HI there,
have just joined as I have spent the last few hours browsing your forums.
I have lived in Australia for 20 years now. I have been divorced 12 of those years. My son has Asperger's, along with mental health issues, he is 16. My daughter has just turned 18 but also suffers with mental health issues, mainly anxiety and depression. Although their father would not allow me to take them back to the Uk when they were younger, I can make plans to do so now. Problem being......single mum, not currently working due to "health professionals" advocating my need to be home with son. To say the last 12 years have been horrendous is an understatement, I have dealt with many issues, suicide of late for both children etc not to mention my own mental state. I have no family what so ever in Australia. I did have a few good friends who up til 4 years ago moved to the country so unable to visit them too often, due to son never leaving the home.
I guess I would need to know what I would be able to receive benefit wise and housing wise. I would have to sell most of what I have to get flights back, some money to live for a short period of time but not too long. My mum being in final stage kidney failure seems to be the nail on the coffin. Is my opinion jaded because of these factors......I would dearly love to have my family and friends close by. I know financially it would be better to stay in Oz, but that is the only reason I can think of so far. I guess I just need advice on the hows and whys of moving back with a child who has special needs/disability and not been able to work straight away.
Thank you for your answers in advance

Financially may be your only reason to stay, but it's a good reason. Even if you can get benefits in the UK (and as someone without a resident/contribution record you may be back of the line) a life on benefits is not to be recommended.

Bottom line is ... if you can't afford to move, you have to stay where you are.

You don't tell us if you've taken out Australian citizenship, but if not, you should understand it would be foolish in the extreme to abandon your resident status.

Can only agree with what JAJ says and to add that with your kids being 16 & 18 you wont get much in the UK. Parents of children over 12 are expected to work, this is soon to be reduced to age 7.

You wont get much for them as they would have to be in full time education on a 'qualifying' course past age 16 for you to get child related benefits. If they are ill this may not be possible. They also wont be able to claim anything in their own right due to living with you.

Housing is mayhem. You could rent privatley but that is costly. Public housing has waiting lists of years even in the worst areas for the worst properties. If you find somewhere you could get some of your rent paid but with an 18 yr old at home not the full lot, you'll be expected to pay the rest.

Sorry to be doom & gloom but it aint a pretty picture on benefits in the UK and I'd sooner you know the facts.

I do have Australian Citizenship, I also did not expect to spend a life on benefits either. My capacity to work is diminished due the current need to be at home with my son for the last 18 months, previously I have always worked. As a single mother in Australia you also have to work once your child starts school so I am no stranger to working. I was asking more in relation to what he would get benefit wise, more than for myself. In the UK I have family which can help out while I work, until the slow slow process of enabling his independence is nearer to completion, if it ever is! The housing situation I was not sure about, and for obvious reasons do not want to ask my family to get such information for me. (They would be more than ecstatic to have me back). I have emotional reasons to return of course, but I was hoping to gather all/any information and then make a decision.

You will probably get better advice from this organisation http://www.mind.org.uk/ Hope they can help you & good luck.

with everything your children are going through and it is serious - suicide and depression is it wise to make such a move? it could only exacerbate things. I am not telling you waht to do sure you have thought about it long and hard but..

I see where you are coming from but a move may be a positive thing on the other hand - with an unhappy and stressed mum doing the very best she can under difficult circumstances, maybe the kids would respond to a new environment with a wider social circle of support away from some of the things that had been causing them anxiety and with a happier, supported mum which could be a positive. Change is always going to be hard for someone with AS but if it is done well and gently it can be very successful.

Either way, it is going to be a gamble and I have no idea what, if any, government support you would get I just wanted to pat you on the back for being a great mum under very difficult circumstances and wish you all the very best. Can it be worse than it currently is?

She is trying to do her best for her children. There is nowhere better than England to so do. If any of us were in her position, what would we do ??

I know what I would do. I'd be back in a heartbeat.

I am not telling her not to move. Just another viewpoint. She has children's best interest at heart and that is all that matters. I don't know but hope and should think the UK has some resources out there for her and her children.

There's a site called entitledto which will give you all the information you need about benefits etc and another site, moneysavingexpert has masses of information on just about everything to do with living in the UK and finding information relevant to some of your needs.

You mention that you have family back home and I'd suggest a tentative approach - just to see whether or not they'd be able to offer some support or just a bit of advice.

I think that if I was in your shoes, I'd sell everything, book those tickets and just do it. You sound desperately unhappy and that's no way for you and yours to live.
Best of luck.

Thank you for the link I will definitely check that out.
I would like to know what others would do in my position, and their reasons behind their choices.

I'd be royally pissed of at my husband for keeping me in the country so long, and take him for what I could get to help care for the children and their special needs. Then sell it all and head home to family where I know I understand things better and the safety net for the kids is better. Shame on him. I have just used much more colourful adjectives but don't want my post banned or anything

I think the decision for me would depend on the amount of family support back in the UK. If there is enough there (and they are willing) I would go back. In my opinion family is far more important than finances.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Thank you, a pat on the back goes a long way. I am not after peoples sympathy as such, just trying to make the best decision I can.
I agree with you, having more support would be more positive, and I know I would have that from my family, they have offered many times.

As for my son, I am his world so I could go to Timbuktoo and he would want to be with me. We are just about to apply for their UK passports and like me they have Australian passports too.
Currently the situation seems dire but yes things have been worse.

My first thought is to do just that, my family have already offered support if I was to return, which they would prefer I do.
I am unhappy but can forego my happiness for the sake of my children's. I am now in a position where I am able to make the move due to the children's father not being able to stop me taking them out of the country. He is not a part of their lives, his choice.