Clare Everest

The decision is killing us:

how to work out whether to stay or go!!

I love the house we live in and I enjoy the outdoor walks the kids love school and never want to leave Melb...

On the other hand i am sure that we are worse off financially and life here is a bit dull.... christ where are all the lively drinking holes? I am really home sick. I miss my family heaps. Does this get easier?

Has anybody else felt like this, gone home and then regretted their decision.... Will my kids hate me for going back or should i stay out here for them!!!!

Please advise a mixed up crazy lady

JAJ

One could probably write a book on these things, but my thoughts in brief are:

1. You need to spend 3-4 years or so in Australia before you can really claim to have *tried* it.

2. For many people, it does get easier. For some, it doesn't.

3. If you leave without Australian citizenship, then there's no guarantee you'll ever be able to get back here. Many people do want to return later on - if they have citizenship, they can do so no worries. Without citizenship, they usually can't and do regret the decision to leave Australia.

4. Kids are very individual, so it's hard to give generalisations. But if they do love Australia, then yes, at some point in the future you may need to explain to them why you came back to Britain. Possibly when they are young adults and want to return to Australia themselves but don't qualify to migrate.

5. If you do get citizenship, and citizenship for your children, then not only will they be Australians, but any future children either you or they have in the UK will be eligible for Australian citizenship by descent.
Your children will also have envious friends in their late teenage years if they are in the UK with Australian citizenship

The bottom line for anyone from the UK is - you've made a significant investment to get to Australia - give it a chance to work. Get your citizenship when eligible (as British people can have dual citizenship), and only after that process is completed should you even think about whether you might want to return to the UK or not. The option of Australia would then be open for the longer term if you did end up changing your minds later on.

Jeremy

Pants

Hi Claire

How long have you been here in OZ?? What made you come here and do you have any family here??

It's hard and we all suffer homesickness. Well most of us. Maybe if you can ask yourself why you came here in the first place. I can only talk from my own experience but there are plenty of threads to look at over the past months about how people feel and perhaps it will help you.

I have a 21/2 year old and brought her over when she was 5 months old but hubby (who is Aussie) and I are heading back this year. For us it's due to the fact that we are planning another bub and although we have in-laws the relationship with them is not perhaps as good as it could have been. I would like some family support and for my daughter to know she has a good loving network of family. My hubby works in IT and feels the challenges over here are not enough. We both want to see more of Europe etc and know that travel in OZ in not cheap..especially when you are a family, plus the cost of going home for holidays in the UK would be very few due to the cost. I miss my family and friends heaps...for me this second year has been the worst.

I miss many things about the UK and I know when I leave I will miss many things about OZ but for me I think at least I can come back here. If we left it too long we would not be able to afford the move back home to the UK.

As I said Claire this is my experience and choice only. Please keep posted on the forums...have you posted in the Australia and NZ forum also??I am sure alot of people who are here have questioned it many a time...

Watering holes.....none round where I live..well none you would want to go into that is..!!!

So rememeber you are not alone with your crazy thoughts.....not at all.!!!crazy no just human!!

Cheers

Pants

MikeStanton

I doubt your kids will hate you - they would much prefer to see a happy rather than miserable mum

Most people feel homesick. Depending how much you prefer your new life to your old will decide how strong your homesickness is.

Your experience is a good example of what happens to a lot of people - eventually realising that emigrating is a big trade-off - especially with non-material things like people and opportunities. In your case, house, kids school and outdoor walks vs the more interesting life you had in the UK. Interestingly, you don't quote the usual Oz things of weather, beaches... Mind you, you're just about to enter a Melbourne winter and they are not overly pleasant.

Being bored in Oz and relative lack of opportunities are two of the reasons we returned.

But the main reasons you quote for liking Melb are available in UK - except perhaps the size of house for your money.

Although jaj has good advice, being miserable far away from home can make the task of remaining (to gain citizenship) gruelling.

ABCDiamond

Claire
I've just posted this in the "citizenship or now" thread:

Back in 1996 I left OZ after 8 years, totally fed up with the place (or so I thought), and didn't bother with getting Citizenship, because I "knew" I wouldn't need it, as i wouldnt be back if they dragged me.

In 2000 when I did come back, , I had a lot of problems getting back in. It was easy in 1986 when I first migrated, but they changed the rules in between !!

Things change, situations change, places change, even WE change.

Putting up with a place you don't currently like for a little while longer may also just give your children options for the future.

My situation is a bit different to some others, in that I have been round Europe and seen enough of it, also I don't have those very important family ties in UK.

lively drinking holes? If talking about traditional British Pubs, well, not sure, but you may find a handful spread around the country, its not the "Australian" thing, its a British" thing.
Look for Irish pubs though, that's the closest you'll probably get.

Good luck with whatever happens Have you been to any of the Melbourne expats meets ?

jat

hi claire

how long have you been here and what part do you live in?

ive been in mel for over 4 years - and before that was in sydney - hated sydney - but thats another story...

i love melbourne - but like you i find it a bit dull at times... i think its mainly because its so hard to go to other places... when i lived in london we would head to nyork and france ski-ing - weekend breaks to jersey etc... and also london is never boring in my opinion.. but in melbourne i dont get to get away that often - i get over to perth once a year to visit friends but thats it...

ive done all the things out of melbourne that you can do and its not like you want to do them over and over again

i miss the UK and miss my friends and family and also the work opportunites are limited to me here - my current job is doing my head in as i feel ive went backward!
im out at pubs all the time - live in st kilda so theres no shortage - but i dont feel like ive ever settled - and believe me i came over here on my own after i left a long relationship and i worked hard at creating a life here but after 4 years im soo ready to go back... i am a bit aprehensive about going back as i dont know where ill end up -back in london maybe...
but i have to go back to 'know' where i want to be and at the moment ive only got 3 weeks left here.. and im sooo ready to get on that plane.... i will apply for PR when i leave - the fact that i never applied for it within 5 years tells you a lot....

i dont have kids so cant help you there - how old are they? a friend of mine went back to the UK in jan - she had a 16 year old and they all wanted to go back...

i havnt really answered your question but just letting you know that its normal to go what your going through..

janeyray

I think most of Australia compared to what you know and have lived with most of your life, is dull and can be boring. Their lifestyle is different to what we are bought up in. It's what they are use to and I found it to boring to put roots down here permanently.

How long have you lived here? Although I knew from the moment I started to have nagging thoughts (about 3-4 months after arriving) that I would never settle here and it wasn't what I wanted.

3-4 years is an awfull long time to put yourself through 'trying to settle' if you know it's not for you. Follow your heart and your feelings, do what you feel is right.

jat

without sounding negative - i nearly went home in august 2001.... but i stayed as i was enjoying myself but i look back and although i have no regrets i dont feel like ive gained anything by staying for another 3 years.... i feel like ive just drifted along - i would think hard about staying - but it depends on the age of your kids etc......

im lucky that i can afford to go back but im very aware that i have to go back now and not later as i do want to get back into the job market in the UK sooner rather than later....


i would very much doubt i would come back to live but i guess you never know whats around the corner.. so i would like to keep the option open...


i think that if you really felt like you wouldnt come back to live is it worth waiting for citizenship...

Aqua2778

It sounds like we all have these, to stay or to go issue.

Im 26 now, and came here with my mum when i was 14 almost 15, and we are both at the present time considering going "home".

I feel like im stuck and not going anywhere with nothing jumping out at me in the way of oppurtunity's i have a handful of friends, and yet i dont feel at home here anymore, it's hard to explain but going home seems to me like a great idea, where i will be back with my friends, i have family in both country's so i could come for a holiday. I cant see myself missing much about melbourne/australia.

My mum who is also going to come home with me, put it in nicer terms for our situation, in that "it's all gone horribly wrong" it's not what she expected 12 years ago when we came here as she had always dreamed of doing.

She wants a fresh start and a new life and i want the same ... i had been thinking of moving back to the U.K a long time ago, and then when i found out that mum wants to go back aswell it made my decision a lot easier as one of the things holding me back/mentioning it to her was that i thought she didnt want to go and i didnt want to leave her 16000 or so miles away in another country.

And it will be a fresh start.

I have been looking at jobs and what is around, as that was my major concern and in my field there is quite a few i could go for and with a great wage. (varies from 33-55k).

I still havent decided 100% yet but i think that is more because i am scared but on the other hand all i can think about is being reunited with some family and old school friends aswell as my best friend, great food, being close oto Europe so easier to travel and basically it's home.... they say you can take the girl out of britain but you cant take britain out of the girl.

The hard part is making a final decision and then organising everything, but at the end of the day i guess you know what you really want to do, it's just a matter of doing it.

Aqua2778

P.S If you are a perm resident of Oz and not a citizn when you get a passport or already have one, you can get an RRV return residency Visa which is valid 5 yrs so if you wanted a chance to go to U.K make up your mind and then decided to come back you have 5 yrs to decide

Clare Everest

We have only been here for 9 months but we have brought a house. I am now hoping that the housing market doesn't continue it's downslide or else we will end up with neg equity.

Hubbies job had to take a step backwards to gain a permanant role... we have found out that he could earn much more in London!!

The girls are all aged under 8 and the upheavall has been mega on them... I hate the thought of messing them around with their schooling ( and friends) but if we leave it too long they will be so far behind the English schools that they will have to do catch up classes. Such a shame since they were always at the top...


To move back now though would feel like such a waste of money and time especially as we haven't seen all of Melb yet alone Sydnet. If we leave it any longer though won't things just get worse for the kids!!

Has anybody regreted moving back?

MikeStanton

Not at all.

It's just a pity I had to wait so long to return

estarriol

My personal feeling on this is that if, after say 6 months of actually living, not holidaying, in the country, you don't like it, the odds are against that ever changing. I know some people say it takes years, but I really don't think anything could change in another couple of years that would change my mind.

All the evidence points to the school system being far behind in Aus, so I can understand your worry for your kids. Unless they're having an absolute blast here, you are almost certainly better off taking them back now rather than later, but you should ask them.

I've seen a couple of people post about regretting going back, and they both had 10+ years in Oz. So far, nobody I've seen who has less than that (and some who do, e.g. Mike Stanton) have not regretted going back in the least, far from it. I'm going back in about a week - I don't expect to regret it at all, but I'll let you know.

Do you like Australia? You've talked a lot about practicalities, not your feelings.

MikeStanton

This is an interesting point. Deep down, it was true for me also - although I'd initially tell people what a great place it was. I guess it's a bit like trying to fall in love with someone you're not really interested in! It just doesn't happen.

The more extreme flip side - those that are incredibly keen on Oz when they first arrive - also tend to leave; I guess it's because the reality cannot live up to expectations. So it becomes a real downer.

Which leaves those that arrive with their eyes wide open that tend to stay.

BTW, after being transported, I served more than 10 years in Oz. Way too long for a crime I didn't commit...

Clare Everest

"Do I like Australia"

The million dollar question...

Australia is nice but Britain has more laughs

My neighbours are great but some people around here will never except us because we are British!!
I am making some friends and looking forward to horse riding etc.. soon

I however hate the subs and everyday I feel trapped here although I do love my house and land!!
Australia has some beautiful places but I can go to Europe cheaper.. Maybe we need a few more holidays here and then head back!! I know that the family would be glad to have us back.