snoop3

Hi I have recently joined this site and I could kick myself for not going on sooner. I moved from the uk to Melbourne with my Australian husband and two children 4years ago from London in the hope of a good life style. We arrived in Melbourne not knowing the area at all and rented for a year we bought after our lease was up and found excellent schools for the kids. I tried to be brave and go along with everything but was always feeling very lost and alone going from having a lot of support to none. I went back to the uk a couple of times which made things worse and knew that the only reason I was returning was for my husband. We are now considering going back and the pressure is on us because our daugter is in grade 6 and will start secondary school in 2010. I feel if we do not attempt to move back now it won't be possible in the future. My son is only 6 and has settled into school life well and I have the terrible guilty feeling of taking them away from what Australia has offered them. I feel constantly torn and just keep going around in circles. I'm sorry this is very long winded only wished I'd knew about this forum before. Some advice please

ann m

Hi - sorry to hear you are in a muddle, and I am sure people will be on here soon to offer advice.

I can only comment on the school aspect for your daughter.

To start secondary school in September 2010, you would need (I think in most areas) to complete and submit your application/preference forms by the end of October 2009. A decision on school places is then made and you would usually hear back by Feb/Mar 2010 as to which school your child has been offered a place. I'm generalising here as each Education Authority no doubt has their own cut-off dates and I do not know where you might head to.

The biggest issue for you might be the address part that you need for the paperwork. They want/need your UK address to process the form. I'm presuming you don't still have a house in the UK? So unless you plan to sell up and move back within the next 3 months, I suspect you need to slow down completely and just go with the flow

I can sympathise with your thought processes. I was potentially looking at returning last year with a child who would have need to start secondary school in Sept this year. As it happens, we are still here and no decision has been made. But I came to the conclusion that we would have missed various cut off dates, and would just end up with whatever we were given.

There are several members who have muddled through the secondary school bit on their return to the UK in the past year or so. And it all works out fine in the end!

Sans is one member I can think of, Dewdrop is another returning any week now, and there are quite a few others.

The UK secondary school placement system comes in for a lot of flack - it's that whole idea that parents think they have a choice - when in fact all they have is the ability to state a preference. Quite different really

And it seems to hugely depend on where you are going as to the difficulties (or not) you may face in getting a school place you are happy with. Some areas seem to have many oversubscribed schools, and some, not much.

It will also be worth emailing the Education Admissions officer of the area to enquire about places for your 6 yr old too. Likewise, good primary schools are often over-subscribed.

I hope I haven't made you depressed. That is not my intent. You just need a clear, well thought out plan of attack

Good luck with everything

snoop3

Thanks for your reply we are considering in heading back after christmas and have been in contact with the schools and as you said would have to apply by oct 2009 it seems quite a strict system from what I remember here if you live in the catchment area your child has automatic entry. Our decision to stay or go has solely been about our daughters smooth transition into seondary school and that if we dont do it now then we may as well stay here until the kids have finished their schooling and by then I fear it will be too late do you know of anyone who can give good info on shipping pet shipping etc would be much appreciated

quoll

Ann has given you good advice with respect to schools but dont sweat it, it can be done and there will be people on here who can help you with it.

At the moment, Australia is offering them an unhappy mummy - is that something that is of benefit to them? Probably not really. I think you are really lucky that your Aussie husband is prepared to go back with you - mine wont and that is always a problem with mixed marriages.

You have to look after yourself and if that means moving to a place where your expectations and values are more in line with what you have here then go for it! I think it is great that you are doing it before your eldest hits high school but even then, as long as you can get them back into the Uk system before GCSEs then they will be just fine. If you wait until they have finished their schooling then you are hamstrung until they have finished uni and then they will be in the relationships phase and you may find that you never leave - or can never find the right time to go!

You are always going to be faced with your kids missing out on half of their family - either your folk or his and that is a pain but there are always holidays.

You are never going to take their Australian ancestry away from them and they will have the choice of where to go when they are older - who knows, they could be in Timbuctu if the world keeps on changing.

Good luck with it all and grab the chance while you have it!

livinginreality

Hi,mines an old story but thought I would share it with you and hopefully it might give you some hope!I left Oz with my aussie kids in tow 10 years ago.The oldest was 11 and youngest was 9.Had we stayed in Oz the oldest would of had another year of primary to do before she was at high school,so when we moved to the UK she was literally thrown into the deep end so to speak and started high school straight away.I was worried she would find it really unsettling and too much to cope with but she was the opposite.She made friends the first day (she's still in contact with them now and she's 22!)and she just went with the flow with the school work ect,as did the youngest.I'm glad we did'nt leave it any later because I know I could'nt of done the move had the oldest started high school in Oz,and its all worked out absolutely fine.We were lucky that we moved to a small town in the UK that accepted both girls into the local schools,no hardship there,and was very easy.Good luck with the future and I hope it all works out for you!

katu

With regards to needing an address to apply for schools....do your parents or other relatives live anywhere where you'd like to live in the UK? If so you can apply with their address as long as you are moving into their house when you come back. You don't have to actually live there for any length of time, but it was enough fo us to get our children back into the school that they had left two years before.

Of course, if your relatives live somewhere which has rubbish schools and no job prospects then this might be no help at all!

Good luck, if you are going to make the big move now would seem to be the best time.

katu.

michmel

We are in the same position as you. Our daughter starts secondary school next year also. We decided to return back, in October this year. We will arrived back on the cut off date, so we will be able to put the application in by the skin of our teeth. We decided to go back also based on our concerns for easier transition for our daughter in secondary. Also, her bond with her friends is getting ever stronger and the importance of her friends it getting very tight which is nice but I feel sad to take her from that. Right now she's kinda okay with the fact that we are returning, but lord knows what she'll be like if we'd left it till she's 11 or 12. I also have a boy who is 6 and he's pretty cool with everything, doesn't seem phased, I supposed it's a better age.

I suppose it depends on the individual. I just believe that IF you can do it earlier then all the less painful for you and your family in the long run. The longer you stay somewhere the more rooted you unsettled you may be.

I wish you well with your decision, I know it's not an easy one, hang in there.

We've only got weeks to go, it feels like an agonising wait to me, but we've got pets and we've to wait for their petscheme date, nightmare.

Lots of luck.

nutgrove

snoop, I'll address what I see in your post as the home sickness part of your post

Being older & non the wiser having lived in the UK, OZ, NZ, USA & Canada, I understand fully.

We moved around non stop for more than 20-years, oh boy did we ever move around (kids in arms) & settling isn't easy especially when you have home sickness, which BTW after 4-years you should have gotten over it.

From my viewpoint & old hat, me thinks that you need the $10,000 cure and a supportive spouse.

Whatever it takes make the move back, its been 4-years you may adjust & love it or hate it back in blighty & IMO I dont think its about schooling the kids

Either settle down in OZ or make the move. Without actually moving back home & trying it you will be (as it appears) unsettled.

Good luck to you

snoop3

Thanks to all of you that have replied to me it has been really comforting to feel that their are people out there in the same position who know what you are going through. We have planned to move hopefully outside of london and my parents are willing to find a house for us in Winchester, does anyone know much about the place? Also we too have a dog that we will be flying back but he will have to fly out after us because of all his jabs and checks just wandering if anyone knows of a good petshipping company???? LAstly dare I ask why some of you have choosen to move back??????? Thanks again for your kind words