Re: confused
 

Sally Simmons that was me. Yes as I was watching my own 'thread' and I had this sixth sense that there are a lot of women reading but not commenting. So a big thank you for chiming in. That was my point as well where are all the wives. Although I agree with Hawk I don't want it to turn into a 'crappy divorce' thread so probably better not to have got those replies. This is not about 'bear baiting.' I have to agree with him though, very often it does seem to be leveraged/ centered around control in many cases. I also would never see my children go hungry or without. But it does gall somewhat to see the extra flights for relatives/ holidays to exotic locals that have increased as a result of child support when my children go to school in 'bare minimum purchases. Incidentally, all this from an individual whose gross income far exceeds my own.

Enough of that. My interest in comments from the fairer sex was on what they think I should do.

Re: confused
 

None taken. It kinda goes with the big "D" word.

Re: confused
 

G'day from WA! I have been in WA since the beginning of March this year - having left 2 of my 3 children (16yrs & 14yrs) in the UK with their Dad - but now I'm thinking of going back as I hate being this far away from them. I can totally understand your comment about 'building a life abroad for your child', which is why I came here even though my sons stayed behind telling me that they were quite happy with their lot in England - I, however, was looking at the bigger picture and thinking how England may be in 10 or 20 years time and wanting to give them options!

Re: confused
 

Apologies - only half of message!

I can understand your comment about 'building a future abroad', which is how I justified it to myself and others about leaving my boys behind - I was merely going on ahead to pave the way for them - but they are quite happy where they are and it's left me completely the opposite.

I do, however, still feel incredibly guilty for 'leaving' my children - but in reality it isn't the people that we're leaving, it's the place - people can visit and be visited.

Plus, whilst living in the UK I did find that as the kids were getting older it was more and more difficult to get them to visit their Dad on a regular basis (it interferred with their social life!) - my OH also has 3 (older) kids in the UK and the only time he saw them was when he went to give them their pocket money - if they happened to be in! So, that being said there is a lot to be said to living elsewhere in the world and spending quality time together during summer vacation, as another person said.

And you have your visa, so the door is not being closed and locked behind you should you decide to go back 'home' to the UK.

Good luck whichever way you go.

Re: confused
 

So, one of kids went with you? How is that going?

Being far away from your kids and feeling that you should be there for them is a common thread that you have to work through. "Beginning of March" - my advice, you need to give it more time. Are your two sons still doing fine without you? - probably yes (and I worded the question this way on purpose and it wasn't to be a dink). When I left, I'll admit that a small part of me figured that the kids would miss me soooo much, they'd come and join me. Then, when you find out that they are fine without you, you start justifying why you should go back - but you need to really ask yourself "what were ALL the reasons that you decided to venture away". I can say straight up that I ventured away "to build a life for myself" and if the girls wanted to come with, that would be great but if they chose to stay that would be OK too.

So, from someone that allowed himself to be pulled back, I can tell you that I'm right back to asking myself "why did you move back". What if you moved back and in 2-3 years from now your sons said that they were off to New Zealand (my pick over Aus), would you then move with them? During one of our conversations, my oldest daughter (she lives with me now) told me that she is fine with going back to the ex's if I decide to leave as it's only for a year. Once she graduates, she's leaving this place to "see the world". And if I go, she would prefer I go somewhere warm, lol.

If you have late teenage kids, you would hope they are on their way to adulthood, venturing out and leading their own lives and we need to take the time and work through the feelings associated with "do we need our kids? or do our kids really need us?"

Re: confused
 

Thanks for the post about moving without your kids it puts a different perspective on things for me.

On a slightly different note I have to thank whoever recommended the Apple App 'TuneIn Radio.' I know it was somewhere on this site that I got the information from. It is a fantastic and invaluable application - free if you like listening to radio around the world.

This weekend felt somewhat surreal to be able to travel along the CA I-5 at about 80F midday while listening to Radio 2 in the early Saturday evening, Liza Tarbuck I believe. Again, today I was able to begin my workday commute with Steve Wright in the afternoon. Much better than the local self absorbed muppets who pass themselves off as DJ's in my locale.

However, I suppose now I have taken to avidly listening to UK radio in my car and home I might as well be there! I feel the beginnings of a plan coming on. Meanwhile it is a great way to connect and help alleviate the cycle of homesickness which comes in waves.

Re: confused
 

Hi - in answer to your question Hawk13 our 8 year old (who didn't have a choice about coming) has started school and made a couple of friends, but would go back to the UK in a heartbeat. I know I made the original choice about coming over to WA to 'build a better future' for the kids, but I'm not really sure after being here for a couple of months whether it is so much better than the UK - granted it has great weather most of the year but non of us are avid sun worshippers. House rentals are expensive and hard to get, house prices are through the roof so that's not going to be any better for them and because WA is such a huge state there's a fair bit of travelling to do (kids can't do that themselves, so I'd still be a taxi service). OH is out over 11 hours of the day to do an 8 hour job.

I was hoping that they would miss me sooooo much that they would follow me but they're stubborn little buggers and know me so well that they know I'll crack before too long, if they hold out. I've been told by their step mum that they're both struggling at the moment though (her mum's ill and they're quite close to her, so it's got them thinking a bit).

However, the top and bottom of it is - the same dilemma as numerous members - do I do what I WANT to do (which is to go back to the UK) or do I try to stick it out here and hope they'll change their minds, soon.

And I know that makes me sound ungrateful for the opportunity I've been given to change my lot in life, but I'm not. WA is a beautiful, beautiful place but I just can't put my heart and soul into making a life here for my family, when only half of my family is here. The good thing is though, our visas are valid until Sept 2016 so we could return to the UK and then possibly all come back later???

Re: confused
 

They say that your kids are a reflection of yourself, funny how that is as my oldest daughter is like that and easily falls into the stubborn category.

You're right, you hear of lots of people on this site that moved overseas to "build a better life" and then realized that they were better off back home. For me, I think I'm looking for a "different life" - change of scenery as they say.

Re: confused
 

And I know that makes me sound ungrateful for the opportunity I've been given to change my lot in life, but I'm not. WA is a beautiful, beautiful place but I just can't put my heart and soul into making a life here for my family, when only half of my family is here. The good thing is though, our visas are valid until Sept 2016 so we could return to the UK and then possibly all come back later???

Msbds I know how you feel. I often think that I should be grateful for where I am but just don't have the enthusiasm. Its so ironic that people think places are so much better than the reality of living in them. I note someone else said the same thing about Florida in another post - much better on return as a tourist. In in So. Ca every Brit I meet on holiday is naturally enthusiastic but the day to day reality is just a bind frankly.

I find myself saying if only I could have my same job in the UK. I don't think its likely though I have been away to long - any move is really going to have to involve a reinvention of myself or a good lottery win:) The reinvention does not scare me just when is the best time to do this as I have said. Perhaps I am wrong but I perceive my fellow countrymen/women's foibles as being firmly rooted in not liking change. My brief and to be fair they are brief sojourns there have done nothing to dispel my fears. I usually get the why are you back/ well you have not been here in a long time/ things are different mentality from employers - and of course increasing age does not help...

I am thinking s/employment is possibly the best answer to avoiding/alleviating these issues. Ideas ?

Re: confused
 

I'm sure many of my friends and family would raise an eyebrow if I said I didn't know where they got their stubborn streak from!

Further to my comment about them both struggling at the moment - I received an email from the 14 yr olds math teacher, saying he hasn't done the last 6 lots of homework - flatly refuses to do it during break detention and he/she wants to keep him behind for after school detention. He's coming over in 10 days (yipee) for a month so I'm going to try and find out what's going on and you never know he might decide that he's up for a change of scenery now!

I think I could be happy in WA if we were together as a family (guess that's where the comment Hawk13 made comes in about it being different for guys and gals). But in reality my life in the UK wasn't much different to what it is here - we go to work/school; come home; have tea; watch tv; go to bed - I was hoping that by removing our 'comfort zone' then we would maybe feel motivated to spend time as a family, possibly go to the park or the beach after school but by the time hubby gets in on a night, it's nearly dark at this time of year and by the time the light nights come around again we'll be back in the same old rut as we were in UK. I'm now thinking I should really have just given us all a good kick up the arse instead of hoping that the change of surroundings would be the 'magical' remedy.

The one thing that is bothering me about going back to the UK is the job situation - I had thought along the lines of self employment too, vikingsail. I don't think I've read in any of the posts what you do for a living (can you do your present job as self employed??) and you don't say what part of the UK you'd be going to (is there enough demand where you're hoping to be to support you being self employed??). I'm a Coeliac so I'm thinking along those lines for my possible trip into working for oneself!

Re: confused
 

msbds - yes I probably can do my work s/e with some effort on my part. Not current work though. I am open to all areas of the UK as long as they are bucolici in nature. I am thinking north east or possibly somewhere between Bristol and Swindon area. But fairly open to other places, I do wish to steer clear of the freneticism which I perceive in the overpriced southern areas. I have lived in them before and the combination of traffic, overcrowding etc is just not for me.
Weather is not an issue. I have seen and done it all from HI to NE.

Re: confused
 

Hi there!:wave:

I stumbled over this thread/site due to my wanting to find answers to my own questions about moving back to the UK.
I have 'lived' 25 years in Norway.
The best & worst has happened to me over here. Marriage, births, deaths (the man that brought me over here) & depression…I’ve had to struggle on my own..I don’t want to do it on my own anymore. I have family back home, all willing to support me, always have been, yet I chose to struggle alone over here.
I've lived here longer than I've lived in my own country, but have always wanted to return home.
My excuse for not doing so has been 'I'm only here for my kids' (which has worn so thin).
I'm now 45 knocking on 46... my oldest two are 21 & 23 (one lives in Oslo, the other Australia studying - she's told me she doesn't want to come back here at all - I totally understand her)
I only have my one kid aged 14, still living with me.
So I recently sold our (way too big for 2) house & it has made me even more restless… For every kid that has left home I have become less mum & more myself…The not being tied to a mortgage seems to have pushed my longing to go back big time.
We're having to move out from our house by 15th July & finding accommodation to rent isn’t easy in this area as its very popular for young families.
Although I decided I’d rent for a few years, part of me is wanting not to find accommodation…so I’d have to place all my belongings in storage & go home for a long vacation ( I know once over there, id not come back)… but it all falls back onto my youngest best interests.

She is 14 (soon to be 15) yr old – How would I ever get her into the school system? Over here she has at least 4 more years of schooling, in the UK she’d be reaching school leaving age…
We’re not so hung up on the grading at this age, but the next 4 years are important..after that I have no idea what her exams would equate to over in the UK…
It’s like being told I’m going to be sent down to a prison sentence of 4 years…I really don’t think I can do it.. my parents are aging & I want to go home :(
I don’t want to possibly screw up my daughter’s life by choosing to go back because I can’t take it any more… I’m not living my life here, I’ve just been surviving..:(
I agree with what was said here sorry for that confusing rant… It’s hard to stay relatively calm when dealing with such strong emotions:unsure:
BTW she’s a British citizen as I wasn’t married to her dad at the time of her birth (we just lived together). She holds a British passport:thumbsup:

I wish I knew what’s right to do …for her. It’s unbearable. :(

Re: confused
 

Like a lot of the other posts, you are not alone. There's a bunch of us in that state of "flux" trying to sort through what to do. From your post, your daughter has spent her entire life in Norway. Have you discussed any of this with her?

I know it's tough with teenage girls (always thought boys would be easier). My youngest thought she could do it when I was overseas, move that is. It became too complicated so I moved back but chose a different city to live in - she was all excited to go the a different city and live with me but when it came time to do it, she broke down and wanted to stay put - it was pretty emotional for her. So, I caved again and am stuck in the same city and it does feel like a prison sentence, with your life on hold, knowing that you want to be somewhere else. Since then, I've had some great, sometimes tearfull conversations with both my girls on what the future brings and it was very refreshing to get their thoughts. But both of mine have one and two years left and neither would ever consider moving now and having to start in a new high school (even in the same city never mind a new country).

Truly a tough call and I don't think any of us would percieve that we have a fail safe answer. Have some good, open, truthful conversations with your daughter and the way may become clearer.

Re: confused
 

Thanks Hawk13:thumbsup:

She was indeed born here:)

I have had many a conversation with her...she knows no more than I do :unsure:
I hear & understand her points of views & as a mum I have to try do what's best for her... although I'm screaming in my head 'WHAT ABOUT ME!!...25 years:eek: it's my turn to be happy!! :(
So I'm confused as to whats right for her...She has no family here & we have a huge family back home.
It's trying to sort the pros and cons...ultimately what if I'm stopping her from great experiences back home too??:unsure:

When we go over to visit & she meets up with all her cousins & family etc..she's all for a move back :thumbsup:
My daughter has a network of friends ..I have none.. most Norwegians I know are aquaintences...They are a very hard bunch of ppl to get to know..They tend to stick to themselves & in little groups & you can't help feeling an outsider.

Sigh...

Re: confused
 

That said, here's my thoughts. Move.

Post your schooling question as a separate thread and you'd be amazed at how people on here will jump in to help figure out how it will work - don't use it as a stumbling block.

Your daughter seems willing to give it a go, so go. I think the experience will be a benefit (even if it doesn't work out). I think we don't give our kids enough credit to be able to handle certain situations and we always want to shelter them and do what's best but she's young and resilient and will adapt.

You can always agree to a back-up plan if it doesn't work - just make sure that you set a decent amount of "adjustment" time.