I have had to deal with these types of insensitive remarks for 15 plus yrs now...so I have slowly begun to ignore them, very difficult though, but I am not as sensitive as I was in the first decade of my marriage. Although I am definately not the person I was 15 yrs ago...that smiley, happy go lucky person was last seen at Heathrow airport back in '96!!! In fact when I first visited home after 4 yrs everybody commented on how the glow on my face was no longer present. Hubby is a very good person..but when you get married, the baggage comes along with it!!!

Hubby would like to move but as it has been covered by myself and many others on the forum...finances (the biggie), place to stay, jobs, older kids not wanting to go, etc all make it impossible to fullfill my dream of moving back....so we will see....Good luck to all heading home....

I've been following your story and I think you might have a lot to gain by moving back. You will have some more independence, a home of your own for your family and a chance to form your own family identity which seems to be lacking living with your in-laws. I think your son is picking up a lot of the disrespect given to you from your mil and that is harming your relationship with him. I know it's not easy and complicated but that's my two cents, I wish you all the luck in the world.

Well, if it helps, I'm probably about the same age as your mum, and I came over in my mid-20s too and I disagree with her.

Sure, I have made more money here, and there are more mechanical conveniences here (although that's changed a lot over the last 20 years), but I think the quality of life in England is better than here. There's more day-to-day laughter. There's a functioning media and an informed public. The politics are sane, based on rational argument. Money doesn't corrupt everything the way it does here and election campaigns last only 6 weeks! There's an amazing arts scene in even small towns. There's a sense of history almost everywhere you go - a feeling of permanence. The food isn't genetically modified. And there's an ability most Brits share to make pleasure out of the simplest things - a good cup of tea, a nice walk in the countryside, a day out by the seaside ...

Here's a clip of an American in Britain that might fortify you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jateuSygnPM

And another:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BrqzRrMSCk

Sally..I totally agree...only fellow Brits really understand the deep longings for home...and why we continue to feel the way we do...

Montfan..thanks for yours and everyone elses, continued support...I don't really think my son has picked up his disrespect from MIL/FIL...but he does see my timidness around them and the fact we are under their thumb in their home..on the whole they are good/honest people and they are probably fed up with me not acceptin this place. I do feel though he has seen my atttitude change over the yrs for the worse...being the oldest,he has witnessed more hardships, heard the many tiffs about moving away from AZ/NJ/USA...and therefore I suppose he is going to dislike the UK as I go on about how I want to get away from the US!!. Nowadays we have realised not to fight these battles in front of the kids..its not good for them to hear all this tension.

Tel8-your mum is originally from the UK has lived her formative yrs there, and perhaps experienced the largely immaterialistic life there during the early yrs...same with with my inlaws they have seen life in the UK..like we all have I suppose...but as we moved over here we now know more about what materialism is all about..nothing here except endless shopping and restuarant trips or arm and leg plane rides to see tourist places, big boxy houses, 2/3 car garages! and thus we all have to become like the Americans IMO to fit in..but for many of us something is missing...stuff no longer fills those longings..in the early days it was all wow..America etc..I am glad I came and experienced it here, but now it's, we want to go home, back to what we know and appreciate.

..I never want to forget where I came from..the simplicity of everday living, the humble life my parents taught me, the small 3 bedroom semi's with ONE loo!! but I see my inlaws turn their noses up at where they came from and many others who trash home, now that they are in the US.

I think I am feeling very low and nostalgic right now as, many of you know, it is almost a year since dad passed away in the UK (Feb 16) and it still seems like yesterday..and when senseless comments are said, like the one my MIL said yesterday..it gets me more upset and I wonder what are we doing in a place where we are just not appreciated...no real love from the hubby's extended family..no history with them. I cannot keep convincing the non-Brits why I want to go back. I know why I love home and thats what matters...sorry for the long gobbledy goop rant!!!I will stop now!!!

Thank you so much Sally! It's those exact things that I hoped England would have that America doesn't in my case. This makes me feel like what I want to do really just might be the right thing- thank you!!! I'm going to bookmark this for tough days.

Usoruk, I'm so sorry ! That's truly a lot to deal with on top of everything! I think you're right though, my mum just had a different experience. I know she just wants what's best for me, so I try not to let it freak me out. Hopefully I can form my own opinion soon, but I so agree about the materialism here- it really is just terrible!

Love those clips Sally, especially the second one, thats where we go for most shopping and entertaining "walks" 5 minutes from Mums village LOL

I think those who lived terrible hard lives or lived though very sad times for them personally in UK seems to refuse to move back more than those of us who lived with happy families and didn't leave because we hated something.
We were dirt poor but a happy family.
I crave that less is more type life. When we moved back here I warned Dh we weren't buying into the materialism here and if he started then I was outta here.
Well it took him getting to deaths door as he put it, to make him realize "people before things" and now he spends his days off each week sorting through all the crap he's accumulated so we can move.
USorUK Don't ever become used to the crap your inlaws pull, please don't. You need to call them on the crap, they are damaging your relationship with your teen, he's picking up the disrespect, they are slowly convincing him Mum is a nutter with all the things they say and that he shouldn't listen or respect your thoughts and opinions.
I think Living with your family in UK would do the whole family good. It would get you all away from the negativity you are living with.
Plus if your oldest thinks UK is so bad, maybe he can plan a move back to US when he's an adult, give him something to save for, I bet he wouldn't stop long if he had to live with the adult reality of being here after UK.

I havent been in the USA for long enough to have lost my perception of "how it was in the UK". I feel that neither place is good or bad, just different. I do, however want to return to the UK as I had no intention of emigrating here. If I`d had that intention I`d have had to be discontented with the UK in some way, which I definitely wasnt! I dont (I hope) idealise the UK either. Both places are what you make of them. Before I came here I had a good well paid job in which I was very happy, and believe me I`m not some fabulously well qualified workaholic!
Being a bit long in the tooth, I`ve been through several recessions. I got my first job in the middle of one at the beginning of the eighties. All I can say is if you are well educated and tenacious, reliable (important one, that!) and not overly picky you can get a foot in the door somewhere and take it from there. When starting out, I was always aware that I`d have to go where the jobs were, and make a life there and maybe live a long way from family.
I would say that having an NHS is a huge difference between the US and UK. We`ve got fantastic coverage through my husbands job in the US, but we are still 1000s of dollars out of pocket from last year through co-pays and deductibles, and in no position to complain as we are the lucky ones!

I actually find the UK more "progressive" than here in a lot of ways. Things that are big issues here are "non-issues" in the UK. I`m thinking of stuff like gay partnerships and abortion, stuff that is tied to religious views here are not in the UK. Politicians dont have to mention their faith, or even have one!
I asked a friend here if it would be possible to run for office in the US and be an atheist. He said "Yes, but it would be like skiing uphill".
What`s my point? There are always people who will tell you horror stories.
Best to find out what your own experience is going to be than base your decisions on someones past memories.

I feel very lucky that my Mum and MIL are being super supportive of our move back. My MIL is back in the UK and my Mum lived in the UK for 30 years but is originally from one of the colonies. She feels VERY British though. She's been living in the US for 15 years but really wants to move back to the UK as well. It looks like we're going to move back around the same time next year (if we can organize it!!!)

It's been nice having someone to talk to about the move. She understands why I want to move back - not because of money (obviously!!!) but because of a better way of life, a chance to be around family, a feeling of belonging and history that I just don't get in the US.

I was surprised that friends and family in the UK didn't question my need to move back. They were all very supportive. But total strangers (at the airport when I flew back at Christmas and people over here in my industry) LOVE to give their 2 cents. The Brits it's all about the weather, the Americans it's all about money!!! So strange!

Sally

Thank you for posting the Bill Bryson clips. I have just recently re-read the book and I wasn't aware that a TV show had been made.:

Sally - The Bill Bryson clips are great. Can we obtain DVD's?

When I came to America I was full of "witty observations". Then I read a Bill Bryson book and found he`d made them all years before!

Hi Tel8,
WOW at what age did you emigrate to the US?
You have been wanting to return for a long time!

Don't worry about what people say, you will always get the negatives but hopefully they even out with the positives.

My friends in England are excited about me returning and have nothing negative to say. They love England and can't understand why I left in the first place

Good luck for your return in 18 months

I was 2 or 3 years old when I came to the US! LOL I guess that's why it's so strange that I've developed this need to return there. I guess I've just always felt that this just wasn't somewhere I could see myself getting older, settling down, and raising a family etc. When I first went back those feelings of something just being off went away completely. Every time I went back it just felt more and more "right". Now I'm determined to go back and give it a year at least!