I have been, but appeal to someone's better side they need to have one! I have tried to get help for the children from him but his responsibility is to pay the CSA amount and that is it. It has been a long hard battle to get that.

You say you are unhappy, but can

'Forgo my happiness for the sake of my childrens'

This is not the way to go. A happy mum equals a happy family. There's no rule or law that states we have to become martyrs for the sake of our children. The best that you can do for them is to give them a better life, a happier life. And from what you say, both you and them have been through a terrible time.

Look at those links that I mentioned earlier. Contact your family (who sound wonderfully supportive incidentally) and pour out your heart to them. Let them help. Within six months to a year you could be in a better place emotionally and practically if you act now.

At 18 and 16 your children need to be able to access educational and training opportunities that will set them up for life. You need to be able to access work and support networks to get you back on your feet.

You also need to have people around you who care.

Fast forward five, ten, twenty years. Will you be happy in the same place? Will your children be able to lead fulfilled, independent lives?

Only you know the answer to that.

He didn't keep her in the country. He - presumably - didn't consent to his children being allowed to leave the country when they were younger. If he was involved in his children's lives, then I don't see a particular issue with that. If he wasn't, then, yes, I agree.

Absolutely. Both parents should be contributing to the well being of their children.

Sounds like you need support, if it were me I'd probably go back to the UK. Nothing can compensate for having support of family and friends especially when you're having a tough time. Noone can tell you what to do but if you'll get the support you need and start to feel a bit happier then this can only be positive for your kids.
Checkout those websites, i don't know the ins and outs but there is a lot of support for families with children with special needs in the UK. I used to work at a college with young adults with various additional needs. There was a big push on to provide support for students that needed it to enable them access to the same education opportunities as everyone else. This is a definite possibility for your son in future.

Good luck with whatever you decide

As I explained earlier he contributes financially because CSA garnishee his wages, no other contribution is made.

I have always put my childrens needs before my own, but I know you are right.
It is time for me to decide on what is best for ME and them, not just them.

Thank you for your well wishes, my son whilst having Asperger's also has borderline personality disorder, ADHD, OCD and chronic insomia. He can be quite challenging but we have managed together to improve his/our situation. A long haul but we take baby steps. My daughter is not as severe, and with support and encouragement over time will come into her own. My family is very supportive but with being so far away they can only help out so much. I am not going for the sympathy vote, the whys and wherefores are not something I dwell on, but sometimes being human it can drag you down.

I think you are being very brave. Good luck.

If he wasn't helping and only contributed money cause the law made him, she was kept in the country unless she wanted to abandon the kids.
She's being the good Mum, she has already stayed for her children as most Mums would do, it's her time to get some family support and love.
Good luck with the move and don't let the naysayers keep you down.

It sounds like you need to know more about what kind of practical and financial help is offered in the UK to people (children and adults) with problems like Aspergers.

I'd suggest joining some UK parenting forums and asking there - I'm sure there will be many people in similar situations.

Best of luck whatever you decide. It sounds like you've been through a really rough time.

Great idea.........thank you, will certainly be doing that.

Thank you to all who contributed to this discussion, Just to let you know I have given it a lot of thought and decided to go back to the UK. It will take a while to organise but I hope to return closer to the end of year.
Thank you once again.

Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

If I was in your situation I would go back also. I know some people are saying if you are depressed/suicidal it’s not the best time to go back, but it might actually help. Especially if being her without family is some part of causing it.

Good luck and I think it will work out for you and your family.

Hi,
I am actually in a similar situation to you. I am planning on moving back with my 3 children, 2 of whom have moderate/severe autism. They are younger (4 and 5) so they will be school age. I have been looking into what help our family could have.
I think you would be entitled to DLA (disability living allowance) either to your son or you if he is incapable of managing his money. You might be entitled to caregivers allowance depending on the level and hours of care you have to put in. And also rest bite, which it sounds like you could do with.
This is where I have found most of my information.
http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with...titled-to.aspx.
I am going to call up citizens advice to check on when we can apply for some of these and what the process is like. I think there may be a wait before you can apply if you have been living out of the country but Im not sure.
Hope it is some help and also to know you are not the only one in a similar situation. I know how hard it can be.

I feel for you too, it is a horrible situation to be in, I have been looking at the site you mention and it seems you need to be back in the country for at least 3 months before you are able to claim anything. This makes things difficult as I would need a house to live in. I do not think I could live at my parents place with my mum being in end stage kidney failure and my dad being her carer they are both in their 80's. I think that is my major hurdle I would have to give him care for 35 hours a week to get carers allowance, which I more than do as I have to give care day time and due to sleep problems Aspergerians ( which he calls himself) suffer with I am up during the night with him too. Afrind of mine is looking into it for me so I will let you know what she finds out. Thank you for your help, hope things work out for you and your children.