Englishmum

That's exactly what I thought. Julius has made the mistake of moving back to the same place (same house even?) and I honestly think that once you have made an overseas move, then mentally you have 'moved on'. When we return to the UK one day we will *not* move back into the house we rent out in Essex, we will move to a different area altogether.

My cousins were visiting us here in New Jersey last week and they live in Saundersfoot, Pembrokeshire, Wales. It's a beautiful part of the UK with the lovely coastal National Park and lovely little bays and fishing harbours. My cousin says there is absolutely no problem with yobs/vandals/asylum seekers or druggies. I think that Julius should consider moving away from London and trying a different part of the UK before making another transatlantic move...

ladyofthelake

I agree 100% We lived in Hong Kong for a year and rented our house for that year. When we moved back in it was horrible. It just wasn't home anymore, we had emotionally checked out of the house a year earlier. Luckily the hubby's office had relocated whilst we were away, so had to sell the house and moved to Andover, Hants. It was so much better having a fresh start in a new home and making new friends. Also, I found everyone in our old area had moved on with their own lives and really weren't interested in what we had been doing in HK, so we didn't have much in common with them any more. It's really hard when you've had so many experiences and want to share them, but just get the feeling they want you to "shut the **** up!"
I've been to Streatham a fair few times, and can understand how peeved Julius must feel being there. It's not possible that the whole of the UK is like that.

Calgal

I think you've hit the nail on the head there! I love my 'new life' here, but there still are, and always will be things I miss about 'home' (which happens to be Andover - by the way).

My uncle had moved many years before I did, to marry his war time bride. After I had left the UK, I had a conversation with him about how it felt. He coined it brilliantly when he said "It's like living in no-mans land. You never really 'belong' in either place anymore".

That's when I 'got it', living in different countries changes you as an individual, therefore changes the way you see where you came from. So, the old cliche "you can never go back", seems true.

Lerop Pekill

OZ? NZ? CANADA? Pile of shite

In your opinion, just remember because it did not suit you, that does not mean it wont suit other people. Also remember that you should live life for yourself not for your family & thats only my opinion.

You feel you needed and wanted your family around you, other people cant wait to get away from their families, so in all areas opinions differ.

But to say is OZ, NZ & Canada are shite is a little narrow minded dont you think?

HiddenPaw

I think she was saying that expecting paradise in Oz/NZ/Canada is a pile of shite, and not that the countries are a pile of shite....wasn't she?

welykuk

We were discussing this the other day. Having a strong family support network is touted as a good thing (and I think it is) but it is something that makes it much harder to move far from them which could be seen as holding you back.
It makes me wonder if providing our children with a very integrated family life will cause dilemmas down the line.I also think there is a difference between supportive loving bonds and guilt and manipulation
My dad has always said "if you love someone let them go". My parents didn't put any pressure on us to stay in the UK although it was clear they missed us and my dad even rationalised that we'd be better off staying here (this was when we had a choice) but I don't know how long it would have taken to stop missing them and feeling we were out of the loop. The thought of being this far away when they were old and dying (hopefully years away yet) was very disturbing to me. These deliberations don't resolve anything but I am interested in the impact family has on the way people choose to live.

britvic

My dad disowned me and will not let my mum stay in touch, makes things very hard for me, my husband is in the U.S Navy thats the only reason we are here, I send them cards and photos of there gran son and just hope for the best.

ladyofthelake

Hi Calgal, I lived in Andover from '97 to 2002, so I'm guessing you left long before I arrived there? Have you been back there for a visit? I've been back there once, saw my old friends, which was great, but again wouldn't move back there. Not because it's a shite place or anything like that. I think it's a luverly town. Life has moved on, that's all.

It is a very disturbing thought, and with good reason. I lost both my parents last year. It's a diificult time for anyone to go through, to go through it 4000 miles away from everyone else is truly horrible.

welykuk

This must be horrible. I can't imagine doing that to my child. My husbands Grandad had an estranged relationship with his son when his son divorced leaving 2 young children and a grandson in a similar situation but he reconciled with both while he was dying. If you can try to keep your parents in the loop at least you'll never suffer guilt that it was your fault, you at least kept the doors open. Hard to do though without getting bitter.

welykuk

[QUOTE=ladyofthelake
It is a very disturbing thought, and with good reason. I lost both my parents last year. It's a diificult time for anyone to go through, to go through it 4000 miles away from everyone else is truly horrible.[/QUOTE]

Sorry for your loss. Just because you're an adult its still hard to be an orphan, at least thats what my Mum said it felt like after her parents died.
That thought nagged away at me and I'm not sure how I'd cope with a situation like yours. Would I ever make peace with it? Hopefully now I won't have to.

britvic

Thankyou, my dad was always a mean old bugger, its my mum I miss dearly, maybe I should not say this, but I hope she out lives him, he has been in and out of Hospital to do with his heart, he knows theres much time left, all I can do is keep staying in touch.

Merlot

Thanks for your thoughts but for most of us myself and family = the same thing.

I very much live my own life but I am also a very lucky lady and I have lots of people who love me and want to share time with me, I want to share time with them, they are my family and whilst we are all happy with that, long may it continue!

Sorry to ramble but you should never slate someone for wanting to be close to their family, friends or their childhood crush.

M

Merlot

I am also a mean ratter!!!

Sorry to hear about your Uncle

I lost my Nanna last year quite suddenly and was lucky to have a little bit of time with her before I said goodbye. I actually started to understand her as a person in her own right, not just my Nanna and that was special. So glad I was back home to be there.

Some how looking out over rolling white beaches in the Ozzie sun would have not compensated, mind most people think this is the b all and end all, let them keep it.

Off to finish my merlot in the last of the spring evening.

Merlot xx

emmals

The most important things in life are those whom we love.......It's not a place a street a house it's people.....you cannot be truly happy unless you are surrounded by love....*my opinion only*

HiddenPaw

So much of what you say is how I feel. I grew up in a very small family (mum, dad, sister - no aunts/uncles/cousins) and once the grandparents had all gone and sister moved to Australia it was even smaller. I always felt like I was missing out on something - the big family Christmas, for example. My husband has a huge family, including all 4 grandparents. Whilst we have the option of moving back to Australia, and our parents are mostly supportive of this, I am not sure if I want to take my daughter away from the large family she has around her. From how I feel about my own childhood, I don't want her to not have a family beyond her own parents when it doesn't have to be this way.

Saying that, the fact that I have no family ties as such made it very easy for me to up sticks and go to Oz in the first place. All the while my husband was missing his brothers, his grandparents etc, I never pined for my family in the UK....I guess I learned to live without a big family a long time ago (moved away from my home town at 18 so did not see my parents that much anyway(altho more now since being back in UK with the baby)).