Feeling low
Jan 21st 2012 | 9:52 am
#31
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 983
From: North Yorkshire
Re: Feeling low
Dashie, I knew after the first year I wanted to return but hubby definitely wasn't ready at that time and I didn't want to give in so easy so I tried really hard to get on. Then it gets to the point where you're trapped due to one thing or another. I say leave as soon as you know.
We went back to England last summer and I came back here and actually felt settled, even painted the basement as I thought I would get on and do the house up and stay. After a few weeks, I was back to wanting to leave. I think because it was so hectic in England sleeping round 3 different friends houses and going out every night, I felt a false sense of security being back in my own bed and house.
Jemima, keep that packing going
We went back to England last summer and I came back here and actually felt settled, even painted the basement as I thought I would get on and do the house up and stay. After a few weeks, I was back to wanting to leave. I think because it was so hectic in England sleeping round 3 different friends houses and going out every night, I felt a false sense of security being back in my own bed and house.
Jemima, keep that packing going
Jan 21st 2012 | 10:04 am
#32
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,348
Re: Feeling low
That makes sense. I wonder if it's why I've been so desperate to come back to Canada on many of our visits?
Part of the reason we're delaying too though is that we're trying to make sure we make the right decision this time, and we have been presented with different options. The other thing is that the people we were running away from are still there, and in some cases, worse than they were when we left, so we need to figure out how to deal with that too. We know we can't go back to the area we came from so will have to decide on another one and get DH some work.
Feels very limbo like. I know I don't want to be here, but I don't know where is least worst, or what would be best for our children. Other than for their parents to actually be happy.
Part of the reason we're delaying too though is that we're trying to make sure we make the right decision this time, and we have been presented with different options. The other thing is that the people we were running away from are still there, and in some cases, worse than they were when we left, so we need to figure out how to deal with that too. We know we can't go back to the area we came from so will have to decide on another one and get DH some work.
Feels very limbo like. I know I don't want to be here, but I don't know where is least worst, or what would be best for our children. Other than for their parents to actually be happy.
Jan 22nd 2012 | 5:44 am
#33
Thread Starter
The Brit is back
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,211
From: NS, Canada 2007-2013. Now....England!
Re: Feeling low
My hubby says that us women think too much lol
I think you just have to do whats right for you. If you are happy, your kids will be happy.
I am not happy here and my bad mood and depression really affects the kids. It's not good for them as well as me.
I have learned also that if your kids want to learn at school, pass their grades and get a good job, they will no matter what school they are in and what Country. Same applies if your kid just wants to muck around and waste his life.
If they are strong academically, they will get on.
I think you just have to do whats right for you. If you are happy, your kids will be happy.
I am not happy here and my bad mood and depression really affects the kids. It's not good for them as well as me.
I have learned also that if your kids want to learn at school, pass their grades and get a good job, they will no matter what school they are in and what Country. Same applies if your kid just wants to muck around and waste his life.
If they are strong academically, they will get on.
Jan 24th 2012 | 4:45 am
#34
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 487
From: Calgary, AB
Re: Feeling low
I think Canada makes a wonderful tourist destination, but living here is an altogether different experience.
Jan 26th 2012 | 4:27 am
#35
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 157
From: NJ
Re: Feeling low
I feel your pain...I have so many ups and down about living here and my kids see it all! It's a living nightmare.
We live in a very nice part of NJ in my inlaws overly 'big house'...but people (the Americans only!) can't understand why I want to leave, to go to a country with 'small houses, narrow roads, expensive everything'. But I do, its home, its England and everyday I tell myself what was I thinking...I am glad I married and moved over but why did'nt the homesickness kick in 10 yrs earlier, when the kids were much younger and it would have been easier to move... why did it suddenly hit me 5 yrs ago that I want to go home and I literally began to miss the cobbled streets, the old buildings, the winding country lanes and started thinking about my childhood back home. I am from Buckinghamshire..it is so beautiful there, many places are so quaint... I have missed family/friends/food all the 15 yrs I have been here, now I worry about getting old here, healthcare, kids education....and it is impossible for us to move.
Hang in there you are almost back, the time frame is set and the bad dream will be over! Good luck
We live in a very nice part of NJ in my inlaws overly 'big house'...but people (the Americans only!) can't understand why I want to leave, to go to a country with 'small houses, narrow roads, expensive everything'. But I do, its home, its England and everyday I tell myself what was I thinking...I am glad I married and moved over but why did'nt the homesickness kick in 10 yrs earlier, when the kids were much younger and it would have been easier to move... why did it suddenly hit me 5 yrs ago that I want to go home and I literally began to miss the cobbled streets, the old buildings, the winding country lanes and started thinking about my childhood back home. I am from Buckinghamshire..it is so beautiful there, many places are so quaint... I have missed family/friends/food all the 15 yrs I have been here, now I worry about getting old here, healthcare, kids education....and it is impossible for us to move.
Hang in there you are almost back, the time frame is set and the bad dream will be over! Good luck
Last edited by usoruk; Jan 26th 2012 at 4:30 am.
Jan 26th 2012 | 4:32 am
#36
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 11,272
Re: Feeling low
I feel your pain...I have so many ups and down about living here and my kids see it all! It's a living nightmare.
We live in a very nice part of NJ in my inlaws overly 'big house'...but people (the Americans only!) can't understand why I want to leave, to go to a country with 'small houses, narrow roads, expensive everything'. But I do, its home, its England and everyday I tell myself what was I thinking...I am glad I married and moved over but why did'nt the homesickness kick in 10 yrs earlier, when the kids were much younger and it would have been easier to move... why did it suddenly hit me 5 yrs ago that I want to go home and I literally began to miss the cobbled streets, the old buildings, the winding country lanes and started thinking about my childhood back home. I am from Buckinghamshire..it is so beautiful there, many places are so quaint... I have missed family/friends/food all the 15 yrs I have been here, now I worry about getting old here, healthcare, kids education....and it is impossible for us to move.
Hang in there you are almost back, the time frame is set and the bad dream will be over! Good luck
We live in a very nice part of NJ in my inlaws overly 'big house'...but people (the Americans only!) can't understand why I want to leave, to go to a country with 'small houses, narrow roads, expensive everything'. But I do, its home, its England and everyday I tell myself what was I thinking...I am glad I married and moved over but why did'nt the homesickness kick in 10 yrs earlier, when the kids were much younger and it would have been easier to move... why did it suddenly hit me 5 yrs ago that I want to go home and I literally began to miss the cobbled streets, the old buildings, the winding country lanes and started thinking about my childhood back home. I am from Buckinghamshire..it is so beautiful there, many places are so quaint... I have missed family/friends/food all the 15 yrs I have been here, now I worry about getting old here, healthcare, kids education....and it is impossible for us to move.
Hang in there you are almost back, the time frame is set and the bad dream will be over! Good luck
Jan 26th 2012 | 11:00 am
#37
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,077
From: Rural Virginia
Re: Feeling low
I feel your pain...I have so many ups and down about living here and my kids see it all! It's a living nightmare.
We live in a very nice part of NJ in my inlaws overly 'big house'...but people (the Americans only!) can't understand why I want to leave, to go to a country with 'small houses, narrow roads, expensive everything'. But I do, its home, its England and everyday I tell myself what was I thinking...I am glad I married and moved over but why did'nt the homesickness kick in 10 yrs earlier, when the kids were much younger and it would have been easier to move... why did it suddenly hit me 5 yrs ago that I want to go home and I literally began to miss the cobbled streets, the old buildings, the winding country lanes and started thinking about my childhood back home. I am from Buckinghamshire..it is so beautiful there, many places are so quaint... I have missed family/friends/food all the 15 yrs I have been here, now I worry about getting old here, healthcare, kids education....and it is impossible for us to move.
Hang in there you are almost back, the time frame is set and the bad dream will be over! Good luck
We live in a very nice part of NJ in my inlaws overly 'big house'...but people (the Americans only!) can't understand why I want to leave, to go to a country with 'small houses, narrow roads, expensive everything'. But I do, its home, its England and everyday I tell myself what was I thinking...I am glad I married and moved over but why did'nt the homesickness kick in 10 yrs earlier, when the kids were much younger and it would have been easier to move... why did it suddenly hit me 5 yrs ago that I want to go home and I literally began to miss the cobbled streets, the old buildings, the winding country lanes and started thinking about my childhood back home. I am from Buckinghamshire..it is so beautiful there, many places are so quaint... I have missed family/friends/food all the 15 yrs I have been here, now I worry about getting old here, healthcare, kids education....and it is impossible for us to move.
Hang in there you are almost back, the time frame is set and the bad dream will be over! Good luck
Last edited by ottotheboar; Jan 26th 2012 at 11:33 am.
Jan 26th 2012 | 12:28 pm
#38
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 157
From: NJ
Re: Feeling low
Lots of reasons why it is difficult to get back...have covered it extensively with many of you on the moving back forum and have recieved lots of uplifting advise....but it gets hard as the years go by...finances being the biggie...then older kids not wanting to go...jobs...
I don't want to get US citizenship at all etc etc...just the the thought of the US taxman keeping tabs on me wherever I may end up! and then my own fears of can we settle in a "foreign" land...how will the kids react..will they get picked on or get in with the bad crowd..will they find the education difficult and far to different from what they are learning at school now... so many what ifs...just like many other expats....the pinings to go back are so strong but have many fears about settling back in. We will see....one day maybe..I hope it is soon...Good luck to all those who have a date set and are on their way home....
I don't want to get US citizenship at all etc etc...just the the thought of the US taxman keeping tabs on me wherever I may end up! and then my own fears of can we settle in a "foreign" land...how will the kids react..will they get picked on or get in with the bad crowd..will they find the education difficult and far to different from what they are learning at school now... so many what ifs...just like many other expats....the pinings to go back are so strong but have many fears about settling back in. We will see....one day maybe..I hope it is soon...Good luck to all those who have a date set and are on their way home....
Jan 26th 2012 | 1:48 pm
#39
Lost in Space
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 804
From: Stockport, Cheshire, UK
Re: Feeling low
Hi all,
Well, as the title says, I'm just feeling really low at the moment.
Good friends of ours left here on Tuesday to return to England for good and it's made me feel really bad. I am happy for them of course but it's just sunk me into a deeper depression. I can't explain it.
We have been in Canada 4 and a half years. I have been homesick for 3 and a half years. Hubby has recently agreed to us going back. He doesn't want to as he loves it here, but he will for me as he knows how depressed I have been all these years.
We can't go back until summer 2013 as eldest has to finish school here. Hubby is networking like crazy so he can get a job to return to.
So, in 18 months, I am going home.
It just feels like such a long way off right now. I have to go through another couple of months of winter plus one more in winter 2012.
I just don't know how I'm going to get through at the moment
Sorry for the depreesing post. I just wanted to write a bit about how I'm feeling. Maybe this will help.
Anyone else feeling like shit?
Well, as the title says, I'm just feeling really low at the moment.
Good friends of ours left here on Tuesday to return to England for good and it's made me feel really bad. I am happy for them of course but it's just sunk me into a deeper depression. I can't explain it.
We have been in Canada 4 and a half years. I have been homesick for 3 and a half years. Hubby has recently agreed to us going back. He doesn't want to as he loves it here, but he will for me as he knows how depressed I have been all these years.
We can't go back until summer 2013 as eldest has to finish school here. Hubby is networking like crazy so he can get a job to return to.
So, in 18 months, I am going home.
It just feels like such a long way off right now. I have to go through another couple of months of winter plus one more in winter 2012.
I just don't know how I'm going to get through at the moment
Sorry for the depreesing post. I just wanted to write a bit about how I'm feeling. Maybe this will help.
Anyone else feeling like shit?
I remember that feeling of homesickness and it was overwhelming some days. I would sit at home waiting to call someone in the UK or dive into a bottle of wine or both on really dark days! Don't drink and dial!!!! It was difficult so I totally feel for you.
The good news is you're on exit but it must feel like a long time to wait. Any chance of you coming for a visit? It might break things up a little and give you something to look forward to.
Thinking of you. If you want to know anything about being back you can always pm me. Best wishes to you. x
Jan 26th 2012 | 1:57 pm
#40
Lost in Space
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 804
From: Stockport, Cheshire, UK
Re: Feeling low
As Dashie said near each other outside of London,On. We have only been here siince the summer so no time at all but the kids have been on meltdown since two weeks in. There's a myriad of things which don't sit well with us as a family, and its not what we were expecting at all. I just knew straight away it 'didn't feel right' and so how much we went out, met people, tried to get out there, it was never going to work. Defeatist attitude some may say, but my gut instinct was saying no. We had left too, too much back home which could never in a month of Sundays be replaced. Sure you can get the house and all the trappings but those relationships are precious. We stood one day at Pinery Provincial Park watching the sun set over the lake. It was truly beautiful. But it was just the four of us, and all our lives we have shared special moments with the special people in our lives. We all thought what is the point if we cannot share our lives with the people we care about.
Bit soppy for some, but thats how we feel. Thats why we are going home....
Bit soppy for some, but thats how we feel. Thats why we are going home....
Jan 26th 2012 | 2:23 pm
#41
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 813
From: Was Torbay, NZ now North Yorkshire UK
Re: Feeling low
I went back to England for a week. That was the start of it.
Things started crumbling here at around the same time. Hubby got a job within the first week of us landing which was great but pay was shit and we got into debt which was spiraling out of control. He was really depressed thinking we were going to lose everything so our relationship went sour for a while.
He now has a great job and we are mostly out of debt and I love my job in a travel agency, but its too late I just don't feel anything here anymore.
Where are you by the way?
Things started crumbling here at around the same time. Hubby got a job within the first week of us landing which was great but pay was shit and we got into debt which was spiraling out of control. He was really depressed thinking we were going to lose everything so our relationship went sour for a while.
He now has a great job and we are mostly out of debt and I love my job in a travel agency, but its too late I just don't feel anything here anymore.
Where are you by the way?
Hi Lorrie,
Just wanted to ask if you have thought about college for your daughter to do her GCSE's instead of school. You could return for this September then.
I currently live in New Zealand and have done for 5 years. Its a lovely country to look at but so boring. My son left last year after finishing year 13 not very well. He has gone to sixth form college and is doing amazingly well.
My oh and other son are desperate to return, especially as we are not happy with the education here.
Sadly our 18 yr old daughter will not even discuss it as her boyfriend and friends are everthing to her.
Good luck
Carole
Jan 27th 2012 | 12:38 am
#42
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,077
From: Rural Virginia
Re: Feeling low
Lots of reasons why it is difficult to get back...have covered it extensively with many of you on the moving back forum and have recieved lots of uplifting advise....but it gets hard as the years go by...finances being the biggie...then older kids not wanting to go...jobs...
I don't want to get US citizenship at all etc etc...just the the thought of the US taxman keeping tabs on me wherever I may end up! and then my own fears of can we settle in a "foreign" land...how will the kids react..will they get picked on or get in with the bad crowd..will they find the education difficult and far to different from what they are learning at school now... so many what ifs...just like many other expats....the pinings to go back are so strong but have many fears about settling back in. We will see....one day maybe..I hope it is soon...Good luck to all those who have a date set and are on their way home....
I don't want to get US citizenship at all etc etc...just the the thought of the US taxman keeping tabs on me wherever I may end up! and then my own fears of can we settle in a "foreign" land...how will the kids react..will they get picked on or get in with the bad crowd..will they find the education difficult and far to different from what they are learning at school now... so many what ifs...just like many other expats....the pinings to go back are so strong but have many fears about settling back in. We will see....one day maybe..I hope it is soon...Good luck to all those who have a date set and are on their way home....
Jan 27th 2012 | 2:47 am
#43
Thread Starter
The Brit is back
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,211
From: NS, Canada 2007-2013. Now....England!
Re: Feeling low
Oh Lorry, So sorry. I just wrote a post to you in reply to something from ages ago. I put on it 'hope you're well and happy' and then read this. Sorry.
I remember that feeling of homesickness and it was overwhelming some days. I would sit at home waiting to call someone in the UK or dive into a bottle of wine or both on really dark days! Don't drink and dial!!!! It was difficult so I totally feel for you.
The good news is you're on exit but it must feel like a long time to wait. Any chance of you coming for a visit? It might break things up a little and give you something to look forward to.
Thinking of you. If you want to know anything about being back you can always pm me. Best wishes to you. x
I remember that feeling of homesickness and it was overwhelming some days. I would sit at home waiting to call someone in the UK or dive into a bottle of wine or both on really dark days! Don't drink and dial!!!! It was difficult so I totally feel for you.
The good news is you're on exit but it must feel like a long time to wait. Any chance of you coming for a visit? It might break things up a little and give you something to look forward to.
Thinking of you. If you want to know anything about being back you can always pm me. Best wishes to you. x
Hi Lorrie,
Just wanted to ask if you have thought about college for your daughter to do her GCSE's instead of school. You could return for this September then.
I currently live in New Zealand and have done for 5 years. Its a lovely country to look at but so boring. My son left last year after finishing year 13 not very well. He has gone to sixth form college and is doing amazingly well.
My oh and other son are desperate to return, especially as we are not happy with the education here.
Sadly our 18 yr old daughter will not even discuss it as her boyfriend and friends are everthing to her.
Good luck
Carole
Just wanted to ask if you have thought about college for your daughter to do her GCSE's instead of school. You could return for this September then.
I currently live in New Zealand and have done for 5 years. Its a lovely country to look at but so boring. My son left last year after finishing year 13 not very well. He has gone to sixth form college and is doing amazingly well.
My oh and other son are desperate to return, especially as we are not happy with the education here.
Sadly our 18 yr old daughter will not even discuss it as her boyfriend and friends are everthing to her.
Good luck
Carole
Thank you for the kind words. The line I highlighted made me laugh
I am feeling better now. I had a long chat with my best friend in England on Tuesday and felt better after that.
I am gutted I will be missing her wedding in spring and the birth of my niece/nephew in summer but I will be there for years to come.
We are really busy at work right now which is great to keep my mind occupied.
I would love to go back for a visit this year but we are now saving for our return home.
I know things are going to get really hectic at home the last few months before moving so I guess I should savour the peace and enjoy Canada while I'm here
Hi Spacecake,
I would love to return this September but due to finances and other things it's just not possible. We have to fix the house upo a bit before selling also as we want to get as much cash as we can for it.
I am not staying beyond 2013 though so if daughter fails school she will have to retake her exams at college in England!
Jan 29th 2012 | 6:40 am
#44
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 454
From: HOME!!!!!!
Re: Feeling low
Lorry1,
I totally feel your pain!!! I swear I'm just hanging around playing the waiting game and wishing the next 18 months away!!!
Hubby and I have decided to move next summer...well, I SHOULD say I decided to move back next summer and hubby seems fine with it!!!
I WISH I could move back this year but I need to sell a house, get 4 dogs paperwork in order, organize kennels on the QM2 and hubby needs to sell his business.
I've been homesick for a few years now. I WISH I had moved back when the thoughts started to creep in (back in 2007) but I waited and in that time we actually bought a house (damn it!) Life was so much easier when there wasn't a house involved!!
I know the year will go quickly and before I know it I'll be running round like a headless chicken trying to get everything organized but right now next summer seems soooooooooo far away
I work in the entertainment industry so as you can imagine it makes the MOST sense for me to stay in Los Angeles and yet...... I've never really liked living here. Yes the work is here. Yes they pay actors more in the States. But when you're not happy does that all really matter? everyone I've told over here that I'm moving back thinks I'm MENTAL. And maybe I am. But I'd rather make less and be in London and happy than make a lot of cash and be in Hollywood and miserable.
Anyway, just wanted u to know that I'm thinking of you. We'll get thru this......somehow!!!
I totally feel your pain!!! I swear I'm just hanging around playing the waiting game and wishing the next 18 months away!!!
Hubby and I have decided to move next summer...well, I SHOULD say I decided to move back next summer and hubby seems fine with it!!!
I WISH I could move back this year but I need to sell a house, get 4 dogs paperwork in order, organize kennels on the QM2 and hubby needs to sell his business.I've been homesick for a few years now. I WISH I had moved back when the thoughts started to creep in (back in 2007) but I waited and in that time we actually bought a house (damn it!) Life was so much easier when there wasn't a house involved!!
I know the year will go quickly and before I know it I'll be running round like a headless chicken trying to get everything organized but right now next summer seems soooooooooo far away
I work in the entertainment industry so as you can imagine it makes the MOST sense for me to stay in Los Angeles and yet...... I've never really liked living here. Yes the work is here. Yes they pay actors more in the States. But when you're not happy does that all really matter? everyone I've told over here that I'm moving back thinks I'm MENTAL. And maybe I am. But I'd rather make less and be in London and happy than make a lot of cash and be in Hollywood and miserable.
Anyway, just wanted u to know that I'm thinking of you. We'll get thru this......somehow!!!
Jan 29th 2012 | 7:58 am
#45
Thread Starter
The Brit is back
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,211
From: NS, Canada 2007-2013. Now....England!
Re: Feeling low
Lorry1,
I totally feel your pain!!! I swear I'm just hanging around playing the waiting game and wishing the next 18 months away!!!
Hubby and I have decided to move next summer...well, I SHOULD say I decided to move back next summer and hubby seems fine with it!!! I WISH I could move back this year but I need to sell a house, get 4 dogs paperwork in order, organize kennels on the QM2 and hubby needs to sell his business.
I've been homesick for a few years now. I WISH I had moved back when the thoughts started to creep in (back in 2007) but I waited and in that time we actually bought a house (damn it!) Life was so much easier when there wasn't a house involved!!
I know the year will go quickly and before I know it I'll be running round like a headless chicken trying to get everything organized but right now next summer seems soooooooooo far away
I work in the entertainment industry so as you can imagine it makes the MOST sense for me to stay in Los Angeles and yet...... I've never really liked living here. Yes the work is here. Yes they pay actors more in the States. But when you're not happy does that all really matter? everyone I've told over here that I'm moving back thinks I'm MENTAL. And maybe I am. But I'd rather make less and be in London and happy than make a lot of cash and be in Hollywood and miserable.
Anyway, just wanted u to know that I'm thinking of you. We'll get thru this......somehow!!!
I totally feel your pain!!! I swear I'm just hanging around playing the waiting game and wishing the next 18 months away!!!
Hubby and I have decided to move next summer...well, I SHOULD say I decided to move back next summer and hubby seems fine with it!!!
I WISH I could move back this year but I need to sell a house, get 4 dogs paperwork in order, organize kennels on the QM2 and hubby needs to sell his business.I've been homesick for a few years now. I WISH I had moved back when the thoughts started to creep in (back in 2007) but I waited and in that time we actually bought a house (damn it!) Life was so much easier when there wasn't a house involved!!
I know the year will go quickly and before I know it I'll be running round like a headless chicken trying to get everything organized but right now next summer seems soooooooooo far away
I work in the entertainment industry so as you can imagine it makes the MOST sense for me to stay in Los Angeles and yet...... I've never really liked living here. Yes the work is here. Yes they pay actors more in the States. But when you're not happy does that all really matter? everyone I've told over here that I'm moving back thinks I'm MENTAL. And maybe I am. But I'd rather make less and be in London and happy than make a lot of cash and be in Hollywood and miserable.
Anyway, just wanted u to know that I'm thinking of you. We'll get thru this......somehow!!!
What month are you returning? We are also sailing back on the QM2 with our dog
We will get through!
