice was that my longing for the UK grew in inverse proprtion to how well I am doing here. For example, I'm currently looking for a job and things are very slow. I had a couple of interviews and things were looking up - I hardly thought of the old country. But then I didn't get the jobs, and am back to square one, with nothing on the horizon - I feel a little homesick.

But after 8 months I'm beginning to realise that things could be alot worse. I live in a great part of the country (Sacramento, CA), where rednecks are few and far between. And my wife is just the greatest person ever, being supportive and understanding, and putting up with all the gumbles and gripes I have about the USA. I often say to her that I have no regrets at all about marrying her, but I have a few misgivings about marrying her country! :)

The longer I'm here, the more I'm willing to make a go of it. It took a lot of time and effort to get where I am now, and the least I can do, for me and my wife, is give it all I've got.

I really would say that it does get better, slowly but surely. There are ups and downs too.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Interesting story, nicely written!

Good Luck in Sacramento - I hope you get a job soon! I don't know if you can get to Davis easily (without a car) but it's been described to me as a more 'college oriented' town, which may be more up your alley.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

its not that you cant work for at least 90 days at all. You cant work until your EAD comes through. It can take 90 days but it can take a lot less. Especially if you file by post rather than electronically. I think one lady on here got hers in under 2 weeks. So stop looking on the black side of things - as that wont help your mood any.


also - do things now to fill your time. If you cant drive yet then use the internet and research all the places you would like to visit when you can. find out the opening times, locations, costs etc so that when your able you can go striaght there and enjoy.

Also research and create an american style resume (ie C.V) so that when your EAD comes through you are good to go straight away. Research what type of jobs are out there that you might like - see where things are advertised, look for agencies, etc etc. This will mean you are quicker to get going when it is possible.

It sounds like you are wallowing in self pity somewhat and dont want to fill your time up so you can enjoy yourself. Only you can make the effort to fairly try the new life. It may not be for you but it honestly sounds like you dont really want to even try it fairly.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

I've been here about 3 months now and know how you feel. I left a very full time busy job and came here with my husband leaving our 2 sons in theirs 20s at home, so yes that did hurt! Homesickness was a problem and so was the boredom for a bit as I am also waiting for the EAD to come and not able to drive at present, only got one car and thats needed by the other half who has to work!

However I decided to give this a major go and have found so much to do that I dont want to work when I get the EAD, as I have now discovered that there is another side to life, as I've volunteered and started to explore the area on mass transit and starting walking (sorry hiking). Only advantage that a job will have is income and maybe make a few friends but then when willI go hiking, shopping, exploring etc etc..

So really what I'm trying to say is be positive, find something different to do and you may well enjoy it - you will always miss those at home but thats what the phone and computer are for. Its an amusing place, loads to find out and loads of places to go!!!

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

You should just try to be more like ne. Hip and cool and 35.

Start by clicking your tongue, a firing of your finger pistol, and saying, "Catch you on the flipside."

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

but can I do hip, cool and over 50????

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Sure.


http://therule62.org/images/Granny_Finger.jpg

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

F*** yeah! That photo is sick.:thumbsup:

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

This is a really important point.

When you are missing something, you are usually only thinking about the good things. The things you like, the people who are your friends. You don't remember the whole picture--the time you got bothered on the street by some chavs, or paying some ridiculous tax, or whatever.

It's impossible for anyplace in the world to match the 'perfect' views of someplace in your mind. But a realistic view can really help you deal with the homesickness.

(and if you absolutely cannot think of anything bad about back home, then it's time to visit and rediscover what you are missing).

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Exactly right!!:thumbsup: .....

A look at the local papers back in the UK is normally enough to dispell any romantic notions I have about going back to the UK. Of course there are things that will always be missed (rugby league....real chips....decent curry etc), but I also miss the innocence of youth and a full head of hair ...alas... there's no going back on that one !!!
In the end life really is what you make it .....life now is sweeter than ever ..its all in the mind ;)

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

right I found my calling - I'm off to join the local motor bike gang as in the picture!!! There really is hope for older hormones and wrinkles!!!!!!!!! Have to say does not work like that at home!!!!!!!!!

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

My wife hated it when we came here but now as many have said she has filled her days and has a circle of friends, mainly related around my daughters school mates.

As a family overall we have loved the experience and improved lifestyle.

We hate the weather here in winter its so bloody cold but take this summer we have been out in the pool nearly every day for last few months my mates back in Pompey have been moaning about endless crappy summer weather, so again as often repeated just try and be positive.

Suppose for us it was always most likely to be for a few years it will turn out 2 and we are off to Spain so its another adventure next autumn.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

This is a really important point. You have to remember it is the contemporary decrepit you who is going back to live in the UK not the sprightly younger you who left several years/decades ago!! :frown:

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

FUNNEL CAKE!!!!! I'd kill for funnel cake right now. Sooooo good, you don't know what you're missing!

Edited to add - my husband just suggested that a dollop of marmite might make it more to your liking? What a pest he is. ;)

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

marmite on toast ....heaven ....sorry just dreaming :tounge_smile:

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

I've been up and down with the homesickness bug and come to the conclusion that it wont ever leave, it's just tolerable some days other days it doesn't get me down.

I've found that tension in the relationship for whatever reason just makes me lay awake wondering what i've let myself in for!

I wonder if anyone else has experienced the following:

Laying awake and plotting ways back to the UK.

Finding partners tone of voice irritating (i.e. a request comes across as 'you can' instead of 'can you')

Had a "I can't live like this" discussion.

Feeling isolated amongst a group of partners friends.

Getting news from the UK about something you missed makes you resentful.


I bet a few people can identify with some of those, I tried to keep busy by rebuilding a motorbike and planning trips on it, and now doing those trips, the scenery around here is stunning, i'm just south of you and have enjoyed the warm summer, I guess i'm treating it like an adventure, looking at the VWP/AOS threads in the marriage forum it could get a whole lot more adventurous! I can't complain about the people here, they are so friendly, if anything the reason I dont have more friends is my own British 'reserve'. The friends I have are solid gold!

As a couple we have decided not to close off any avenues, including living in the UK, but who knows, easy enough to say, but when push comes to shove?

Dont worry about missing the Manchester rain, you'll get 6 months of it soon!! (something i'm not looking forward to, i swear it rained every day between November and May)

I suppose I havent helped much, just thought i'd share my own experience.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

I admit I've done that. You find yourself working it all out, sometimes down to great detail, then the guilt kicks in; you've made a committment to come out here, be with your other half and make a go of a new life, and you're thinking about going back. I guess that over time, as you put down some roots, this plotting gets less and less important. Thinking about this, you worry about losing your roots in the UK too! It seems you never can win.

This can be a lifeline, living in hope. My wife and I often find ourselves staring discussions with 'If we lived in the UK...'. I'm glad my wife humours me, letting me hope that, some time in the future, we'll be back in the UK again to live. But when I think about the practicalities - finding a job, home, helping my wife settle in - the prospect becomes very remote and I begin to feel trapped in this country. I try and console myself that I'll be able to visit, but with the paltry leave entitlements here I'll be lucky if I can go for 10 days a year. That's assuming I'll get a job at all in the next few months, but that's another story. It's not that life here is unbearable, I quite like it, but I miss the 'old country' a great deal.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Been there mate ......hours that turned into days that turned into weeks....sitting on the bed staring out of the window ....feeling totally lost and isolated....hating everything around you...the food the people the weather even my partner....it was terrible....
My wife admits that she often thought she would return home to an empty house and a note on the kitchen table ....it never did come to that but it was a close call ...
As much as I sympathise the only answer is for you to get off your arse and make it happen .....I'm not being rude just honest.....looking back makes me shudder...acting like a pratt most of the time ....the wife should have kicked me out really ....your either going to stay or going to leave .....look in the mirror and ask some truthful questions .....you can not go on as you are ...best decision I ever made was kicking myself in the arse and making a go of things and making a jolly comfortable new life ....for others its the decision to return home and pick up were they left off ....

Hope it works out for you ....

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Let's deal with this first ... I'm not saying that having a job is the be-all and end-all of life in all cases, but ... in this kind of situation, I believe it is. Once you get a job, you will meet people, start to make friends, have a 'purpose'. Yes, you can get a purpose by volunteering at a soup kitchen, or starting a website to save spotted owls, but getting a job is a bit more realistic.

I landed here on a Friday, and started work on the Monday, and fell in with a fantastic group of people. From day 1, I loved it. I was thrown into a busy job and never had a chance to even think about being homesick, and I came here alone. My job was twice as good as the one I left behind (in terms of challenge, responsibility, etc) and the way I was treated was much better - so it was a great intro.

You can EASILY win ... just learn how to define 'winning'.

I have had fantastic visits back to europe for 7 days at a time - 5 working days off. Don't fool yourself that you have to go back for a month to make it worthwhile. A 'fun-filled week' can be just the tonic. I started going back to Europe twice a year, one week each rather than all at once, in March and October - cheap air fares, etc.

Edit- also, when you interview, if it looks to be going well, slip in a comment about having commitments to return to England for a week at some point, and ask if 'unpaid leave' would be ok. Ask don't demand, and you might get it. A week off w/out pay is only 2% of your annual salary.

Also - don't call UK 'home'. Your home is where you sleep and where your partner is ... UK is 'the old place you left behind'. Stop thinking of it as 'home' and you may make more progress.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

Reading your post, I definitely think you're right, Steerpike. I think I might have painted a gloomier picture than it actually is in my last post; yes, it's turning out to be very frustrating and slow finding a job, but I am glad I made the move, being with my wife, starting a new life. I do enjoy living here, but there are moments I feel very homesick.

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

It's funny. I can always remember a girl at our school (in England) wearing a tee-shirt which had "it's raining in Seattle" on it... I never understood why that was so significant, and why it was worth printing on a tee-shirt. Guess I still don't understand it! :eek:

I got mine in about 3 weeks! It came thru super fast! TOO fast in fact. It meant I had to start making excuses to hubbie as to why I couldn't start looking for a job!!

And to the OP - don't mean to rub it in, but for me, the question is not "Homesick -does this stop?" it's "Homesick - does this START!!!" :thumbsup: As everyone has said before, be positive, go with the flow, start joining in with the local yokels and you might find they are actually quite nice! Good luck!

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

I would loosely translate it as ..."there's always someplace worse than here", and more generally to "there's always someone worse off than you so be happy" :)

Obviously everyone has different reactions, but I think it is important that people like you and me repeat this to everyone. There seems to be a mind-set that homesickness is inevitable, and it is just not true! And it's not a sign that you had a shitty life before either - I had the BEST 6 years of my life in London, right before coming here. I got here and it was simply 'even better'.

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My husband says he's not homesick at all. I ask what he misses and all he can come up with is that it's easier to walk in the country there. But that's just a function of where we live, than the nation.

He likes the food... says the people are friendly.

Actually, he says he really sees very little difference.

(Unless, of course, he's lulling me into a false sense of security while he plots his escape...)

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

I went through a phase of hounding my DH about all the complaints I would read here.. not one has ever matched up with him.
Some of them are just keepers. :)

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

You betcha! :)

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

I got mine in 2 weeks - actually I think it was less, but once it came through I hid it from my husband so he didn't send me out to work!! :rofl:

As far as the homesickness was concerned, I too went through an awful time adjusting when I first got here. If it wasn't for finding this forum and having both kind words (and the odd kick up the bum - you know who you are!!), I doubt I would have faired as well as I did. It was truly awful being left alone, in a strange country, not knowing where the hell I was, what things to shop for, knowing which brands to choose, no-one to talk to .. yada yada.

But once I stopped moping and got myself out there, I soon made friends. I join the gym and put myself in a 3 x weekly class (with the same group of people attending). I went to night school and took up a couple of courses. Found some great friends from this forum and met up - and still do. Joined the local ladies club and kept myself busy with all sorts of meetings and activities. Also I now volunteer at community for people with learning disabilities, and that's great. So, along with the work I do (UK based) and all the stuff I've taken on, I'm busy as hell most days. And love it! Without something to occupy yourself the homesickness becomes just that - a sickness. From which there is little cure IMO.

Good luck, and hope you feel better soon :)

Re: Homesick - does this stop?
 

I thought about this, and I read the posts. I think I was most bothered by the one that stated they'd rather be dead then to live here the rest of their life. :unsure:

As my DH stated in another thread recently, he was 54 when he came here, so certainly not a kid. He has a loving family, had a place to live and a decent job but fortunately for me, he loved me enough to turn his world upside down.

Does he think it's perfect here, likely not, and does he miss some things in the UK? Likely so. BUT this is what he chose and as of tomorrow it'll be five years here.

Oh, and for anyone who thinks it was a fairytale-no, it wasn't. The first 5 months he was here before he got a job, he sat alone, sometimes until 11 pm because I was working 1 1/2 jobs-out in the sticks with a dog and cat to talk to.

It is what it is and you just get on with it.