Domestic Violence
Nov 12th 2009, 12:17 pm
#31
poole ,dorset . love it
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,281
Re: Domestic Violence
I don't think anyone is condoning anything, except for Lothianlad whose comments have been removed from the thread. Let's stick to helping the OP's friend - she needs it. She needs her life back and she and her children need to be safe. I hope there is an update that she's out of there.
Nov 12th 2009, 2:30 pm
#32
In the pink
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,324
Re: Domestic Violence
It's not okay to punch a nagging wife, just like it's not okay to punch a nagging librarian. It's a crime no matter who it is. Some men seem to think punching your wife is a lesser crime than punching the librarian.
Nov 12th 2009, 2:39 pm
#33
poole ,dorset . love it
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,281
Re: Domestic Violence
I'm saying it's nothing to do with nagging, or verbal or mental cruelty. It's about the crime of ASSAULT AND BATTERY. What if the person at the library nagged you about your overdue books every time you went to the library - would you feel justified in punching her in the face?
It's not okay to punch a nagging wife, just like it's not okay to punch a nagging librarian. It's a crime no matter who it is. Some men seem to think punching your wife is a lesser crime than punching the librarian.
It's not okay to punch a nagging wife, just like it's not okay to punch a nagging librarian. It's a crime no matter who it is. Some men seem to think punching your wife is a lesser crime than punching the librarian.
loooks to me your trying to put me in my place , sorry no can do . nagging people in relationships are a disgrace
Nov 12th 2009, 3:20 pm
#34
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Re: Domestic Violence
Punching someone is not considered acceptable behaviour nowadays, you have to find a different resolution.
Edit, sorry, this should be in the other thread but I felt like I couldn't let it pass.
Nov 12th 2009, 3:33 pm
#35
Are we there yet?
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: 31 miles from Cool (California)
Posts: 2,467
Re: Domestic Violence
I think of nagging as when my husband hasn't done something that he's said he's going to do and I ask him, repeatedly or similar (actually, I'm unlikely to do that, I'd either do it myself or hire someone to do it....)
Anyway, perhaps if you define what you mean by nagging it would help me understand some more.
I do feel that in any relationship, there will be a certain amount of conflict and how people deal with that could be construed as nagging, but that is no where near the abuse that *I think* you're trying to describe
Nov 12th 2009, 11:59 pm
#36
poole ,dorset . love it
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,281
Re: Domestic Violence
There is a difference between being in a long term relatioinship and being nagged constantly than to taking a book back for christ sake . Nagging on any ones side can lead to domestic violence from either side ,its belittling.
What i find intereting is that some women feel it is a genetic right to nag men, why do they do that ?,why do they feel its alright? ,why does it seem to me that most see it as acceptable form of control to get what THEY want ?
Nov 13th 2009, 12:09 am
#37
poole ,dorset . love it
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,281
Re: Domestic Violence
I just keep getting confused. I suspect that it's beacuse you call a constant & abusive arguing (even if it is one sided) nagging - I think that most peoples definition of nagging is somewhat different to that.
I think of nagging as when my husband hasn't done something that he's said he's going to do and I ask him, repeatedly or similar (actually, I'm unlikely to do that, I'd either do it myself or hire someone to do it....)
Anyway, perhaps if you define what you mean by nagging it would help me understand some more.
I do feel that in any relationship, there will be a certain amount of conflict and how people deal with that could be construed as nagging, but that is no where near the abuse that *I think* you're trying to describe
I think of nagging as when my husband hasn't done something that he's said he's going to do and I ask him, repeatedly or similar (actually, I'm unlikely to do that, I'd either do it myself or hire someone to do it....)
Anyway, perhaps if you define what you mean by nagging it would help me understand some more.
I do feel that in any relationship, there will be a certain amount of conflict and how people deal with that could be construed as nagging, but that is no where near the abuse that *I think* you're trying to describe
Nov 13th 2009, 12:55 am
#38
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Re: Domestic Violence
no where have i condoned violence , she is implying that i would feel justified in hitting the librarian ,if she nagged . How ridiculous .
There is a difference between being in a long term relatioinship and being nagged constantly than to taking a book back for christ sake . Nagging on any ones side can lead to domestic violence from either side ,its belittling.
What i find intereting is that some women feel it is a genetic right to nag men, why do they do that ?,why do they feel its alright? ,why does it seem to me that most see it as acceptable form of control to get what THEY want ?
There is a difference between being in a long term relatioinship and being nagged constantly than to taking a book back for christ sake . Nagging on any ones side can lead to domestic violence from either side ,its belittling.
What i find intereting is that some women feel it is a genetic right to nag men, why do they do that ?,why do they feel its alright? ,why does it seem to me that most see it as acceptable form of control to get what THEY want ?
Does the violence stop the nagging, though?
Nov 13th 2009, 1:24 am
#39
poole ,dorset . love it
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,281
Re: Domestic Violence
There is no position of weakness for women , they are every bit as strong if not stronger . Womens weakness physically to men is their very strength , in any normal man they know that and dont beat up on their women .
Nov 13th 2009, 7:25 am
#40
Ping-ponger
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,010
Re: Domestic Violence
I see nagging as being similar to what I hear from my neighbour on a frequent basis. Her husband is a pretty quiet, easygoing guy who is always, always working away in the garden or in the flat where they live, making the place look better, and he has also done some work for me (painting my sheds). Sometimes I stand in my garden in utter disbelief at the bile she pours out at him from the kitchen window while he is trying to mow the lawn, build a raised flower bed, etc. Her language is vile and belittling, and at a volume that half the neighbourhood can hear (whether they want to or not).
He must have the patience of a saint because I haven't once heard him give the same back at her. I have to say, though, that if I were in his place I wouldn't give her a "good bashing" (not my language), I'd just ask her whether she really wants to live by herself because that's where she'd be heading.
I think in the UK, that kind of behaviour is recognised as domestic abuse (violent verbal attacks), but as has been pointed out, I think it's a lot harder for a bloke to seek help in that situation because of a social expectation that he should stand up for himself.
I stand by what I said earlier, though, that nothing justifies physical violence in a marriage. I'm sure none of us is squeaky clean and I imagine in a lot of marriages there is a history of at least one hard shove, clout around the head or slap in the face (from either side) when one or other spouse was driven to the edge. But that's different from a prolonged series of beatings as in this case, as long as the incident was regretted and there was a resolve to make sure it didn't happen again.
He must have the patience of a saint because I haven't once heard him give the same back at her. I have to say, though, that if I were in his place I wouldn't give her a "good bashing" (not my language), I'd just ask her whether she really wants to live by herself because that's where she'd be heading.
I think in the UK, that kind of behaviour is recognised as domestic abuse (violent verbal attacks), but as has been pointed out, I think it's a lot harder for a bloke to seek help in that situation because of a social expectation that he should stand up for himself.
I stand by what I said earlier, though, that nothing justifies physical violence in a marriage. I'm sure none of us is squeaky clean and I imagine in a lot of marriages there is a history of at least one hard shove, clout around the head or slap in the face (from either side) when one or other spouse was driven to the edge. But that's different from a prolonged series of beatings as in this case, as long as the incident was regretted and there was a resolve to make sure it didn't happen again.
Last edited by dunroving; Nov 13th 2009 at 8:54 am. Reason: Added clarification
Nov 13th 2009, 10:19 pm
#41
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 120
Re: Domestic Violence
The voice of reason as always Dunroving, good post 
Nov 13th 2009, 10:33 pm
#42
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: CHELTENHAM, Gloucestershire, England
Posts: 1,494
Re: Domestic Violence
I see nagging as being similar to what I hear from my neighbour on a frequent basis. Her husband is a pretty quiet, easygoing guy who is always, always working away in the garden or in the flat where they live, making the place look better, and he has also done some work for me (painting my sheds). Sometimes I stand in my garden in utter disbelief at the bile she pours out at him from the kitchen window while he is trying to mow the lawn, build a raised flower bed, etc. Her language is vile and belittling, and at a volume that half the neighbourhood can hear (whether they want to or not).
He must have the patience of a saint because I haven't once heard him give the same back at her. I have to say, though, that if I were in his place I wouldn't give her a "good bashing" (not my language), I'd just ask her whether she really wants to live by herself because that's where she'd be heading.
I think in the UK, that kind of behaviour is recognised as domestic abuse (violent verbal attacks), but as has been pointed out, I think it's a lot harder for a bloke to seek help in that situation because of a social expectation that he should stand up for himself.
I stand by what I said earlier, though, that nothing justifies physical violence in a marriage. I'm sure none of us is squeaky clean and I imagine in a lot of marriages there is a history of at least one hard shove, clout around the head or slap in the face (from either side) when one or other spouse was driven to the edge. But that's different from a prolonged series of beatings as in this case, as long as the incident was regretted and there was a resolve to make sure it didn't happen again.
He must have the patience of a saint because I haven't once heard him give the same back at her. I have to say, though, that if I were in his place I wouldn't give her a "good bashing" (not my language), I'd just ask her whether she really wants to live by herself because that's where she'd be heading.
I think in the UK, that kind of behaviour is recognised as domestic abuse (violent verbal attacks), but as has been pointed out, I think it's a lot harder for a bloke to seek help in that situation because of a social expectation that he should stand up for himself.
I stand by what I said earlier, though, that nothing justifies physical violence in a marriage. I'm sure none of us is squeaky clean and I imagine in a lot of marriages there is a history of at least one hard shove, clout around the head or slap in the face (from either side) when one or other spouse was driven to the edge. But that's different from a prolonged series of beatings as in this case, as long as the incident was regretted and there was a resolve to make sure it didn't happen again.
This female needs seeing to by psychos and medics or some such, seriously.....she is plainly the one at fault but she will, of course, lay all the blame for her actions and moods and rants and rages on him..and, as ever, the divorce and/or family law courts will undoubtedly place far, far more credence on what she says rather than anything he says in his defence....but he doesn't sound the type of bloke who would say anything anyway...he may well be a genuinely decent bloke but he also sounds like a real wet lettuce at the same time....sadly. Just imagine the exact same situation but with the genders reversed! 
Almost every day in Brown's Battered Britain that harridan Batty Hatty Harm-a-Man is bleating on and on and on about the need for full and unconditional sexual equality - here in Brown's Battered Britain anyway. Yeah, right......
Last edited by Lothianlad; Nov 13th 2009 at 10:39 pm.
Nov 13th 2009, 11:02 pm
#43
Are we there yet?
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: 31 miles from Cool (California)
Posts: 2,467
Re: Domestic Violence
The bloke deserves an all expenses paid holiday in some exotic location as far away as possible from that ******* hellcat and hopefully when he gets back home she'll have buggered off with the milkman who wouldn't know what's in store for him! This female needs seeing to by psychos and medics or some such, seriously.....she is plainly the one at fault but she will, of course, lay all the blame for her actions and moods and rants and rages on him..and, as ever, the divorce and/or family law courts will undoubtedly place far, far more credence on what she says rather than anything he says in his defence....but he doesn't sound the type of bloke who would say anything anyway...he may well be a genuinely decent bloke but he also sounds like a real wet lettuce at the same time....sadly. Just imagine the exact same situation but with the genders reversed!
Almost every day in Brown's Battered Britain that harridan Batty Hatty Harm-a-Man is bleating on and on and on about the need for full and unconditional sexual equality - here in Brown's Battered Britain anyway. Yeah, right......
This female needs seeing to by psychos and medics or some such, seriously.....she is plainly the one at fault but she will, of course, lay all the blame for her actions and moods and rants and rages on him..and, as ever, the divorce and/or family law courts will undoubtedly place far, far more credence on what she says rather than anything he says in his defence....but he doesn't sound the type of bloke who would say anything anyway...he may well be a genuinely decent bloke but he also sounds like a real wet lettuce at the same time....sadly. Just imagine the exact same situation but with the genders reversed! Almost every day in Brown's Battered Britain that harridan Batty Hatty Harm-a-Man is bleating on and on and on about the need for full and unconditional sexual equality - here in Brown's Battered Britain anyway. Yeah, right......
Actually my take on the story is that the man sounds like a saint not a wet lettuce. If he has values and principles that keep him with his wife, even though she does sound awful YOU shouldn't question his integrity.
Nov 14th 2009, 7:37 am
#44
Ping-ponger
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,010
Re: Domestic Violence
The bloke deserves an all expenses paid holiday in some exotic location as far away as possible from that ******* hellcat and hopefully when he gets back home she'll have buggered off with the milkman who wouldn't know what's in store for him! This female needs seeing to by psychos and medics or some such, seriously.....she is plainly the one at fault but she will, of course, lay all the blame for her actions and moods and rants and rages on him..and, as ever, the divorce and/or family law courts will undoubtedly place far, far more credence on what she says rather than anything he says in his defence....but he doesn't sound the type of bloke who would say anything anyway...he may well be a genuinely decent bloke but he also sounds like a real wet lettuce at the same time....sadly. Just imagine the exact same situation but with the genders reversed!
Almost every day in Brown's Battered Britain that harridan Batty Hatty Harm-a-Man is bleating on and on and on about the need for full and unconditional sexual equality - here in Brown's Battered Britain anyway. Yeah, right......
This female needs seeing to by psychos and medics or some such, seriously.....she is plainly the one at fault but she will, of course, lay all the blame for her actions and moods and rants and rages on him..and, as ever, the divorce and/or family law courts will undoubtedly place far, far more credence on what she says rather than anything he says in his defence....but he doesn't sound the type of bloke who would say anything anyway...he may well be a genuinely decent bloke but he also sounds like a real wet lettuce at the same time....sadly. Just imagine the exact same situation but with the genders reversed! Almost every day in Brown's Battered Britain that harridan Batty Hatty Harm-a-Man is bleating on and on and on about the need for full and unconditional sexual equality - here in Brown's Battered Britain anyway. Yeah, right......
Nov 14th 2009, 7:38 am
#45
Ping-ponger
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,010
Re: Domestic Violence
Can I just say you talk a hell of a lot of drivel..... You've just taken someone elses example story and developed it into a full blown court case in your head, when none of that we even suggested in the story.
Actually my take on the story is that the man sounds like a saint not a wet lettuce. If he has values and principles that keep him with his wife, even though she does sound awful YOU shouldn't question his integrity.
Actually my take on the story is that the man sounds like a saint not a wet lettuce. If he has values and principles that keep him with his wife, even though she does sound awful YOU shouldn't question his integrity.